


Imagining Something Worthwhile

by remylebae



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Anne Shirley is bi as hell, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gilbert is in med school doing his best, Post-Season 2, Slow Burn, past Anne/Diana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 111,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remylebae/pseuds/remylebae
Summary: “Because when you are imagining, you might as well imagine something worthwhile”- Anne of Green Gables.Anne is struggling through her mid-twenties, living with her two best friends from high school and starting a new job as an eighth grade English teacher.  Just as she's starting to figure this whole teaching thing out, she finds an unexpected someone thrust back into her life.





	1. Chapter 1

“Wow. These kids are going to be some of the luckiest students in the world.”

Anne Shirley sat, considering the bookcase before her, a wall of books that contained so many possibilities, so many choices, so many stories. Beside her was a small pile of books that she was also considering, unsure of the decisions she had made. She picked up the book on the top of the stack and slid it back into its rightful place on the shelf.

Anne sighed, expression grim. “I suppose so, as long as they’re actually interested in reading.”

Diana Barry stood behind Anne, hands on her hips. Anne had been sorting through her books for the past hour, and it was beginning to try Diana’s patience. “They’re in eighth grade. I’m sure they enjoy reading. Remember? You and I were constantly reading when we were fourteen.”

Anne’s expression remained unchanged. “Yeah, but we weren’t exactly average students in class. I’m pretty sure not everyone has an entire wall of their apartment set aside for their book collection.”

Diana’s silence confirmed that Anne was right. With a huff, Anne stood and grabbed a book off of one of the higher shelves. “What about _Harry Potter_ \- do kids still read _Harry Potter_?”

“It couldn’t hurt to add them to your classroom library,” Diana answered.

Anne looked down at the books she’d previously chosen, beginning to gnaw her lip with nerves. Maybe she wasn’t ready for this. If she wasn’t even able to pick out some books for her classroom, how could she expect herself to be able to teach and connect to her students?

Diana knelt down and went through the stack. “A collection of Edgar Allan Poe’s works, _A Wrinkle in Time_ …,” Diana listed off the books in the stacks, then looked up at Anne approvingly. “These aren’t bad choices, Anne. I don’t see why you’re so worried.”

“I’m not worried,” Anne replied, her lie clear as day. Diana shot her a stern look, and Anne added, “Fine, I’m terrified, okay? These books are either dated or seem too popular. No one is going to want to read these.”

Diana stood, her confusion evident by the look on her face. “Wait, don’t you have a ton of recent teen literature? What happened to those? I distinctly remember us discussing this on multiple occasions.”

“Yeah, but… they’re mostly gay fiction. I can’t just….”

Anne turned away from the bookcase and crossed the room, pulling out a chair from the dining table and falling into it disgracefully. She covered her face with her hands, groaning, then leaned back against the chair, a long look on her face. “It’s my first day at a new school, as a brand new teacher. I don’t know what kind of school this is; what if I upset some parents by having those books on my shelves?”

Diana drifted across the room, laying a hand gently on Anne’s shoulder. “That isn’t going to happen.”

“But it could!” Anne countered, her eyes meeting Diana’s, voice raised ever so slightly. Anne swallowed hard, moving her gaze to the coffee mug stain on the table. “I just...I don’t want to take any risks. You should get it, Diana; we’re from a small town, we both remember how they treated us.”

For a moment, Diana said nothing, running her hands through her own brunette hair. “Well,” she said slowly. “As their teacher, you have the ability to show them what’s okay. That someone’s sexuality isn’t a joke, isn’t a- a sin.” Diana paused, swallowing hard, and then, “Someone in that class is going to desperately need that fiction, Anne. Screw the critics; I say add those books.”

Anne met Diana’s eyes; they shared a small smile, and Anne found herself remembering their early years of high school, the good things for once resurfacing rather than the bad. Memories of walks to the park, of shopping trips, of sleep overs and study sessions. Her throat thick, Anne swallowed. “Thank you,” she said softly.

Diana wrapped her arms around Anne tightly. “No problem,” she whispered back, into Anne’s ear. “Now come on; let’s go through those books.”

\----------

The apartment was small and certainly overpriced, but it was what Anne and her friends could afford, and they were making it work. Three tiny bedrooms, one bath, and an open spaced area that was their dining room, kitchen, living room, and library all in one. There was a laundry room several floors down in the apartment building that they shared with everyone else, with machines almost always either in use or broken. Still, the apartment was in a good location, with a park nearby and a lot of restaurants. The nearest grocery store was only two blocks away, so if necessary, they could walk to it. For now, it was exactly what they needed.

The walls were a light brown color, a pale tan that Anne felt lacked heart and was uncreative. The color lacked imagination; Anne dreamed of the day, sometime in the future, when she would have her own house and be able to paint the walls whatever color she pleased. Perhaps a shade of blue, robin’s egg or one of the likes.

That’s what Anne liked the most about her wall of books; it gave some dimension to the room, added some color that was much needed to the walls. The last time she had counted, months ago, her book count had been at nearing four hundred. Anne supposed that, were they ever in need of money, she could sell some of her books, although she didn’t like the thought. She was proud of her collection, and she’d rather not part with any of it.

Her room itself was a cluttered mess; in recent months, she’d been too busy and too stressed to clean, her clothes and shoes spreading everywhere. Her full bed sat in the center of the room, with a lamp on the side table beside it. Across from the bed was her dresser, also cluttered with knick-knacks and items she couldn’t bear to part with, and on the door of her closet was a mirror.

Anne stood in the kitchen, her red hair tied back as she chopped up carrots to cook with the pot roast she was making for dinner. Marilla had taught her the recipe, and while she hadn’t quite perfected it, she was getting close. From the tv, Anne could hear the stringy music of an old game show, left on only for the sound, an attempt at creating company so that she didn’t feel alone. Diana had left to go pick Cole up from work, and Anne couldn’t wait for them to return and soothe away her anxieties and fears.

She added the carrots to the pot then covered it with the lid before opening the oven and placing the dish on the rack, closing the oven door with her hip. She set a timer, then left the kitchen, collapsing onto her sofa in an exhausted manner.

Six years of college, not to mention six years of crappy waitressing jobs, had lead her to this moment, and yet…. Anne exhaled heavily, closing her eyes tight and attempting to block out the nerves. Was she actually ready for this? The last time she was around a large quantity of eighth graders was when she was fourteen herself, and what she remembered of that time was rough, to say the least. Middle schoolers were mean, ruthless; Anne opened her eyes and turned her head, looking once more at the stack of books she had picked out. These children are going to kill me, she thought with a snort.

Her wallowing ceased as she heard keys enter the slot, and then seconds later Diana floated in as she always did, as if she was walking on clouds. She moved gracefully, so much more graceful than Anne could ever manage. As always, Diana looked beautiful.

Followed behind her was Cole, with a look of exhaustion on his face that seemed the polar opposite of Diana’s expression. Anne’s face fell instantly, a look of sympathy replacing the small smile she had been offering them as they entered the apartment. “Bad shift?”

Cole huffed, falling into the sofa besides Anne. “You have no idea.”

From behind them, Anne could hear Diana riffling through the kitchen cupboards. Anne ignored her. “What happened?”

“Oh, just the usual,” Cole replied, eyes glued to the TV not with interest but rather fatigue. “A table or two screwed me on tips, like a 5-per-fucking-cent tip, and then this old lady made me take her dish back twice….”

Cole trailed off, forcing his gaze off the TV screen and onto Anne. “I really hate being a waiter. How the hell did you manage to do this for like, five years?”

Anne chuckled. “I have absolutely no idea.”

Diana entered then, holding a bottle of wine with a smirk on her face. “Obviously, there is only one thing that can fix this.”

Cole’s expression changed almost immediately, a large grin replacing his formerly flat expression. “Diana, my dear, you are a lifesaver.”

Diana plopped down between them, reaching for the remote as she handed Cole the bottle of wine, turning on an episode of Project Runway that they had recorded. Diana watched it for the fashion, of course, as an aspiring critic and writer hoping to eventually run her own fashion magazine. For now, she was an intern at a magazine called Appliqué Monthly, a small fashion magazine with limited distribution as it was fairly new. Cole seemed to watch for the designs and fashion as well, although it was clear to Anne that he adored the drama. Meanwhile, Anne enjoyed the creativity expected to be expressed in each episode. She missed having time to be that creative.

Anne stood and checked on their dinner before snagging two wine glasses from the cupboard, handing them to Diana and Cole once she reached the couch. Diana took the glass, glancing at her before looking back at her with a frown. “You don’t want any?”

Anne shook her head. “No, I think I’m good. I don’t want to wake up with a hangover after over-drinking tonight.”

Cole and Diana shared a playful look. “As if you get drunk that often,” Cole replied. “I don’t think I’ve seen you tipsy since New Years.”

Anne silently mulled over this. They were right, of course, it was unlike her to get drunk, especially after that incident she and Diana had when they were kids. Teens? Anne made a face, realizing that was back when they were in eighth grade themselves.

“Fine, fine,” Anne finally sighed. “I’ll have a glass, but only one.”

She returned to the cupboard and pulled out her own glass, returning to the sofa as she chuckled, “I still can’t believe we were dumb enough to not realize that was Marilla’s wine.”

Diana paused for a moment, remembering, before releasing a loud laugh. “What can I say, we were dumb! And honestly, perhaps in denial as to what we were drinking.”

Diana filled up Anne’s glass and she took down her red hair from the messy ponytail it had been in. Cole had already managed to down half of his glass before Anne had even brought hers to her lips; the taste was off, or perhaps it was just a cheap wine, but she wasn’t necessarily drinking for taste. She needed to relax her nerves, but the line between being relaxed and tipsy for her was a fine one, and she was going to be careful that she didn’t trip over that line.

Tomorrow would be the first day teaching for her, and she wanted to ensure that she didn’t make an ass of herself. After all, half of the time she was in middle and high school, practically all she did was make a complete, total ass of herself, and she really didn’t want that to relapse. Anne took another sip of her wine, the drink feeling rough against her throat as she swallowed it down hard. She couldn’t let her anxiety get to her, her fears about returning to an atmosphere that treated her like shit for years.

It was an atmosphere that made it nearly impossible for her to make friends. Even now, the only two people she still spoke to from school were Diana and Cole, and that was because they were still her closest friends. She desperately hoped things would be different, that being a teacher will allow her to befriend the kids who seem most in need of a friend. Perhaps a larger school would be different; their own school was incredibly tiny, with everyone knowing everyone. It was one of the many reasons why Anne only had Diana and Cole.

Anne frowned, locking her eyes on the television screen. If she made a list of the top ten worst moments of her life, at least five of those moments occurred while she was in school. Why the hell was she going back?

\-----

_Anne walks arm-in-arm with Diana to the library, purposely getting to school a little early on Thursdays so that they can look at books and study for the vocabulary tests they were always given on Fridays. Not that Anne worries about these tests (she usually aces them), but Diana asks her for her help, and as Diana’s girlfriend, it is her duty to oblige._

_The library is large, despite the high school only having four hundred students. There had been even less her freshman year, but in the past two years the school has been doing their best to grow, despite not providing the resources. They’re three weeks into their junior year, and Anne still has to worry about getting to her classes on time in order to actually get a desk. The school claims that they’re working on it, but since when have they ever done anything in a timely and orderly fashion?_

_Diana sets her things down at a table, laying out her flashcards that she makes every Monday evening and begins flipping through them while Anne walks over to the bookshelves, glancing once more in Diana’s direction and smiling at her concentrated expression before turning towards the bookcase._

_Anne runs her hands down the spines of the books, tracing some of the lettering on the covers. Each book feels like an old friend, although she would never admit that to anyone other than Diana or Cole. Anne pulls out an older copy of Pride and Prejudice, all worn and torn up from years of belonging to the school. She stares at it for a moment, soaking in the feeling the book gives her, as if she’s experiencing the plot all over again for the first time, before sliding it back into the case._

_She leaves the books behind and makes her way back to the table, stopping in her tracks when she sees someone standing beside it, so close to Diana that without even seeing her face, Anne knows she’s uncomfortable. She steps forward, and inwardly groans when she realizes it’s Billy who’s messing with Diana. Her legs feel like dead weight as she forces herself forward, gaining Billy’s attention as he looks up at her, a smirk on his face._

_Anne’s blood runs ice cold, though whether the feeling is from fear or rage, Anne isn’t sure. She swallows, hard. “Step away, Billy. Can’t you see she’s busy?”_

_Billy smiles, but the look is sinister and leaves Anne feeling on edge. “Relax, Carrots, I was just asking her a simple question.”_

_Billy’s gaze shifts back to Diana, and Anne’s eyes follows, immediately tensing at the look of disgust and offense that Diana holds in her eyes, her brow wrinkled in anger. Anne stands still, her fists clenched beside her as Billy smiles down at Diana._

_“Seriously, it’s just a yes or no question,” he says, his voice purposely loud, an attempt to make a scene in what is usually a nearly silent place. “All I want to know is whether or not you two are-”_

_The bell rings while Billy is mid-gesture, and Anne has never felt more relieved in her life. Billy straightens and Anne crosses her arms. “Get to class, Billy. Don’t want to be late, do you? Mr. Jones doesn’t put up with tardiness, remember?”_

_He lingers for only a moment before grabbing his bag with a roll of his eyes, leaving their table. Anne watches him go, then turns to Diana, whose cheeks are red and eyes are filled with tears; Anne’s stomach twists itself into a knot, and she slides into the chair besides Diana._

_“Are you alright?”_

_Diana nods stiffly, wiping roughly at her eyes before beginning to gather her flashcards. “Come on, Anne. We should get going to class.”_

_Anne stops her, gently placing her hand on Diana’s arm. “Di, our first class is gym; we’ll just need to dress out faster. Take a minute to calm down.”_

_Diana breathes in and out slowly, giving Anne a small smile as Anne’s hand entwines with Diana’s. Anne leans forward and presses her lips lightly against Diana’s forehead, keeping them there for only a moment before slowly pulling away._

_Her eyes meet Diana’s and they share a smile, but movement several feet away catches her eye and Anne’s gaze shifts, locking with a boy’s eyes, one who she realizes now has been staring at them._

_Her first impression is to stiffen and go on defensive mode, but something about his stance tells her he has no qualms or issues with her and Diana. His hair is dark, wavy on the top of his head, and his eyes seem soft. She doesn’t recognize him._

_He smiles at her, something gentle to his expression: it’s sympathy, or perhaps pity, but regardless she returns the look before looking back at Diana._

_“Come on,” she says softly. “Let’s go to class.”_

\-----

Anne blinked, and suddenly she was back in her living room, listening to her roommates yell at the TV. Anne and Diana’s relationship had ended long ago, but their friendship had only grown stronger.

Slowly, Anne stood; she’d forgotten that memory, forgotten that he had been there. As she walked towards the stove, a small smile crept over her lips, suddenly confident in herself, no longer worried about whatever was going to happen tomorrow. _Huh_ , Anne thought to herself as she turned off the oven. _Maybe school wasn’t all that bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'll do my best to update when I can; however, my next semester of classes is starting soon, so updates may not be too often. Comments will help me write and post more, so please leave a review and tell me what you think! I promise, Gilbert will show up eventually; we just have to get there.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Anne's first day of teaching, but it isn't quite what she expected.

Anne awoke with a start as her alarm blared, wincing at the pain in her head. Whether it was from the wine or her inability to fall asleep she wasn’t sure, but regardless, it had been a long time since she’d awoken with such a splitting headache. Perhaps it was a premonition, a sign of what was to come. She didn’t want to consider that too carefully; she didn’t consider herself a superstitious person, but still, she reached over to her bed frame and gave the wood a solid tap for good luck. Of all days, now wasn’t the one for her to jinx herself.

She pulled herself out of bed lethargically; normally, she was a morning person, although six am was cutting it, even for her. Ignoring how messy her hair looked in her closet mirror, she dragged herself into the kitchen, and set up a pot of coffee, figuring it would be done by the time she was out of her shower. Besides her, the house was dead silent; Diana wouldn’t be up for another hour, and Cole’s shift didn’t start until eleven; knowing Cole, this meant he wouldn’t be up for a while. Anne fought back a feeling of envy. _You made this decision when you choose this career, idiot. If you wanted a later job, you should have become a comedian._

Once the pot was on and brewing, she left the kitchen and entered her bathroom, turning on the shower before undressing quickly. Normally, she’d spend her showers pondering ideas, figuring out issues she was having in her life, but as she stepped into the tub, hot water cascading down onto her back, she struggled to keep her eyes open, her brain feeling like slush, her thoughts clouded and hazy with the urge to sleep.

She reached out and turned the temperature all the way to cold, her eyes clenched shut in preparation even before she felt the immense shift. Her entire body tensed as the icy water rained down and she cursed, biting down on her lip to keep herself from waking up the rest of her apartment.

Despite how little she enjoyed standing in the cold, Anne was glad to find that her idea worked, that she was much more awake. She washed her hair quickly, not wanting to spend too much time in the cold, aware that if she got too comfortable she’d soon find herself lost in anxious thoughts, images of all the ways she might screw up. _Best case scenario_ , she thought as she scrubbed herself with soap, _they love me. Worst case scenario, they hate me and I embarrass myself so horribly that I’m fired on the spot. Therefore, all I have to do is find that middle ground._

She washed herself off once more, then turned off the water, wrapping herself in her towel almost instantaneously. As she stared into the mirror, she attempted to fix her stance into that of a confident young woman, such as Ms. Stacey had been, all those years ago. “Come on, Anne,” she murmured as she reached for her hair brush. “Just be average, but in a pleasantly surprising sort of way. That shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish.”

Anne dressed quickly, deciding on a pair of dark dress pants with a faint design and a floral blouse. Once dressed, she left her bedroom and made her way towards the kitchen, stopping in her tracks when she noticed Diana was up and cooking.

Anne glanced at the clock on the counter. “What are you doing up? You don’t have to get ready for another thirty minutes.”

Diana smiled at Anne, somehow still gorgeous despite how sleepy her movements were, even with her hair messy and still wearing her pajamas. Anne returned the smile. Pretty people seemed to just have this aura to them, especially people with natural beauty such as Diana’s.

“I thought I’d pack you a lunch for your first day,” Diana said, and Anne laughed.

“What, are you my mom now?”

Anne moved forward, eying the lunch Diana was putting together. A sandwich, most likely peanut butter, a bag of carrots, a bottle of water, and a cosmic brownie made up the meal. Anne had to give it to Diana, she knew exactly what Anne would want in a lunch.

Anne nodded, putting on an exaggerated expression that said, not bad, not bad. “Damn, I was just joking about the mom thing but really, you’re gonna knock the parenting thing out of the park someday.”

Diana turned, her face set, eyes serious. “Perhaps now’s not the best time to tell you,” she began, and Anne could see that Diana was already breaking. “But I’m pregnant. It’s yours.”

Anne rolled her eyes, snorting as Diana broke completely, laughing hard at her own joke. “I can’t believe I put up with you sometimes. You’re lucky you’re my best friend.”

Diana smirked. “If you had your way, you’d put up a “no bad jokes allowed” sign on the wall.”

Anne walked over to the cabinet and pulled out a mug, setting it on the counter before she began to fill it with coffee. “Yeah, right. As if that would stop you.”

She opened the fridge door and pulled out some creamer, pouring a liberal amount before sticking it back into the fridge. As Anne brought the cup to her lips, her eyes met Diana’s, and Anne realized Diana was giving her a look. Anne frowned. “What?”

“Is that all you’re having for breakfast? A cup of coffee?” Diana replied, hands on her hips.

Anne sighed. “I don’t have the energy to make myself anything. I mean, if you hadn’t just made my lunch, I would have probably just brought a bag of chips in.”

Diana brought a hand up to her face and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Anne, you can’t- if you think you’re tired now, just wait and see how exhausted you’ll be after eating nothing but crap today.”

“At least I’m eating something…,” Anne muttered, carefully sipping from her mug.

Diana shook her head, mostly to herself. “Sit down, Anne. I’m going to make you some toast.”

Anne did as she was told, time passing slowly as she waited for the caffeine to wake her up. She found herself staring at a single spot on the wall, both thinking and not thinking; mostly, she just thought about how the sun hadn’t risen yet. Why should she be up before the world awakens? Why should the day get to sleep in later than her?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a slice of toast placed down in front of her. Diana sat down in the seat besides her. “You nervous?”

Oh right. Teaching. Nerves. Anne reached down and picked up the slice of toast, frowning before taking a small bite out of it. “Well, I wasn’t. Now, I’m not so sure.”

Diana shrugged. “You’ll be fine. You don’t have to do much the first day, besides making sure they don’t kill each other.”

Anne huffed, letting her hands fall in exasperation. “I hadn’t even considered them killing each other! I don’t have a plan for that!”

Diana stared at her, mouth agape. “Anne, you know the chance of that is like, slim to none, right? That was a joke. You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Maybe I _should_ put up that “no jokes” sign,” Anne replied as she took another swallow of her coffee. She fought back a smile and added, “Things would be a lot quieter around here.”

Diana rolled her eyes then stood. “I’m going to shower. You better fix your mood before you get to the classroom. Those kids will be able to smell the fear on you, and they’ll use it to their advantage.”

Anne snorted. “They’re just eighth graders, Diana.”

“As if eighth grade wasn’t hell for you, too,” Diana replied, a twinge of humor in her words. Anne said nothing in response; Diana was right, after all.

“Anyway,” Diana added. “Just in case I’m not out by the time you leave, good luck. You’ll be great, and I believe in you!”

She left the room, and Anne heaved a heavy sigh. She hoped Diana was right, that she had no reason to fret; still, her mind raced with all the possibilities, all the ways she could fail. She shut her eyes tight, blocking out those thoughts and trying to think positive; after all, if she could list off all the ways she might fail, couldn’t she do the same with all the ways she might succeed?

Anne finished her toast and coffee quickly then stood, grabbing her purse from her room before slipping on a pair of black flats. She glanced at her reflection in her door mirror one last time, giving herself a confident look before leaving the room.

When she left the apartment, she made sure her head was held high.

\-----

It was a little after seven when Anne pulled into the parking lot, and she found that it was mostly empty. She let out a sigh of relief; she still had some time to settle in her classroom without anyone walking in to bother her. She popped her trunk then exited her car, removing her crate of books that she and Diana had sorted through. She shut the trunk then hoisted up the crate, already feeling the burden of the weight. Maybe she shouldn’t have grabbed so many books after all.

She slowly made her way through the halls of the school, trying to familiarize herself with the walls and corridors as she made her way to her classroom. She found that the old brick walls made the perfect atmosphere for learning. The walls spurred images of decades of old teachers in her mind; the school had been built in the 70s, and the design of the building showed it. Anne felt as if she had gone back in time, as if she were a young woman from decades earlier. She liked that feeling.

Anne reached the door to her classroom. Placing the crate on the ground with a huff, she stood for a moment to catch her breath, hoping no one had seen her struggling. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her keys and unlocked the door quickly, propping it open before picking up her crate.

It was a smaller classroom; overall, there wasn’t much room, barely fitting in sixteen desks and her own. It had taken her a lot of work to find somewhere to place a bookcase; in a perfect world, she would have a little reading corner with chairs and blankets, but for now she’d have to settle for a tiny shelf resting underneath the window on the opposite side of the room. She turned on the lights and picked up the crate, crossing the room quickly and beginning her task of shelving her books.

The view outside of her window was plain, showing an open field with a patch of trees several hundred feet away. Perhaps this was for the better; less distractions for her students to ignore her with. Although, Anne thought with a smile. _If they’re as talented at daydreaming as me, then they’ll manage to be distracted by anything._

Done with shelving her books, Anne stood and wiped the dirt off her knees. It was only seven-twenty now, and school didn’t start until nine. She wondered if anyone needed her; she hadn’t been called anywhere yet, but she assumed the school’s principal would want to speak with her. Checking her pockets for her keys, Anne left her classroom and made her way towards the front office, to the best of her recollection.

It only took her three minutes to find the office, and she only took one wrong turn. When she entered, she found it much busier than she had expected: two women sat behind the large desk in the entrance, and other teachers were huddled around, chatting and going through their mail boxes, all the while drinking mugs of coffee. One of the secretaries at the front desk smiled up at here. “How can I help you?”

Anne smiled, trying to appear put together as she stepped forward. “I’m new teaching here, and I’m afraid I’m not sure if there’s anything specific I should be doing. My name is Anne Shirley.”

“Oh, right! Dr. Maribeth Davis is in her office; she may be a little busy, but since it’s your first day here, I can call her and see if she has anything for you?”

Anne nodded, and the friendly woman excused herself to the phone, leaving Anne to linger in waiting. A group of teachers from across the room smiled at her and she smiled back, nodding at them. She wondered how well she’d get along with her coworkers, wondered which ones would become her friend and which ones would hate her.

“Miss Shirley?” the secretary prompted, gaining back Anne’s attention. “She says to go right on in. Second door to the left.”

Anne smiled her thanks, then followed the directions given, reaching the office within a few seconds. An older woman sat inside, typing at her desk, and Anne rapped on her door to get her attention. The woman’s head shot up, quickly smiling as her eyes fell on Anne. “Ms. Shirley, I presume?”

“You presume correctly,” Anne replied, stepping into the room. The office space was moderately sized, with a small shelving unit behind the desk where Dr. Davis sat. She was a stocky woman, with dark brown hair that was graying at the roots.

“I should have gotten to you sooner about everything, although there isn’t much you need to really know for the first day. Most of what you should know you’ll pick up with time.” Dr. Davis stood then, and Anne saw that the woman was a few inches shorter than her. “Things have been busy; we had a bunch of retirees last year, which made things pretty hectic. Is there anything specific you want to know?”

Anne thought for a moment, then shrugged, smiling uneasily. “I’m just nervous, that’s all. I have no idea how to work the projector system, and I just….,” Anne breathed in slowly. She needed to stop herself from rambling; she really didn’t want to make a bad impression. “I’m just anxious about everything, I suppose. Anything I should keep in mind?”

Dr. Davis smiled, moving out from behind her desk before giving Anne’s arm a light pat once she reached her side. “Walk with me; I’ll answer any questions you have.”

Anne did her best not to try the woman’s patience too much. She forced herself to only ask the necessary questions, things she’d be dealing with right away, like what time should I get here everyday and is there a masterlist of numbers and such I can get? Dr. Davis answered her questions in a stride, and Anne was touched; she knew she had to be busy, especially with other new teachers and it being the first day, and yet here she was, spending ten minutes to walk down with Anne back to her classroom.

“I’m awfully sorry if this is distracting you from other duties,” Anne finally said when she felt like all of her important questions had been answered.

Dr. Davis shook her head. “Oh, it’s no problem. I needed to head down here anyway; I tend to linger outside of building four and make sure no one is causing any shenanigans.”

They reached the door of Anne’s classroom and stopped. “Well, thank you once again. I believe that’s all I wanted to know,” Anne concluded, pulling her keys from her pocket and sticking one into the lock.

She was about to enter, had the door open ajar, when Dr. Davis called out, “Hold up. One more thing.” Dr. Davis waited a moment for Anne to look back at her before continuing. “I suppose this goes without saying, but don’t say anything that could get you in trouble.” Anne hesitated; now what did that mean? “You mean like… cursing?”

Dr. Davis moved her head from side to side, as if she was struggling to find her words. “Definitely that, but also- well, just don’t get political, do you know what I mean? It’s best if you keep your beliefs- really, just anything controversial- out of your teachings. We don’t want to upset any parents, so it’s best to keep your politics and whatnot out of the classroom.”

The words left a sour taste in Anne’s mouth and made her feel nauseous, but she nodded stiffly. Yes, she understood. This wasn’t the first time she’d been told some iteration of this, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. Still, Anne struggled to look cheery as Dr. Davis walked away; Anne’s beliefs were what made her her. Just how much was she supposed to keep out of the classroom?

Anne entered her room and sat down at her desk, feeling disheartened. She glanced over at the bookcase, thoughts wandering once more to her fears from yesterday about her collection of LGBT fiction. Anne sighed, dropping her head into her hands and rubbing her eyes roughly. At least she was no longer worried about her students.

\-----

_Diana sits behind the band building, back against the wall in an area no one ever really walks, sobbing heavily into her knees. Anne realizes, with a pang in her heart as she stares at her girlfriend, that there was a good reason why Diana took so long to tell her parents the truth of their relationship, and she mentally chastises herself for thinking that Diana’s coming out would go as well as her own._

_Diana’s parents were confused, pissed, and annoyed; they see this as an act of rebellion, a choice, and therefore aren’t taking this seriously. Anne wonders how people can be so unwilling to understand, and as she stares at Diana, a small flame of rage sparks in her chest._

_She reaches out, grabs Diana’s hand, and her voice shakes as she tells her, “They’ll learn to understand. They’ll accept you eventually. And if they don’t-” Anne pauses swallowing hard, her voice a tense whisper when she continues- “well then, fuck them.”_

_Diana is still crying, but the way she cries has shifted; tears that were once pitiful sobs are now angry ones, her eyes bright and understanding but narrowed in a look of rage that Anne has never seen in Diana’s eyes before. “They- they blamed you.”_

_Diana’s admittance only makes her cry harder. Anne bites her lip, unable to stop herself from tearing up as well. “That’s such bullshit. Just because we’re dating, that isn’t what made you attracted to women! I didn’t- I didn’t convert you!”_

_Diana nods swiftly. “I know that. You know that. But they’re just…, unwilling to listen.”_

_They’re both crying now, and Anne is thankful they decided to meet so early before school, still having forty minutes before their first class. Anne stares at Diana through her tears, and she’s tempted to grab her hand and take them away, skip class for the day and just be together. Anne chases the idea away almost as soon as it appears; like that would help improve Diana’s parents’ image of her._

_Anne is pulled from her thoughts when she hears footsteps nearing, unable to swallow back completely the fear she feels at the sound. Diana’s gaze is caught on the person, and Anne turns around and-_

_-And it’s that boy again, the one from weeks ago in the library. He stares at them from several feet away, clearly confused but also seemingly embarrassed, some realization that he just walked into something personal._

_He steps forward slowly, sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you two, I just- I didn’t think anyone else was here this early and I was drawn by the noise.”_

_Anne wipes her cheeks roughly, frowning. “Yeah, well, you can go now.”_

_The boy stands still for a moment before removing his bag off of his back and setting it on the ground before pulling out a small pack of tissues. He holds them out to Anne and after a moment’s pause she takes them, pulling one out for Diana and then herself before passing them back to the boy. He holds up his hands, shaking his head. “No, keep them. You seem like you’re dealing with something important.”_

_He pulls his bag back onto his shoulders and walks away without another word. Anne watches him before turning back to Diana, who is pulling out another tissue and wiping her eyes._

_“Who’s that guy? I keep seeing him around, but I don’t remember seeing him before this year.”_

_Diana blows her nose. “I guess you wouldn’t know him. He went to school with us before you moved here, then he and his dad traveled the world for a while. He must have just gotten back.”_

_Diana rubs her cheeks, breathing in heavily through her mouth as she tries to calm herself down. Anne faces where he had stood; she couldn’t help but wonder what was up with him, why he seemed so empathetic when half the boys she knew were assholes._

_“His name is Gilbert, Gilbert Blythe” Diana adds, only making Anne feel more curious. It wasn’t everyday you met a boy with that name._

_Diana drops the tissues into her lap, looking off in contemplation. “He might be one of the few boys in this school who actually cares about other people.”_

_Anne snorts, the thought tickling her. “Or maybe he’s just nosy, and thinks you’re cute.” Diana laughs, waving off Anne’s reply, and Anne leans forward, taking Diana’s hand in her own before adding, “I know I do.”_

_She kisses Diana’s hand regally, causing them both to laugh lightly. Any pain felt minutes prior is gone now; they’re back to their usual selves, as if they weren’t both distraught and crying for the past hour. Anne isn’t quite sure how she feels about this Gilbert guy, but if anything, at least he’s a good distraction._

\-----

The students started entering her room five minutes before the first bell, double-checking their schedules as they strolled through the doors, picking their desks with clear intent. Sitting at her own desk, Anne spent the time focusing on writing out her plans for the day, trying not to appear too invested in the students arriving. As Anne stared down at her notes and ideas, she struggled to keep her thoughts on the task at hand, thinking once again to her books, to her own time in high school and the way she and Diana were treated for not being subtle with their relationship. Closeting herself and hiding her beliefs just felt like the cowards’ approach, even if it was often the safest and best option.

Anne sighed and turned to her computer, bringing up the attendance sheet for the day. Dr. Davis was right, unfortunately. Some parents might be aggressive about this sort of thing, especially with their kids being middle schoolers, even if she refrains from outwardly talking about her own sexuality. Perhaps the gay fiction and clearly stating what she supported would be too much and would lead to her being fired. Anne bit her lip. _Fired. My entire career in the hands of some assholes._

The bell rang, and Anne watched as her classroom filled, waiting an extra five minutes after the final bell just in case someone else showed. As she shushed the class and went through the attendance sheet, she wondered if they could also hear how shakey her voice was, or if they could tell that she was struggling to hold herself together, or the fact that her heart was racing faster than it had in years.

She did this over five times, each time feeling a little more confident in her role, a little more comfortable being herself, at least to the extent that was allowed. By sixth period, she smiled more, joked more, extended herself as a friend. And she found, by the end of the day, that nothing horrible had gone wrong; her students, for the most part, had all been polite and only occasionally spoke when she was talking.

It helped that the first day was mostly going over course expectations and doing paperwork; she supposed that had she needed to actually teach on the first day, she wouldn’t have done so well. That being said, she had still spent half the day rambling on and on; perhaps it was a stretch to say she did a good job.

She sat in the front of the room in her sixth period honors English class, handing out copies of their first reading, _The Outsiders_. When choosing the book, she had figured it was a good enough choice; not high above their expected reading level, and the topic of gangs might be a good start for when they later read _Romeo and Juliet_ once they reach high school.

“It’s an interesting book,” Anne told the class, flipping through a nearby copy before setting it down. “I think some of you will really connect with the story and the characters.”

It was interesting how much better Anne felt talking in front of her students, compared to when she first started in the morning; whether that was because she was getting better or because school was almost out and she would have the opportunity to breathe a sigh of relief soon, Anne couldn’t be sure. She focused on the present, and continued to pass out books.

A group of boys who she didn’t quite catch the names of seemed annoyed at being assigned a book already, but their faces quickly lightened up when she mentioned they’d get to watch the movie afterwards. Anne chuckled to herself. This had happened in all three of her honors classes.

The bell rang, and students flooded out the door, a few saying goodbye but most of them seeming more focused on leaving. She couldn’t blame them; the way she was feeling, Anne also wanted to go home and curl up on the sofa with a package of Oreos.

Anne turned off her computer and started to gather her things into her bag. She stood and stretched, releasing one long, heavy breath before standing up straight. Her eyes fell on her small library. _Right._

She crossed the room and picked up the crate she’d lugged the books in with, stopping once she reached the bookcase. She stared down at it, unmoving. Maybe it was dumb of her to bring those books in. _I mean, they’re eighth graders. Maybe this stuff is just…. Not quite their level._

Anne felt her stomach churn. She knew she wasn’t straight by middle school; surely, some of her students would be the same, right? Anne sighed, dropping her head. This job was too important for her to risk losing. She sorted through the books and dropped the ones she knew would be deemed inappropriate into her crate, moving it to the top shelf of her closet once she finished.

She left her classroom quickly and quietly, refusing to stop and chat with anyone; she didn’t think she had the emotional energy to deal with meeting new people, and she was sure she wouldn’t be able to keep a smile for the length of a conversation.

The drive home felt like an eternity, and when Anne finally arrived at her apartment, it took everything within her to keep herself from falling apart completely. It wasn’t just that she was upset, she was frustrated and livid that this was an issue, that she was still letting other people dictate how she lived her life. Why couldn’t people just get it? Why did everything have to be a fight?

She reached her door and paused, her keys in her hands. She breathed in and out slowly, gathering herself before sticking the key into the lock. She needed to act calm and collected in front of Diana and Cole; after all, she didn’t want this to be a big deal.

Anne opened the door and stepped inside, shutting the door soundly before making her way into the room.

“Anne!” She stopped mid-step as Cole and Diana rushed forward to greet her, grabbing her by her arms and pulling her forward, both talking at once with questions that Anne was finding impossible to follow, overstimulation causing her to zone out.

They stopped in front of the dining room table. Anne took in first the grins on their faces, then looked down; in front of her sat a white frosted cake with the words, “Congrats on your first day!” written in crude red icing.

Anne stared down at it for a moment, then raised her head, mouth open with words she wanted to say but couldn’t find.

Instead, she burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! A special thank you to everyone who commented so far and voiced how they feel about this fic, I'm really touched and I love hearing what people think. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that Anne Shirley is bi as hell, and I hope I've captured that well. Once again, please let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

Diana and Cole immediately rushed forward, their smiles dropping as Anne began to sob loudly. She slouched against their holds, most of her body weight against them. They moved her over to the couch, Cole grabbing a box of tissues from the end table and handing it to Diana, who was holding Anne tight against her in the middle of the sofa.

“Not so good day then?” Diana asked, and Anne nodded her head, reaching for a tissue as she continued to cry.

Cole sat down next to Diana, expression soft. “Your students were that bad?”

Anne shook her head, wiping her eyes roughly. “No, no; they were pretty wonderful, actually. It’s just…,” Anne paused, voice choking up. “It’s just this conversation I had with my boss is really, _really_ getting to me.”

After wiping her eyes once more, Anne forced out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. “I feel so childish letting this get to me.”

Cole and Diana shared a look, then Diana spoke. “Cole, could you go to the store and pick up some ice-cream? This seems like desperate times.”

He nodded and moved quickly, slipping on his shoes as he left the apartment. Diana stood and walked over to the sink, filling up a glass with water as she spoke. “Alright, honey, talk when you’re ready.”

Anne swallowed hard, her used tissues clutched in her hands. Diana passed her the glass of water and she took a large sip, the water rough against her throat. “Just… you remember the conversation we had yesterday? About the books, the gay teen lit?”

Diana nodded, frowning. “Yeah, and you were worried someone would get upset about it- did someone already get pissy at you?”

Diana’s tone was bewildered, her face twisted in confusion. Anne shook her head. “No, not quite. I mean, hell, no one has specifically complained about the books, it’s just…,” Anne stared down at her hands. “I can tell something bad will happen if they do see those books.”

“Anne, I’m not sure I follow,” Diana replied, reaching over to hold Anne’s hand.

Anne sighed. “The principal of the school, Dr. Davis, she said something about how I needed to keep my- my beliefs and politics out of the classroom, in order to keep anyone from getting upset. I guess to keep the school from falling under fire.”

Diana blinked. “Beliefs and politics….”

“Just anything considered “controversial,” really. I don’t know, maybe she’s right. I’m only teaching eighth graders, not high school seniors. Maybe it’s just too much for them-”

“Anne Shirley, don’t you dare listen to that women,” Diana interjected. “Honestly, how the _he_ _ll_ are you going to keep politics out of an _English class?_  Half of what you’re supposed to read is specifically being read for it’s politics!”

Anne shrugged. “I guess.”

“No, you _know_!” Diana’s eyes contained such an intensity, an anger that Anne rarely saw. Diana maintained her gaze as she continued. “Come one, Anne! Books are always being banned for this sort of thing, and it’s such bullshit! You can’t listen to her!”

Anne smiled, her eyes still wet with tears. “Yeah, I know. I guess she just doesn’t want to piss any parents off with stuff they might consider “inappropriate” for kids. And since I’m a new teacher, I’ll probably be the first to blame and fire if something annoys a parent. So,” Anne sighed, frowning. “I guess I better keep the discussion of, I don’t know, political views and how gay people exist at a minimum in my course curriculum.”

Anne began to cry once more, this time out of frustration. Diana handed her another tissue. “I doubt you’d get fired though; if anything, they’ll reprimand you, and then you can speak your mind about it and make it clear that you’re not going to listen to them.”

Anne said nothing for a moment, her tears falling heavily against her cheeks. “...I already moved the books to the back of my closet.”

Diana’s shoulders fell, deflated. “Oh, Anne.”

Anne huffed, feeling anger rise in her chest. “It’s not like I was going to come out to them or anything- Hell, I wasn’t going to ever mention it! But I just…,” Anne trailed off, running a hand through her hair roughly before using it to wipe the remaining tears off her cheeks. “I just feel so guilty. I hate that this part of what I am is considered inherently inappropriate, and has to be hidden from these teenagers. I mean, they’re no longer kids, Diana. I don’t know why people think this stuff has to be hidden from them. It just…. It really…,”

“It just upsets you,” Diana provided, and Anne nodded. Diana moved herself closer to Anne and wrapped her arms around her. “It’s shitty of her to have requested that of you, and it’s no surprise you’ve taken offense. I would have, too; hell, I’m taking offense right now for you!”

Anne snorted, leaning into Diana’s hug. “Oh, really? I couldn’t tell.”

Diana shoved her playful, then reached up a hand and ruffled Anne’s hair. “Don’t worry; we’ll deal with this eventually. For now, however, we’re going to pig out on some Ben and Jerry’s and watch the movie of your choice.”

Diana stood and Anne did the same, dropping her tissues into the nearby trash can before fixing her hair. “ _The Princess Bride_?” Anne asked, hopeful. It was one of her favorite films, and she knew it annoyed Cole how often she watched it. What could she say: she was a bit of a romantic, and had always had a special place in her heart for fairy tales.

Diana smiled, shaking her head to herself. “Right, of course. You are so predictable, Anne.”

By the time Cole had returned, Anne’s mood had shifted for the better, although the ice cream was much appreciated and was accepted with vigor. The three curled up on the sofa, sharing two cartons of ice cream as they rewatched the film for the upteenth time. If Diana and Cole were annoyed by it, they said nothing.

They stayed like this until it grew late, and in the end, the three of them fell asleep like that on the sofa.

\-----

_Weeks pass; Anne learns Gilbert is smart, on par with her love of vocabulary and learning, evident in the English class she shares with him, but other than that he keeps to himself. Anne takes notice that some of their classmates tease and joke around with him, in a familiar sense that Anne herself has never experienced. She finds it odd how Gilbert interacts with them; he laughs along, but sometimes she’ll catch his eye, and she can tell he isn’t amused. Sometimes she’ll notice he seems far away, as if he’s wishing he was anywhere but there._

_Anne doesn’t realize she’s watching him until one day, when he catches her staring. They lock eyes for a moment when it happens, following a vocabulary test when they’re the only ones done; he raises an eyebrow and smiles playfully, and Anne drops her gaze, turning to face the other way. There ended her dabble in trying to figure out who Gilbert Blythe was._

_After English, Anne and Diana have lunch; Anne is always late to leave the room, harassing the teacher in some form or another (Diana’s words, meant to tease but begrudgingly, Anne knows she’s correct) and so Diana always waits for her outside the doors, allowing them to walk to the lunch room together._

_Today, Gilbert waits behind too; Anne doesn’t know why and doesn’t care really to find out, but his presence there makes her more inclined to speed through her after-class conversation and rush outside to Diana._

_Diana seems surprised. “You finished much faster than usual.”_

_Anne shrugs, wondering silently if it is coming off as forced. “Yeah, well, Gilbert was waiting, and I didn’t want to make him wait for too long.”_

_The halls are practically empty, as they usually are when the lunch period begins, the other students rushing to the lunchroom to beat the line. Packed lunches allow them to skip the lines, and Diana always had something fancy for them to share. They reach for each other’s hand almost instinctively, their outer hands holding their lunches. Neither of them look at the other, but they both smile to themselves._

_The moment ends almost as quickly when they turn the corner and find themselves face-to-face with Billy, the rest of the hall empty. Dread washes over Anne in waves as she releases Diana’s hand quickly, but it’s too late; Billy has seen them, and the nauseating smile growing on his face tells her that he isn’t going to ignore this._

_Billy closes the door to his locker, turning to face them. “Well, aren’t you two cute, holding hands.”_

_He begins to circle them menacingly, and Anne finds herself feeling sick at the action. As he passes Diana, he knocks his shoulder into hers, shoving her back a few steps. Anne swallows hard. “Billy, back off.”_

_He snorts, loud and exaggerated. “You two really have some nerve, you know that? Prancing around, holding hands….” Billy whistles, shaking his head. “You should be careful, ya know? Wouldn’t want either of you to get hurt.”_

_There is ice in his words, and Anne is unable to hide the fear she feels from her expression. He’s threatening her, and she isn’t sure what scares her more: him threatening her, or him threatening Diana. Her stomach twists, a swirling pit of rage and terror._

_“Billy,” Anne begins, voice shaking. She steps in front of Diana, unsure of what Billy might do. “Leave. Us. Alone.”_

_“Oh, come on, Anne, we’re just having a conversation. Can’t we just have a nice little talk?”_

_He steps forward, and suddenly he’s only inches away from her. He stares into her eyes for a moment, eyes wild and laced with something Anne can’t quite put her finger on, something close to a mixture of anger and total, complete disgust._

_He crouches down a foot so that he’s on level with her, face to face, and when he speaks he is practically spitting his words. “What the two of you are doing is gross. And if I ever catch you two alone like this again, I’ll-”_

_“Hey, Billy!”_

_Time freezes for a moment as a familiar voice calls out Billy’s name; he straightens, plastering on a smile as he steps away from Anne and Diana. Anne spins on her heel, turning to face whoever was saving them from this conversation; a few yards away, Gilbert stands with his arms crossed, his jaw clenched._

_“Hey, buddy! We were just having a quick chat,” Billy replies, then glances over his shoulder, locking eyes with Anne. “Isn’t that right?”_

_Anne nods stiffly, and satisfied, Billy turns his head. A feeling of desperation washes over her, and she locks eyes with Gilbert, praying that her expression is clear to him about Billy’s true intentions._

_Gilbert glances from Anne to Diana, and Anne shifts her eyes too, noticing now the tears rushing down Diana’s cheeks. Gilbert locks eyes with Anne’s again before looking back to Billy. “Is that so?”_

_Billy nods, still grinning. “Yeah, bud! We were just talking about homework and stuff, ya know?”_

_Gilbert holds Billy’s gaze for a moment, then swallows. “Yeah. I’m sure you were.” Gilbert pauses for a moment. “You should get going. And stop calling me bud.”_

_Billy hesitates, gaping at Gilbert for a moment, then lets out an awkward laugh. “Ha, yeah, right. You almost got me there, Gilbert.”_

_“No. I’m serious.” Gilbert steps forward, his arms swinging at his sides. “I’m not your bud or your buddy. Especially not with you’re talking to them like that.”_

_Billy’s face twists in confusion. “What? Come on, man; I’m just messing with them, you know that, right?”_

_“Leave them be, Billy. I mean it.”_

_Billy stares at him for a moment, then rolls his eyes with a scoff. “What, ya gonna do something to me if I don’t?”_

_He waits for Gilbert to reply; Gilbert, meanwhile, just stares silently at Billy, his brow furrowed. Billy steps forward. “Besides, I mean, you can’t really excuse what they’re doing, it’s just not normal or-”_

_His thought is interrupted as Gilbert’s fist flies through the air and comes into contact with Billy’s cheek, Diana and Anne gasping as Billy collapses on the floor with a pained yelp. Gilbert stares at his hand for a moment, then glances back up at Anne. Still gaping at him, she gives him a hasty nod in thanks._

_They all look down at Billy._

_Billy cradles the side of his face, expression twisted from the pain, an attempt to hold back his tears. “What the fuck is your problem, dude? We used to be friends!”_

_Gilbert’s jaw is tight as he stares down at Billy, slow to answer either from his rage or perhaps the shock that he actually punched someone. “Yeah, in fifth grade. We’re in high school now.” Gilbert pauses, shaking his head. “God, Billy, you’re being such an ass.”_

_He steps away from Billy, and when he does, he locks eyes with Anne for a split second; his eyes drop almost as soon as they meet, but she is still able to catch the small smile he offers her, an alliance of sorts, proving to her and Diana where he stood in all of this._

_His bag is on his shoulder and he’s walking away before she can stop him; she steps forward to go after him but Diana stops her with a hand on Anne’s shoulder and subtle shake of her head. “Shouldn’t we get Billy some help? Or at least deal with him?” Diana whispers, glancing down at him._

_Anne glares down at him, then shakes her head. “He can deal with himself.”_

_Anne steps forward, and soon she’s rushing after Gilbert. Diana gives Billy one last look before following after Anne, and soon they’re speed-walking in step, turning the corner of the hallway. They catch up to him as he’s exiting the building._

_“Gilbert, wait up!” Anne calls to him, increasing her speed so that she catches the door before it shuts completely._

_She leaves the building and finds that he’s slowed down his pace, turning to face them. For a moment, Anne is silent; why did she chase after him if she had no idea what she wanted to say?_

_“I just- we just,” she gestures to Diana. “Wanted to thank you. I don’t know what would have happened if you hadn’t stepped in.”_

_Gilbert shrugs; Anne notices that he’s massaging his hand gently, and she wonders how much it hurts. “It’s really no problem. I- I don’t normally lose my cool like that.”_

_“You stood up for us,” Diana adds, her cheeks still pink from crying. “And we thank you.”_

_He stands there awkwardly for a moment, then nods. “Well, he’s been harassing you for weeks now, saying some pretty awful things behind your backs. I just…. I don’t think my conscience would be okay with just letting him say those things to you.”_

_He pulls out his phone and checks the time, making a face. “I have to get going. But if he keeps saying those things to you, I think you two should go talk to someone, a counselor or the principal. Get this properly dealt with.”_

_Anne chuckles. “You’re saying we shouldn’t just keep coming to you to kick his ass?”_

_Gilbert smiles. “If I have to, I will. But hopefully the school can deal with this.” He turns and takes a step away before pausing and looking back at them. “But really, if you need my help, don’t be afraid to ask, alright?”_

_Anne and Diana nod and Gilbert turns again, this time leaving for real. They stand and watch him leave, minds still reeling from the events of the last five minutes. No one had ever stood up for her like that before, and she’s sure no one, besides her, has stood up for Diana either. Here was practically a stranger, willing to risk suspension to get an asshole to stop bullying them. Anne frowns; she’s confused and wonders why he would do such a thing._

_Diana takes hold of Anne’s hand and squeezes it once tightly before letting go. “Come on, Anne. We should eat while we still have some time.”_

_Anne nods, and walks along with Diana. “He seems… odd. Different.”_

_Diana shrugs. “I haven’t noticed. Unless by odd you mean ‘not an asshole,’ then yes, he’s very different.”_

_“Hmm.” Anne and Diana reach their usual spot, at a picnic table under a patch of trees. Anne tries to turn her thoughts away from Gilbert Blythe, a boy who seems to have more empathy than any boy she’s met, caring about two girls who are practically strangers._

_Anne sighs, shaking her head. Gilbert Blythe was an enigma, and perhaps someday she’d solve him. For now, she will remain confused and intrigued._

\-----

When Anne awoke the next morning, the first thing she noticed was that she had a horrible pain in her back where Cole’s elbow had been planted. The second thing was that she was absolutely starving, and she remembered vaguely that they had forgotten to eat dinner. The third thing she noticed was the sun shining through the window blinds, brighter than she’d expect at this time of day-

Anne shot up off the sofa, startling Cole and Diana awake in the process. She stumbled to grab her phone off of the table, and turned it on. The screen lit up, displaying 8:24.

“Shit!” Anne cursed, racing into her bedroom to change as fast as possible. The school was fifteen minutes away, and she was running incredibly, horribly late. _How am I already doing this? On the second day!_ She huffed loudly, pulling a clean blouse on as she searched for a pair of heels.

As she entered the main room again, Cole and Diana stared at her, dazed and confused from sleep. Cole groaned, “What’s going on?”

Anne tilted her head toward the ground, gathering her hair up into a ponytail before tying it up. “I’m running late, that’s what’s going on.” She straightened, then looked down at herself before looking back up at Diana and Cole. “How do I look? Fine? Presentable? Totally not fireable?”

Diana held her thumbs up in Anne’s direction while Cole simply nodded. Anne grabbed her phone and keys. “Right. Well, I’m off. Fingers crossed they don’t kick me to the curb.”

She let the door slam shut behind her as she rushed outside, practically running to her car. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid_ , Anne thought to herself on repeat as she put her keys into the ignition. She drove fifteen over the speed limit for much of the drive, only slowing down when she’d gotten to the school zone.

She parked her car and checked the time. There was nearly twenty minutes left until first period started. Anne pulled down her mirror and began to gather herself, wiping away the remains of yesterday’s makeup the best that she could, opening up the glove compartment and grabbing a mint from inside to cover her foul morning breath.

Leaving her car, Anne practically ran to the main office to check her mailbox, doing her best to not seem out of breath as she flipped through the two pieces of junk that she had.

Carefully, she eyed the people around her. No one seemed to be looking at her and judging that she had arrived so close to school starting. Carefully, Anne nodded and smiled at her coworkers and left the office, speed-walking to her classroom and chuckling to herself. She felt like a spy, like she’d just gotten away with something.

She unlocked her classroom door and turned on the lights, logging into her computer quickly to check her email before approaching the whiteboard to write out the lessons she had planned for the day. She was only halfway through when the first bell rang; as the students filled in, she continued to write out this week’s vocab list.

Even after the late bell had rung and everyone had begun to settle down, she still heard slight murmuring. She didn’t think anything of it until she heard her own name.

Anne whipped her head around, facing the class. “And what are we discussing now?”

The class fell silent. Anne scanned the class, wondering if she would be able to feel out the weak link, the person who would fess up immediately. Anne’s eyes locked with a scrawny brunette girl in the second row who seemed the most uncomfortable, and all it took was Anne raising an eyebrow for the girl to fold.

The girl gestured to a group of boys sitting besides her. “They were just discussing your pants, Ms. Shirley. They, er- They were wondering if they were the same ones you wore yesterday?”

Anne glanced down. She hadn’t changed her pants because she was sure her students wouldn’t noticed. Anne inwardly cursed; the pattern on her dress pants was too eccentric and it stood out. Looking back up at the class, she hesitated; they were waiting.

“Well, if I’m completely honest,” Anne began. “I was running late this morning- like, woke up at 8:30 late- and I didn’t have time to find a new pair of pants. I uh…,” Anne swallowed hard, then exhaled hard, forcing herself to laugh. She felt so tense, and she could tell the class was too. “I haven’t fixed my sleep schedule from the summer. I know, this is so unprofessional.”

It felt weird trying to explain herself to a group of fourteen year olds. She scanned the room nervously and was relieved to find a few of them shrugging and shaking their heads. Anne nodded. “Alright, great, so now that that’s out of the way, let’s go over vocabulary.”

This was one of those times that she desperately wished Diana was unemployed and could help her at the drop of a hat. She moved her focus completely onto the words, and only prayed that her other classes wouldn’t pick up on her pants.

\-----

_The school year moves forward, and Anne is still unsure of what she thinks of Gilbert Blythe. She’s happy he’s there, don’t get her wrong; after all, she loves a little competition, and Gilbert is almost on-par with her own skill (if she does say so herself), but she struggles to feel him out. All she really knows about him is that he’s willing to stand up to bullies, but really, that just makes him a decent human being._

_Billy stops messing with Anne for the most part, especially when Gilbert is around; although, Anne isn’t so sure she likes that. She doesn’t want to be his damsel in distress, and she’d hate for him to start seeing himself as her hero. She isn’t in need of saving; yes, she is thankful for his help, but Anne can manage on her own._

_Anne worries that it’ll all go his head, anyway, if she lets him start lingering around her as if he’s her guardian. He already seems somewhat arrogant and cocky; to Anne, the idea of him possibly getting any worse sounds awful._

_Still despite all that, Anne does her best to make sure she’s friendly to him, in a “gracious competitors” sort of way. She compliments him when he does anything exceedingly well, knowing that he’ll do the same. If anything, he compliments her more than she deserves, and there have been a good few moments when she’s looked over at him and found him watching her. Those are the moments that cause her to shoot him a terse look in response. Why did boys have to be so weird?_

_She knows what Cole will say: he’ll joke that Gilbert has a crush on her, and that he isn’t ever going to act on it because Anne “has a girlfriend and is gay” and Anne will then of course have to correct Cole that she’s bi, which will only make Cole say, “But he doesn’t know that.”_

_Anne sighs, copying her vocab words onto flashcards. There isn’t any time to worry about random boys having crushes on her. Crush or not, Anne is going to beat him at everything, fair and square._

\-----

Anne pulled into her parking spot, feeling exhausted. She’d stayed after school for an extra two hours to work on the rest of the week’s lessons plans. She still had no idea what style of project she was going to make her class do for _The Outsiders_ , but she did know that she wanted it to be an opportunity for them to express themselves. Anne turned off the car and sat for a moment, considering. She smiled. _Maybe I’ll give them a bunch of ideas to choose from. Get those creative juices flowing._

She left her car and made her way towards her apartment, feeling much better than how she did the night before. Dr. Davis hadn’t tried to talk to her, so clearly she wasn’t too late this morning to catch anyone’s attention. She supposed that meant that Dr. Davis wasn’t too worried about her either. Anne sighed happily, entering her house key into the lock. She felt relieved, better than she had felt in weeks. Maybe, just maybe, things were going to start getting better.

Anne opened the door and was immediately stopped by the sound of Cole sobbing. _Holy shit, first me, now him?_ Anne thought as she shut the door and entered the room. _What gives?_

His cries muted through his bedroom door, Anne glanced at Diana, who was sitting at the kitchen table and calculating something. Cole’s cries seemed much angrier than hers had, and Anne decided, upon taking in the situation before her, that it would be better if she remained quiet and didn’t try to bother him.

Instead, she sat down next to Diana. “Did he have a hard day?” Anne whispered.

Diana glanced up at Anne, her lips pressed together in a firm line. “Anne… things may be… tight for a while.”

Anne blinked, glancing between Diana and Cole’s shut door. “What? I don’t understand, what happened?”

Diana leaned forward, and what she said nearly took Anne’s breath away. “Cole lost his job. He was fired.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm moving into my dorm this week, so this might be the last update for a week or so; small hiatus, but I promise I'm not done with this- I have three chapters loaded up so far that still need some editing and writing, but they will be posted over the next few weeks! After that, who knows: I have a feeling this is going to be a long fic. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! I am so, so grateful for everyone who's left a comment and kudos; thank you so, so much for enjoying this.


	4. Chapter 4

Anne sat frozen, processing the words Diana had just spoken, her heart plummeting. Anne swallowed hard, then leaned in closer.

“Fired?” Anne asked, her voice a soft hiss, mouth agape. “What the hell did he do to get himself fired?”

Diana shook her head, rubbing rhythmic circles into her forehead with two fingers. “I’ll let him tell you that. I really can’t say who’s to blame for this one. For now, we…,” Diana sighed, frowning solemnly. “We need to worry about how we’re going to pay for anything, if he doesn’t have a job.”

Anne frowned. “Do we really need to be worrying about that yet? We have enough saved up for about three or four months, for emergencies, and-”

“-And what if Cole doesn’t get hired by then, Anne? What then?” Diana crossed her arms over her chest. She inhaled and exhaled twice, both times heavily, then gathered herself, setting her face in a grim expression. “We should prepare for the worst.”

Anne dropped her face into her hands, rubbing her eyes roughly before collapsing back in her chair, her gaze flat. “It’s just one-after-another issues with us, huh? Can’t we go one week where things manage to not fall apart completely?”

Diana sighed, shaking her head. “I suppose this is what it’s like to be in your twenties.”

Anne sat for a moment in silence. How long could they go without Cole working? It wasn’t that their cost of living was that expensive, but gas prices were high and the three of them all had student loans to pay off. Diana’s internship, while paid, wasn’t much, and Anne knew Diana wouldn’t ask her parents for money until it was absolutely necessary. Somehow, Anne was the one making the most, but it still wasn’t quite enough to cover everything with one person not working.

Anne leaned forward, looking at the papers Diana had spread out all over the table. “Is this our budget you’re putting together?”

Diana nodded. “I’ve been working on this for about an hour now since he came home. Like I said, we’ll be fine for three or so months but…,” Diana sighed. “We should consider other options just in case.”

“Such as?”

Diana hesitated. “Sell some things. I’m sure we all have something that we meant to get rid of years ago that could pad our pockets a little more.”

Anne gnawed her lip in thought. Diana was right; the three of them had lived together for five or so years now, and the clutter had certainly built up. They had more mugs and cups than they needed, and Diana certainly had too much clothes shoved into her closet. Anne supposed those things could be sold to a consignment shop; not that that would bring them a lot of money, but it was something.

“This is going to take a lot of thought,” Anne finally replied. “You know, to figure this all out.”

Diana nodded, her head resting in her hands, elbows propped up against the table. “Yeah. Let me know if you have any ideas.”

They sat in silence for a few more minutes before Anne finally stood and made her way into their kitchen. Cole’s door was still shut, and as much as Anne wished that he’d come out and talk to them, she knew she wouldn’t be able to force him to. Instead, she pulled out their pot roast leftovers from the other night and began to heat them up.

As she prepared their dinner via the microwave, Anne leaned on the counter, facing Diana. “My first period class noticed I’d worn my pants two days in a row, by the way.”

Diana looked up at her from her papers, a look of surprise on her expression. “Really? Man, they’re observant.” Diana paused, looking at the pants in question. “Although, those are pretty memorable. You should only wear black dress pants from now on; then, people will never be able to tell.”

Anne rolled her eyes. “That’s not at all the sort of response I thought I’d get from someone so into fashion and design.”

Diana smiled, chuckling to herself. “For you, Anne, it just needs to be practical.”

God, Diana really did know her well. The microwave beeped and Anne removed the container, placing it on the counter before pulling out three plates. From behind her, she heard a door unlock and open. Anne turned around slowly.

Cole’s face was red and puffy, the tell-tale sign of a heavy cry, and he kept his gaze averted from Anne and Diana’s. He sat down at the table, staring down at his lap. “I can’t believe they fucking fired me.”

Diana reached over and gently placed a hand on Cole’s arm. “Tell Anne what happened.”

Cole huffed. “Supposedly, the rush season is over and so they’re laying a whole bunch of people off, but…I was the only person fired today.”

Anne frowned. “So...what, you think it might be discrimination? Because you’re gay?”

Cole shrugged. “Maybe. Possibly. I know I’ve gotten a few comments about it by customers over the past few months. Maybe they just…,” Cole paused, shutting his eyes tight. “I don’t know. There’s other stuff that’s a part of it. I wasn’t the best waiter, and by the end of my shifts, I’d have a bad attitude and wouldn’t put up with any weird comments or bitchy customers. I guess I just pissed a few too many people off.”

Anne turned and began plating food while Diana spoke. “You hadn’t been working there that long, only a few months; maybe it’s just because you’re fairly new.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. There are two people working there who just got hired on a month ago, and to my knowledge, they haven’t been fired yet.”

Anne carried the plates to the table, handing Cole his and Diana’s as Diana did her best to clear the papers away so that they would have room to eat. Anne walked back and grabbed them all a fork before pulling a chair out and sitting down. “Whatever the reason, we need to keep our heads up. We’ll figure out what to do, Cole, don’t worry. We always do.”

Cole said nothing, instead beginning to eat in silence. Anne and Diana followed suit, not feeling inclined to make conversation anymore.

\-----

Anne strolled through her school’s halls during lunch, walking as she ate an apple. She needed to think, and she thought best when she was walking, the act of moving helping her sort through her thoughts and keeping her away from any distractions.

What were they going to do about Cole? Anne sighed; and here she thought she was having problems with her job. Any fear she had about losing her own job flew out the window the moment she entered their apartment and heard that Cole had lost his.

Anne took a bite of her apple, frowning. Now she felt insensitive with how upset she had been the night before. She shouldn’t have let it get to her as much as it had. Anne sighed, staring down at the tile alongside a row of lockers. _God, I feel like such an idiot. Why do I have to blow everything out of proportion_?

She finished the apple and dropped it in a nearby trash can. _I’m sure things will work out. They have to. We’ll just make sure we eat out less and pay more attention to our spending. It’s not like we’re completely screwed, after all-_

“Ms. Anne Shirley!”

A voice caught Anne off guard and she froze. She knew that voice. Why did she know that voice? It only took a moment for her to figure it out, and her eyes confirmed it. “Oh no.”

Before her, and approaching fast, was Jerry Baynard.

He grinned a huge grin at her and laughed while Anne gaped at him in shock. She stared at him. “Jerry? What- what the hell are you doing here? I mean, seriously: I haven’t seen you in six years, how are you here, where I’m teaching?” Anne regarded him for a moment, then narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Are you following me?”

Jerry snorted. “Following you? Please.” He smiled that same sickening, teasing grin at her that he would do when they were teens. “You haven’t heard? I’m interning here, learning to teach and stuff.”

Anne raised an eyebrow. “You? Teaching?”

He shrugged. “Well, it’s French. Not too big of a stretch for me, you know? Especially if I’m just teaching beginner French; really, that’s just preschool stuff. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Anne stared at him for a moment, just taking him in. He’d grown a bit taller since she’d last seen him, and had aged from an awkward teen into a slightly-less awkward adult. Anne would guess Jerry was over six feet tall, by how much he was towering over her. She missed the days when they were the same height, giving her some dignity.

Anne scoffed then laughed. “I can’t believe I’m going to be stuck working with you for a year.”

He grinned. “Who knows; maybe I’ll get hired on and you’ll get to deal with me even more.”

Anne scrunched up her face in faux-disgust. “No thank you.”

“I suppose some things can’t change, huh?” Jerry replied with a shrugged. “Anyway, how have you been? How’s Ms. Cuthbert doing?”

“She’s well. I should give her a call, actually, it’s been a while. As for me…,” Anne trailed off, thinking. How was she? “I’ve been better. One of my roommates lost their job, so there’s that but...things’ll be fine.”

Jerry nodded, finally dropping that teasing grin. It felt odd to see Jerry like this, acting seriously. He stuck his hands in his pockets, leaning against the lockers, his bangs momentarily falling over his eyes before he flipped his hair back into place with a quick swish of his head. “Well, hope that all works out. Uh, let me know if things ever get desperate, alright?”

Anne raised an eyebrow, his response surprising her. “Yeah, sure. I guess same to you?”

He nodded, then glanced at his watch. “I should get going. Hope things go well and that you don’t screw this job up too much,” he added with a smile. “ _Au revoir_.”

He turned and made his way back down the hall, and Anne watched him for a moment, still frozen on the spot from their interaction. She couldn’t believe it. How the hell were she and Jerry working at the same school?

Anne finally turned and made her way back towards her own classroom, several rooms away. She supposed it wasn’t too shocking; after all, the school was only thirty or so minutes from their hometown. Anne sighed, shaking her head to herself. _Jerry teaching. I really have seen it all._

The day continued normally; that is to say, Anne was falling into a routine with her teaching and had more of an understanding about what she was doing. Besides Jerry showing up, there was nothing of note to occur in her classroom; they refrained from asking her about her clothes and behaved fairly well. Despite the issues Cole was having and her worries about how that would affect them, Anne found that she actually felt good.

It was nice to feel good again.

\-----

Friday evening, Anne, Diana, and Cole sat at the table and considered their options. Diana had already gone through her closet the night before; she’d gotten home from her internship and sorted through everything, coming up with twelve different dresses that she was more than happy parting with. Anne, meanwhile, wondered how the hell Diana had that much clothing that she could easily part with twelve dresses. She and Cole were having a much harder time with finding things to get rid of.

Cole sat bent over at the table, his arms crossed with his head resting over them. “Maybe I should go back to school,” he muttered into his arms.

Anne stared at him from her own seat, dressed in an old shirt and a pair of sweatpants she’d changed into the moment she’d gotten home. “And do what? You’re an art major; what would you go back to school for?”

He lifted his head up slowly. “Teaching. I could teach art.”

Diana and Anne shared a quick, sharp look. Anne spoke fast. “Nope. No way. You should definitely not be teaching.”

He frowned. “It would be secure, at least. Make some money. I’d still be using my major, and doing art, and-”

“And you’d hate it, Cole,” Diana replied. “Seriously, it’s not the career for you.”

Anne nodded. “You’d be making money, but...we know you, Cole. Eventually it would just start feeling like you were giving up your dreams and taking the easy way out. You don’t want to be the teacher whose only teaching because all else failed. Seriously, those are the worst teachers.”

Cole sighed, then nodded. “Alright then: what should I do?”

No one said anything for a moment, because no one had an answer yet. Diana stood and walked over to the kitchen, opening up the fridge and pulling out a carton of orange juice. She poured all of them a glass before handing them out. Anne took a slow sip before speaking. “Commissions. What about commissions?”

Cole frowned. “I haven’t done those since high school, since I was trying to make some extra spending money. Besides, some of those requests are awful.”

“It’s something, isn’t it?” Anne replied. “Beggars can’t be choosers, or whatever. Besides, you can turn people down. And- And you’ve had practice over the past few years. You’ve gotten better. And do you know what that means?”

Cole rolled his eyes, then shook his head. “No, Anne, what does it mean?”

“It means that you can charge more, because your art is worth more.” Anne smiled, crossing her arms proudly. “Besides that, you can still try and sell your other pieces. Just an idea.”

“I mean,” Diana added. “It’s as good of an idea as any. What else do we possibly have to sell?”

As if all at once, their gazes turned to look at Anne’s wall of books. As Anne stared at her books, her feelings of uselessness dwindled; she finally had a way of helping.

Meanwhile, Cole and Diana were shaking their heads vigorously. “No Anne, no,” Diana began. “We’re not going to make you sell some of your books.”

Cole swallowed down a bite of food before speaking. “You’ve been collecting them your entire life, Anne. You love your books, we shouldn’t have even considered it.”

Cole finished his sentence firmly, but Anne had already made up her mind. “No, it’s fine! Besides, I didn’t really like some of those books; I’m happy to get rid of at least a few of these.”

They still seemed skeptical, so Anne continued. “Come on, guys; we agreed that this would be a group effort, so therefore, it’s going to be. Diana is going to sell some of her old clothing that she hates, and I’ll sell some of my books. It’s only fair!”

Silently, Cole and Diana shared a look, as if conversing through gaze. Finally, Diana shrugged. “Fine, it’s your decision. Where are you going to sell your books anyway? I don’t even think we have a bookstore nearby, nevertheless one that buys used books.”

Right. Actually having a place to sell her books was important. “I’m willing to drive up to an hour to find one,” Anne replied. “Though after that, it’s just a waste of gas money.”

Anne looked over at Diana and found that she already had her phone out, looking it up. After a moment, Diana smiled. “Ah hah! Thirty five minutes away, in our home town! What are the chances?”

Anne paused. Since when was there a bookstore in their hometown? It must be new, that’s the only explanation. “Speaking of our hometown,” Anne replied, suddenly perky. “You two will never guess who I saw today.”

They both looked at her, intrigued. “Who?” Diana asked.

“Jerry.”

The two stared at Anne is surprise. “Seriously?” Cole asked. “Where did you even run into him? What, were you guys just shopping for groceries at the same time?”

“He’s teaching French, or at least, he plans to,” Anne replied, soliciting a loud laugh from Diana.

“Oh my God, I never would have guessed that. Isn’t that basically just phoning it in?”

Anne chuckled. “Well, if he’s phoning it in, so am I; I mean, writing and reading is practically second nature to me. Besides, choosing your career because you’re good at something isn’t too bad of a career choice.”

Cole downed his glass of orange juice, smiling. “Well, here’s hoping you survive this year being coworkers with one of the biggest nuisances from your childhood.”

Anne rolled her eyes, standing to take her glass to the sink. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. He actually seems- well, alright, not that much better than when we were teens, but he’s grown into his attitude.”

She rinsed her cup out before placing it in the sink, then made her way to her bookcase. This was going to be no easy feat. Even having an idea as to which books she’d be selling, it would definitely take a while for her to grab them and sort everything. Anne sighed. She really did hate parting with any of them, even the ones she hadn’t enjoyed reading.

Anne turned back to Diana, changing the subject. “Was there a bookstore there when we were in high school? I don’t remember it.”

Diana shook her head, pulling out her phone. “I think it’s fairly new. I don’t remember it either, and we would have spent half our lives there if it had been in place when we were teens.” Diana paused for a moment and scrolled on her phone then nodded. “Just as I thought, they only just opened up last year. Here, I’ll text you the address. When are you thinking of going?”

“Probably tomorrow morning. I know you’ll be working, Diana; Cole, do you want to come with me?”

He sighed, then shook his head. “No, I’m going to spend the weekend searching online for work. Unless you need me-”

“No, I can handle it,” Anne replied. “I’ll just bring the dolly we used when we moved in to this apartment to help carry my books.”

Diana frowned. “You think you’re going to get rid of that many? Anne….”

“Di, it’s a group effort,” Anne said again. “Let me do this.”

No one said anything, and Anne took that to mean the conversation was done. She turned back to her books, eyes scanning shelf after shelf. With a sigh, Anne went into their hall closet and pulled out an old box. She was going to need a lot of these.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for Caroline, who pressured me to put Jerry into this fic, gun to my head. This was updated later than I planned; long story, but my laptop is fried and I had to replace it. Sorry for that! Please leave kudos and reviews! I'm excited to see what people think! Thank you for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

The house sat on a fairly large piece of land, formerly used for farming and agriculture, back when the residents of the household did so as their source of income. The land was now unused, the fences old and dilapidated, the grasses overgrown where vegetables once grew. Most of the property was like this, the backyard just as open and lacking in anything, besides the occasional tree and a large shed. Alongside the house was a small creek; once, years ago, it had not been there, but over recent years, with deforestation and rainy seasons, it had become a staple of the property.

The house itself was of good size, especially considering it was only home to two people, a young man in his mid-twenties in medical school and a man in his thirties, who was the equivalent of a godfather to the younger man. Their relationship was strange to an outside eye, but the arrangement fit the two of them well.

At the moment, the young man, named Gilbert Blythe, sat as he usually did when he was studying, at his dining room table with his books splayed out in front of him. His test wasn’t for another week, but between work and then the other assignments due, he knew that if he didn’t get a head start on studying, he’d find himself failing. He didn’t want to be known for dropping out of med school, and in a small town like his, Gilbert was sure it would follow him for the rest of his life.

Sebastian, of course, found his fears of dropping out to be quite humorous. He was always reminding him that he was a fantastic student, had been for as long as Sebastian had known him. Gilbert knew he was right, but that didn’t stop him from feeling worried. He needed to make his father proud.

It was coming on eight years since his father’s passing. Gilbert spent a lot of time wondering what his father would think of him now, of how much he had changed. He wasn’t the same person he had been in high school, in many ways. He had grown taller, his hair had calmed down some and was no long as wild as it had been. He was a little quieter than he’d been in high school, which seemed nearly impossible, but he was just as ambitious and motivated as he had been. Most of the ways he had changed were for the better, and he hoped that, wherever his father was in the universe, that he could see those changes and was proud.

Gilbert blinked, realizing that he’d been staring down at the same sentence for five minutes. “Damn,” he muttered, shutting the book before leaning back in his chair. He’d been struggling all morning, and he had no idea why.

Gilbert stood, looking out the window; the sky was a gray murky color, and it was the type of weather that made someone never want to leave their house. He had lived in this house his entire life, besides a few years when his dad requested they travel when he’d gotten sick. It was only after his dad died that Gilbert stayed rooted in his home. Sebastian had been a family friend, the equivalent of a godfather, and so after his dad’s death, Sebastian had moved in. Gilbert didn’t mind; it was nice to have some company, and over the years he and Sebastian had gotten close. Perhaps some would find it weird that a man that had fifteen-some years on him was his closest friend, but Gilbert had long since grown used to it.

Gilbert was startled back into place by the door opening, and in walked Sebastian, grinning from ear-to-ear. He beamed at Gilbert. “I saw the prettiest woman at the diner today.”

Gilbert shook his head to himself, chuckling. “You keep finding the “prettiest woman,” Bash. They can’t _all_ be the prettiest woman.”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, no, I mean it this time. She was absolutely beautiful, Blythe, you shoulda seen her.” He searched around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out a slip of paper, waving it in Gilbert’s direction. “See, I got her number.”

With a scoff, Gilbert stepped forward and snatched it, giving it a look. “Please tell me you didn’t ask her for her number while she was working.”

Sebastian raised a hand to his chest. “I’m offended you’d even think that. Of course I didn’t, she gave the number to me.”

Gilbert gaped at him. “She just handed you her number while she was working?”

Sebastian nodded, grinning once more. “I’m quite the charmer.”

Rolling his eyes, Gilbert handed the slip of paper back to Sebastian, shaking his head. “Really, Bash, just how do you manage to seduce so many women so easily?” Gilbert teased.

Sebastian pulled out a chair, sitting down. “Look, I know you’re joking, but I’m choosing to take it seriously. To answer your question, women love an accent. There’s a good tip for ya to keep in mind, since you’re struggling so much to get yourself a woman of your own.”

“Okay…,” Gilbert replied slowly. “But how exactly is that going to help me?”

Sebastian paused and thought for a moment, then laughed. “It’s not!”

Gilbert turned, waving him away. “You’re absolutely no help with anything.” Gilbert opened up the fridge and removed sandwich fixings. He waited until he had gathered everything before speaking again. “What’s her name, anyway?”

Once again, Sebastian grinned. Inwardly, Gilbert snorted; Sebastian was definitely smitten. “Mary. She looks like one, too. It’s very fitting.”

Gilbert grabbed his lunch box from on top of his fridge and started putting his lunch away. Sebastian would never admit it out loud, but he was a romantic at heart, and Gilbert could see it, plain as day.

Gilbert liked to think he himself wasn’t that much of a romantic, but that was just a thinly veiled excuse for his horrendous dating life. His most recent excuse for his lack of girlfriend was that he was just too busy, studying for exams and learning anatomy, but at the end of the day it was because he’d yet to truly find someone in school that interested him. He assumed it was the area; he hoped, at least, that upon graduating, he’d move somewhere with different types of people, ones that fit him better. Served him right for choosing a smaller med school.

However, Gilbert knew that he did like romantic things, and he knew that were he ever allowed the opportunity to take a girl out on a nice date, he’d be creative. He hoped that eventually, when he did finally meet a girl that was perfect for him, that he’d be able to make her feel appreciated and properly loved. He’d known far too many men who didn’t seem to understand how to properly respect their girlfriends, and he really didn’t want to become one of them.

His lunch packed, Gilbert felt his pockets to double check his wallet, phone, and keys were there, then turned to Sebastian. “I’m going in to work. Are you closing tonight, or do I need to?”

Sebastian glanced at his watch, then shook his head. “No, leave at your normal time. I’ll come in around 8 pm; I’ll have to check the calendar, but I think I agreed to host an event tonight, anyway,” he added with a frown.

“You really need a better system for remembering the stuff you schedule. Or, at the very least, you should try using your phone’s calendar for once.”

Sebastian waved him off. “Uh huh, just go to work, or else I’ll dock you for being late.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes, then headed out the door. He was thankful for Sebastian for letting him work part time at his store to help pay off loans, but there were days when he wondered if it was really worth it to have his roommate as his boss.

Gilbert opened up his car door and climbed in, checking to make sure his school bag was in the back seat so that he could work a little while manning the store. If he was lucky, it wouldn’t be terribly busy and he could run through his flashcards a few times. That’s all Gilbert wanted tonight: a slow, run-of-the-mill evening. Hopefully, that’s what he would get.

\-----

By the time Anne had finished sorting through her books, she had filled four crates worth of novels and old textbooks. Anne had completely forgotten about the textbooks; they were one of those things that she had needed for years, and it was only recently that they were no longer necessary.

She tried to make sure most of the books she grabbed from her shelves were newer, in good quality. She figured they’d sell better that way, anyway. As she placed copies of her favorite novels into the crates, she tried not to get too emotional; after all, everything could be replaced in good time.

Cole sat besides her, straightening up how the books were placed into the crates so that they fit better. “I hope this isn’t going to be too much of a hassle for you. I know I can’t convince you not to sell any of these, but can I at least ask that you don’t sell any that are meaningful to you?”

Anne shook her head. “Cole, it’s fine. Look,” Anne held up a pencil and a sheet of paper. “I’m making a list of the books I’m getting rid of, specifically the ones that I’m going to want another copy of eventually. I’m fine selling them now, as long as I get them back someday.”

Cole took the list from her and scanned it, his eyebrows scrunching together before he looked back at her, confused. “What are the prices written next to the titles?”

Anne looked up at him from her book pile. “I went on a bunch of different used book sites and found the average price for a used copy of the book. I’m going to make sure that whatever these sell for is at least ¾’s of the average I found.”

Cole blinked, then smiled. “Wow, it’s going to be hard for them to say no to you.”

“Yeah, well, you know me. I won’t back down without a fight.”

Anne stood then, taking a step back before looking over the books before her. There were, of course, other books she’d manage to part with if they needed to, but for now, fifty-some books were all she could spare from her collection.

She gestured to one of the crates in front of her. “Will you help me load the car?”

It took three trips to get all of the books into the car. Anne was just thankful that they were carrying the books downstairs and not up. They packed the car, and afterwards they leaned against it, trying to cool off and catch their breaths.

“With all the average prices, how much do you think total this’ll add up to?” Cole asked, deep breaths in between every few words.

Anne shrugged. “At least two hundred dollars, I’d say. Although, who knows; this place may not be able to handle handing me that much cash in one go- I mean, I don’t want to bankrupt a local business.”

Cole nodded. “A newer store may not have the ability to handle that.”

Anne sighed, wiping sweat off her forehead before running her hand through her hair. “Since it’s pretty close to our hometown, I was considering visiting. Maybe I’ll go and see Marilla, if she’s around. We haven’t talked in a little while.”

“Why haven’t you?” Cole asked, his gaze turning to her.

Anne shrugged. “I’ve been busy, I guess.”

But that wasn’t really it, not truthfully. These past few months, Anne had been terrified of failure; first with her finals, then graduating everything, then applying to schools and praying somewhere would hire her. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to admit it out loud, but she desperately wanted to prove herself to Marilla, that she was capable of success. She was just…. Anne sighed, casting her gaze down at the asphalt. _I just don’t want to have to admit to her that I’m struggling._

Anne looked back up at Cole. “Have you talked to your family recently? About losing your job?”

Cole scoffed, but Anne could see the pain in his expression. “I haven’t spoken to them in two years. I’m not going to call them up over getting fired. It’s not worth it.” There was a pause for a moment, then Cole sighed. “If I have to- if I genuinely need the help, I’ll call them.”

Anne nodded. They fell silent for a moment with nothing else to say. Anne reached over to the driver’s side door and opened it, about to step in when Cole spoke. “You should call her. Maybe visit her, just catch up.”

Anne hesitated. “I know, I’m just-”

“You’re scared, Anne, and for no good reason. I know you; you’re anxious, and you think Marilla will be disappointed. She’s not, Anne.” Cole reached out, grabbing her arm and giving it a gentle squeeze. “You’re doing so much better than you think, and I think you’re scared to accept that. Talk to her.”

Anne swallowed, throat thick; her gaze locked with Cole’s before she nodded, pulling her arm away. “I’ll…I’ll try. Thanks, Cole.”

He nodded, taking a step away. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said, then smiled. “Try and make some money.”

With a roll of her eyes, Anne snorted. “Yeah, we’ll be rolling in cash by tomorrow evening.”

She climbed into her car, waving goodbye before shutting the door. She watched Cole leave the parking lot in her rearview mirror before turning her car on. She opened up her GPS app and plugged in the address; when Diana had forwarded her the address, Anne had looked up the store on Google. Second-Hand Books, it was called, settled between a sandwich shop and a corner store. Anne had found the name disappointing and entirely uncreative. What’s the point of opening a bookstore, one of the coolest possible places you could open, only to give it such a common name?

Not that Anne had a better name for it at the moment, though she was sure she’d be able to come up with something. Perhaps if she came up with something, they’d take her advice and rename the store. Anne chuckled at the thought; in what world would a store let a complete stranger rename it for them?

Anne turned onto the main road and switched on the radio, her mood shifting for the better as she blasted pop music. She was going to fight back against her usual anxiety and not let it control her life; she was going to sell these books, then talk to Marilla and catch up, like she should have done months ago. Today was going to be a good day; she just had to believe it.

\-----

Anne tried her best to find a parking spot close to the store but it was tricky, it being a Saturday. She was thankful for the dolly they’d moved into her car the night before, in case of this happening.

It was a nice little shopping strip, and from what she saw when she drove past, it looked like a well-sized location. She had high hopes that it would therefore have a lot of books inside.

Grabbing her purse, Anne climbed out of her car once she was parked and popped the trunk, pulling out the dolly before stacking the crates of books over it. She realized, shoulders sagging, that it would only hold three at a time, tops. _Shit. I’ll have to make two trips._

She closed the trunk and carefully walked the books towards the store, occasionally pausing to fix the stack so nothing would fall. Anne knew she had to look absolutely clueless, and hoped that no one was watching her struggle to move thirty pounds of books across a parking lot.

Anne was just thankful that it was a push door rather than a pull. She backed into the bookstore, instantly surrounded by the smell of old books. Anne paused for a moment and stood in the smell, inhaling it. She turned her head around slowly, looking all over the store.

It was a pretty cozy location; on the left hand part of the room was a stage of sorts, for events and shows, Anne assumed. The rest of the room was just row after row of shelves. In front of her was a walkway to the front desk, which, at the moment, appeared empty. Anne moved forward, dragging the dolly behind her.

She reached the desk, dumping the contents of the dolly into a messy stack in front of it. She looked around for a moment; there didn’t seem to be a specific area for dropping off books, and she still hadn’t seen anyone at the desk. Anne frowned; maybe this place wouldn’t be able to handle her selling her books here.

Anne readjusted her crates to make sure they wouldn’t topple forward, swiveling her head around as she did so. It was a cute little spot, and if Anne lived closer, she was sure it was the sort of place she’d visit constantly. Hell, if she had known this place existed before she was teaching, she would have tried to work here rather than the five years of waitressing she did. Anne shuddered at the memory. Nothing made her appreciate her current job more than reflecting on all the shit she went through working in the restaurant industry.

And besides that, Anne was sure that if she were working here, she’d at least be at the front desk when a customer arrived. “Wow,” Anne said, then chuckled, feeling exasperated. Shouldn’t someone be working the desk? Isn’t that how stores worked?

Anne stood on her tiptoes and peeked over the desk, around the corner. She didn’t see anyone, let alone hear anything. Maybe they were busy. It was possible that only one person was working; maybe they were stocking things in the back.

Anne glanced down at the desk before her. Before her, spread out on the counter, was a pile of flashcards and textbooks, open and spread out messily. Someone’s studying hard, Anne thought at she scanned the desk. At least now she knew someone was actually there.

With a sigh, Anne opened her purse and pulled out a pen and an old receipt. She needed to get everything else from the car, and she didn’t want to just leave her books unmarked; it would be practically asking for her books to be taken in as a donation. Scribbling her name down, Anne capped her pen and placed the slip of paper down on the highest crate, then left the store, dolly in tow.

Outside, they sky was growing dark, the air feeling heavier and colder, its scent sweeter than usual. It was the making of a storm for sure, and Anne hoped that she’d be able to get the transaction finished before the weather got too bad. Moving quickly, Anne popped her trunk and loaded the last crates onto her dolly, already feeling light droplets fall as she moved back towards the store.

“Hello?” Anne called out as she entered, reaching the desk and dumping the rest of the crates as well. “Are you guys open?”

Anne waited for a moment. Still no response. With a sigh, Anne decided to check the store out. She refused to leave now, especially after the amount of effort it took to bring her books into the store. The sign said they were open, and she was going to treat it as such.

She was strolling down her fifth aisle when she heard scrambling footsteps near, a voice following. “I am so, so sorry! I was in the restroom, and then I got a call from someone….”

Anne stopped in her tracks. That voice sounded... familiar. And yet, she couldn’t quite place it. She turned towards the main area, hearing the footsteps draw near. “Anyway, my apologies. How can I help y-”

And now they were facing each other, eyes locked, mouths agape in surprise. Anne quickly took the man in, unable to quite trust her eyes. She swallowed hard, at a loss for words.

“Gilbert?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY! I hope y'all are as excited for what's coming as I am writing it! Please leave a review and let me know how you're feeling!


	6. Chapter 6

The bookstore was silent for a moment as Gilbert stared back at her, mouth agape. Anne’s gaze was frozen on him, taking in how much he’d grown, how different his hair was styled, how his face had changed. Unbeknownst to her, he was doing the same, noticing that her hair had shifted into a lighter orange, that it looked pretty in the shop’s lighting. He only stopped staring when he dropped the fork he held in his hand.

Quickly, he stooped down to pick it up, chuckling sheepishly. “I, um, certainly didn’t expect to ever see you here. Anne, it’s- it’s good to see you.”

What Anne wanted to say and knew would be more fitting to say was, “It’s good to see you, too! How have you been? What have you been doing these past few years, we should really catch up!”

What Anne actually said was: “You know, a customer won’t be inclined to buy books if no one is at the desk.”

Gilbert said nothing for a moment, blinking in surprise, then smiled. “I’ll take that into consideration. Shall I let management know?”

Any twinge of annoyance that was remaining faded away, and Anne found herself smiling too. She shook her head to herself, laughing softly. “God, it’s been a while. Have you been working here this entire time?”

He shook his head. “No, my friend Bash- you remember him, my godfather?- he owns the shop, and I work here occasionally to make some money. I’ve got a lot of loans to pay off, and this helps. A little.”

Anne glanced back in the direction of the desk, remembering the flashcards spread out. She looked back to Gilbert, smiling wide. “Oh good, you’re becoming a doctor! Glad to see you followed through with it.”

He nodded, then gestured to the fork in his hand, as if to say that he wished to put it away. He made his way towards the desk, placing it to the side of his notes before his gaze dropped to Anne’s stack of books. He glanced at her, then looked back down at the books. “Are these _all_ yours?”

He looked up at her in amazement, and Anne’s chest swelled with pride. “Only like a fifth of my collection. We needed the money, so I decided I’d sell some of my books.”

Gilbert looked impressed. His gaze raised to Anne’s, his eyes sparkling. “You really haven’t changed one bit, have you?”

Anne wasn’t so sure that she liked that question. “Have you?” she retorted.

Gilbert shrugged, smiling. “Probably not. I’ve just sticking to my studies and focused on passing.”

Neither of them said anything for a moment; Gilbert picked up one of the books, thinking, then looked back up at Anne. “You’re selling your books because you’re tight on money, you said?”

Anne shrugged. “Less me, more my roommate. He lost his job, and we wanted to make sure we had the extra cash as a buffer, in case he can’t find work for a while. I’m just doing my part by selling a portion of my library.”

Gilbert nodded, placing the book back down on top of the stack. “Ah, alright. It didn’t seem right, you just selling your books. In high school, at least, it would have been unheard for you to just give them up. Although,” Gilbert shrugged with a small smile. “I guess I don’t exactly know you quite well enough to make that statement.”

“No, you’re pretty spot on,” Anne admitted, surprised at how right he was. Her collection hadn’t been that big when she was a teen, but her feelings towards her books had been the same then as they were now.

Gilbert stepped back for a moment, really taking in her stacks. “Jesus,” he murmured, glancing up at her. “Your library must be huge.”

Anne shrugged. “I pride myself on my book collection. It’s in the hundreds, even with these that I want to donate.” Anne paused, a momentary feeling of sadness at the idea of having to donate such a large portion of her books. “It’s weird, but it feels...bittersweet, to have sell my books.”

Anne could feel Gilbert’s gaze on her. “Yeah?”

Anne nodded. “Each book just feels like an old friend. I have so many memories with each one, and some of them were so important to me at specific parts of my life…,” Anne lifted her head and caught Gilbert’s eye, then snorted at herself. “God, that’s so dumb. I don’t know why I said that, it’s so weird.”

To Anne’s surprise, Gilbert shook his head, his expression completely serious. “No, I completely understand, actually.”

Anne locked eyes with him, finding herself at a lack for words. He smiled then, his eyes crinkling at the corners, gaze soft, familiar. It’s a look she had forgotten about, one she hadn’t seen directed at her in years. Realizing her throat felt thick, Anne dropped her gaze.

“Anyway, I need to sell these. I don’t want to worry about eviction in the near future.”

Gilbert nodded, moving around the counter to his spot behind the desk. He began to clear away his mess. “Yeah, that’s understandable. Where are you living, anyway? I didn’t know you were back in town.”

Anne shook her head. “I’m actually not; this just happened to be the nearest store that bought used books, and so…,” Anne gestured broadly. “Here I am.”

Gilbert gestured for a crate of books, and Anne handed it over to him before continuing. “You said your godfather owns the store; how is he? Are you still living with him?”

Gilbert nodded, chuckling to himself. “Oh, he’s doing fantastically. Yeah, I’m still living with him; it’s so much cheaper that way, even though I feel like I never left home. Are you living in a house, or…?”

Anne shook her head. “Apartment. With Diana and Cole, actually.”

Gilbert looked up, seeming surprised. “Oh, really? You guys are still all hanging out together?” Gilbert looked clearly impressed. “Wow, not everyone who went to high school together stays close friends- Oh, unless you and Diana are dating again?”

The question was cautious, as if he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. Anne shook her head, snorting. “Oh, no. We’re just still really close friends.”

Gilbert nodded, appearing somewhat sheepish. “Ah, right. I shouldn’t have just assumed…,” Gilbert paused, casting his gaze downward. “I’m going to go ahead and flip through these books and find out how much I owe you. Feel free to explore the store while I do it.”

Anne turned away from the desk, walking a few feet before smiling faintly back at him, “It would probably be a bad idea for me to buy anything though, wouldn’t it?”

Gilbert returned her smile. “Probably, it wouldn’t be the smartest decision.”

Anne pursed her lips, trying to hide how humorous she found this conversation. He really wasn’t doing his job well. “Man, who let you to work here...isn’t it your job to, you know, try and sell me stuff?”

Gilbert kept his gaze on the books he was flipping through, but Anne could make out a faint smirk. “I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Anne strolled through the shelves for a few minutes; it wasn’t the same, knowing she wouldn’t be able to get anything. Besides that, she found herself strangely distracted. What was her luck, running into Gilbert Blythe in a bookstore of all places? Anne snorted. _It’s not that much of a stretch, I suppose. I just thought he would have done anything in his power to leave this town._

Anne glanced outside the door upon passing it, and found that the rain was beginning to fall quite hard. It was beautiful, in its own dreary way. Anne wondered how many strange looks she would get, were she to run outside and dance in the rain.

Instead, she swallowed back her urges and turned back to Gilbert, approaching his desk slowly. “I didn’t think you’d ever come back to this place.”

He looked up at her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Really? What makes you say that?”

Anne shrugged. “I just...I never really saw you as the type of guy who would return to his hometown. Or, at least, happily live there. I guess…,” Anne paused, searching for her words. She didn’t want to offend him. “I guess I didn’t think you had strong enough ties here that you’d be comfortable staying in the area.”

Anne watched as Gilbert finished jotting something down before speaking, looking up at her. “I left for awhile,” he began slowly. “And then I came back and realized I had what I needed here. Bash- he’s my family, and it’s great to have that support. I guess, from an outside perspective, yeah, I don’t have much keeping me here. But,” Gilbert smiled, nodding slowly as if he were affirming it to himself as well. “But Bash is my family. He’s my reason for returning.”

Anne nodded, feeling a new level of understanding. “I’m glad you have that, Gilbert.”

“You have that too, though, right? In Cole and Diana, in Marilla.”

At Marilla’s name, Anne tensed, frowning. She quickly caught herself and tried to hide her initial reaction, but Gilbert noticed, frowning as well. Anne sighed, shaking her head. “I haven’t spoken to Marilla in a while.”

Gilbert’s gaze remained on Anne, his face void from showing his true thoughts, whatever they were. “Why not?”

Anne opened her mouth to speak, finding herself at a loss for words. Did she really want to go into this right now?

Instead, Gilbert continued, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I don’t want to ask anything too personal.”

“No, it’s not personal, it’s just…,” Anne sighed, shaking her head. She didn’t actually know what it was. “I haven’t spoken to her in awhile, that’s all. I just- I don’t want to disappoint her. I’ll call her eventually, I will; I’m just going to hold my breath a little bit longer and make sure everything works out.”

To Anne’s surprise, Gilbert once again nodded, this time a look of true understanding on his expression. “Well, let her know I said hi. I haven’t spoken to her in awhile, either. Not since graduation, at least.”

Memories of their graduation ceremony came to mind, and Anne smiled. “Yeah, of course. I’ll let her know.”

Once again, Anne found the two of in a comfortable silence. Anne turned her head, looking outside. The rain was continuing to pour. “It’s pretty awful out there,” she murmured, mostly to herself.

She looked back at Gilbert, taking a moment to look him over. She wondered if time had been good to him, if he’d changed at all. Anne knew she wasn’t exactly the same person she had been, years ago, but at least who she was now was recognizable, comparable to that girl. She wondered if Gilbert was the same.

When she turned back to look at him, Anne found that Gilbert had moved to the front of the desk and was flipping through the ones resting closer to the ground. He looked over at her, smiling. “I wish I had known you were coming in earlier. I would have helped you carry everything in.”

“And I would have told you I was managing just fine,” Anne replied with a smile, falling comfortably back into their old bantering routine. “I probably would have tried to carry everything in one trip, just to show off that I am still stronger than you.”

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “Still? That’s a bit of a stretch.”

Anne crossed her arms dramatically. “Is it? I have to assure you, Gilbert, that doing things out of spite makes you complete tasks with superhuman ability.”

He smirked, looking her up and down before turning back to the stack of books. “You? Doing things out of spite? No way, I don’t believe it.”

With a roll of her eyes, Anne replied, “I’ll have you know, I am an incredibly spiteful person.”

Gilbert stood slowly, turning to look at her with a sudden, embarrassed expression on his face. “I, uh, hate to say this but I don’t think this store can actually...cover how much you’re owed for these books. I could give you store credit, or….”

Gilbert trailed off, not sure how to approach the situation. After all, she had come here in need of actual money, and it wouldn’t work for her to get more books in return for those she was trying to sell. Anne frowned. She didn’t want to bankrupt the store just because she needed to pay her own rent.

Anne sighed, thinking. What was the best way to do this? She replied slowly. “Well, I suppose you could pay me the amount in supplements? As if you owed me rent? Would that work better?”

Gilbert thought for a moment, considering her idea, then nodded. “I suppose that would work. I’ll have to talk to Sebastian about it, though, since I’m not the owner.”

He rounded the counter and opened up the cash register, going through it. “Still, I don’t want to send you back home empty-handed, so for now, I can give you forty bucks. I know, it’s not much, but since I don’t actually own the shop or have legitimate control over the money-”

“It’s fine, Gilbert, really,” Anne replied, cutting him off. “Though you better keep your word. If you don’t, I’m not above paying you a visit to your house and having a word with you.”

He smiled a real, genuine smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”

Anne said nothing in response, and Gilbert quickly moved his focus back to counting out money, the conversation feeling finished in such a way that it felt awkward and wrong to let it linger.

He quickly handed her the cash, glancing out the window while doing so. “Here you go; it’s getting pretty rough out there, so be careful, okay?”

Anne nodded, reaching out for the money. Their fingertips grazed against each other’s, causing Anne’s hairs to stand up on end. She offered him an awkward smile as she pulled her hand away, putting the money into her pocket. “Well…. I’ll see you around then.”

Anne turned and approached the door, unable to ignore the odd feeling in her gut, unable to pinpoint exactly what it was. She glanced back at him one last time, wondering if, in fact, she’d actually see him again; perhaps the next time she showed up, Sebastian would be there instead. Anne frowned, leaving the shop. She wasn’t sure if she’d prefer that or not.

She lingered in the doorway for a moment, the small overhang just barely keeping her dry. She found herself suddenly overcome with the urge to look back at him, to see if he was watching her. She fought back against that feeling for as long as she could muster, forcing her gaze on the rain, before she finally lost the fight and glanced back at him. In a flash, she caught his eye, and he smiled, brief and quick, before his gaze turned back to the books. Waves of pride rushed over Anne, but she had no idea why.

Anne speed walked through the rain, holding an arm up in a poor attempt to shield herself from the heavy drops. She reached her car quickly and unlocked the doors, sliding into her seat before slamming the door shut with a shiver.

How odd it was, to run into someone she hadn’t seen in years. She had grown up so much in the past few years, so much so that who she was in high school felt like a completely different person. Anne turned the car on, deep in thought. _I wonder if we’ll start talking again._

Anne chased the thought from her mind. Nothing had indicated that Gilbert wanted to rekindle what little their friendship had been in high school, and the only reason they were expecting to see one another again was because they had to, with him owing her money and all. If he’d wanted to become friends with her again, he would have said.

Anne pulled out of the parking spot and began to drive away, headed for home. It didn’t matter to her, of course, if Gilbert wanted to be friends or not. Anne had no real preference; she’d let Gilbert decide. _After all, why should I waste energy and emotions if he doesn’t care to reciprocate?_

Not that she had any feelings in need of reciprocating. No, none at all.

Anne frowned at the thought, shaking them from her mind. No, that sounded almost romantical. She only meant that as a platonic, “I won’t force a friendship” sort of way. She didn’t want to accidentally confuse herself into thinking either of them had a thing for each other, because they definitely did not. Gilbert was cute, sure, and had grown into his features most fittingly, but Anne would never admit that; after all, she knew that Cole and Diana would right away jump to conclusions and think she was into him.

Which she wasn't. And she wouldn’t be. Anne eyed herself in the rearview mirror as she stopped at a stoplight, giving herself a stiff nod. She had no time right now to fathom herself being in a relationship, what with school starting up. She was much too busy.

It was at that moment that Anne realized she didn’t actually have a way to contact the shop about the money they owed her. Anne huffed loudly, slamming a hand down on the side of the wheel. “Fuck.”

Hopefully there would be a number online that she could call. There was no way she was going back there; she refused to show her face with such an embarrassing request as “I forgot your number,” and simply the idea of it made her face burn. Besides that, it was raining; it was perhaps for the best that she call the shop later.

The light turned green, and Anne continued to drive, thoughts returning once more to Diana and Cole. Maybe it would be for the best if she didn’t mention seeing Gilbert to the two of them right away. They’d make a big deal out of it, about how weird it was that they had just run into one another, and that was something Anne didn’t want to deal with, not right now.

Yes; Anne decided it would be for the best if she kept this to herself for a while.

\-----

_It’s the middle of winter, and Anne is exhausted. Midterms are nearing, and she’s been too exhausted to study, too tired to catch up on work. She feels worn out and on edge, like her emotions have all somehow run dry so that she can’t feel much besides hunger and the longing for sleep. Anne drags herself from class to class, wishing break could hurry up and arrive._

_School is over for the day, and Anne has lingered behind. She needed to get something from her locker, and now she finds that practically no one else is left at school, besides the occasional student still talking to teachers in classrooms. Anne grabs her things and goes, turning hall corners quickly as she makes her way to the exit._

_Anne stops abruptly after a turn when she finds, propped up against a wall, staring with a dead gaze at the floor, a recognizable figure._

_“Gilbert?” Anne says, quizzically, and Gilbert turns his head slowly in her direction, causing Anne’s stomach to drop when she notices that his eyes are filled with tears, his cheeks wet and red from crying._

_Anne moves forward carefully, wondering in the back of her mind if this is overstepping her bounds, if she even knows him well enough to comfort him. She stops a few feet away. “Are you okay?”_

_Gilbert shrugs, and Anne asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”_

_For a moment, Gilbert does nothing, then shakes his head, his voice a hoarse croak when he speaks. “No, I- I’m fine, Anne.”_

_Anne swallows back a comment that obviously, he is clearly not. Instead, she removes her bag and drops it onto the floor, crouching down to sift through the pockets before finding what she was searching for and standing, a soft smile on her face. He looks down at her hand and stares at the thing she’s offering him, a packet of tissues, one he recognizes from months earlier._

_Relief floods Anne’s senses as Gilbert returns her a small smile. He reaches forward, grabbing a tissue and uses it to blot his eyes. “So you kept these, huh?”_

_Anne nods, watching him wipe his face for a moment before continuing. “I figured you needed one. It’s only equal, after all; you offer me a tissue, I offer you one.”_

_He smiles, but this time it’s short and fades away quickly as he descends back into his thoughts. His back pressed against the wall, he lets his feet slide from under him, slowly sliding down the wall onto the floor, his legs splayed out in front of him as he stares at a row of lockers lining the opposing wall. Anne sits down beside him._

_“You know,” he begins, pausing to gather himself before starting the sentence over. “Well, I suppose you heard about… about my father.”_

_The words are forced, as if it’s taken Gilbert a great deal of strength to speak. He glances at Anne quickly, then moves his eyes away just as fast, as if he can’t handle whatever emotion her eyes contain, whatever thoughts are in her head._

_Anne nods, unable to stop herself from frowning, her eyes softening with pity. “Yes, I’m- I’m so sorry Gilbert. I had no idea he was-”_

_“No one did.” Gilbert replies sharply, his tone that of someone who has had this conversation too many times already. He sighs, as if embarrassed by himself, and shakes his head. “Sorry, he just…. My dad chose not to really tell anyone. He thought it would be better; he didn’t want the pity, didn’t want his last year on Earth to be surrounded by people feeling sorry for him.”_

_Anne’s stomach churns. She wonders if her tone and questions are upsetting Gilbert just as much as well. Instead, Anne nods slowly, contemplating the thought. “I suppose that makes sense.”_

_Gilbert looks back at Anne, and there’s something different to the look in his eyes, as if he’s seeing her in a new way and is trying to figure her out. “Does it?”_

_Anne shrugs, suddenly not feeling so sure about her response. “Wouldn’t you want to spend your last year on Earth around people acting as they always did around you? I think…,” Anne pauses, thinking, feeling Gilbert’s gaze locked on her. “I think he just wanted to experience everything as is while he could. Without people crowding over him and giving him special treatment.”_

_Gilbert says nothing for a moment, and Anne swallows hard, feeling for sure that she has now overstepped her bounds. “Although, I didn’t really know him,” she covers. “I might be completely wrong here.”_

_To Anne’s surprise, Gilbert shakes his head, a small, sad smile growing on his lips. “No, I think- I think that’s actually fairly close to what he may have been thinking.”_

_Gilbert is quiet for a moment, thinking, before he looks at Anne, this time with tearless eyes and a smile that’s closer to what Anne is used to seeing. “Thank you.”_

_Anne says nothing in response but remains seated, offering her companionship and solidarity, remaining by just in case he is in need of something. Anne finds herself wondering, for a brief moment, if this is what someone would consider as a friendship. A comradery._

_Anne glances at him, hesitating before finally speaking. “Besides that… how are you doing?”_

_Gilbert shrugs. “I suppose I’m okay. I’d say I’m excited for winter break, but…,” Gilbert trails off, his voice faltering. His lips are pressed tightly into a line, and it takes him a moment to speak again. “I don’t think I can handle spending a holiday alone.”_

_Gilbert stares down at his hands while Anne watches him carefully, her heart feeling heavy. There isn’t much for her to do, and she isn’t quite sure how to act. She’s never seen Gilbert in this manner, and it’s thrown her off her rhythm. “Will you be alone?” Anne asks, softly._

_A pause from Gilbert, and then: “I suppose not completely. A family friend has been living with me, Bash, kind of the equivalent of a godfather. But as far as blood relatives…,” Gilbert shakes his head, and Anne can see just how much effort Gilbert has put into keeping himself from falling apart by his expression. “I’m the only one left.”_

_Anne opens her mouth to respond, about to say something about how she too doesn’t have much family, that they're similar in that way. She clamps her mouth shut, mentally scolding herself; now was not the time to remind Gilbert that she, too, had dead parents. This isn’t a competition for who’s had a worse life._

_“Well,” Anne finally says. “If you need company, just ask. I’ve got Marilla and Matthew, and I’m sure they wouldn’t mind having a guest over.”_

_He smiles softly, not taking up her offer but not declining it either. “But you’ll be busy right? I assume you’re only offering because you won’t be there.”_

_“Oh, no, I-” Anne stops, unsure. He isn’t exactly wrong in making this assumption, considering she hasn’t been the most friendly person. Anne frowns momentarily, then switches back to a smile. “No, I will be there. Just, I figure you may want some company right now.”_

_“Ah, okay,” he nods, thinking for a moment before continuing. “Are you sure you won’t be hanging out with Diana? I wouldn’t want to be a third wheel.”_

_The questions surprise Anne, and her smile falters. She’s unable to hide it from Gilbert, and he frowns, noticing that he’s said something that’s caused her to act unexpectedly. His eyes quickly read over her expression, and hesitantly he says, “Did I say something wrong?”_

_Anne exhales a slow, heavy breath. “No, I mean, do you know, or…?”_

_Gilbert stares at her worriedly, as if he’s in the process of shoving his foot into his mouth. “Do I know what?”_

_Anne swallows, feeling her throat thicken as she drops her gaze. “Diana and I broke up.”_

_Gilbert is silent for a moment, and Anne stares down at the tile beside her, not sure if she wants to risk meeting Gilbert’s gaze. They know each other, but do they know each other well enough for her to vent about her relationship? It isn’t the easiest for Anne to speak about her sexuality, especially to someone who isn’t in her main circle of friends, and even more so when the person isn’t also LGBT. Can Anne trust Gilbert enough? Is this a situation where it’s safe for her to open up?_

_“That’s really tough,” Gilbert finally says, his tone soft, laced with pity. “I’m terribly sorry, Anne.”_

_Anne nods slowly, eyes shifting to her lap. “It only happened a week or so ago; it’s still sort of fresh.”_

_Out of the corner of her eye, Anne sees Gilbert nod. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear about it.”_

_Anne shrugs, finally lifting up her eyes. “Yeah, well, we didn’t really announce it. Not too many people knew we were dating in the first place, so…,” Anne sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Of course, everyone’s heard Billy bitch about us, but I don’t actually think everyone believed that we were dating.”_

_They’re quiet for a moment before Gilbert asks, “Why did you two- Sorry, that’s definitely too personal.”_

_He stops himself quickly, but Anne shakes her head. “No, it’s fine. Too be honest…,” Anne sighs, then shrugs. “I don’t know. There were a lot of factors. I think we both realized that we don’t really care for each other in a romantical sense? I love her dearly, but perhaps not in the way I thought. At the start, we had figured that we might as well date each other, since we were both one, not straight, and two, really close friends but…,”_

_Anne trails off. “But that isn’t always enough,” Gilbert supplies, the words bringing Anne to face him, holding his gaze for moment before nodding. Anne once again, months after her first interactions with Gilbert, finds herself wondering just why he treats her with such respect when no one else does._

_“Anyway, that’s the main issue. That, and her parents haven’t been the most accepting. They’ve been pretty shitty about this whole thing.” Anne snorts, even though she found the entire situation pretty humorless._

_Gilbert returns the smile, his gaze sympathetic. “So are you two going to try to remain friends, then?”_

_Anne nods slowly. “Yeah, that’s the plan. I don’t think we’re going to rush into that quite yet though. We both need some time to be alone,” she finishes slowly._

_“That makes sense,” Gilbert replies softly. He crosses his arms in front of him, then sighs. “It’s been a tough month, hasn’t it?”_

_Anne says nothing; instead, she’s thinking about Gilbert and all they have in common, both now being orphans. But she knows there’s also so much of a difference between them. It’s a weird feeling, to be opening up to someone who feels like both a stranger and an old friend. Anne glances at Gilbert; she wonders, for a split second, if, were she to get to know him better, he could be a kindred spirit, one of the few in their school._

_Anne pushes herself up off the ground, wiping her hands on her pants. “I should get going soon. I’ve spent too much time moping around about this stuff. It’s not like I thought Diana and I would be dating forever, and besides, I’m sure I’ll find a guy or girl in college who fits me much better.”_

_“You think so?” Gilbert asks, getting up off the floor as well._

_“Yeah. I mean, the other reason why Diana and I dated in the first place is because there’s no one in this town worth dating. Diana was the best I figured I was gonna get while living here.”_

_Gilbert says nothing; rather, he gives a slight nod, forehead creased in thought. Anne picks up her bag from the floor, giving him one last look before pulling it on. “Thanks for everything, Gilbert. It was nice to have someone listen to me for a while.”_

_He smiles, and she walks away, completely unaware that Gilbert is thinking about her prior statement, that there was no one worth dating in their town. He tries to cover up his frown in case she looks back; after all, he doesn’t want her to know that the only thing running through his thoughts is, “Then there’s no way she’ll ever date me.”_

\-----

Anne climbed the stairs of her apartment building, pausing as she reached her floor. She breathed in and out deeply. She needed to act like nothing strange had happened. After all, nothing strange had happened, but Anne knew that Diana and Cole were experts at picking up when she wasn’t acting like herself. _If Diana and Cole learn that I saw Gilbert again…._

Anne shuddered at the thought. They’d probably rush to the bookstore and try to stalk him, falling over themselves just for a chance to pester him. Maybe it would be for the best if Anne kept this from them, just for a few days. Besides, she knew that she’d only be seeing him again because he owed her money. It wasn’t like they would be meeting for lunch or anything. Really, it didn’t make any sense to tell Diana and Cole.

Anne snorted, rolling her eyes at herself, at her own nerves. She knew that she was over-exaggerating it all; it was very unlikely that any of the images in her brain of them shrieking and gossiping would actually occur. As much as her brain liked to tell her the opposite, the two of them did have at least some form of self-control.

Still…it wasn’t often that Anne found herself talking to a boy her age who was polite and not just trying to smooth-talk his way into getting her into his bed. Anne imagined they would tell her to date Gilbert just because he was genuinely nice and caring.

Anne stared at the door for a moment, her hand on the handle. Really, it was just that she didn’t have the damn energy for that conversation, not right now. All Anne wanted at the moment was to make herself dinner, take a long, hot shower, and curl up in bed while watching videos on her phone.

Anne inhaled heavily, then entered her apartment; Diana and Cole were watching something on TV, and only gave her a glance when she entered. “How’d it go? Did they give you much for the books?” Diana asked, not taking her eyes off the screen.

Anne watched along with them for a moment, nothing discernibly interesting appearing on screen; whatever it was, it seemed to be a romantic comedy. “Uh, about forty bucks.”

Cole and Diana’s heads snapped around, their expressions a mixture of shock, confusion, and anger. Cole spoke first. “Dude, they really screwed you over on this.”

Anne shook her head. “No, don’t worry; they’ll be paying me back in supplements, kind of like paying rent. It turns out, that was a lot of books that I tried to sell them, and they couldn’t exactly afford to pay me for everything right now.”

Cole seemed content with this answer, but Diana still looked unconvinced. “Sometimes I worry you trust people too much, Anne. How do you know they’ll pay you back completely?”

Anne hesitated. “I guess I just got good vibes off of the guy running it.”

Diana clucked her tongue, smiling faintly as she turned back to the screen. “Hm. Hope that doesn’t bite you in the ass.”

Sighing, Anne began to head to her room. It was possible that Diana was right, that this was going to bite her in the ass, but Anne wasn’t going to consider that at the moment. She shut the door to her room, grabbing her laptop from her desk before falling back onto her bed. Today had been long, incredibly, tediously long, though Anne knew that she was just making it worse for herself by harping on how long the day was.

Anne sat for a moment as her laptop turned on, reflecting on what had happened. Gilbert. For the first time in seven or eight years, she saw Gilbert again. Anne snorted, then chuckled to herself. What was the likelihood of that happening? Anne had thought that he had left town for good, and then there he was, working in a local bookstore, acting as if no time had passed at all. It was weird; talking to him, in that room, it felt both like a millenium had passed since she’d seen him, but also as if she had been thrust back in time.

Maybe they’d reconnect, maybe they wouldn’t. Anne decided, as she waited for Facebook to load, that it didn’t matter to her what happened. He had been a nice guy in high school, but she didn’t want to face the disappointment that came with learning that someone had changed completely. That happened a lot, she found; people who she had thought were nice and friendly in high school sometimes turned out to be horrible in the following years. It became an all too familiar tune, the regret she felt every time she experienced that situation. It had happened before, and it could certainly happen again. _After all, he-_

Anne stopped mid-thought, eyes locked on her notifications tab. Listed under friend requests, clear as day, was Gilbert Blythe.

Anne stared at her screen for a moment, feeling flustered. He had to have sent this recently, or perhaps as soon as she left. _Huh._ Maybe he does want to reconnect, Anne thought, still looking, unmoving, at the notification.

Did she want to take the risk? Did she want to delve back into all this? Anne had no idea if it would be worth it, and realized now that she desperately wanted Cole and Diana’s opinion on how to proceed. But they were distracted, doing their own thing, and Anne knew asking for their opinions didn’t really matter; deep down, she knew what they’d tell her to do.

Decisively, Anne reached for her mouse and hovered over the notification, clicking confirm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one; I hope you all enjoyed, and that it was worth the wait! Let me know what you thought it the comments, and thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

The next few weeks went by smoothly; the weather began to cool down as they reached the middle of September, and Anne soon found that she needed a jacket in order to be comfortable outside. It was that awkward, in-between weather where it was chilly in the mornings, but hot enough by the time school let out that Anne overheated if she wore her heavier coat.

Anne was still reveling in the aftermath of her interaction with Gilbert. Not that there was much of an aftermath, but still, Anne felt almost giddy about seeing him again. She wondered why that was; after all, clearly they hadn’t been that close in high school, and they hadn’t spoken in years. Perhaps it was his friend request to her; it proved that he was interested in keeping up with her, and Anne knew that she desperately needed more friends, according to Cole. Yes, that was it; she was simply excited to have someone new to talk to.

Or maybe it was the fact that Anne was hiding all of this from Cole and Diana. It was possible that part of her excitement was all stemming out of the fact that for once, she had a secret to hide that she was actually hiding. It was almost fun, and felt sneaky; while Anne knew Cole and Diana would be interested in learning of her reunion with Gilbert, Anne ultimately decided that she wanted to hide it, for at least a little while longer. She liked the drama of it all, liked that she knew something that her friends didn’t.

Despite the friend request, however, she and Gilbert hadn’t actually spoken or messaged each other yet. Why would they? Anne found that she was often reminding herself that he had probably only friended her to keep her updated with the cash he owed her. Somehow, Anne struggled to accept that idea; whether it was because Gilbert was too nice or Anne’s own inner wantings, Anne didn’t know, but she liked to think he’d sent the request to reunite with her. In a completely platonic way, of course.

Anne sat at her desk during third period while her students worked, attempting to grade papers. She felt distracted, and she wasn’t quite sure why. She found herself zoning out and thinking of high school and Gilbert, or she’d look out the window and find her gaze stuck there, staring out at the trees. By the fifth time, Anne was about to snap; she needed to get this work done, and her brain was really not helping. Why was she so easily distracted?

Anne sighed, forcing her eyes back down onto the page. She still acted like some of her students half the time. Maybe it was her who should be in the eighth grade.

The bell rang and Anne took that as a chance to step out of her room for a moment between classes. She needed a minute away from the academia, a chance for her to gain back her ability to focus and get work done. She needed a serious break, and it was only September. Anne internally groaned; how the hell was she going to make it through the year if she was already exhausted?

Anne halted her walk mid-step when she saw Jerry before her once again. It took him a moment to see her, but as soon as he did, his face lit up with a smile. He walked over to her.

“You know, it’s really nice working here, knowing that I know someone. It certainly makes things easier, at least.”

Anne considered that. “Does it?”

Jerry shrugged. “Well, sorta. There’s a feeling of comradery, isn’t there? I think it gives off feelings of reassurance, that there’s no reason to worry. Someone’s on your side.”

“You think so?” Anne asked after a moment’s pause, watching a group of girls rush passed them, giggling loudly. She supposed he was right, although it was odd to hear from Jerry.

He smiled then. “Isn’t that why you came out here, to talk to me? See: comradery.”

Anne decided it was best not to correct Jerry. Instead, she decided it was time to change the subject. “You know, I saw someone this weekend from our hometown. I hadn’t seen him since high school, and somehow there he was, just working at a bookstore I was happening to be in.”

Jerry looked intrigued. “Interesting. I only actually just moved out from there; a lot of people from our town seem to linger there their entire lives.” Jerry took a moment to reflect on that; Anne watched as his forehead wrinkled in thought. “Although I see people from there all the time. Do you just not go back much?"

Anne shook her head. “No, I haven’t been since last Christmas.”

Jerry frowned. “Well, you should. The town’s expanding, growing bigger. You should visit, see some people. Marilla, especially.”

Anne sighed. Jerry was right; she really should go back to town and visit everyone, and she’d been putting it off for a while. She had been busy after all- well, hadn’t she?

“I’ll visit Marilla soon,” Anne said, then added decidedly, “This weekend, actually. I’ll visit her this weekend.”

“Good,” Jerry said with a smile. “Say hi to her for me.”

The bell rang; both Anne and Jerry began to slink back towards their respective classrooms while the last few students rushed through the halls to get to class. Anne gave Jerry one last look, waving him goodbye, then entered her classroom.

Much to her disappointment, she found that she was having even more trouble concentrating than before.

\-----

“I’m going home this weekend.”

Anne, Diana, and Cole sat around the dining table, eating a weird pasta salad Diana had made. Anne had been considering her trip since her conversation with Jerry, and as much as she didn’t want to visit their hometown, she knew it was for the best. She’d put this off for too long.

Cole looked up from his plate, his hand holding his fork over the pasta, hovering. “Home as in Avonlea?”

Anne nodded. “I figured it’s time to go visit Marilla again. It’s been awhile.”

They were silent for a moment, then Diana spoke. “I’d go with you, but I’m working this weekend.”

“It’s fine, Di. Besides, Marilla will probably want to catch up with me alone. I’ve been very…,” Anne paused, searching for words. “I think I’ve been fairly estranged. We haven’t spoken in months….”

Diana frowned. “Why? I don’t remember you two having a fight or anything.”

Anne sighed, then shrugged. She didn’t really feel like going into the depths of her guilt and embarrassment over how much she was struggling at the dinner table. Diana had already heard the whole spiel already anyway. “I just don’t want to face her. I just... hate to disappoint.”

“But you won’t,” Cole replied, expression soft. “If anything, she might be upset that you haven’t called or visited her in a while.”

_Thanks Cole_ , Anne thought as she picked up her fork. _Really encouraging me to contact her and totally not making me feel worse._

After dinner, Anne sat on her bed, her door closed and locked. Anne stared down at the phone in her hand, willing up the courage to make the call. She didn’t know why she was struggling so much with this; Marilla was family, and it was dumb that Anne felt this anxious about talking to her.

Anne sighed, letting the phone fall into her lap. She needed to act like an adult; a proper adult would be comfortable making phone calls and admitting defeat, right? Or was that all just bullshit people told her that only made it harder to feel successful?

Quickly, Anne typed Marilla’s number into the keypad, pressing call before her courage wore off. She listened to the dial tone, holding her breath and waiting.

Marilla answered on the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“Marilla! Hi, it’s Anne! How are you? I, uh, was wondering if you were busy this weekend? I was hoping to visit and catch up.”

There was a moment’s pause, then Marilla spoke. “No, I’m not doing anything. I’d very much like to see you.”

Her tone was warm, but there was something else there, a sense of shock, a twinge of surprise in Marilla’s voice. Anne’s nerves almost melted away at the sound of it, the reassurance that Marilla didn’t seem to hate her making Anne feel much better.

“Great! I’ll be there Saturday, around 11?”

Marilla agreed and the call ended soon after. Anne released a heavy sigh of relief, wondering why she had fretted so much about the call. As usual, everything had worked out fine.

It was odd how quickly Anne found herself engulfed in a sudden longing; she swallowed, throat feeling thick as she stared down at the phone in her hand. She felt suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to tell Marilla everything: her struggles with teaching, Cole losing his job, how she had reunited with Gilbert. Anne swallowed hard. _It’s best to save this all for when we’re in person. It’ll give us something to talk about, after all._ Still, despite the logic in her decision, it was hard for Anne to ignore how much she suddenly missed Marilla.

Anne glanced at her door; Diana and Cole were watching a loud movie, and she could hear them laughing. She knew they’d love to hear about Gilbert, but she had other things on her plate at the moment, and wasn’t in the mood for playful gossip. She’d tell them about him after visiting Marilla; yes, that would be the best time, with the stress of the visit out of the way.

Anne just knew that if she brought up Gilbert to Cole and Diana now, they wouldn’t be able to shut up about him and his stupid supposed crush they thought he had had on her.

Anne placed her phone on her bedside table, then opened up her laptop bag. With all these distractions, she had a lot of work to make up. She desperately hoped that this visit with Marilla would clear up all her thoughts and issues that were interrupting her focus. Really, Anne just wanted to be able to concentrate on work again. Anne sighed, shaking her head to herself. Really, had she ever been able to actually focus before?

\-----

The drive out to Green Gables took forty-five minutes, short enough that Anne knew she didn’t have any real excuses to why she hadn’t visited sooner. Anne tried not to beat herself up too much as she drove; instead, she turned on her music and blasted some folk rock as she made her way to her former home, taking in the acres of farmland as she drew near.

Jerry had been right; as she got closer, she noticed buildings and shopping centers under construction, their little town turning into something bigger. It was odd; she could picture how it used to look, but that world was no longer existent. She felt as if her memories were the only record of how things used to be. Nostalgia tugged at her heartstrings, and Anne swallowed hard; the world was moving forward, and Anne felt as if she was being left behind.

Anne drove past the road that lead to Diana’s parents house, frowning as she passed. Diana hadn’t spoken to her family in a while either, although that was more because of their political views and how they treated her. Anne wondered if Diana had spoken to her sister recently; Minnie May had to be in high school now, if Anne counted right, and she hoped Diana hadn’t completely cut off contact with her. Anne knew from experience that middle and high school were the times in one’s life when they most needed an understanding support system, and Anne wasn’t sure that May would get that from her and Diana’s parents.

Anne reached the road that lead to Green Gables and turned, feeling her nerves increasing as she drove closer and closer to the property. She could see the house up ahead, the fence surrounding the property in clear view; somehow, amongst all the change occurring in the town, Green Gables remained the same, the perfect constant.

Anne reached the driveway and parked, taking a moment to breathe before getting out of the car. She walked up the steps quickly, and rapped on the door twice, waiting with her hands behind her back, feeling strangely out of place, despite having spent years of her life living here. Anne heard footsteps approaching, and then the door swung open, and before her stood Marilla.

She hadn’t changed much in the past eight months. She was still the tall, lean, stoic woman that Anne knew all too well. Anne hesitated for a moment then smiled, stepping forward before wrapping her arms around Marilla in a quick hug.

Marilla released Anne, ruffling Anne’s hair gently. “Well, it’s been a long while, now hasn’t it?”

“Would you believe that I’ve been busy?” Anne asked as Marilla turned back into the household; Anne followed, continuing, “I have a lot to tell you, actually.”

“Then you’ll do all the talking, because I’ve done practically nothing of interest. Although I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you,” Marilla added with a teasing smile.

They entered the kitchen; Anne sat down at the table while Marilla got them both glasses of water. Anne waited until Marilla sat down before starting. “Teaching is going pretty well.”

“Oh?”

“Well, it’s not easy. I really struggled for the first two weeks but now…,” Anne paused for a moment; no matter how much time she spent thinking on the manner, she still didn’t have a sure answer for how she was doing. “I’m getting more comfortable with it.”

Marilla smiled. “Well, that’s good! I’m glad to hear it, Anne; I was getting a little worried about you, with the lack of calls, but that’s very reassuring. I knew you could do it.”

_Shit_. Anne bit her lip. _That backfired quickly._ Anne forced herself to smile. “Jerry is actually working with me. He’s teaching French.”

Marilla looked surprised. “Really?”

“Yes- well, sort of. He’s interning, but that’s his plan. So we’re technically coworkers.”

Marilla smiled, eyes glinting humorously. She took a quick sip of her water. “You know, he’s going to drive you absolutely insane by the end of the year.”

Anne chuckled, taking a sip of her own water and looking around the room as she did so. Marilla had changed some things since Christmas, but nothing that stood out. A new photo, Anne and Marilla at Christmas, sat over the fireplace; Anne found herself staring at it, and was only pulled away from her thoughts when Marilla spoke.

“I missed you, Anne.”

“I know,” Anne replied, swallowing hard.

Marilla’s expression shifted then, seeming much sadder, more solemn than a moment before. “Anne… I don’t have many people in my life, which I’m sure you know. Of course I have Rachel, but a lot of times, especially since Matthew died…,” she paused, swallowing hard, a motion that made Anne’s own throat feel thick with emotion. Her expression faltered momentarily before Marilla offered Anne a small smile that fell short of containing any real happiness. “Well, often times I’m alone. I really missed you, Anne; I realize we’ve never been the closest, but I missed your company.”

Anne dropped her gaze, unable to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes. That same, all too familiar feeling of guilt rose back up, resting painfully in her chest. “I would have visited if you said you were lonely.”

“I knew you were busy. Like you said, you’ve had a lot to do recently.”

Anne remained quiet for a moment, keeping her gaze on her hands as she picked at her nails. She slowly glanced back up at Marilla, who was watching her intently, frowning gently; Anne cast her gaze onto the floor. “It’s not just that, Marilla. I’ve been busy but… but that’s no excuse. I should have called.”

“It would have been nice, but-”

Anne’s head shot up, the words bursting out from between her lips. “Marilla, I was purposely avoiding you.”

Marilla froze, and for a moment Anne regretted everything: the words she’d just spoken, driving out here, making the phone call in the first place. Marilla’s brow furrowed, and cautiously she asked, “You were avoiding me?”

“No, not like-” Anne exhaled heavily- “Not in the way you’re thinking. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see you- I do, I always want to see you. It’s just….”

Anne stopped. She felt as if she didn’t have a proper excuse. Marilla raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “It’s just…?”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

The words were barely audible, and it surprised Anne just how hard they were to say. Anne slowly raised her gaze to look back at Marilla, who was staring at Anne with her mouth slightly agape.

“Disappoint me? Good heavens, whatever do you mean?”

“I wanted to-” Anne halted, clearing her throat. “I wanted to make sure I was successful. I didn’t want to seem like a failure, and I just thought it would be best if I waited until everything was going well to call you. I just kept waiting and waiting for things to get better, and they haven’t; I’m really struggling Marilla, and I fear that I’m failing in every aspect of my life.”

Anne finished the sentence quickly, the words flying off her tongue as if she had no control over them. For a moment, Anne waited with baited breath, attempting to feel out what Marilla was going to say or how she was going to react.

To Anne’s surprise, Marilla chuckled, her expression soft. “Anne, that’s just what it’s like to be a young adult. That’s all completely normal.”

All at once, Anne felt her inner barriers crumbling down, and suddenly the weeks of guilt washed away, replaced with reassurance and relief so strong that it brought tears to her eyes, and before she could stop them, they were cascading down her cheeks. She let out a sort of strangled sob, unable to formulate a proper sentence in response. Marilla jumped up from her chair and reached Anne’s side in an instant, her arms wrapping around Anne’s chest.

“Is that really what you were so worried about?” Marilla asked, rubbing Anne’s back gently.

Anne nodded, wiping her face. “I was struggling, and I didn’t want you to see that. I’m still struggling, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.”

Pursing her lips together, Marilla knelt down beside Anne. “I’ve got time.”

An hour or so passed, and Anne barely took a break from talking the entire time. She ranted, words practically spilling from her mouth as she told Marilla about everything that had happened in recent months. She summarized things that she wasn’t exactly comfortable with Marilla knowing, but for the most part she explained to her everything that had been causing her anxiety, digging deep into her fears and issues with teaching. She finished with Cole losing his job, feeling out of breath from all the talking. The entire time, Marilla nodded along, taking her words in stride, acting as the perfect confidante and listener.

Finally finished, Anne heaved a big sigh. “Just all-in-all, Marilla, I feel like I’m drowning. I mean, I’m barely staying afloat half the time, and then when things get rough,” Anne raised a hand up high and dropped it quickly, slapping it down hard on her thigh to make a loud clapping noise. “Rock bottom. I just become a total mess.”

Marilla, who had been mostly silent throughout, reached a hand over Anne’s and clasped them gently. “I promise you this is absolutely normal. You keep saying you’ve failed because you’re struggling, but just because you’re having a rough time doesn’t mean you’re doing poorly.”

Anne frowned. “But everyone else seems to be doing so well….”

“How often is it that you openly admit how hard things are for you? To people other than your closest friends?”

Anne said nothing, and Marilla continued. “Is Cole struggling? Is Diana?”

Silently, Anne nodded. Marilla smiled. “You need to stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You’re doing very well for a woman of your age, and I need you to listen to me when I say that I am incredibly, _overwhelmingly_ proud of you.”

Anne smiled up at Marilla, her eyes welling with tears. “So you’re not disappointed?”

“Oh, Anna,” Marilla murmured, leaning in to peck her forehead gently. “You could never disappoint me.”

Tears streaked Anne’s cheeks as she swiftly wrapped her arms around Marilla in a tight hug, surprising the older woman in the process. Anne’s heart felt full, full with a feeling of overwhelming love that she hasn’t felt in a long time. It was a feeling of bittersweetness; Anne was suddenly overcome with waves of regret for the months she spent not talking or visiting her, and she felt as if she was taking in the moment in slow-motion, making up for all their lost time.

When Anne finally spoke, her voice was a cracked whisper. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words.”

“Don’t be a stranger,” Marilla said, pulling away. Her eyes were watery as well, and she was smiling much wider than Anne had seen in years. “Please stop by more often. I really do enjoy your company, Anne.”

“I will, Marilla, don’t worry.”

Anne stood then, and Marilla did as well, making her way towards the kitchen as Anne lingered, pulling out her phone. One new message.

Anne opened up her Facebook app; it was usually around this time that Diana would message their group chat with ideas towards dinner, and considering it being the weekend, it was normal for them to buy some takeout.

Anne gasped; much to her surprise, the message wasn’t from Diana: it was from Gilbert Blythe. Quickly, Anne opened it.

**Hey, I was hoping I could pay you a little more of what I owe you. I wouldn’t want you to think I had forgotten about my debt. Could you stop by the bookstore in the next few days? I can hand you the cash then.**

Anne stared down at her phone, smiling gently; she hadn’t even considered the idea that he would have forgotten about the money. Anne turned off her phone as she spoke to Marilla. “I ran into GIlbert Blythe the other day.”

Marilla practically spun on her heel, eyes gleaming mischievously. “Really? Where did you see him?”

Anne slid the phone back into her pocket. “He works at a used bookstore, ten or so minutes away from here. It’s pretty new, his Godfather opened it up actually.”

Marilla chuckled, shaking her head to herself as she opened up the freezer. “Remember in high school, when he liked you?”

Face reddening, Anne scoffed. “Every time I bring him up, someone says something like that! I seriously doubt it was that obvious if I didn’t figure it out then.”

Marilla’s head turned to face her quickly, eyes wide, a humorous look to her gaze. “I suppose you did put more attention on your books than romance.”

“Anyway,” Anne said with a roll of her eyes. “I’m going to be seeing him again soon. I’ll let him know you said hi.”

Anne pulled out her phone again, ignoring whatever look Marilla was currently sending her way. She opened up messenger and paused, reading it over again, considering her response before typing.

**I’m actually in town right now, visiting Marilla. If you want, we could meet up somewhere tonight?**

Anne looked back up at Marilla, forcing her smile back so that Marilla wouldn’t give her any weird looks. “I should get going soon. I’ll call you in a few days?”

Marilla nodded, then walked over towards Anne, giving her a tight hug before stepping back a few feet. “It was nice seeing you Anne. Stop by again soon.”

They finished their goodbyes, and Anne made her way outside, standing on the porch for a moment, taking the property in. The sun was just beginning to set, the sky a very slight pink shade mixed in with the blue. Anne stared out over the green fields, looking past the fences and trees, memories washing over her in waves.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket; Anne opened her phone, finding that Gilbert had responded.

**That works for me! I’m at my house right now; do I need to send you the address, or do you still remember how to get there? :)**

Anne chuckled, rolling her eyes as she made her way down the porch steps towards her car. Looks like she was going to see Gilbert more often than she had initially expected. To Anne’s surprise, she didn’t think she minded. Her curiosity getting the best to her, Anne replied that she was on her way, turning her key in the ignition before pulling out of the driveway and making her way to Gilbert’s household, somewhere she hadn’t been in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested, the exact song style I was picturing Anne listening to is the Indigo Girls' "Closer to Fine"
> 
> As I wrote Marilla's words, I pictured what I needed to hear right now, validations that I am doing better than I think I am. I hope everyone reading this knows that I'm proud of you, wherever you are in your life, and that I believe in you. You're doing just fine. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

Anne pulled up into the driveway of Gilbert’s house, parking several feet away from the front porch. She had only been here twice before, but in their small town, it wasn’t too hard to find it again. Besides that, his house was on a large piece of land, separated from the main road by a mile or so. Most of the houses in the area were on farmland, passed down from one generation to the next.

Anne got out of her car and looked around. Nothing much had changed, although Anne didn’t really have any distinct memories about the place. She’d gone once, maybe twice, both times with Diana and Ruby dragging her along.

As Anne made her way up the front steps, her hair stood up on end in an excited sort of way, as if she had nerves about the situation. That didn’t really surprise her; it felt weird to be back here, weird to be on his front steps, about to be let in. She never thought she’d see Gilbert again, let alone visit him at his house. She knocked hard, then crossed her arms, taking a step back. She didn’t know exactly what she was feeling, but it was hard to ignore how awkward it felt to be standing there, waiting for him.

The door opened; Gilbert stood before her, smiling in an untucked button-up shirt and jeans. “Glad to see you were able to find your way here still.”

“Yeah, well, it’s pretty hard to get lost in this town.” Anne ran a hand through her hair, working the knots out with her fingers before continuing, aware that Gilbert had been quietly watching her. “Marilla says hi, by the way.”

“Well, say hi back for me. I hope she’s doing well.”

Gilbert stepped into the household and gestured for Anne to follow him; Anne did so, allowing him to close the door behind her. Anne spoke as they moved out from the entryway. “She’s doing fine. We caught up today, talked about everything that had happened in the last few months; you know, me teaching and such, and how I ran into you.”

Gilbert lead them into his living room, smugly smiling to himself. “Ooooo, you’ve been talking about me?” he said in a teasing tone. Anne’s expression set hard and he laughed, shaking his head. “I’m kidding, Anne; please don’t take anything I say too seriously.”

Anne sighed. “It’s just hard _not_ to.”

Gilbert said nothing, and Anne hoped that meant he understood her. Teasing, even any of good intention, was hard for her to read. Even coming from Cole and Diana, Anne often found that she sometimes struggled with their tone, with understanding their jokes. Whether that was high school’s fault, or just because of her years in the system, Anne wasn’t sure, but it did make for a lot of anxiety whenever she was the butt of a joke, even the good-hearted ones.

Gilbert stood suddenly. “Anyway, I’ll go grab another portion of what I owe you. I totaled everything up, and we owe you a good hundred or so dollars so really, my apologies for how long it’ll take us to pay back our shop’s debt.”

“Take however much time you need,” Anne said with a wave of her hand. “Seriously, I don’t want your financials to be at risk because you’re paying me more than you can afford.”

Gilbert nodded, then left the room, giving Anne a chance to look around. The last time she’d been here, the room had still been full of his dad’s things, almost cluttered around the space. Now, it seemed much more _him_. Of course, there were still elements of Gilbert’s father in the room, in the old table that sat in the dining room and the photos on the shelves, but Anne could tell that a good few new things had been added, either to Gilbert’s taste or his Godfather’s. _Or family friend. Uncle._ _Whatever he is_ , Anne thought, beginning to frown. _Now if only I could remember his name-_

Someone began to enter the room, speaking as they did so. “Blythe, did you bring someone over for once or am I just hearing thin-”

The man stood and stared at her in silence, and Anne did the same, not quite sure how to react. He was tall, and much handsomer than Anne had expected when she heard about him years ago. The “family friend” type always conjured up an image of a large man in his forties, and the man before Anne was certainly not that.

After an awkwardly long moment, the man smiled. “So I wasn’t hearing voices. Good to know; I’m glad I’m not going insane. Although…,” he chuckled, pointing at her. “Maybe I am, if I think Gilbert’s actually brought a girl home for once.”

“I’m just here for business,” Anne said, feeling her cheeks burning. “I sold a bunch of books to your store, and-”

“Ahh!” Somehow, his smile widened more. “Yes; he and I talked about all this the other night, good. I’m glad the boy is keeping his word.” He stepped forward, moving his hand forward for Anne to shake. “I’m Sebastian, by the way. Most people call me Bash. I own the store.”

Anne took his hand and shook it firmly, relieved that he introduced himself and that she didn’t have to search for his name. “Very nice to meet you. I’m-”

“Bash, you can’t just barge in when I clearly have someone over,” Gilbert said, entering the room quickly.

Sebastian stared at him, clearly amused. “Well, I’m sorry, but since this is a first, I wasn’t sure what the rules were. I’ll make sure we go ahead and set some for the next time you have someone over; you know, in three or so years.”

Gilbert snorted, then gestured to Anne, enunciating his first word as he spoke. “Anyway, Bash, this is my old friend, Anne.”

To Anne’s surprise, Sebastian’s eyes widened with glee, if that was even possible. “Anne, you said?” He turned his gaze to her, seeming to straighten out his expression. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Gilbert shot Sebastian a look that luckily Anne didn’t see; instead, Anne was frowning. “You have?”

“Well, not recently. Alright, a little; he just said that he ran into you recently. But…,” Sebastian paused, smiling. “I remember him talking about you in high school.”

“Alright, time to leave,” Gilbert said abruptly, grabbing Sebastian’s arm. “Anne and I have to discuss how much I owe her.”

Sebastian stepped back, hands up defensively and clearly enjoying himself. Anne watched him leave, her stomach churning. Gilbert used to talk about her? Why would he talk about her? She continued to stew over this for a moment. It was possible that he had spoken about their academic rivalry; after all, she had done that exact thing thousands of times to Marilla and Diana, but the way Sebastian spoke…. Anne gnawed her lip, thoughts becoming a confused, jumbled mess as her brain slowly pieced together a point that everyone else had been trying to get at for years. _Maybe he did have a crush on me in high school. Shit._

Gilbert sat down on the sofa, looking up at her expectantly. “Are you going to sit?”

Anne blinked, pulled out of her reverie and nodded, swallowing. She sat down beside him, leaving a great deal of room between them, not quite sure if it would be more or less awkward to sit close to him. _Quick_ , Anne thought to herself as she moved her hands into her lap. _Say something to make things feel normal._

“This couch is pretty nice.”

Anne mentally winced at her own words, avoiding Gilbert’s gaze. _Real friggin’ smooth, Shirley. Now he’ll definitely think that you’re a totally normal human_.

“Oh, thanks, I got it from a thrift store a few years back, back when we were making a lot less. Cheaper than anything you could get a department store though, ya know?”

Anne nodded, glancing around the room once more. Much of the furniture seemed to be pieces that were perhaps just new to her, holding some age to them that Anne was sure wasn’t done by Gilbert or Sebastian, stains and faded coloration from years of use. She supposed that made sense; while she wasn’t quite sure where their financials were, she knew that med school was extraordinarily expensive, and that he most likely had more debt than he’d ever let on to her. Besides that, book stores weren’t the easiest to get up and going. She decided it was best not to press, but she imagined they were living pretty roughly for a while.

Anne turned her attention back to Gilbert, who was removing a few bills from his wallet. Anne frowned. “Seriously, Gilbert; I mean it, I don’t want you to pay me back more than you can afford right now.”

He held her gaze for a moment, unmoving, and Anne maintained her heavy stare. With a sigh, he placed a bill back in his wallet before handing her the rest. “Thank you, Anne, but really, I don’t want to be indebted to you forever.”

Anne took the bills and slid them into her pocket. “You won’t be; I’m just letting you know you can take your time.”

He nodded, then stood, gesturing with his wallet. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go put this away.”

He left the room quickly, leaving Anne in his wait. Meanwhile, Sebastian was waiting for Gilbert in his room, smiling deviously. Gilbert shot him a look as he placed his wallet down on his desk. “Can you not act so weird around her? Seriously Bash, it’s so awkward in there right now.”

Sebastian snorted. “I promise you, that’s not my fault. You just don’t know how to talk to girls.” Gilbert said nothing, and with a chuckle, Sebastian continued. “Anne, who I’ve heard so much about. It’s certainly nice to finally meet her. She’s pretty cute, Blythe.”

Gilbert glanced back in the direction towards Anne, a smile slowly growing as he looked off in her direction. “Yeah…I have to admit, she’s gotten prettier since high school.”

The moment the words left his mouth, Gilbert blushed deeply, dropping his gaze. Sebastian shoved him playfully. “Aw, Blythe; don’t tell me you’re crushing on her again,” he said, sitting down on Gilbert’s bed.

Gilbert shrugged, sitting down as well. “I don’t know, Bash. But she’s certainly cute; it would be wrong to deny that.”

“Yes, I suppose it would,” Sebastian replied. “Especially since you’re clearly in love with her.”

Gilbert shot him a look. “Shut up.” He stood to leave, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’ve got to go back out there; she’ll wonder what’s taking me so long.”

As Gilbert left the room, he heard Sebastian call after him, “Don’t let her bankrupt us!” Gilbert rolled his eyes, reaching the sofa and sitting back down.

While he was gone, Anne had been playing on her phone. She regretted not telling Diana yet that she’d run into Gilbert; all she wanted to do at the moment was text her about how completely awkward and awful this was. Exhaling slowly, Anne moved her phone back into her pocket. She was exaggerating, of course, but still, it felt entirely odd, and she felt out of place being here.

“How are your classes, by the way?” Anne asked, settling back against the sofa.

Gilbert exhaled heavily, his gaze lifeless at the mere mention of school. “Hard. Exhausting. Really, I should be getting back to studying soon. I have to study hours a day, if I expect to pass; I’m getting practically no sleep.”

“But you’re passing right?” Anne smiled. “I mean, who needs sleep, as long as you’re passing?”

“Right of course; sleep is clearly second to not failing.” Gilbert chuckled for a moment, the laugh trailing off dully. He frowned. “I could be doing better on my papers, though; I just don’t have time to sit down and edit draft after draft right now.”

“You could send them my way, you know,” Anne replied. “You realize that’s sort of my job, editing writing and teaching English skills.”

Gilbert smiled, but it was a fleeting moment, turning quickly into a look of uncertainty, unsure. “I don’t want you to be swamped, editing my work for me when you should be focusing on your class.”

“Well, don’t send me everything; just, since we’re-” Anne halted for a moment, not quite sure what word worked the best in their situation- “Since we’re friends, I’m happy to help you with the occasional piece. I’ll help you study, too, if you like.”

The smile returned to Gilbert’s expression. “That’s really nice of you, Anne. Thank you.”

“Yeah, well, don’t thank me too early. This is all for my own ego; my editing and tutoring sessions will just be made up of me harassing you about my higher intelligence.”

“That’s probably for the best, then,” Gilbert replied, a glint in his eye. “If you don’t knock my arrogance back down a peg, someone else will. I know for sure that Bash would be up for the challenge.”

They shared a short laugh, and the air in the room seemed to change. Calling Gilbert a friend before felt… odd. Not in the sense that it was wrong, but more that it wasn’t quite the right descriptor. Before, meeting him again for the first time in years, it felt more like they were acquaintances. But now, the more they spoke, the more Anne noticed how easy it was to talk to him, sensing just how quick they seemed to fall back into their old routine from high school.

Back then, Anne certainly wouldn’t have called him a friend; to her, he was a rival, opponent, and adversary. He and her went head-to-head, and she had seen no friendship in that. But now…. What they had, as strange as it was, was a friendship, in their own, different way. Anne supposed it shouldn’t have surprise her that she was finding herself falling into that banter, that style of amiable conversation again.

_Damn_ , Anne thought, watching Gilbert stand. _I really need to talk to Diana._

“I should get going,” Anne said, standing as well. “Let me know if you ever need me to help you with some work; I’m not always free, but as long as we set something up a few days in advance, we can meet for coffee or something. Of course, you’ll have to be treating- that’s my tutor rate.”

He chuckled, nodding. “I suppose that’s reasonable enough.” He paused for a moment, smiling at her, then quickly continued. “I’ll message you.” He placed his hands into his pockets, leaning against a nearby wall. “Either about help with studying or to give you more of what we owe you.”

Anne nodded with a small smile, finding his attempt at a laid-back demeanor quite humorous. “Sounds good.”

She reached a hand out to shake and he obliged, returning it firmly. The action made Anne feel awkward, as if they were past this way of saying goodbye, but not quite at hugging. Anne stepped back, sticking her head towards the hallway. “Bye, Bash! Nice meeting you!”

Sebastian stuck his head around the corner, grinning at her. “Come back soon!”

Anne looked back at Gilbert, who was rolling his eyes at Sebastian’s sunny attitude. “Well…. Goodbye, Gilbert. It was...nice talking to you again.”

Gilbert smiled. “Yeah, it was.”

Anne walked towards the door and opened it, giving Gilbert one last wave before stepping outside.

The moment she was back in her car, Anne released a heavy sigh of relief. Jesus Christ. What was with her luck these days, seeing all these ghosts from her past life mingling once again into her world? Anne frowned as she put on her seatbelt and checked her rearview. Not that they were exactly ghosts, per say; after all, they weren’t people that Anne wanted to actively avoid. In fact, she was happy to find Jerry and Gilbert back in her life, as weird as it was; still, parts of her had thought that she would never see the two of them again. It was very strange, indeed.

Anne drove back towards her home. It was about time Cole and Diana learned about Gilbert’s entrance back into her life.

\-----

Anne entered her apartment, the ride home making her feel suddenly fatigued. She knew it was more so the day she had than the car ride alone, but it was the drive back that made her exhaustion truly stand out to her.

The smell of dinner cooking hung heavily in the air, and Diana stood at the kitchen counter, preparing a salad. Cole sat in front of the TV, bent over a sketchpad. Neither of them said anything, just offering her a glance and a smile.

Anne walked up to the table, dropping her keys into the bowl. “I saw Marilla today.”

Diana didn’t move from the salad, simply nodding as she sliced some carrots. “So I heard. How’d it go?”

Anne found herself smiling to herself. “It went well, actually. In a shocking turn of events, my anxiety was incorrect and I had literally nothing to worry about.”

She heard Cole snort from the sofa. “Told you,” he said under his breath.

Anne rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a big dumb idiot who should have listened to you, as always. Anyway,” Anne pulled out a chair, sliding down into the seat. “We talked about everything. It was nice; she said she was proud of me.”

This time, Diana looked over at her, smiling. “Really?”

Anne nodded. “Yeah. I guess I didn’t realize just how badly I needed to hear those words, you know?”

Diana face set serious, and she turned back to the salad. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

There was silence in the apartment for a moment, besides the gentle murmur of the TV and the sound of Diana chopping. For a moment, Anne wondered if she was wrong, if maybe it still wasn’t the best time to bring up Gilbert. She inhaled heavily, then exhaled. _No, they need to hear about this. They seem quiet, like something’s off. This will distract them, give them something to shriek about and tease me over._

Anne swallowed hard. “So I didn’t tell y’all this, but I ran into someone else the other day.”

Cole looked over at her from the couch, curiosity growing on his expression. “What? When?”

“Was it Jerry again?” Diana said, smirking.

Anne ignored Diana. “When I went to the bookstore.”

Cole scoffed, pushing himself off the sofa. “Oh this better be good, then. That was weeks ago, Anne; why are you bringing this up now, not then?”

Anne swallowed hard. She knew this would happen. “Well, I thought I wouldn’t really be interacting with the person again, and we’re all going through some stuff, so I figured it wasn’t the time to bring this up.”

Diana set down her knife and turned around, leaning against the counter before crossing her arms, staring at Anne suspiciously. “And what’s changed?”

“Well… turns out I’ll be seeing this person a lot more than I thought.”

Almost at the same time, Diana and Cole moved forward, their interests clearly piqued by the gazes they sent each other. “Okay…. Who is it then, Anne?” “Clearly it’s someone we know, if you’re taking so damn long to tell us,” Diana added.

Anne nodded. “Yeah, it is. It’s, um…,” Anne dropped her gaze, rubbing her arm uncomfortably. “I ran into Gilbert Blythe.”

Almost at once, Cole and Diana shrieked.

“Holy shit!”

“No fucking way,” Cole gasped, a huge grin growing on his expression.

Diana stepped forward and swatted Anne on the arm. Anne flinched. “Ow! What was that for-”

“What the _hell_ , Anne! Why didn’t you tell us that Saturday! This is big news!”

Anne shrugged. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” Anne mumbled.

“You ran into someone from our high school, of course it’s a big deal!” Diana raised a hand and pinched the bridge of her nose. “God, Anne, come on!”

Cole inhaled sharply and Anne glanced over at him; his eyes sparkled with the glint of someone who’s just had a thought. “Do you think he’s going to get another crush on you?”

Diana snorted. “Do you think he ever got over the last one he had on her?”

They both laughed, leaving Anne to frown. “Everyone keeps saying that.”

“It’s because it’s true, Anne.” Cole finished chuckling, pulling out a chair at the table to sit down. His smile fell quickly as he realized something. “Wait. You said you’ll be seeing him more often- why are you going to be seeing Gilbert more?”

Diana gasped. “Oh my God, are you two dating?! Anne, you did not-”

“No, we’re not dating! God, guys, I only met up with him so he could give me more of what he owes for the books I sold to him. It was completely professional.”

Diana pulled out a chair as well. “Where did you guys meet up?”

Anne hesitated. “His house.”

Diana smirked, leaning back in her chair. “Yeah, I wouldn’t exactly call that professional, Anne. Guys don’t just invite you to their homes if it’s for business.”

Anne sighed. “He didn’t invite me there, Diana, I chose the location.”

Diana and Cole shared a sharp look, then Cole started to cackle. “Holy shit. Anne’s finally taking initiative!”

“Finally!” Diana replied, grinning from ear-to-ear.

“See, this is why I didn’t fucking tell you guys,” Anne said sharply. “Can you take this seriously? Please? I’ll admit, he probably did have a crush on me in high school, but I highly doubt he still does. We’ve all aged nearly ten years since we last spoke; he’s had to have changed. I know we all have.”

“Alright, alright,” Diana stood, stepping over to Anne before wrapping her arms around her. “We’ll stop kidding around.”

Cole nodded, getting up as well to hug her. After a moment of silence he added, “After you show us a pic.”

Anne rolled her eyes, snorting as she pulled away. “Fine, if it means you’ll both shut up.”

Anne pulled out her phone and opened up her Facebook app, searching for his profile. “So he added you on Facebook, huh?” Diana chuckled. Anne glared at her, then opened up his profile pic.

It was a simple picture of Gilbert sitting in his living room, and Anne assumed it was probably taken by Sebastian. It was one of the few photos on his page. Diana and Cole stretched their heads over to get a good look at her screen.

Cole smiled down at the phone. “He looks good.”

Diana nodded in agreement. “I know you’ll hate me for saying it Anne, but he looks _really_ cute. Like, ‘you better date him before someone else does’ cute.”

Anne rolled her eyes. “How do you know he’s not dating anyone?”

Diana smirked. “I feel like you would have already told us that if he was.”

Anne said nothing, knowing that Diana was right. Damn. Sometimes, Anne wished she didn’t have friends who could read her so well. She pulled her phone away, turning off the screen before shoving it into her pocket.

“I’ll keep you guys updated. If I see him again, you’ll be the first to know.”

Anne walked away, entering her room and practically flinging herself onto her bed. She ignored the whispers of conversation that Cole and Diana were having, knowing they were scheming something. Anne exhaled heavily, staring at the ceiling. What had she gotten herself into?


	9. Chapter 9

Anne stood outside her classroom Wednesday afternoon, waiting for her next class to enter the room. It was the class after lunch, her slowest moving class, and her students were still rowdy from their break and unable to focus on her lessons. Anne sighed, watching as a group of boys entered the building, shoving each other while calling each other names. _Was it too early to take a sick day?_

The boys drew near, close enough that Anne could make out what they were saying, fitting off the urge to roll her eyes at them.

“...and you guys can come over this weekend. My mom’ll buy us pizza.”

The group of four responded at once with an excited laughter, except for one boy who was frowning. “Aw, damn, I just remembered: my mom’s birthday is Sunday, so I won’t be able to go.”

Anne snorted. Ah, the good ol’ days, back when sleepovers were the biggest worry.

One of the boys in the groups snorted. “Ah man, that’s so _gay_.”

Anne’s stomach lurched as the group erupted in giggles, and she whipped her head around to face them. “What did you just say?”

The boys froze, faces paling. The four of them glanced at each other shortly, until the one who had spoken said, “Nothing, Ma’am.”

“Really?” Anne asked, fuming. “Because what I heard didn’t sound like nothing.”

The boys said nothing; Anne swallowed hard, rage building in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t recognize these students, but perhaps that was for the better; she was always more frightened when an unknown teacher told her to stop doing something when she was back in school.

She leaned down a few inches, coming close to their faces. “Don’t call each other that. Stop using it like an insult- it shouldn’t be used like one, because it isn’t. You got that?”

Silently, they nodded and Anne continued. “If I catch you saying it again, I will give you detention. I don’t care that you aren’t in my class. What you said is inappropriate, and I-”

Anne halted, stopping herself from saying _and I take personal offense to that_. It was true, but Anne didn’t want to risk outing herself, not mid-scold to a bunch of children who certainly wouldn’t take it well. She cleared her throat. “And I don’t want to hear you boys saying it. Alright?”

They mumbled their apologies, then went off to class, faces red and heads hanging low. Anne watched as they shuffled off, her throat thick, skin prickling up uncomfortably. She hoped she hadn’t made a scene. The last thing she wanted was to bring attention to herself.

The rest of the day passed slowly, with Anne in a deep funk. These sort of things just distracted her, and it would take a lot to make her feel better. She just hoped the rest of the day would pass by quickly.

\-----

Anne practically threw herself onto the sofa upon arriving home, allowing her face to sink into the cushions. She groaned, a loud and long note of frustration. Some days just felt like a never-ending fight, and she needed a break. She was practically counting the days already; she didn’t have any plans for her break, but she just knew she would use it to gain back her sanity and patience.

Anne heard footsteps enter the room and lifted her head, finding herself face to face with Cole, who was leaning over her with raised eyebrows. “Long day?” he asked.

Anne pushed herself up into a sitting position. “Just the usual, with a splice of middle-school appropriate homophobia. You know, the usual “you’re gay” comments.”

“Ah,” Cole nodded. “Can’t miss out on that. A staple of everyone’s academic career.”

He jumped over the back of the sofa, landing on the cushion besides Anne with a grin. “I’m setting up a website for myself, by the way. So that people can buy my art and commission me for pieces.”

Anne smiled, happy for the subject change. “That’s great, Cole!”

“Yeah, it is-” he stopped suddenly as a thought entered his head and scowled- “well, here’s hoping I’m not just commissioned for porn.”

Anne snickered softly, and Cole did the same, their laughs fading as Cole dropped his head, sighing. “But whatever. As long as it pays the bills.”

Anne nodded but said nothing. She wished she could do something, _anything_ , to help him, but she was already so busy with her own stuff. _Not to mention I already told Gilbert I’d help him with his crap._ Anne frowned. Why did she agree to help him? She didn’t have the time for that, especially considering how much she was struggling to grade all of her students work and get paperwork and the likes done. Anne sighed. _I really need to learn to say no to people._

“Well, if you ever want some help with the website, just ask me,” Anne said. “Not that I could do much, but I figure if you need a second eye, you can ask me. Bounce some ideas off me or whatever.”

Cole snorted. “Yeah, no. If I have design questions, I’m going to Diana.”

Ouch. Anne placed an outstretched hand over her heart, feigning offense. “Cole, you wound me.” “I’m sorry that you can’t handle the truth,” he replied, chuckling as he stood. “Which reminds me, I need to get back to work. Thanks for the offer though, Anne.”

He went back into his room, shutting the door, leaving Anne alone once more.

Anne sighed, leaning against the back of the sofa. Maybe she did need more friends. At least these future study sessions with Gilbert would allow her to have someone else to talk to. And then there was Jerry, although there wasn’t much more to their friendship other than the occasional teasing and nods at one another across the hallway. Maybe she needed to talk to Jerry more, strengthen what little was there. He was sort of her brother, after all, although she was sure that he probably didn’t want any more siblings than those he already had.

Anne dropped her head into her hands, groaning. She was getting desperate, if she was thinking Jerry was her best option for friendship. Anne snorted. _Maybe I’ll go pay Rachel Lynde a visit and find out some recent gossip._

The sound of a key entering the lock snagged Anne’s attention and she turned, facing the door right as Diana entered.

Anne took her in for a moment. Her hair was a mess, her part uneven and stray hairs all over. Her eyes were wide but gaze distracted, and she chewed her lip, texting quickly as she shut the door behind herself with her foot. She lifted her gaze, halting in her tracks as she noticed Anne on the sofa, raising a hand to her chest.

“Jesus, Anne, I didn’t see you there!”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised; you’re clearly distracted, Diana.” Anne stood, walking around the couch to greet her friend, noticing that she seemed even more worried up close. “Seriously, I haven’t seen you frown like that in a while. What’s up?”

Diana shoved her phone into her pocket, raising a hand to rub her face roughly. “It’s my parents.”

Anne frowned. “Oh no. What did they do this time?”

Diana’s shoulders slouched. “They’re requesting to stop by the apartment later this week.”

Anne gaped at Diana; she certainly wasn’t expecting _that_. She hadn’t seen Diana’s parents in years, and actively avoided them whenever possible, and now they were wanting to visit the apartment? Anne quickly looked around the room, already strategizing what needed to be cleaned.

“My mother called earlier,” Diana continued. “And I guess she misses me right now, since I do my best not to talk to them. I guess it’s good that she misses me, but…,” Diana trailed off, shaking her head. “I just feel like the moment they arrive, they’re gonna complain about _everything_.”

Anne leaned against a nearby wall for support, the idea of the work she had ahead of her already preparing her for exhaustion. Diana’s estrangement from her parents certainly wasn’t helping the situation; at least if they were closer, Anne would know what to expect. Anne took in a slow, calm and collected breath.

“Okay, here’s what we’re gonna do. We’ll cook them dinner, get some ingredients from that fancy grocery store, the one just a little ways out from Avonlea, and just make them a meal so enjoyable they can’t complain about it.”

Diana’s expression remained unchanged, unconvinced. “They’ll probably just bitch about Cole being jobless or something like that, even if everything else is perfect.”

“Diana, it’s going to be okay.” Anne stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Diana tightly. “And if it isn’t, if they act rude and don’t listen to the house rules, we’ll kick them out. It’s our apartment, after all, and you’re in your twenties. You don’t have to listen to them.”

Diana sighed. “Yeah, I know. It’s just... hard.”

Anne said nothing for a moment, just holding Diana in her arms. Why was it that none of them had a stable relationship with their parents? Somehow, Anne ended up with the most normal relationship in the group, and that still seemed like quite the stretch.

“When are they coming again?” Anne asked.

“This weekend,” Diana replied, breaking away from the hug. “So I should probably start cleaning and rearranging shit in here right away if I want them to be happy.”

She moved towards the center of the room, already starting to pick things up. Anne stopped her. “No- Don’t do that yet. Look, you’re clearly stressed and upset, and cleaning isn’t going to make you feel any better. Let’s go ahead and get the groceries we need; that way, we can go ahead and get ourselves dinner for tonight as well.”

Diana considered that for a moment, then placed the objects she was holding on a nearby coffee table. “Grocery store sushi?”

Anne smiled. “Perfect.”

A grin grew on Diana’s expression, and relief washed over Anne, feeling so much better when she knew she was helping her friends. Anne picked up her keys from the bowl on the table. “Alright, then; let’s go!”

\-----

It was a nice place, located in a popular shopping center, aimed for tourists and people with more money than the average teacher in their mid-twenties. Still, despite it being much more expensive, Anne enjoyed shopping there every few months; the store sold items she could never get at their local store, and while shopping there meant she was usually splurging and spending more than she should, it was sometimes good to just treat oneself.

She and Diana entered the store, AC washing over them as Diana grabbed a cart. “God, I always forget to bring a jacket,” Diana muttered, shivering.

“Do you know what they’d want to eat?” asked Anne as they strolled through the produce section.

“I’ll definitely make them a side salad; nothing too fancy for that, of course, although I’ll need to actually make a main dish.” Diana frowned, picking up a head of lettuce, looking at it absently. “I don’t know. Chicken? Steak? What do you think, Anne?”

Diana picked up a different head of lettuce, and after looking it over placed it in the cart. “I’d go with chicken,” Anne said as they moved on. “We can bake one, and that shouldn’t be too hard. Much less likely that we’ll screw it up.”

Diana nodded, but it was clear to Anne that she still felt doubtful. Anne rested a gently hand on Diana’s arm. “Look, they shouldn’t be expecting a five-star meal. That’s absurd.”

Diana sighed. “Yeah, I know. I’m just worried that if it’s too simple they’ll comment on it. But then, if I try to make something complex and fuck it up in anyway, they might comment on that, too.”

They reached the poultry section, and Anne watched Diana strategically look over the whole chickens. “You’re overthinking this. Look, Diana, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings or anything, but I think you’re focusing too much on the worst things could go- they won’t be as bad as you’re imagining.”

Diana placed a chicken into the cart, then shot Anne a look. “Like you don’t do the exact same thing.”

Anne clucked her tongue; this conversation was feeling circuitous, and she was beginning to run out of patience. “I’m not saying that I don’t do the same shit, Diana, I’m just saying that you should try not to imagine the worst possible occurrence. I still try my best to do the same, even if I don’t always prevail.”

Diana pushed the cart forward, beginning to frown. “Right. Sorry, Anne, I’m just- I’m tense, is all.”

“I know,” Anne said, nodding. “But things will work out fine.”

They continued down the aisles, picking up some snack food along the way to put in their lunches. As they placed things into the cart, Diana still seemed distant, quietly staring at the label on a bag of chips. Anne frowned, watching her. What did she need to do to convince Diana that things were most likely not going to go horribly. Of course, there was always the possibility, and perhaps that was why Diana was so hesitant to believe Anne; after all, she couldn’t completely promise that things would go well.

“We should get some spices,” Anne said finally, finding that Diana was spending much too long staring off at the nutrition facts on the side of a jar of salsa. “So that it isn’t just bland and tasteless.”

Diana nodded, placing the jar back on the shelf. They passed three aisles until stopping at the right one; they walked down the aisle slowly, taking in the products that lined the shelves in case anything stood out. They stopped at the row of spices, and much to Anne’s luck, the store carried more spices than the grocery store that was closer to their apartment. Lucky her for choosing the right one to go to for their dinner shopping.

“What do you think, curry? Or do you have something else in mind?” Anne asked, picking up a small jar of dried basil in one hand and a jar of allspice in the other. Out of the corner of her eye she could see someone turning into the aisle; Anne kept her attention on the spices, already growing weary of the length of their shopping trip and ready to go home.

Diana searched the shelves with a concentrated gaze. “Hmm. Well, if I remember correctly, Mother likes-”

“ _Anne_?”

At the sound of a strange voice saying her name, Diana halted; both she and Anne turned around swiftly, eyes searching for the owner of the voice. Diana gasped.

Before them stood Gilbert Blythe, accompanied by Sebastian, who was smiling broadly.

Anne gaped at him for only a moment, then gathered herself. “Lucky seeing you here.”

Gilbert chuckled, glancing between them. “I know, right? I don’t see you for eight years, then poof! Two times in a week.”

Anne swore she could feel Diana’s gaze burning into the back of her neck. Gilbert stepped forward, hand outreached towards Diana. “Diana, hi! It’s been a while!”

She took his hand and shook it gracefully. “It’s good to see you, Gilbert. Anne mentioned that she ran into you the other day.”

Diana paused for a moment, during which Anne’s eyes locked on Sebastian’s; he smirked, and Anne quickly shifted her gaze back to Gilbert. Diana meanwhile continued. “You look well!”

“Well, that’s surprising,” Gilbert replied. “I haven’t been getting any sleep. I have class tomorrow; really, I should be home studying, not grocery shopping with Bash here.” He gestured to Sebastian behind him; Diana gave him a small wave. “Anyway, what are you two doing here?”

“We’re just shopping for a dinner we have planned this weekend. Diana’s parents are stopping by,” Anne said, gesturing to the chicken in the cart.

“Oh, nice; I hope that goes well.”

For a quick second, one that Anne barely registered herself, Gilbert smiled at her, a warm, sweet look that made Anne’s heartbeat quicken and hair stand on end. Gilbert continued, “We’ll let you get back to what you’re doing. We need to finish shopping pretty quickly if I expect to get home with enough time to study for another few hours.”

He waved goodbye to them, his eyes smiling brightly, the corners wrinkling in their telltale way that reminded Anne with a fierce wave of nostalgia how he’d glance at her in high school. She dropped her gaze quickly, turning back towards the cart and the row of spices.

Diana, on the other hand, watched them until they left the aisle, no longer in view. She turned on her heel quickly, eyes wide and grinning from ear-to-ear. “Holy _shit,_ Anne.”

Anne nodded. “I know.”

“I can’t believe we haven’t run into him sooner. He’s literally living like, what, thirty minutes away, tops?”

Diana quickly snatched a jar of curry powder and added it to the cart, then continued pushing, talking at the same time. “I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it, Anne.”

Anne glanced at her; she herself felt distracted at the moment, wondering if they’d end up in the same aisle as Gilbert and Sebastian again. “What can’t you believe, Di?”

“He’s gotten _cute_ , Anne. Like, that boy is _very_ pretty. I can’t believe just how nice he looks in person!”

She whispered that last part, but that didn’t stop the blush that rose on Anne’s cheeks. “Shush, Diana! He might hear you!”

“Pshh. Who cares, Anne! Gilbert could probably use a compliment, anyway.” Diana stopped in front of the frozen vegetables section, opening up a freezer to grab a bag of green beans. “But he really wasn’t kidding; school must be wearing him out.”

Anne said nothing but silently agreed. He needed sleep and a long break, probably much more than she did. Anne sighed. “Yeah, well, he probably won’t get much sleep for the next three years, until he’s actually practicing.”

They reached the fresh seafood section and looked over the display of sushi that had been made earlier in the day. While Diana searched, Anne added begrudgingly, “But you’re right, he does look better in person than in his profile pic.”

“See!” Diana picked up a salmon-tuna platter and gestured with it at Anne before adding it into their cart. “If even you can admit it, then it’s definitely true!”

It’s not that Anne didn’t think he looked good; he was aging well, and had grown into his form. Still, just because Diana was right didn’t mean that Anne necessarily wanted to admit it. To admit, even in a half-assed comment, that he was looking rather handsome was something Anne was certainly nowhere near comfortable enough admitting to her friend.

Anne sighed. _Who knows. Maybe in due time that would change._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Another update will come in a few days, so keep an eye out for it. If you're interested, I'm on tumblr at remylebub. I post mostly memes, xmen comics, and awae stuff right now, but if you have any questions you want to send over ask, I'll be happy to answer them!


	10. Chapter 10

Diana and Anne spent the following few days cleaning the apartment almost obsessively, making sure everything was as spotless as possible. Diana vacuumed the entire place twice, as if the rooms had collected dust in the two days she had gone without vacuuming. Anne watched the franticness of her cleaning from the other side of the room; she saw no reason to continue cleaning a spotless area, and wasn’t going to partake in Diana’s obsessive frenzy.

Cole joined Anne on the sofa, swiveling his head around to watch Diana for a moment, softly tutting as she cleaned the one used glass in the sink. “I hope this goes over well.”

“I think it will, though with no help from you,” Anne replied humorously, letting Cole know that his lack of help cleaning hadn’t gone unnoticed. “However, the tone in this apartment…. Well, it’s foreboding.”

“Foreboding?”

“Yeah,” Anne nodded, pausing to consider her thoughts. “It just seems like it’s building up to something... bad. I just can’t tell if that’s my natural instincts, or if it’s because of the bad atmosphere and energy that Diana is giving off.”

They continued to watch her for a moment; it worried Anne whenever Diana got like this, caring too much about her parents’ opinions and letting it greatly impact her attitude. Anne was about to tell Diana to take a break when her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Anne pulled it out and checked the screen. To her surprise, there was a message from Gilbert. All it read was “hey Anne!” with a smiley face, but Anne found that that alone brought a smile to her face.

That was, until Cole leaned over and glanced at what she was staring at. Anne yanked her phone away, dropping it in her lap, but it was too late; Cole was grinning deviously at her. “Oooooo, Gilbert’s messaging you, huh?”

Diana paused in her cleaning, head swiveling to look at Anne. “What did he say?”

Anne’s shoulders fell as she leaned against the couch and sighed. “Nothing- at least nothing of consequence that should require the two of you to seem so interested. He just said hi.”

“ _With_ a smiley face,” Cole added.

Ignoring them, Anne picked up her phone again and replied, “What’s up?” before shoving the phone into her pocket and standing. “Diana, stop cleaning. I promise you, everything looks perfect. If you’re feeling fidgety and need your hands to do something, just sew or knit- I mean, seriously, this cleaning thing is getting a little ridiculous.”

Anne left the living room and entered her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Everything felt so tense, and it was hard for her to not feel snippy. Anne sat down on her bed, exhaling heavily. _Maybe I just need a nap_.

She pulled out her phone again, laying back against her pillows and holding her phone up above her head. She and Gilbert had begun to message each other a few times every day- mostly about his classes or her students, or on days he was studying, she’d send him study tips and tell him to stop distracting himself by messaging her.

Because that was what he was doing, messaging her whenever he was bored and needing a break from his work. Anne didn’t blame him; it was the same thing she would do. But it was her job, as a teacher, to tell him to stop whenever she caught him doing it.

Anne sighed. As much as she knew Gilbert wanted her to chat with him right now, she really wasn’t in the mood. Diana’s nerves were starting to get to her, and she was beginning to feel guilty for not doing anything to help. Not that she _could_ help anymore, not really at least, but the guilt was still there.

“Ugh. Maybe I _should_ just nap,” Anne muttered, flipping onto her stomach before shoving her face into her pillow. She didn’t have the energy for this right now.

Maybe if she went to sleep, she’d be able to nap through all her problems. Shutting her eyes, Anne chuckled. _Won’t know unless I try_.

\-----

The day of was frantic in their apartment. Diana had changed clothes three times in search for the perfect outfit, and ultimately decided on a yellow blouse and white capris. Anne thought she looked lovely and was amazed that the pants were unstained (after all, had they been Anne’s, they would have been ruined after the first wear), but Diana was still unconvinced, sure that she didn’t look good.

They had started to cook at ten, waking up early to get it done. Not that they actually needed to, but it made Diana feel less anxious to start the cooking process early. Anne prepared the salad while Diana worked on the chicken; Cole, in the meantime, had decided to go downtown and look around for work, though whether or not he was actually doing that, Anne couldn’t say for certain.

Diana’s parents and Cole didn’t get along well, and he wasn’t interested in having a meal with them, trapped in a social situation with two condescending adults for over an hour. Anne couldn’t blame him; really, it was for the best that he did his own thing while her parents were around.

Anne had decided to dress up as well. She had allowed Diana to curl her hair and picked out a striped dress that looked good with her hair color, giving off the impression that she was a well put together woman who was doing wonderfully in her career. It wasn’t too formal of a look either, fitting their dinner theme.

While Diana began boiling water for green beans, Anne set the table, pulling out their singular table cloth that they only used for holidays and situations like this. As she set plates down, she broke the silence that had formed from their focus on preparation. “So, what time should they be here again?”

“Pretty early for a dinner. Probably around four, maybe four-thirty? It depends on if Dad gets off work soon.”

Anne glanced at the clock. It was 3:15, and while everything seemed to be in place and in working order, Anne couldn’t ignore the feeling that something didn’t feel right. She exhaled heavily, chalking it up to nerves. Everything in the apartment was set up neatly, and she’d done a great deal of grading the night before, so it wasn’t like she had other, more important things to do.

Anne frowned. So why, then, was she feeling so off? As Anne watched Diana turn the burner off, she remembered with a pit in her stomach that she too was horribly uncomfortable around Diana’s parents. The last time they had had a full meal together was right before Anne and Diana had started dating, and lord knew how that had ended.

Of course, she had seen them a lot in the past few years, but never for such a substantial amount of time. If Anne calculated correctly, they would likely be over for at least two hours, more likely three if they felt like having a conversation.

Anne swallowed hard. She had no idea what Diana’s parents thought of her these days. Back in high school, when they started dating, the Barrys had quite an unsavory opinion of her. She hoped it had shifted in the past few years; if not, this was going to be one hell of an interesting dinner.

Anne walked over to the cabinet. “Will they want wine?”

Diana nodded, and Anne opened the door, removing the wine glasses. As she placed them on the table, she said softly, “Di, what do your parents think of me?”

Diana glanced at Anne, then looked back to her cooking. “I don’t know. They like you. You have a job and stuff, so there’s no reason for them to _not_ like you.”

“Except that I’m your ex.”

Diana halted mid-stir of her green beans, turning around and leaning against the counter, frowning deeply. “You shouldn’t be worried about that.”

“Do they still bring it up?” Anne asked, moving across the room so that she was now only a few feet away from Diana, facing her. “Is it still a point of contention? That we dated, and are now rooming together? Or do they get it, finally, that we’re just friends?”

Anne swallowed hard, her eyes prickling with nervous tears. Diana stepped forward three steps, grasping Anne’s arms tightly in her hands. “What’s gotten into you, Anne? This hasn’t been an issue in _years_.”

“Because I haven’t had to speak to them for more than two hours in years, Diana! And that was before we were dating! I just- I want to know if I should expect things to be awkward, Di.”

Diana sighed, shaking her head to herself. “Look, Anne… I’m just as nervous as you are, but you have to understand, at this point, I have no idea what my parents think right now, about literally anything! We stopped having deep, meaningful conversations years ago. I am just as in the dark about how they feel about us being roommates as you are.”

Diana stepped back, a sympathetic smile fading as quickly as if appeared. “I’m sorry I can’t soothe away your anxiety about this. I guess we’ll both just have to suffer and wait and see how this all plays out.”

Anne nodded, standing still for a moment before walking over to their fridge, opening it up; it was probably for the best if they stopped talking about their fears and anxieties surrounding the upcoming dinner. Breathing in deeply, Anne forced herself to gather her nerves and calm down, going back to the task at hand.

Eyes scanning, Anne stared at the contents lining the shelves. “Do we actually have wine that’s cooled?”

“Lower shelf, to the left,” Diana replied, turning back to her cooking. “I specifically got my mom’s favorite type of red wine.”

“Good, good.” Anne spotted the bottle and grabbed it, shutting the fridge door before walking back over to the dining room table, pouring out equal amounts of wine into each wine glass. She set the bottle down at the center of the table, corking the opening closed. “What should I even talk about tonight, Di? What would they even be interested hearing about?”

“Talking about teaching is fine- honestly, most of what’s going on in your life is fair game,” Diana turned off the burner and walked over to the sink, turning on the faucet before scrubbing her hands. “I mean, hell, if you bring up Gilbert, they’ll- well, at least Mother- would be very interested in that turn of conversation. Anything that sounds like your dating someone who isn’t me is probably going to be the safest conversation topic.”

“Right, right,” Anne said with a nod, beginning to chew her lip. Great. Talking to Diana’s parents about Gilbert Blythe was totally the type of conversation Anne wanted to have with them. How exciting. Anne sat down, feeling deflated. _If pretending to have a boyfriend makes this meal less sufferable, then a fake boyfriend I shall have._

Diana began moving everything over to the table; Anne stepped away, giving her room, and turned on her heel, entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind herself. For a moment, she just stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to imagine what Diana’s parents would see. Anne scowled at herself, dropping her gaze. _Why do I want to convince them of anything? What do I have to prove?_

In a perfect world, no one in their house would have anxiety, and they would actually be excited for this meal, rather than rue it. Anne wasn’t sure if that day would ever come, but she hoped that it would be now rather than never.

A knock at the door pulled her from her reverie, and she quickly exited the bathroom, feeling her nerves rise up again. They were a little early, and somehow that threw Anne even more off her rhythm. As she entered the main room, she and Diana shared a look; it contained many emotions in one gaze, hesitance and anxiety, but also a sense of encouragement, that together they would make it through. Anne swallowed hard. She desperately hoped that things would be fine.

\-----

An hour in, and dinner was proceeding along smoothly. Mrs. Barry had complimented Anne on how she was dressed the minute they’d entered the room, and while Anne wasn’t the best at reading body language, there seemed to be no malicious intent behind her words, so Anne had thanked her and complimented her back.

In fact, much of the dinner was went just like that, with Anne sitting and wondering vaguely if they were pretending to like her, or if that was just her nerves, and finding, as the hour passed, that nothing really stood out to her as either of Diana’s parents being rude. For the most part, Mr. Barry controlled the conversation, quite happy to talk about work, and while Anne found the subject to be completely dull, she was thankful he wasn’t asking any personal questions about her life. She’d much rather pretend to be invested in a conversation then have to pretend like her shit was completely in order.

Mrs. Barry was pouring herself a second glass of wine when she decided her husband had spoken about work for much too long. “Really, dear, I think we’ve heard enough about this. Don’t you want to know how your daughter and her friends are doing?”

There was an odd lilt to the word _friends_ that Anne wasn’t sure she liked. Anne smiled, strategically taking a bite of her dinner so that she wouldn’t have to speak first. Mr. Barry’s gaze shifted over to Diana, smiling warmly. “How’s the internship going? You’re learning good things, I hope?”

Diana nodded brightly. “Oh, it’s lovely! It’s hard work, of course, but this career really is the best option for me. It’s nice getting to see what’s new and chic, and it’s really expanding my vocabulary of fashion terms and styles,” she replied, enthusiasm practically dripping from her tone. Anne had no idea how she did it, how she sounded so invested, so-so rehearsed. Anne stopped herself from looking impressed. Maybe Diana should have gone into acting. Or a career that involved lying more.

“Well, that’s good!” Mrs. Barry smiled, taking a bite of her chicken. “Keep working hard, and good things will come to you. However…,” she paused, raising an eyebrow playfully. “I do have to ask: have you been seeing any of your coworkers?”

Diana faced reddened. “Mom….”

Mr. Barry placed a hand on his wife’s arm. “You don’t have to do this now-”

“Don’t worry, I’m not hassling anyone! I swear, both of you act like I’m about to start a scene!” Mrs. Barry laughed, then turned back to Diana. “But really, are there any cute men you’re working with? Anyone you’d consider going out with on a dinner date? It’s just, you know, your father and I had been dating for a year by the time I was your age-”

“Mom!” Diana scoffed, dropping her hands into her lap. “We’ve talked about this!”

Mrs. Barry raised her hands up defensively. “Okay, okay! I’m just saying, you should start keeping an eye out,” she picked up her knife and fork and added in a much softer tone, “None of us are getting any younger, anyway.”

During all this, Anne watched them silently, knowing how annoyed Diana had to be. The insistence that she needed to get in a relationship, and the clear focus on a boyfriend made Anne’s stomach flip uncomfortably. Much to her dismay, Mrs. Barry turned to her next. “And what about you, Anne? Are you seeing anyone?”

Anne swallowed hard. “Well, no, not really. I ran into Gilbert Blythe, from high school, the other day, and we’ve been talking.”

Mrs. Barry’s expression brightened. “Ah, I remember Gilbert. Are you interested in him?” Mrs. Barry asked knowingly, although what it was that she knew, Anne had no idea.

“I-I’m not sure. He’s nice, and he’s…,” Anne paused, desperately searching for another adjective but found that her brain was refusing to work with her. She said the first thing that came to mind. “He’s an attractive man.”

Anne practically flinched at her own words, and she shared a look with Diana, who much to Anne’s annoyance, seemed thrilled at Anne’s response. Mrs. Barry did as well. “Oh, good! Please, have Diana update me if anything comes about between the two of you.”

Before Anne could reply, Mr. Barry exhaled heavily, and Mrs. Barry laughed. “Fine, we’ll change the subject. You know it’s my job to tease you girls, right?”

Diana and Anne nodded, neither really agreeing that that was, in fact, her job. Anne sipped her wine tentatively. She was really hoping it would kick in soon and unnerve her.

“How’s teaching, Anne?”

Mr. Barry’s question brought Anne back to the dinner table, and after a moment’s stumbling she found her words. “Oh! Um, well... I was struggling a bit at first, but I think I now have a grasp on things.”

“That’s certainly good,” Mrs. Barry replied, chuckling. “Really, though, they’re eighth graders, right? Glorified babysitting, to some extent.”

Anne stared at her, taken aback. “Excuse me?”

Mrs. Barry’s eyes widened, raising a hand to her chest in defense. “Oh no, dear, I don’t mean it like that! It’s just, you know, the work is pretty simple, besides all that grading. Isn’t it a lot of just scolding children and making sure they don’t kill themselves? At least,” she added with a laugh. “That’s what it’s like _raising_ a fourteen year old.”

“It’s a little more nuanced than that,” Anne replied, mouth in a stiff, tight line.

Mrs. Barry reached over and patted Anne’s hand gently. “Oh, I’m sure it is! But, you know-”

“Hey, mom?” Diana interrupted. “How’s Minnie May doing? Is she doing well in her classes?”

Mrs. Barry pulled back her hand, turning to Diana. Anne shot Diana a thankful glance; she wasn’t sure what she would have done if Mrs. Barry had pissed her off any more than that. “She’s doing well! We’re having a driving lesson next weekend; here’s hoping she doesn’t crash the car and kill your father.”

The Barrys laughed, and Anne forced herself to smile. This dinner was growing old real fast.

“Where’s your other roommate, by the way?” Mr. Barry asked, leaning back in his chair, with a glance around the room. “Cole, right?”

Diana reached for the bottle of wine and filled up her glass, finishing off the rest of it. “He’s busy. He had some errands to run.”

Mrs. Barry pursed her lips. “Well, we would have liked him here. Couldn’t he have put that off until later?”

Diana sighed. “He recently lost his job, Mom. He’s just trying to find work somewhere else in the meantime. He’s been really trying to find anywhere that will hire him.”

“What did he get his degree in again?” Mr. Barry asked, taking a bite of his chicken.

“He went to art school.”

Chuckling, Mr. Barry set his fork down, a knowing grin growing. “No wonder he’s struggling. He signed himself up for a life of struggle and woe, didn’t he?”

Underneath the tablecloth, Anne gripped the hem of her dress roughly. Mr. Barry took a sip of his wine and swallowed before continuing. “If he’d gotten a _real_ degree, he would have a steady, well paying job, and wouldn’t have to worry about all this.”

“Dad, you’re making it sound like it’s easier than it is,” Diana said shortly. “It’s not. It’s hard to get a job, regardless of your field.”

Ignoring his daughter, Mr. Barry turned to Anne, gesturing in her direction. “You’re lucky, too; English can be a worthless degree as well, if you don’t use it correctly.” Anne wondered how evident it was on her expression that she was fuming as he looked back to Diana, continuing, “Diana, sweetheart, you have to be careful. Fashion- it’s a hard industry to get involved in, and there’s no promises that you’ll always have a steady career. Sometimes I wish you had listened better to us, so that we wouldn’t have to look out for you all the time.”

Anne glanced over at Diana; she could feel the tension in the room, and she had no idea how Diana’s parents hadn’t felt it yet. Diana’s jaw was tight, her hands resting in fists by her side. “Despite what you may think, I don’t need you to look out for me.”

Mrs. Barry gave a sympathetic frown. “No, no, of course you don’t; we’re just worried about you, that’s all. We just want what’s best for you, as much as you refuse to believe that! Come now, Diana, you _know_ I’m proud of you with this internship and all! Of course, I’d be a little happier if you had a boyfriend, but-”

“Lay off about that, Mom,” Diana hissed through her teeth. “You know I’m not looking for that kind of thing right now.”

Once again, Mrs. Barry held her hands up defensively. Anne noticed that this was a reoccurring theme for the evening. She sighed heavily, dropping her hands into her lap. “You say that, but have you considered that maybe there just… aren’t men to date in your field? I hate to make judgements so hastily, but don’t most men in your career just... have eyes for each other?”

The room fell silent; Diana’s parents watched Diana, waiting for a response, while Anne sat, desperately wanting to leave the room, uncomfortable and growing more and more upset at what Diana’s parents had to say as the conversation continued onward. Diana’s gaze raised from her glass of wine, which she now held in her hand, up to her mother’s face; whatever composure she had been holding onto fell away completely, and suddenly Diana’s expression was fierce, eyes flickering in anger. Her voice started hushed, but raised as she carried on.

“I have made it _very_ clear that I’m not interested in dating right now. Men _or_ women, as much as you like to continue to gloss over the fact that I have made it _very_ clear what my sexuality is. Hell, ignoring that you are wrong in assuming all men interested in fashion are gay, you never seem to consider the idea that I might date a female coworker instead! I mean, Jesus, Mom- you act like you forget I’m bisexual every damn time I tell you!”

Anne’s gaze shifted over to Mrs. Barry, who had paled considerably during Diana’s short rant. She swallowed hard, frowning. “Diana, we haven’t spoken about this in- in a long time. You can’t blame me for assuming that was just a phrase-”

“I reminded you four months ago!” Diana exclaimed, her voice shrill, mouth hanging wide in shock before continuing. “How the hell did you think it was just a phase? Didn’t you think it was odd that I was “in a phase” for eight fucking years?!”

“Language, Diana!” Mrs. Barry gasped, crossing her arms. Anne glanced over at Mr. Barry; he sat silent, but his eyes were wide and mouth was agape. Mrs. Barry wiped her lip with her napkin, then pushed her chair back, standing. “I don’t see why you’re so upset about this! I swear, every time I bring this up, you get offended so quickly!”

Diana stood up as well, voice raising in volume as she continued to speak. “How do you not understand that you’re the one offending me? What is so upsetting to you about the idea of me having a girlfriend and dating girls?!”

“It’s not; why, we were perfectly fine with you and Anne, when the two of you were dating-”

Anne dropped her gaze, feeling everyone else’s gaze fall on her. Diana cut Mrs. Barry off. “Like hell you were. The day I told you Anne and I were dating, you thought she had convinced me- that she had gotten some dumb idea into my head!” Diana was practically yelling at this point, and continued, “Since when is that showing to me that you were “perfectly fine” with our relationship? In what world is that properly supporting us!”

The room fell silent. Mrs. Barry took a step towards Diana, but Diana drew away, shaking her head. “I think it’s time for you to go. It was nice seeing you again.”

Mr. Barry stood. “Now, Diana-”

“I’m serious.” Diana stared at them, her teeth gritted together. Anne remained seated; she wasn’t quite sure what would happen were she to get involved. “It’s time for the two of you to go. Give my love to Minnie May.”

She walked over the door and opened it, holding it open for them, her face flat besides the anger that resided in her gaze. The Barrys glanced at Anne; she stared back at them. This wasn’t her decision, after all, and it wasn’t like she disagreed with what Diana was doing. Slowly, Mrs. Barry gathered her things, her lip quivering.

“We’ll call you later,” Mr. Barry said to Diana as he made his way out the door.

“You do that,” Diana replied, holding one last, long look with her mother before Mrs. Barry made her way out the door. Diana shut it behind them, locking it before turning to Anne.

She burst into tears immediately.

Anne stood, rushing forward to take Diana into her arms in a tight hug. “I am so proud of you,” Anne whispered into Diana’s ear. As Diana cried, Anne walked her over to the sofa and sat her down, grabbing a few tissues and placing them in Diana’s hands. “I know that was incredibly hard, Di, and I am so, so proud that you stood up to them like that.”

Diana wiped her face, sniffling loudly. “I hadn’t wanted to cause a scene! I just wanted a nice dinner with my parents, for once in my goddamn life! Why- why do they have to make everything so hard?”

She let out a loud sob, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue as she did so. Anne placed a gentle hand over one of Diana’s. “It’s hard, and it’ll take them a while to learn. Maybe they never will. But what matters is you tried. You were polite, respectful, and you only got angry at them when they truly crossed a line. Seriously, Diana; I’m amazed at how patient you’ve been with them.”

Tears continued to fall down Diana’s cheeks, but she was no longer sobbing. Diana allowed herself to sink into the couch, silent for a moment as she zoned out, staring across the room at the wall. After a minute or two, Diana spoke. “Anne?”

“Yes, Di?”

“Can we change the subject to something much happier? I need a distraction.”

Anne’s brow furrowed. She herself was too distracted to think of a good distraction at the moment, and she desperately racked her brain for something that would cheer Diana up. “Uhh...well, the weather sure is getting colder.”

Diana snorted, a mixture between a laugh and a cry. “It does that every year, Anne. It’s October.”

Anne frowned. _Great. Doing phenomenally, Anne_. “Well, that means Halloween is up. We could maybe...do something? A party- what about a party, Diana? Do you think we could throw a party?”

To Anne’s surprise, Diana seemed to light up immediately at the idea. “Really? You’re actually up for a party for once?”

Anne ignored the voice in her head chanting _no_. “Yeah, it could be a costume party. Invite some friends from your work, from college. Just everyone we know who we could stomach having a party with.”

Diana wiped her face, then sat up on the sofa. She thought for a moment, then smiled. “I think that would be great.” She leaned over and wrapped her arms tightly around Anne. “Thank you, Anne. I really appreciate it.”

Anne smiled, patting Diana gently on the back. Silently, however, she wondered if she had the energy and time to orchestrate such a party. Anne inwardly sighed. She’d talk to Cole about it; Cole would have some ideas.

They spent the rest of the evening watching Chopped reruns on the Food Network. A few hours in, Diana fell asleep; carefully, Anne pulled herself off the sofa and walked over to the dining room table. It would be for the best if she went ahead and cleared everything away. Lord knew Cole wouldn’t deal with it.

As Anne moved food scraps into the trash and gently placed dishes into the sink, she hoped that the drama between Diana and her parents would eventually be dealt with. Anne wanted Diana to have a support system other than her and Cole, but only if Diana’s parents got their act together and listened to their daughter for once.

Anne exhaled heavily. Someday, hopefully, things would all be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

A week passed without much word of what happened between Diana and her parents. She seemed convinced that the best course of action was to put it all behind her, and Anne didn’t blame her; after all, she would have probably done the same. Which, of course, meant that Cole missed a lot and wouldn’t be hearing it directly from Diana. The moment Diana had gone to sleep in her own room following Cole’s arrival back at home, he had made Anne spill about everything that had happened.

Afterwards, he had leaned back in his seat, eyes burning with a contained angry. He whistled softly. “I would have stood up for her, you know. I mean, it sounds like she handled it well herself, but I could have been there for some extra backup. Could have really caused a scene, if we were all there.”

_And that_ , Anne had thought to herself at the time, _is the exact reason why you weren’t at the dinner in the first place._

Diana thrust herself back into her work, leaving home early and staying at her office later. Anne didn’t see any problem with it; it was a good distraction, and while she missed Diana’s company at home, it meant that Anne had fewer distractions when grading papers.

Which is what she was currently doing. She’d actually managed to sit down and focus on the task for once, and was feeling pretty proud of the progress she was getting done.

Across the room on the dining room table, Anne heard her phone buzz; she looked up and scowled at it. So much for fewer distractions.

She stood up from her spot, pushing back the sprawled out papers that had been resting on the coffee table in front of her. Her class had recently moved into a poetry unit, and she had asked them all to write a poem in any style of their preference. A lot of them were very... not good.

She had a feeling she knew who was messaging her before she’d even picked up her phone. She opened it and saw Gilbert’s name, bringing a smile to Anne’s lips. _Surprise, surprise._

**I think the store can handle paying back what we owe you. Are you free anytime soon?**

Anne had to stop herself from saying she was on the way. She glanced back over at her large stack of papers and sighed heavily. As much as she wanted to procrastinate her work and go see Gilbert, she knew the right thing, and more adult thing to do, would be to sit down and finish her work.

_Besides_ , Anne thought to herself. _Your students will be annoyed if they have to wait two weeks for some feedback on these poems._

It was an attempt to convince herself to do her work, and Anne was thankful to find it worked. She typed out quickly, **Are you busy tomorrow afternoon? I’m free after school.**

She sent the message then shoved her phone into her pocket, moving back towards her spot. To Anne’s surprise, she felt almost...disappointed that she wasn’t seeing Gilbert today. Anne frowned, sitting down. She had no idea what that meant, and she didn’t feel like thinking about it anymore.

She picked up her red pen and went back to grading, pushing those thoughts from her mind.

\-----

It was at this point in the year Anne knew which students she liked, and which ones she didn’t. It wasn’t that she picked favorites; she did her best to treat each student equally, mostly out of good taste but also knowing that favoritism would definitely get her into trouble with Dr. Davis.

Still, Anne could tell which of her students were mean and rude, and she couldn’t help but find herself disliking a few of them. It made her feel biased, and she wished she wasn’t so opinionated on the matter. It’s just that a lot of those types of students reminded her of her childhood bullies: the ones from the orphanage, Billy Andrews, Josie Pye. She hoped she could help shift the energy and mindset of these students; after all, if they never grew out of it, they’d turn into the kind of foster parents that had treated her horribly, or they’d turn into homophobes and other variants of awful, prejudiced people. It wasn’t necessarily her job to teach that out of them, but she was certainly inclined to help them to the best she could.

Of course, it really wasn’t all that bad; she adored some of her students, and could only describe her feelings for them as maternal. Erin Thomas, for instance, was near the top of her list. She was a small girl with brunette hair, and had been the one to honestly point out that the entire class had noticed when Anne was wearing the same pair of pants two days in a row early on in the semester. She had one of the few poems that Anne actually enjoyed reading, and while that opinion was possibly just biased, Anne believed it was truly good writing. She made a point that she’d put effort into validating Erin’s work; after all, validation was important, and Anne was certain that had she not received positive feedback as a student, she wouldn’t have realized that writing and teaching was the right job for her.

Anne was currently driving towards the bookstore, humming to herself a happy tune. She had caught her own reflection in the window before she’d gotten into her car, and found that she was smiling widely. The school day was over, after all; why wouldn’t she be smiling?

She drove past the shop quickly, and much to Anne’s luck, she found a close parking spot. Shoving her phone in one pocket and her wallet and keys in the other, Anne shut her car door and made her way inside the bookstore.

As she entered, her eyes instantly fell on Sebastian, who was standing behind the front desk. He cast a broad grin in her direction, eyes twinkling, and as Anne reached the desk, he turned his head behind himself towards a doorway that Anne assumed lead to storage and yelled, “Blythe, there’s someone here that you’ll want to see.”

Anne did her best to fight off the blush that rose to her cheeks, finding that she was fighting a losing battle. Anne watched as Gilbert’s head whipped around the corner, meeting her eyes with a smile before stepping into the room, a cardboard box in his hands.

Anne found herself chuckling. “I feel like I’ve been announced at a ball.”

Sebastian made a face of bewilderment, and for a second Anne felt that she had said something weird, cringing at her own actions. She forced herself to look at Gilbert, and was thankful to see that he was smiling humorously, his eyes crinkled at the corners.

“Well then,” he began, placing the box down on the ground besides Sebastian. To Anne’s shock, Gilbert gave a short bow. “I thank you for gracing us with your presence.”

Anne snorted and Gilbert laughed as well, leaving Anne to wonder just how goofy they looked to an outside viewer. She glanced back over at Sebastian and found the answer to that thought right away. He was staring at them, mouth agape, and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he found them both incredibly weird. He laughed as well, but Anne could tell he was making fun of them.

“Anyway, let me give you what we owe you,” Gilbert said, reaching over to the cash register and opening it. He counted out four twenty-dollar bills, and handed them her way. He chuckled, his face brightening up from a sudden thought. “Lucky for you, it looks like you won’t be obligated to see me ever again. Here on out, we could just go our separate ways.”

Anne wasn’t sure why, but his words made her stomach flip and heart skip a beat. She laughed, but it sounded awkward, strange upon her ears. She quickly replied, “We can’t just stop talking now that we’ve started again.”

Her tone sounded almost alert, worried, and her words came out fast, and internally Anne screamed at herself for making it so obvious that his statement had caught her off guard. Luckily, Gilbert seemed to ignore her faux pas, or at least said nothing on it, instead smirking slightly.

“Well, good thing we live in the age of technology where you can contact me at the drop of a hat.”

Anne smiled, but she still felt unconvinced. There were a lot of people she was friends with on Facebook that she hadn’t messaged in years. Desperately, her heart heavy with worry that she’d lose the first new friend she’d made in a long time, she searched her brain for something, anything, that would mean she and Gilbert would see each other again.

“I have a Halloween party coming up soon,” her brain supplied. “Nothing too big, just my roommates and all of our friends. I don’t know if that sort of thing would interest you, but you’re welcome to come.”

She watched him think for a moment, unable to ignore that his face seemed to light up at her offer; Anne noticed that Sebastian was watching Gilbert too with interest. “You know, I’m not normally the type of person interested in parties- I know, this may shock you- but since you’re the one who’s offering...I think I might just have to show up.”

Anne blinked, surprised. “Really? You’ll come?”

Gilbert nodded. “Yeah, I mean, I’m excited to see what you’ll throw together. I never really pegged you as someone to go all out with a party.”

“Oh. Well, actually, it’s technically Diana’s party, she’ll be in charge of everything. It was just my idea, but she’ll do all the work.” Anne frowned, then continued cautiously, “I hope that won’t affect your decision on coming.”

For a second Gilbert frowned, seeming to really think it over, then laughed; Anne rolled her eyes at him, annoyed that he’d fooled her. “Of course it doesn’t. It’ll be nice to see them again; it’s been a while.”

Anne smiled, eyes jumping back over to Sebastian when she heard him sigh heavily. She watched him shake his head to himself. “You’re all grown up, Blythe. Getting invited to your first _real_ party.”

Gilbert shoved Sebastian’s arm gently. “Oh, shut up. You’re making me seem totally uncool in front of Anne.” He leaned forward, cupping a hand to the side of his mouth and whispered, “I’ve definitely been to parties before, don’t believe a word he says.”

Anne raised a hand to her chin, pretending like she was considering this. “I don’t know, Gilbert. You _do_ seem pretty uncool.”

Sebastian burst out laughing, and Gilbert raised a hand to his chest, taking a step back. “Ouch. Anne, you wound me.”

They shared a laugh, and then the moment ended, leaving Anne to sigh heavily. “I should get back. I think it’s my night to cook dinner in the apartment.”

Gilbert nodded. “Then we’ll let you go. Forward me the information about the party when you have a legitimate time and date set so I can start putting together my costume.”

Anne chuckled, then turned around, making her way towards the door. “I’ll see you guys later,” she called out over her shoulder, and they replied their goodbyes.

She was only partially outside the door when she picked up Sebastian saying, “I like her. Her humor fits yours well.”

She could barely hear it, and couldn’t confirm it for sure, but she swore as the door shut she heard, “You’ve picked well, Blythe.”

Anne swallowed hard and rushed to her car, unsure of what she thought of Sebastian’s supposed words. She didn’t have time for this right now. She unlocked her car and got into the driver’s seat, sitting for a moment before turning the engine on.

What exactly had just happened in there? She had invited him to her Halloween party, and he had said _yes_. And why had she invited him in the first place? Because she was freaking out that she’d never see him again? Because she was worried he’d stop talking to her?

Anne began to gnaw at her thumbnail, staring absently out the dashboard. Why was it that the idea of her never seeing him again sounded absolutely dreadful?

Anne leaned back in her car seat, exhaling shakily. _The way his face had lit up when I invited him to the party, the look of interest that popped up in his eyes at my offer…._ Anne shook her head, forcing the thoughts out of her brain. She needed to focus on more important things; really, she was too busy to wonder why she was so worried about never seeing him again, and she certainly didn’t have time for distractions like how Gilbert’s face had lit up when she asked him to come….

Anne’s brain told her it was a good sign, and she had no idea how to interpret that; a good sign of what? That she’d have a new friend? That he didn’t completely hate her? Anne shifted the car into reverse and backed out of her spot, wishing her heart would stop racing so rapidly. She was making a complete fool of herself, she was sure of it. She just hoped that Gilbert hadn’t noticed too.

\-----

Anne sat back in her same spot from the day before, grading vocabulary quizzes from the past Friday that she should have passed out yesterday. She had just placed dinner into the oven, a shepherd’s pie recipe she’d gotten from Marilla. Cole was working across the room on his computer; he had entered silently while she was cooking, and he seemed focused enough on what he was doing that she didn’t want to interrupt him.

She pushed back her work and stood, making her way to their kitchen and opened up a cabinet. She scanned the shelves, then picked up a box of mint tea; placing the box on the counter, she moved their tea pot onto the burner and set the dial to high.

She opened up the oven to check on dinner, then turned to face Cole, closing the oven door with her hip. As much as she didn’t want to distract him, she was intrigued; what was he so focused on?

“Whatcha looking at, Cole? You seem pretty immersed in it.”

At his name, Cole looked up, smiling slightly before leaning back against his chair. “Lucky for me, someone ordered a commission.”

“Hey, congrats!” Anne grinned, snorting after a moment’s thought. “They ask you to draw anything interesting?”

“It’s not porn, Anne,” Cole said with a snort. He dropped his tablet pen into his lap, stretching out his hands and fingers. “They just wanted me to draw a picture of them and their mom. A birthday gift, I think.”

“Are they paying well?”

Cole shrugged, then sighed softly. “I mean…no, not really…. But I’m getting something out of it, at least.”

Anne nodded, and was about to ask him about job searching outside of doing commissioned art when a key entered the lock, and in walked Diana.

She looked tired. As she shut the door behind herself, she gave them an exhausted smile. “Hey guys. Dinner smells good, Anne.”

Anne gestured to Cole. “Someone got commissioned.”

Diana’s face lit up, despite having heavy-lidded eyes. “Hey, that’s great! Glad to see things are finally getting better. I feel like this past month and a half has just been a constant rough patch.”

Anne watched as Diana dropped her things on one of the table chairs, then bent her head down to tie her hair up into a ponytail. Anne waited a moment for Diana to finish before speaking. “How was your day, Diana? You look pretty tired.”

Diana shook her head. “No, actually, just...a lot. I think they’re happy with the work I’m doing, it’s just taking a lot of energy out of me, you know?”

Anne smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, I understand completely. But hey, you’re right, then; things _do_ look like they’re getting better.” She paused, then quickly rapped on the table twice, chuckling. “Just in case, y’know?”

Cole smirked. “Yeah, definitely don’t want to jinx anything.”

“Anyway,” Diana began with a sigh, sliding down into an open chair. “What did you do today, Anne?”

“Oh, not much, just got the rest of what Gilbert owed me.” She pulled out her wallet and took out the last of the cash, dropping it on the table dramatically. She paused for a moment, then quickly added, “And I also invited Gilbert to the Halloween party.”

She made a motion to leave the room and had almost made it to her bedroom when she felt Diana grab her arm, dragging her back into place. Diana was staring at her, flabbergasted. “You- Anne Shirley-Cuthbert- managed to invite a boy to a party?” She turned to face Cole, a look of astonishment on her expression. “Am I the only person who thinks this is insane?”

“I panicked, okay?” Anne mumbled.

Cole scoffed, face twisted in confusion. “What- How do you, as a panicked reaction, invite someone to a party? I would assume, especially you, of all people, to do the exact opposite!”

Anne sighed, dropping her head. “I was worried I’d never see him again.”

Her words were answered with silence. Diana stared at her, mouth agape. “You what?”

“He was joking around, said that now that he finished paying me what he owed, I didn’t have to ever see him again. I don’t know, I just- I like that we’ve been talking again, okay? And don’t you two always say that I need more friends?” Anne paused for a moment; she was coming off as defensive, and she wasn’t quite sure why. “Anyway, I invited him, so we’ll at least have more than six people at this Halloween party.”

Diana and Cole shared a look but said nothing. Whatever they wanted to say on the matter remained unheard, although Anne could tell by the look in their eyes that they would discuss this amongst themselves later. Cole turned to Anne, smiling. “Great. I’m excited to see him in person, since Diana already got to.”

“We’re glad you’re getting yourself a new friend, Anne,” Diana added, patting her on the shoulder gently.

That was the end of that conversation. Anne turned back to finishing dinner, finding herself struggling to concentrate on anything. So what if she was excited to build a friendship with Gilbert? Didn’t she owe him that, after how she treated him in school? She’d spent too many years considering him her competition and enemy; wasn’t it polite to try to befriend him for once?

She didn’t get why Diana and Cole always had to react like that; was it really that weird, her inviting him to their party, spur of the moment? Anne decided she didn’t want to contemplate that thought any further, unsure of where it would take her.

Anne wasn’t quite sure her feelings on all of this, but she knew for sure that she wanted to keep up with Gilbert. She didn’t want to lose contact with him again, especially since it was her fault they stopped talking back in high school.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is lengthy and sad. Content Warning: death and mourning.

_It’s June, and school is almost out. Anne is in the middle of taking a test, struggling to concentrate from the heat, the air-conditioning not quite working right in her geometry classroom. She glances up at the clock and internally groans at how much time has passed and how little she has completed. She considers what would happen if she were to pretend to faint; maybe that would be reason enough for to continue testing at a later date, when she’s more prepared for this test._

_Anne scoffs to herself, staring down at the question before her. Right. Like she’ll ever be better prepared for this._

_Anne glances across the room, eyes falling on Gilbert’s back. He’s sitting in the front row, furiously scribbling, and it’s hard for Anne to ignore the angry heat rising in her chest, jealous that he’s able to understand what she’s struggling to grasp. It’s the one thing she’s several steps behind in; in their other shared courses, they are on par with each other, constantly shifting who is doing better than the other, a close race. In geometry, however, Anne feels as if she is miles behind; were this a marathon, she’d have managed to trip and break her ankles feet away from the finish line, with everyone one else trampling over her as they finished their own races._

_She turns the page and looks at the next four questions, finding that she doesn’t know how to start any of them. Internally she laughs, but it’s only to cover the fear she feels, knowing that she’ll disappoint Matthew with whatever awful grade she gets. Of course, he’ll act like he isn’t, but Anne can tell it certainly doesn’t please him. And then Gilbert will probably wish her “better luck next time,” but Anne just knows that when he says it, he’s being smug and facetious, just trying to rub in that he’s succeeding where she’s failing._

_Anne sighs, shaking her head. She’s overreacting again, as usual. Anne assumes Gilbert is a nice enough guy, but the idea of him getting ahead of her just enrages her, and she doesn’t know how to act polite and friendly around him when he’s currently doing so damn well._

_Anne glances around the rest of the room. What she would give to leave at this moment. She notices that everyone else is methodically using their calculators, and she turns hers on too, even though she has no idea where and when to use it. She sighs; maybe she should start looking around for a tutor._

_She’s halfway through possibly solving the first question on the second page when the intercom comes on; everyone looks up expectantly, pausing from their work, as if the entire class is hoping, praying that someone will interrupt the hell that is struggling through a math test one is unprepared for._

_The voice of one of the office secretaries speaks out over the class’s silence. “Can we have Anne Shirley to check out?”_

_Anne feels almost giddy. She locks eyes with her teacher; he looks annoyed, his brow furrowed like he’s trying to figure out if Anne planned this. His eyes narrow into slits at her before replying, “She’s busy at the moment taking a test. Can’t this wait until the end of class?”_

_There’s a pause, and then: “Anne needs to come now. It’s important.”_

_Her teacher sighs heavily, then nods in her direction. “Okay, she’s on her way.”_

_The intercom crackles out, and Anne quickly gathers her things, relief flooding over her system. She can feel her classmates’ jealous eyes on her as she places her unfinished test on his desk, no longer caring if she failed it. She gets to go home. She’s free._

_Anne practically skips all the way to the front office; it isn’t often that she’s pulled out of school, and it’s never for anything that’s actually important. Anne wonders what doctor’s appointment they’re running late for, that Marilla has forgotten about until now. It’s happened before with the dentist, although the secretary hadn’t requested her to rush as she did in this case._

_Anne reaches the office doors and pauses; why was it so important that she came now? As Anne’s eyes lock on Marilla, the relief that Anne has been feeling is replaced with a sense of dread. The smile that had been resting on her expression beforehand has vanished, and when she enters the room, she is solemn and suspicious, entering hesitantly._

_As Marilla turns around, Anne’s heart constricts; Marilla’s eyes are wet, and she looks tired, her mouth set tight. Whatever is requiring her to be here must be heavy._

_“What’s going on?” Anne asks cautiously, and she notices that Marilla’s lip seems to tremble before she gains control once more over her disposition._

_Marilla steps forward. “Come on; let’s go to the car and talk.”_

_Anne steps back defensively, fear chilling her blood, causing shivers to run down her spine. “Why? Marilla, what’s going on?”_

_Marilla sighs, her breath shaky, a sound that disturbs Anne; she has never seen Marilla like this, in a state that seems so close to crumbling. Marilla takes another step forward, getting close to Anne before speaking. “Anne, Matthew has had a heart attack.”_

_Anne feels as if a heavy weight has been dropped on her chest and for a moment she can’t breathe. Matthew had a heart attack? She swallows hard, then forces herself to take a deep breath. Marilla is watching her, eyes misty and jaw tight. When Anne speaks, her throat is tight, making her words sound raspy. “But this has happened before, right? He’ll be fine?”_

_Anne watches as Marilla hesitates; the older woman doesn’t seem to know what to say at first. “Anne…. We can’t be certain he’ll be okay. This one- it really took a toll on him.”_

_Anne finds herself washed over in a sense of relief and dread, relief from learning that he is still alive, but dread at what Marilla is hinting towards. “Where is he?” she asks, her voice pitchy with alarm._

_“He’s in the hospital. I’ll take you to him now. He’s- he’s unconscious at the moment.”_

_Anne breathes in heavily, then nods. “Okay. Take me there now.”_

_\-----_

_The hospital is clean, with an overpowering sterile smell that makes Anne feel sick to her stomach, not mixing well with her already sensitive nerves. All of her emotions were on the fritz as they walk through the halls leading to Matthew’s room; Anne isn’t sure whether she wants to laugh at the absurdity of the situation or cry._

_Marilla takes a sharp turn down another hall, and Anne finds herself struggling to keep up, putting effort into keeping pace. She practically runs into Marilla a second later; Marilla has stopped in a step away from a doorway, blocking Anne’s path and view. She gives Anne a gentle look and murmurs, “He’s in here. Are you ready?”_

_Anne nods. Marilla continues, “If you need to leave at some point, that’s fine.”_

_With that, Marilla enters the room, leaving Anne with a pounding heart, hesitantly standing in the hallway._

_Anne enters the room slowly, a lump growing in her throat as her eyes fell on the bed. Marilla stands to the side next to the IV bag that’s connected to Matthew’s arm, staring down at him with a soft, caring gaze. Matthew’s face is pale, and his breathing is shallow; his unconscious body seems almost lifeless, and if it wasn’t for the heart monitor, Anne is sure she’d think he was dead._

_Seconds pass, but they feel like minutes, hours to Anne. She senses Marilla drawing near her, but Anne doesn’t hear or see her, and it isn’t until Marilla’s hand is resting on Anne’s shoulder that she knows for sure that Marilla is there._

_“What are they gonna do for him?” Anna asks softly, eyes still locked on Matthew._

_She hears Marilla breathe in, hesitating before speaking. “I don’t know if there’s anything they can do, Anne, besides wait awhile and see if he comes through.”_

_Anne remains silent for a moment, finally moving her gaze off of Matthew. “And what can we do?”_

_“Just stay by his side, and pray he gets better.”_

_Anne nods, but she doesn’t completely agree with the sentiment. How will standing by his side help him? Anne sits down in one of the chairs resting besides his bed. Marilla gestures to out the hall. “I’m going to go get some coffee. I’ll be back soon.”_

_Marilla leaves, and Anne is suddenly, vehemently hyper-aware that she doesn’t want to be alone in a room with Matthew. She can’t shake off how creepy it is, watching someone like this, both themselves and yet not themselves at the same time. He is both there and not, and Anne is wondering if she should just leave as well and make the excuse that she wanted coffee too._

_Anne’s gaze drifts back over to Matthew, watching his chest rise and fall rhythmically. She should be crying, shouldn’t she? Isn’t this one of those moments where people freak out? Anne frowns; she feels...flat. Everything is hazy, and she feels nothing. A detachment._

_No. Anne doesn’t feel completely numb, that isn’t right. It takes her a moment to recognize it, but she realizes the feeling that’s underlying is fear, immense fear. Why should she lose a parent after spending so much time waiting for one? What kind of cruel trick of fate is this, taking away a stable family the moment she got a taste of one herself._

_Anne’s eyes burn with tears, and she finds herself angry at this reaction. She’s tearing up at the fear of being alone, but not the fear of Matthew dying; it’s a fear of how this will affect her, not what this will do to him, and her tears make Anne scoff. “How narcissistic and egotistical,” Anne murmurs to herself, dropping her gaze onto the tiles._

_Quite suddenly, in a strong wave of realization and pain, Anne finds herself missing Diana. They haven’t spoken much in the past few months, not since the breakup, really, and Anne misses her. She’s managed during this time and strengthened her relationship with Cole, but now…. Anne swallows hard, tracing the lines in the tiles with her gaze. Now, more than ever, she needs a friend. A close friend, one that knows her well, that she is comfortable opening up to._

_Marilla finally returns, and Anne holds up her phone, gesturing outside before saying, “I’ll be right back.” She leaves before she sees Marilla’s response, but she knows that Marilla won’t stop her._

_Anne flips open her phone and with shaky hands presses in the familiar buttons of Diana’s phone number. The phone rings four times, and then it’s picked up, a soft voice whispering, “Hello?”_

_“Diana? It’s… me.”_

_There’s a moment’s silence, and then Diana speaks. “Anne...where are you calling from? I’m at lunch but I really shouldn’t be caught on my phone.” There’s a pause and then, “It’s been a while.”_

_Anne swallows hard. “Di...Diana, I need you. I know, it’s been a while, but I really, really need a friend right now. Can you do that for me? Get out of school somehow?”_

_“Oh, Anne…,” Anne hears the sound of Diana moving somewhere significantly quieter. “Are you asking me to skip? I’ll go, but it has to be important. Only if you really need me-”_

_“Matthew’s in the hospital. His heart, Di…,” Anne trails off, voice cracking. “We don’t know if he’ll be okay.”_

_Anne hears Diana inhale sharply. “Text me which hospital and where it’s at. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”_

_They say their goodbyes, and as Anne shuts her phone she is washed over with relief. She didn’t think she’d be able to handle this alone._

_\-----_

_Anne sits once more in one of the chairs on Matthew’s bedside, attempting to read for class but unable to focus. She keeps having to reread the same line, the same description of Moby Dick over and over and over again. Anne sighs, dropping her book down into her lap. She needs a distraction, one that will actually work and take her mind off of everything._

_Marilla is no help. She sits to the side of Anne, knitting with a great deal of focus, like the only thing keeping her together is the constant back-and-forth of the knit two, purl two rows. The moment Anne had finished her phone call with Diana she had told Marilla, who simply nodded and went back to knitting._

_Anne closes her book completely and drops it into her bag, breathing out heavily. She’s growing tired of the sterile hospital smell, and she wishes it was possible to open a window._

_Footsteps approach at a quick pace, and Anne looks up just in time to see Diana standing in the doorway, staring at her pityingly._

_Anne feels as if her heart is bursting. “Di, you came, you actually-”_

_“I had to sneak out into the parking lot,” she cuts Anne off, stepping forward. “I’ve never cut class before. When my parents find out, I’m dead.”_

_Anne’s throat feels thick; she looks Diana up and down, overwhelmingly aware that she desperately, desperately needs her. Tears form in Anne’s eyes, and quickly drops her gaze so that no one sees them. She should apologize; she doesn’t want Diana to get in trouble._

_Before Anne can respond, Marilla clucks her tongue. “I can’t condone convincing your friend to skip, Anne.”_

_Diana speaks for her. “She needs me. You both do. Please don’t make me leave, Marilla.”_

_Marilla’s_ _face quickly softens and she shakes her head softly. “No, you can stay. Just… as a parent, I normally wouldn’t be okay with this. Just keep that in mind.”_

_“Could we go for a walk?” Anne asks quickly. She doesn’t think she can handle another moment in this room, not right now._

_Diana nods. “Of course.”_

_Anne checks her pockets for her phone, then moves forward. She wants to get out- she needs to get out. Diana follows beside her, and for a moment they walk wordlessly. Anne isn’t quite sure what to say, but she knows she needs to break the silence. To her surprise, Diana speaks first._

_“I missed you, Anne. If I’m being quite honest.”_

_Anne swallowed hard, slowing down her pace. “You did?”_

_“Not romantically,” Diana quickly covers, and Anne finds herself feeling relieved. She isn’t looking for a relationship, and knows for sure she doesn’t feel that way for Diana. Diana continues, “I missed your friendship. The secrets, the solidarity. I don’t know- we’re a team, Anne, and being separated just felt…wrong.”_

_“I feel exactly the same, Di. I don’t think I could handle this, not without you here.” They reach the elevator and press the button, waiting. Anne offers her a small smile. “Thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it. I hope you don’t get in trouble over this.”_

_Diana snorts. “I don’t really care. They’ll call my parents, but I’m sure they’ll understand. Besides, the only person who saw me sneak off was Gilbert.”_

_The elevator door opens, and Anne stares at Diana. “What? Did you say anything to him?”_

_Diana seems surprised by Anne’s sharp tone. They enter the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby. “Nothing, we just locked eyes. Why? I thought you two were friends.”_

_Anne sighs. She doesn’t want Gilbert to know, and she doesn’t want him ever seeing her at her weakest._

_“It’s just a little personal,” Anne replies. “And considering we don’t know yet if Matthew is okay….”_

_They exit the elevator in silence, slowing down their pace as they realize they don’t actually know where they want to go. Diana takes in a breath but pauses, as if she wants to ask something but isn’t sure if she should. Anne decides not to prompt her, instead stepping forward to find a sign, anything to point them towards something. Supposedly there is a garden somewhere to their left. That seems like the perfect spot for her right now._

_She moves and Diana follows her, and the silence feels heavy. Not awkward, but off- as if Diana is pitying her too much to speak what she truly wants to say. Anne decides she can’t take it anymore. “You seem like you want to say something, Di.”_

_Diana’s gaze jumps sharply, and Anne knows she’s called Diana out. Diana exhales heavily. “Do you- is Matthew going to be okay? Do you know anything?”_

_Anne shakes her head. “I don’t know. Marilla says this one was bad, but he’s also had heart problems for awhile- I don’t know if I should be worried yet, like really worried. I just feel…,” she trails off for a moment, thinking. “I feel detached.”_

_Diana says nothing. They reach the doors to the garden and Anne’s surprised; rather than being located behind the hospital, it seems to be in the center, a well-sized room filled with lush plant life. They enter quietly; the room’s silence is only broken by the rush of water coming from a fountain in the corner. It feels almost like a place of worship, and Anne finds herself urged to be respectful to the space._

_They find a bench that rests against a wall and sit down, listening to their surroundings for a moment. Diana clears her throat. “Would you like to sleep over? I know this is probably a lot for you, and I don’t know if you’d rather just spend the night in the hospital, but-”_

_Anne shakes her head quickly, cutting Diana off. “I don’t know, Di. I definitely don’t want to be alone with Marilla right now- she’s been really quiet, not a good distraction- and I know your parents must still have a problem with me…. Would they even let me stay in your house?”_

_Diana frowns. “If they say no, I’ll tell them it’s an emergency. Because it is.”_

_Anne still feels hesitant, but she nods. “Okay then. If you can convince them, that would be really nice. Thanks, Di.”_

_They spend a few more minutes in the garden before making their way back up to Matthew’s room, and Anne finds that her hands begin to shake the closer she gets, her heart beginning to pound as she wonders what she’s about to walk into. Will he already be gone? Will she have missed his last moments on Earth?_

_They enter, and Anne is relieved to find Matthew still unconscious but alive, with Marilla bent over her knitting. The relief is so strong that Anne finds her eyes grow wet with tears, and she quickly rubs them away with the back of her hand._

_Diana stays out in the hall, pulling out her phone to call her parents. Anne sits down next to Marilla, who offers her a soft smile before turning back to her task at hand._

_“Any changes?” Anne asks softly._

_Marilla shakes her head. “None, sorry.”_

_“Though better none than bad changes, right?”_ _Marilla says nothing in response, and Anne frowns. She isn’t quite sure how to act around Marilla right now. “I was thinking, if Diana’s parents let me, I’d spend the night there. This is...this is all a lot, and I don’t think I could handle spending the night here.”_

_Marilla seems to contemplate this for a moment, then nods slowly. “I’ll call you if there are any changes, alright?”_

_Anne nods, then leans over in her seat, resting her head on Marilla’s shoulder. She feels Marilla tense up for a moment, then relax; she places her knitting down in her lap, then moves a hand over to cover up Anne’s hand._

_Anne sighs heavily. “Are you going to be okay?”_

_For a moment, Marilla is silent. “I would be lying if I said I was fine. But we’ve been through this before, me and Matthew. He’s come out of these things before, so I can only hope. Beyond that, well…,” Marilla swallows hard. “Well, I’ve lost people before. If it happens, I’ll-”_

_“Let’s not consider that for now,” Anne says sharply. “Keep thinking positive, Marilla.”_

_Marilla hesitates, then nods. Before their conversation can continue, Diana enters the room, shoving her phone back into her pocket. It’s a much nicer phone than Anne’s flip phone, but then again, it’s not like Marilla was willing to splurge and get Anne something expensive. The fact that she’d been given a phone at all was a shock._

_Diana smiles. “You can stay over. They don’t have a problem with it.”_

_Anne turns back to Marilla. “Do you want me to stay a bit longer or…?”_

_Marilla shakes her head. “It’s fine, go ahead and leave. I’m sure you have homework you need to do, and there’s not much more we can do than wait right now. As I said, I’ll call when we learn more.”_

_Anne hugs Marilla once more, then turns her body to face Matthew. He’s pale, but the red color in his cheeks reassures Anne that he’s still with them. She gently lays a hand over his and thinks healing thoughts, not quite a prayer but definitely something in-between. She gives his is hand a quick squeeze then pulls away._

_She turns to Diana. “Okay. Let’s go.”_

_\-----_

_That night, Anne lies by Diana’s side, listening to Diana’s even breathing. Diana fell asleep almost immediately, but Anne can’t; her thoughts are a mess, and the anxiety of the day has finally caught up with her._

_She glances at the door, the light from the hall flooding in under the door in a yellowish haze. Anne wonders if the Barrys are staying up, their prejudice raising their suspicions that she and Diana must be screwing around._

_Anne sighs, flipping over onto her side. She wants to make them happy and gain their approval, her need to be liked a strong thirst that she struggles to quench. Anne frowns. It’s not that she likes that she’s like this; she desperately wishes she cared less about what Diana’s parents thought._

_Matthew, though, has always been easy for her to win over. From the start, it has never been hard to bring a smile to Matthew’s face. Both he and Marilla were surprised when she’d arrived home, informing them that she and Diana were dating, but the speed at which Matthew accepted it…._

_Anne swallows hard, tears filling her eyes. He has always been so good to her, all she could have ever hoped for in an adoptive parent, and she hopes he knows that. Tears falls down Anne’s cheeks as she suddenly longs for Matthew to awaken, just so that she can tell him that he’s done a wonderful job. Silencing a sob, Anne raises a hand to her cheeks, wiping away the tears. He’s done so well as her parent, and Anne has no idea if he knows._

_Diana shifts and Anne freezes, hoping her silently crying hasn’t woken Diana. Diana flips over, facing Anne, and after a moment’s silence, Anne hears softly, “Anne? Are you still awake?”_

_“Yeah,” Anne says after nodding slightly. After a moment’s pause, she adds,“I’m just worried.”_

_Diana rubs her eyes roughly then moves closer, wrapping her arm over Anne in a tight hug. “I know. Do you want to talk about it?”_

_Anne shrugs. “I don’t know, I’m just… I want to make sure he knows I appreciate him. Do you think he knows that he’s done a really good job taking care of me?”_

_“Of course he knows. You shouldn’t worry about that.”_

_Anne stares up at the ceiling, unable to make out any details in the dark. “Do you think we could leave early tomorrow? I want to tell him the moment he wakes. I need him to know I’m grateful, Di.”_

_Diana leans forward and pecks Anne’s forehead gently before pulling away. “Sure. And afterwards, I could call Cole up and we could all get lunch. We haven’t hung out as a group in a while, and I think it would be good for you. Would that cheer you up?”_

_Anne smiles, even though she knows that Diana can’t see it. “Thanks, Diana. I would love that.”_

_Diana pulls away, and Anne finds that despite her fears, she feels much better, the anxiety fainter than it was before. It doesn’t take Anne long to fall asleep, and as she drifts off, she thinks of how much she loves Matthew and can’t wait to tell him come morning._

_\-----_

_They stop for iced coffee first, sitting in the drive-thru before heading towards the hospital. They crack jokes as Diana drives, and Anne wonders why they stopped talking for so many months. The more time she spends by Diana’s side, the more she’s reminded just how desperately she missed all of this._

_Anne takes a long sip of her drink; she feels nervous about returning to the hospital, and doesn’t know for sure what she’s doing to walk into, but the fact that Marilla never called tells her that she has no reason to worry. Of course, a lack of call also meant that Matthew hasn’t gotten any better, but Anne tries not to think about that._

_They park in the hospital’s garage, making their way inside while chatting quietly. Anne finds herself struggling to focus to Diana’s words, and it isn’t until she hears Gilbert’s name fall on Diana’s lips that Anne’s gaze snaps over to Diana. “What about Gilbert?”_

_“I was just saying, considering it’s Friday, he’s probably wondering where you are. I bet he’s worried about you.”_

_Anne frowns, brow furrowing. “So what? Why would he be worried about me?”_

_Diana says nothing, smiling just slightly, and it seems to Anne that she’s finding the conversation humorous. Anne sighs, shaking her head. “Anyway, you should really go back to school. I don’t want you to miss another day because of me.”_

_They enter the main doors and stop to wait in front of the elevator. Diana chuckles. “Yeah, like I’m upset that I get to skip class. This is, like, one of the few cases where Mom and Dad actually think it’s okay for me to miss school.”_

_The elevator arrives and they step inside, and silently Anne ponders a common phrase she’s heard from teachers, variants of “don’t miss this unless you or someone else is dying.” Anne shakes the thought out of her head._

_They step out onto the floor Matthew’s room is on, and Diana continues her previous point, adding, “And I wouldn’t want you to be alone right now. Even if everything works out fine, I know that Cole and I are two of the only people you’ll open up to. I like to think it helps you, my being here.”_

_Anne smiles gently, her throat feeling thick. “I am so, so lucky to have you, Di. You’re an amazing friend.”_

_Diana is about to say something else when Anne’s phone rings. She freezes for a moment, glancing at Diana anxiously. Diana gives her a reassuring look, nodding encouragingly with a gesture to the phone. As Anne opens it, she and Diana move forward picking up the pace._

_“Hello?” It’s hard for Anne to hide the worry that twinges her voice._

_“Anne?”_

_“_ _It’s me. Diana and I just got here, we’re actually getting pretty close to the room now.”_

_They turn a corner, and Marilla starts to say something, and just as Anne notices that something seems off with Marilla’s tone, she sees Marilla’s figure standing down the hall, leaning against a wall, hunched over._

_“Wait, I see you- me and Diana are almost there, hold on,” Anne says quickly, cutting off Marilla’s words._

_Marilla turns suddenly, and although there are several feet between them, Anne can see the florescent lights reflecting off the tears rushing down Marilla’s cheeks, the look of complete and utter pain so strong in her gaze that it wrenches Anne’s heart immediately. Everything seems to slow, and Anne drops her phone, rushing towards Marilla’s side, muttering, “nonononononononono.”_

_Diana follows closely behind her but Anne doesn’t notice; she’s too focused on Marilla, trying desperately to move past her and get into the room but finding herself held back by Marilla, who struggles to keep her still._

_Marilla forces Anne to look at her, struggling to hold back her sobs as she says, “I’m so sorry, Anne; I didn’t have time to call before, it-it just happened.”_

_“No!” Anne cries, shaking her head in disbelief. “Marilla, he can’t be!”_

_Anne’s legs give out from under her and she slides onto the ground, struggling to breathe. She feels like everything is spinning and she can’t focus on anything. “Marilla, why didn’t you call me when he was getting worse?”_

_Her voice raises in pitch as she loses control over it. Marilla crouches down besides her, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. “It was very sudden, Anne. You have to understand, it just sort of… happened.”_

_Marilla continues to cry, her tears silent; Anne’s, meanwhile, are loud, her voice strained as she tries to silence her own sobs but can’t._

_“_ _I shouldn’t have left,” Anne cries. “I should have been here, I never- I never got to tell him how well he treated me!”_

_Her cries grow louder, and faintly Anne realizes that she hasn’t sobbed like this since she was a child. She feels Diana’s hand fall on her shoulder, followed by her soft voice. “Anne, he knew. I’m sure he knew how much you appreciated everything-”_

_Anne’s head swivels around to face Diana, whose own face is streaked with tears. “We should have left sooner. Why did we get coffee, Diana? If we hadn’t, I could have been here and told him-”_

_Marilla shakes her head. “Anne, he was unconscious the entire time. He never woke up; it wouldn’t have done you any better if you had arrived sooner.”_

_Diana sits down beside Anne. “We would have only been in the way, Anne.”_

_Anne wipes away her tears, but they’re instantly replaced. She tries to breathe, tries to even out the air she takes in, but she’s beginning to feel dizzy, and she’s suddenly overcome with an urge to flee. She wishes she was there before, but now that she’s here and he’s gone, the guilt and pain makes her want to leave. Immediately._

_Anne looks up at Diana, her eyes filled with panic, and Diana seems to understand instantly that Anne is struggling and needs help, unable to find the words but pleading instead with her eyes. Diana grabs hold of her tightly, embracing her in such a way that is reassuring while also managing to keep her from freaking out completely._

_As Diana holds her, Anne allows herself to untense, and in doing so breaks down completely, crying until she feels numb and complacent, as if she no longer exists in the real world, everything around her faded and gray, unfeeling. Anne finds, in that moment, she likes things better this way._

_\-----_

_The funeral comes days later, though how many of which, Anne can’t say. She finds herself uninterested in conversation, dissociating whenever one of the strangers that surround her approach and apologize for her loss. As if they know what she’s going through._

_Diana and Cole have been nearly glued to her side, and Anne is sure that they must be taking shifts. She’s never alone, and it’s both unnerving and reassuring. They were the ones that helped her shop for the black dress she is currently wearing; specifically, they were the ones who chose the dress, dragging her along just so that they would feel like she had some sort of say in the matter. Anne found that she didn’t care; a black dress is a black dress, and she’d much rather have them deal with it than herself._

_Rachel Lynde has been doing the same for Marilla, although Marilla seems to have been hit less by Matthew’s death. Perhaps it’s because she’s lost a sibling before. Or perhaps because she has been preparing for Matthew’s death for years._

_Anne stands in the funeral home, suffering through a stream of endless greetings and shared words; she doesn’t know these people, and each one that speaks to her she forgets the moment they leave her side. Cole and Diana stand guard; they’re the only people Anne cares for right now, the only ones she’s comfortable surrounding herself with, or interested in talking to._

_“Anne?” Diana whispers in her ear, grasping hold of her hand. “Do you want to go look at him? Say our goodbyes?”_

_Anne’s eyes trail over to the coffin that rests across the room, Her feet feel glued to the floor but she knows that this is something she needs to do. She nods stiffly, and Cole grabs hold onto her other arm, and together the three of them approach._

_He looks almost like his ordinary self, nearly normal, but something is off, not quite correct, and it eats at her, in an “uncanny valley” sort of way. Anne’s eyes lock onto his face, his cheeks, and she’s searching, searching for any hint of color in his pale cheeks, something to tell her that he’s still here, but there’s nothing. Matthew’s smile is non-existent, and Anne realizes that this, this isn’t Matthew; Matthew is long gone._

_Cole gently taps Anne on the shoulder and she looks at him, struggling to hide the pain in her gaze. She finds that it’s there in his as well. He pulls something out of his pocket. “I dried this…. Would you like to place it inside?”_

_She looks down at what he’s holding: it’s a dried wildflower, color still captured inside each petal. It’s beautiful. She looks back up at Cole, a small smile growing on her lips. “Thank you,” she murmurs, carefully moving it from his fingers to her own. She hesitates for only a moment, then gently slides the flower into Matthew’s suit pocket, the petals sticking out against the stark black of the fabric._

_She stares at him for a moment and considers how this will be the last time she’ll see him, but the thought doesn’t want to connect, doesn’t feel real. This Matthew doesn’t remind her of the one who drove her to Green Gables for the first time, who let her talk on and on and on without complaints. She wonders, absently, if that’s for the better, this disconnect, the numb feeling in her chest._

_Diana reaches for her hand and squeezes it tightly, beginning to guide them away, and panic starts to rise up in Anne’s throat, a feeling so familiar as of late that Anne finds it annoying. She’s either numb or on the very verge of breaking down completely, and it’s exhausting._

_She forces herself to step away and murmurs to Diana, “What will I do without him?”_

_It’s a question she’s asked before to anyone who will listen, and Diana herself has heard it multiple times. Diana glances at her, and Anne is sure she must be a sorry sight, with glazed over eyes and a flat expression. Diana wraps an arm around her, a side hug that does little to reassure and calm her. “Just keep moving forward. One step after the other. That’s all you can do right now.”_

_Anne says nothing, the words doing little to soothe the sob that desperately wants to escape her lips. She drops her gaze, hoping that it will stop anyone from approaching her to ask how she’s doing. If one more person talks to her, she feels as if she may either scream, sob, or flee, and Anne knows none of those options are preferable, that it would certainly be making a scene and just upset Marilla and the rest more than necessary._

_The service is long, or perhaps it’s short; Anne’s perception of time is off, and she’s unable to really focus on what’s occurring. Someone she doesn’t recognize is speaking, talking about a fond memory with Matthew. Anne wonders if she could gather herself enough to speak, and wonders if Matthew would have wanted her to say something._

_Diana leans over, voice soft as to not interrupt the service. “Cole and I were wondering if you’d like us to stay the night tonight.”_

_Anne nods her head without hesitation. She has found that any day she goes without seeing them makes her fall deep into a depressive cycle. Who would have guessed that the loss of a loved one would be the thing that brought them all back together. “Thank you,” Anne replies quietly. “I really appreciate you guys.”_

_The service continues on, and Anne finds that even if she had something in mind to say, she certainly couldn’t say it right now, not in front of all these people. What she has to say, everyone already knows. Matthew was kind. Sweet. And most importantly, he was one of the most caring men that Anne had ever met. And now, he was gone._

_\-----_

_Anne sits on the steps outside of the funeral home, waiting for Marilla to finish talking to everyone. Diana and Cole stand a few feet away, talking about a project they’re working on for class. While Anne isn’t really listening, she’s glad to hear someone talk about something, anything, that isn’t just Matthew._

_She’s considering turning around and heading back inside to find Marilla, but before she can decide if she wants to deal with all the stares once more, someone clears their throat behind her._

_She turns, halting instantly as she realizes it was Gilbert who made the sound. “Oh. I didn’t know you came.”_

_Gilbert nods, and Anne winces at his expression, his eyes staring with that deep, sympathetic look that so many people have given her in the past week. It makes her stomach flip, and it’s hard to ignore the annoyed pang that twinges in her chest. He smiles, and somehow it only emphasizes his pitiful look even more. “Yeah, I thought- well, since I lost my dad this past year as well- you know, I know what you’re going through.”_

_He pauses for a moment, and Anne realizes she really, really wants to not be having this conversation. Under his breath he mutters to himself, “Jesus, Gilbert, get some tact,” before raising his gaze back up to her. “I’m sorry for your loss, Anne, I really am. If there’s anything I can do, if you ever want to talk….”_

_He trails off, realizing that she looks uncomfortable. Anne swallows hard, averting her gaze. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m good. I- I have Diana and Cole. They’re all I need right now.”_

_He stares at her for a moment, his lips parted as if there’s so much more that he wishes to say, but he closes his mouth, realizing it’s better if he swallows back his words. “Oh, okay then. I’ll see you at school though?”_

_Anne shrugs, turning away from him already, hoping it will end the conversation faster. “Yeah, maybe. Just…,” she sighs, shaking her head. “Just let me be, Gilbert. No offense, I just can’t handle this right now.”_

_His brow furrows. “This?”_

_Anne stares at the ground, throat feeling thick. “Socializing. Talking to people. I just...can’t handle talking to you. I don’t know you well enough, you know?”_

_Anne sighs, feeling like she still hasn’t gotten it across to him. How can she explain that she no longer has the energy to talk to anyone that isn’t Diana or Cole? She glances up at him, and he’s staring at her with big round eyes. She drops her gaze again, not liking how her stomach flips under his scrutinizing gaze._

_Gilbert swallows, then nods, stepping back. “Take care, then. I’ll, um- I’ll see you around.”_

_The moment he leaves, Diana and Cole rush to her side. “What did Gilbert say?” Cole asks, eyes watching him leave._

_Anne opens her mouth to speak but finds herself choking on her words, panic overtaking every nerve. She stares with searching eyes at the two of them, feeling suddenly as if she can’t breathe. “I need- I need to go. Now. Right now, immediately.”_

_Diana steps forward with a quizzical gaze, grasping hold of Anne’s arm gently. “Anne, what’s going on?”_

_“I can’t do this right now, I just can’t!” Anne’s outburst gains the attention of a group of people standing nearby, which only proves Anne’s point to herself even more. Aware of people listening in, she lowers her volume to a whisper. “I need to leave. I can’t handle everyone talking to me and looking at me anymore. Please, just take me home.”_

_Cole and Diana share a look; Cole gestures inside. “I’ll go and tell Marilla. Di, could you take her to your car?”_

_Diana nods, and relief washes over Anne in waves. Her saviors. Her friends. She isn’t sure how she would have handled this were she not to have such wonderful people in her life. After all, she’s barely handling it with them in it._

_Diana leads Anne over to wear she’s parked; for the most part, Anne keeps her gaze down. She focuses on the back of Diana’s legs, on her shoes, just to ensure that people won’t stop them as they move._

_She enters Diana’s car quickly and shuts the door behind her, the panic fading as she leans against the seat and exhales heavily. Diana sits down beside her, shutting her own door before sighing. “Wow. That was a lot.”_

_Anne nods wordlessly, finding that she hurts too much to respond. Diana continues, after a moment’s hesitation, “You kind of pushed Gilbert away there.”_

_Anne frowns. “So? I couldn’t stand the look he was giving me.”_

_“Anne….” Diana trails off, exhaling heavily through her nose. She shakes her head. “I know you’re hurting, but… if you do that to everyone, you won’t have anyone left.”_

_Anne scoffs; why, of all times, was Diana scolding her after Matthew’s funeral? Wasn’t this the one time she could do whatever and say damn the consequences? Anne crosses her arms in front of her chest, turning to look out the side window. “Who cares. As long as I have you and Cole, I’ll be fine.”_

_Diana says nothing, although Anne is sure that there’s more she wishes to say. Cole enters the car before Anne can press her though, bringing with him a completely different air than that that lingered between them before._

_“Shall we go?” he asks, clicking in his seatbelt._

_Diana glances at Anne then nods. Turning on the engine, Diana begins to drive out back towards Green Gables, and Anne is thankful, despite her momentary annoyance with Diana._

_After all, who cares if she never talks to Gilbert again? She wasn’t kidding when she said all she needed was Diana and Cole; at this point, she’s convinced that they are all she will ever need in her life._

_Swallowing hard, Anne forces herself to push back the sadness that lingers and tries instead to look forward. She’s sure that things will improve eventually, as long as they’re together._


	13. Chapter 13

“Okay, is there anyone I should definitely _not_ invite to the party?”

It was early morning, twenty minutes before Anne needed to leave for school, and they were finishing up the final touches to the decorations in their apartment before both she and Diana left for work. Anne had her laptop open, making the Facebook event as she watched Diana rush around the room.

Diana was staring at a plastic skeleton, trying to decide the best location for it. She glanced over at Anne, then looked back at the decoration. “No, I’m pretty open with you inviting whoever. I mean, you know us, Anne. We all know who we should and shouldn’t invite.”

Anne wanted this to be a good party; after all, she’d be seeing people she hadn’t seen in a while, and of course, Gilbert was going to be there. She wanted to impress him, or at least show that they knew how to throw a party. Anne just wasn’t sure whether or not it would be a success, especially considering she was still trying to decide on what to wear. Diana and Cole were trying to convince her to reuse one of their group costumes with them, one they had done in college, but Anne wasn’t quite sure if that was what she wanted to do; after all, her favorite part of Halloween was putting together and wearing a new costume every year.

Anne sighed, shaking her head; she supposed it depended on how much work she had to do, and if she actually managed to get all her grading finished before the party.

Anne watched Diana for a moment before speaking. “How the hell would we even do one of our college costumes? Ruby was always the fourth part to them.”

Diana didn’t look up from whatever she was staring at. “She said she’d try to make it, actually.”

Anne said nothing, unconvinced. Ruby was busy, and Anne didn’t think it was very likely that she would show up. They hadn’t seen her in about two years, and while she liked the idea of seeing Ruby again, she wasn’t going to get her hopes up, which definitely put a damper on the idea of doing a group costume.

“Well, if I can’t think of anything, I’ll do it. But only as a last resort.”

Diana rolled her eyes dramatically, then grinned, shaking her head. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve made that _very_ clear.”

Anne finished making the event post and closed her computer. She needed to start heading out, and it would be better if she left sooner than later, just in case something was waiting for her in the office. Anne put her laptop in her bedroom, shutting the door behind her as she slid her flats on.

“Make sure you’re not late for work,” Anne chided Diana as she put her phone and keys in her pants pockets. “I know we’re both tempted to finish all the decorating and planning in one go, but I promise you, your career is more important than this party.”

Diana chuckled, shaking her head. She had finally decided to put the plastic skeleton by the bathroom, making sure it didn’t block any entrances or take up too much space. Their initial idea had been for it to rest on the sofa, before Cole had pointed out that people like to sit. “I’m not going to be late. I know better than th-” Diana’s eyes glanced at the clock, and her demeanor dropped completely. “Shit, nevermind! I was supposed to be in the shower ten minutes ago!”

Smirking, Anne made her way out the door. Sometimes, they _all_ had to play the role of each other’s parent.

\-----

Anne stood outside her classroom door as usual, waiting for her first period to file in. It was a louder morning than usual, and there were much more people in the hallway than she normally saw ten minutes before the final bell. Anne assumed they were all keeping inside because of the cold; Lord knew she had rushed inside the moment she’d arrived, not interested in freezing her ass off.

Down the hall, Jerry was talking to the French teacher, probably about a possible teaching tactic he should remember. Anne smirked; she was glad she was past that phase, no longer under constant observation.

Anne watched as the older teacher entered the classroom; Jerry was about to follow, then caught her gaze, halting in his tracks with a smile. He said something inaudible into the classroom, probably letting the older man know that he’d be right back, then started to walk towards Anne. He reached her, his grin widening.

“How are you doing this fine, fine morning?”

Anne raised an eyebrow. “You mean other than struggling to keep my classroom warm? Fantastically.”

Jerry laughed and Anne couldn’t help by smile, finding his cheerful attitude contagious. Anne knew that she didn’t really know Jerry that well, despite hundreds of interactions over the years. She vaguely remembered some details from when they were teens, most of which involved him annoying her, with one or two being instances where he had flirted with Diana, pissing her off as well. _Hmm_ , Anne thought with a snort. _Nope, turns out all of my Jerry memories involve him infuriating me._

“What are you snorting at?” Jerry asked suspiciously, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Anne shook her head, chuckling. “It’s nothing; I’m just thinking about how annoying you used to be.”

Jerry scowled. “Hey, I take offense to that!” he exclaimed, followed immediately by a laugh. “I’ll have you know, I’ve put a lot of effort in my image and that I’m still _just_ as annoying now as I was then!”

“Your words, not mine.”

As they laughed, Anne continued to ponder, thinking of their party. He was a friend, right? At least, enough of one that she could even consider the idea of inviting him. She just wasn’t sure what Diana would say. Decisively, Anne decided to extend an invite; after all, it wasn’t going to be a good party if it was just a group of four people listening to a dumb playlist and watching movies while getting drunk.

“Anyway, Jerry,” Anne began. “I was wondering if you wanted to come to my Halloween party that my friends and I are throwing.”

She was happy to see he seemed interested. “Oh, really? Is anyone I know gonna be there?”

Anne nodded. “My friends Cole and Diana, who I’m sure you remember.”

Jerry smiled. “ _Ouais_ , I remember Diana. I thought she was _trés jolie_ , and it would enrage you whenever I’d say that.”

Anne rolled her eyes, then gave him a look. “You know you don’t have to just turn on the French every four words, right?”

“Hey, I’m not being obnoxious with my French if I’m directly quoting! Besides, I’m pretty sure the students won’t believe I’m fluent unless I say a word now and then.”

Finding that answer incredibly dumb, Anne stared at him. “Okay, you know what, I take back what I said earlier. You are still very much so annoying.”

“Thanks, I try to be,” he replied with a large grin.

The bell rang and Anne shook her head, glancing at her door. “I’ll add you to the Facebook event. You don’t have to show up if you’re not interested, but if you’re not doing anything that night, stop by. Though I feel I should warn you not to expect much.”

Jerry nodded. “Thanks. I’ll let you know.”

Anne watched him head back towards him room, waiting for him to enter his classroom before pulling out her phone, texting Diana.

**Hope you’re interested in practicing your French.**

Almost instantly Diana replied: **?**

Anne looked around the hallway; there were still a good few students taking their time to enter. She still had a few minutes to text.

**I invited Jerry.**

Anne waited, unsure of Diana’s response. They hadn’t discussed Jerry that much, and honestly, Anne had no idea how Diana would react to the news that Jerry would be joining them. Luckily, Anne didn’t have to wait long.

**:D oh sweet! I haven’t seen him in years!**

Anne smiled, then shoved her phone into her pocket. Good. It had been a long time since their apartment had more than five or six people in it at once, and Anne was excited. She’d been looking forward to this, the idea of blasting music and dancing with friends. It was nice to have something planned, a reason to push through the stress of work and teaching. She turned into her classroom, a longing in her chest as she silently prayed that it was going to be worth the wait.

\-----

The crowd turnout was larger than Anne had expected. It turned out that Diana knew a lot of the other interns at her work, and Cole had a few friends from college who still lived in the area. Anne was glad; it made the party bulkier, allowing for some anonymity, letting people get drunk and dance without feeling self-consciousness. However, at the same time, it made Anne realize just how few friends she had outside of Cole and Diana.

Anne, it turned out, didn’t have the energy for a new costume, and went ahead and joined Diana and Cole in theirs, which meant that they were dressed as characters from Heathers. Anne was Veronica, her hair down blow-dried by Diana to give it a little more volume, an attempt to make her look a little more like the character, a hard task considering the bright red color. Meanwhile, Diana was red Heather, and Cole was green, tweaking the look a little by wearing a pair of green pants. Ruby would have been yellow, but as Anne suspected, two hours in, she still hadn’t shown.

Ruby was either always busy working or was sick with something that cut her plans short and stopped her from visiting. Anne understood, of course, but it was getting tiring, hoping and waiting for something that would never happen.

Anne stood, back against the wall as she people-watched by the snack table, eating a few pretzels out of her hand. There were roughly twenty people in her apartment, all of which having the time of their lives dancing to a playlist Diana had made that was heavy on the Beyonce and Abba.

Anne chuckled as she watched an already tipsy Diana jumping around the room with Cole. She had done her part; after all, the party was done with the intention to cheer Diana up, after the shit with her parents. Anne shoved a pretzel into her mouth. _Look at you, successfully helping your friends. Good job._

There was a knock on the door and Anne’s head quickly turned to face it, her heart yearning. _Maybe…._

In walked Jerry, beaming proudly with a bottle of wine in hand. Anne’s shoulder slouched, deflated. Obviously, she was glad Jerry was here, but she was waiting for someone else….

Jerry’s eyes locked on her and he approached, gesturing with the bottle. “You guys really made this place look great!”

He handed her the bottle and she thanked him. She looked over his costume for a moment, fairly sure she knew who he was supposed to be but not wanting to guess and be wrong. He wore a pair of bright shades over his eyes, the lenses tinted red. “What’s your costume?”

“Cyclops,” he said with a smile. “From the X-Men.”

It was surprisingly well put together. Anne wondered how long Jerry had been planning on the costume, or if he was doing the same thing she was, repeating use. Anne gestured with her chin towards the group of people dancing. “Diana and Cole are over there, if you want to say hi.”

He nodded, then began to eye the snack table, eyes stopping on the punch. Anne smiled. “Yes, there’s alcohol in the punch. I don’t know what, but Cole was in charge of making it so… good luck.”

He picked up a glass and with a small nod he made his way towards the group of people dancing, already bobbing his head in time to the music.

Anne sighed. She was struggling to relax and enjoy herself, and it was beginning to piss her off. _Come on, Anne, just go dance. Stop waiting to see if he’ll show…_

Consciously, she tugged on her skirt. It was shorter than something she’d usually wear, and she didn’t love how the fishnets she paired it with drew attention to that half of her. Of course, Diana looked fantastic, wearing practically the same outfit but in red. Anne wished she had Diana’s confidence, but instead found herself hanging around the snacks, worried she’d trip and fall if she even tried to dance, proceeding to flash everyone.

Anne cringed at the thought. Turning towards the punch bull, she poured herself a liberal amount into a cup and sipped as she continued her crowd watching. _Jesus, Cole made this strong._

Of course, Anne wanted to look cute for the party; that was the point of Halloween, wasn’t it? To dress up either as a character you resembled, or just dress up and make oneself as attractive as possible?

Earlier, when Diana had done her makeup, Anne had commented that she wanted to look good, and the statement had made Diana grin from ear-to-ear.

“Aw, Anne; do you want to look hot for anyone in particular?” Diana had asked, and the question had brought a frown to Anne’s face.

Why did it always have to go back to _someone_? Anne had sighed, shaking her head. “I just want to look good. I shouldn’t have to have more of a reason than that.”

Diana had snorted in response. “Yeah, normally, but in this case you actually _do_.”

Anne had said nothing in response at that time, mostly because it was really hard for her think of a good reply that Diana would actually believe. _Besides_ , Anne thought as she stared down into her punch. _It’s not like Gilbert is actually going to show up…._

She drank a large sip, her face twisting at the taste. The alcohol content, she assumed, was in order to disguise how disgusting the punch mix on its own was.

Suddenly, Anne’s arm was grabbed, and she found a giggly Diana attached to her. “Anne! This is _so_ much fun, isn’t it! Aren’t you having fun!?”

Anne snorted, then nodded, despite not really feeling nearly as cheerful. “I’m glad you’re having fun, Di.”

Diana’s cheeks were red from the alcohol and dancing. Still clinging to Anne’s arm excitedly, she suddenly gasped loudly. “Anne! I just realized! We left a pack of water bottles in your car, and people might want them. I don’t want anyone to get dehydrated.”

Anne chuckled. “I don’t want you to get dehydrated. Don’t worry, I’ll go get it now.”

She grabbed her keys from the bowl, quickly finishing the rest of her drink before heading out, not wanting to leave her drink unattended. As she left the apartment, she vaguely thought about grabbing her coat, but decided against it. _I’ll be outside for five minutes, tops. I can handle five minutes of cold._

She moved as fast as she could in her heels, realizing as she got to the bottom of her stairs just how dumb of her it was to try to go outside at night in the snow with a pair of shoes she struggled to move around in.

She reached her car, her muscles tense from the harsh cold wind washing over her. She unlocked the door, opening it quickly and groaned. The pack of water was on the opposite side of the car behind the driver’s seat. She slid across the back seat, and with strained breaths managed to pick up the pack. She was resting on the seat to catch her breath when she heard someone clear their throat, footsteps approaching.

Fearing the worst, imagining that someone unsavory was approaching, she turned quickly to face the source, dropping her keys into the snow in the process. She cursed, then looked back up at whoever was nearing.

A feeling of relief and dread washed over her as her eyes stopped on Gilbert, who seemed to be struggling to hide a smirk. Tugging at her skirt, Anne swallowed. “You actually came- shit, one second, I dropped my keys in the snow.”

She stepped out of the car and crouched, digging through the snow with an ungloved hand, gritting her teeth to keep herself from cursing at the sharp bite of the ice. She finally found them, and stood quickly, plastering on a smile as if she wasn’t completely embarrassed with herself, knowing that he had likely seen her with her ass in the air a minute prior.

Anne looked him over quickly. Whatever his costume was was hidden by a heavy, warm coat that Anne was very much jealous of in that moment. A heavy shiver washed over her and she wrapped her arms around herself.

He was smiling at her. “Of course I came; I told you I would, didn’t I? I mean, there isn’t much for me to do these days besides work and study. Obviously I would take up your offer to do something different for once.”

He paused, frowning in concern as he looked at her costume. “Hey, aren’t you cold? Your skirt seems a little, uh, short.”

“I didn’t think I’d be out here this long,” Anne replied, blushing. “I just came out here to get a pack of water.”

He stared at her for another moment and Anne frowned, uncomfortable under his gaze. Suddenly, he unzipped his jacket and before she could refuse he was pulling it off and putting it around her. “You looked cold,” he explained.

Anne’s forehead furrowed. “Yes, but if you’re not wearing a coat, you too will get cold.” She imagined them stuck in a loop of trading the jacket back and forth, and the image made her smile.

He stepped forward and took the pack of water bottles from her. “Then we better head inside.”

She zipped up his jacket around herself, glad to block out the cold gusts of wind while struggling to ignore the fact that it smelled like him. She lead him towards their apartment, and as they walked, Gilbert spoke. “So, what’s your costume, anyway?”

Anne chuckled. “It’s an old group costume from college that I’m doing with Cole and Diana. I’m Veronica, from _Heathers_.”

“Ah. I haven’t actually seen that one.”

They began to climb up the flight of stairs leading to her apartment. Anne glanced back at him. “And what’re you supposed to be?”

He chuckled. “You’ll just have to wait and see once we get inside.”

They entered the apartment and Anne sighed at the warmth as Gilbert shut the door behind him. She pointed him towards the snack table and he took the pack of water there while she removed his coat. She found herself grinning in appreciation as she watched him. _God, he’s so polite._

He turned around and faced her, and she forced her smile to disappear. She looked him over, still confused by his costume. He was wearing an apron and there was something with a handle sticking out of his pants pocket.

He reached her side and she asked, “Are you...a chef?”

Gilbert chuckled, pulling out the handled thing from his pocket: _a spatula_ , she realized. “I’m actually a barbeque dad. You know, just a middle-aged man making burgers.”

Anne snorted. “Ah, of course. Let me guess, it was the easiest costume you could put together so short noticed?”

Gilbert shrugged while his eyes noticeably gleamed. “Yeah, that too.”

They stood in silence for a moment, smiling at each other as the music blasted from the room’s speakers; despite this, Anne could barely hear the music playing. After a moment, she dropped her gaze, gestured with her chin to the snack table, then began walking towards it. “Here, let’s get something to drink.”

She realized, as he followed her, that she was feeling bubbly and high-spirited. She chalked it down as being an after-effect of the Cole’s concoction. “Would you like some punch?”

Gilbert nodded, thanking her as she poured him a glass and passed it to him. He sipped it, then coughed. “Oh, wow- I wasn’t expecting that.”

Anne laughed. “Yeah, Cole made it a little too strong.”

Gilbert tentatively took another sip. “Yeah, I’d say. It’s good, though.”

Anne said nothing, knowing that it, in fact, didn’t taste good and that Gilbert was just being polite. However, that fact made her smile, and she poured herself another glass to drink alongside him.

They talked and drank for an hour, occasionally having to yell over the music when a particularly popular song came on, causing the partiers to exclaim excitedly. The drinks had made her relaxed and easily susceptible to finding his lame jokes funny, but she was enjoying herself immensely, much more so than before Gilbert had arrived.

When she told him this, he had smiled widely. “Really?”

Anne blushed, rubbing the back of her neck roughly with her open hand. “Yeah, well- I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to.”

She quickly took a sip of her drink, not wanting to add anything else in case she said something stupid and embarrassed herself even more than she already had. He was about to say something when the group of dancers all cheered; he rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. “Can we go somewhere quieter?” he called out over the music.

Anne nodded, although she wasn’t sure what location options they had that would properly block out the noise. She considered, for a brief moment, leading him to her room, but instantly cleared her head of that notion; it could be interpreted wrong, and the last thing she wanted was to be stuck in an awkward situation with Gilbert.

After a pause that lasted too long, she gestured to the door with her chin. “Let’s put our coats on and head outside. It’ll be quieter there.”

They wrapped themselves up tight, and managed to leave the room without anyone noticing. They didn’t move far, instead settling down just outside, still able to hear the music thumping.

As Anne sat, she hit her back against the wall a little hard and hissed in pain. Once it had faded, she looked back over to Gilbert and found that he had been staring at her, a small smile gracing his lips. Anne swallowed, hard. “What?”

He shook his head. “It’s nothing- really, I was just zoning out and thinking while looking at you.”

“Oh.” Anne moved her hands into her lap and looked down at them for a moment, then raised her gaze back up to Gilbert’s. “What were you thinking about?”

He chuckled, and she found that she really did like that sound. He sighed happily. “I’m glad you invited me, Anne. It’s been nice, talking to you again.”

Anne smiled. “Yeah, I’ve really enjoyed it as well.”

A comfortable silence came between them, with the bass thumping through the wall, loud enough that Anne could feel it. Anne stared down at her legs and the fishnets that covered them, feeling strangely confident in that moment. She was unsure if it was the costume or the alcohol that made her feel like a different person, but she found herself wanting to say so many things she had never said before.

She turned to face him, wanting to speak before losing the confidence. “I’m sorry, by the way, for how I treated you in high school.”

Staring at her in response, Gilbert frowned, forehead creasing in confusion. After a moment’s silence, he asked, “How you treated me…? Anne, I don’t follow.”

Anne shrugged, searching for the words. “Just...I sort of stopped talking to you, after Matthew’s death. I don’t know, I guess what I’m saying is that I feel bad that I just… ignored you. We shouldn’t have stopped talking in the first place.”

He nodded, saying nothing for a moment. “It’s valid, though, your actions following his death. I mean, after my dad died, I also detached myself from a lot of people.”

Silence fell; Anne picked at the nail polish on her nails, feeling uncomfortable. “I guess,” she replied. “But that doesn’t mean it was what I should have done.”

His lips parted, hesitating, and then he smiled. “It’s all water under the bridge. I’ll excuse your faults if you excuse mine?”

He framed it like a question, and Anne nodded. For a moment they stared at each other, both smiling just in the slightest. Anne’s heart pounded, and she wondered if his did as well. The way he was looking at her made her think that he was studying her, taking her in.

She swore he was looking at her lips, and the realization made her heart flutter. She realized, in that moment, that she wouldn’t mind if he did kiss her, and the thought made her freeze. She quickly blamed the thought on the punch, telling herself that it was messing with her brain, but even after reprimanding herself, she found that she still felt that same wanting.

Anne swallowed hard, dropping her gaze back to her hands. It was cold outside of their apartment, though not quite as cold as when Anne was by her car with nothing to protect her from the wind. Now, however, she felt warm, either from the alcohol or her nerves. She felt herself blushing, and hoped that it could be blamed on the cold.

Gilbert pushed himself up off the ground, wiping his hands on the back of his pants. “We should probably head back inside. Just in case someone is looking for us.”

Anne nodded. Gilbert offered her his hand and she took it, allowing him to pull her up. She stumbled and much to her mortification, fell against Gilbert’s chest, who caught her quickly and set her straight.

He grinned down at her. “Careful,” he warned teasingly.

Anne nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

His hands were still holding her forearms from when he caught her, unmoving, and Anne found that she didn’t want them gone, that she liked the feeling of them there. They were barely inches away from each other, and Gilbert tentatively raised a hand to her shoulder, adjusting a strand of hair that had fallen out of place. She looked at his hand, then raised her gaze back to his own, moving her head closer subconsciously, her body moving without thought as if it had a mind of its own.

He did the same, and everything else seemed to fall away. Anne no longer heard the thumping of the bass from inside the apartment, no longer felt the cold that had previously stung her cheeks. Time stood still as Gilbert leaned down slowly, eyes scanning over her expression, reading her response as his lips parted and grew closer and closer, hovering only inches away.

Anne’s eyes closed into small slits, her heart beating abnormally fast, and she swore she could feel his breath on her skin.

She was about to stand up on her tiptoes and lock their lips together when a loud noise interrupted them, jarring them both back to the present.

Anne stepped back quickly, realizing it was Gilbert’s phone and she watched as he quickly pulled it out and answered it, breathing heavily. She averted her gaze, forcing herself to even out her own breathing, leaning up against the wall of her apartment as she listened to Gilbert talk.

“Back? Really, now? What’s wrong?” There was a moment’s pause, and then: “Okay, fine. I’ll be back in forty.” Gilbert shoved his phone back into his pocket, frowning before looking over at Anne. He smiled a small awkward smile. “I’m, uh, really sorry about this, but I have to go. Something came up with Bash, and besides, it’s getting late for me. I have homework to do.”

Anne nodded, her mouth incredibly dry. She was unable to form words, let alone an intelligible response. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to return his smile, as if it didn’t make her heart feel as if it was about to explode.

“Thanks for having me,” he added when he realized she wasn’t going to say anything, still smiling at her, his own cheeks pink.

“Glad you came,” she replied, the words soft. He gave her a wave and began to turn away from her, leaving, and with panic filling her chest she called after him, “Hey, wait! You’re tipsy!”

He turned, grinning broadly. “Don’t worry, I’ll take an uber.” He began once more to walk away, calling back, “I’ll see you around, Anne.”

She watched him leave, feeling relieved while also disappointed, unsure where she stood on the line separating the two. The thought made her stomach flip, and as she turned back towards the front door of her apartment, she muttered under her breath, “Idiot, idiot, idiot. Now things’ll be weird between us.”

She wanted to blame everything on the alcohol but it didn’t explain how sweaty she felt and just how desperately she wanted, in that moment, to have him kiss her. She released a shaky breath as she entered her home. This was _not_ how she wanted to end their Halloween party, having a sudden crisis over the possibilities of romance.

The party had died down somewhat, although no one else had left. Less people were dancing, the partiers more focused on snacking and talking, exhausted from dancing earlier. Anne was thankful; she was no longer in the mood to dance in a throng of people, really just wanting to lay down and think.

She passed by Diana’s room and peered inside; to her surprise, Diana was clearly making out with someone, although the identity of who was unknown. Anne moved onward, not wanting to appear as if she was leering in. _Glad to see I’m not the only one tempted to drunkenly kiss people._

She entered her bathroom, flipping on the switch before shutting the door behind herself, and took in her reflection. Her face was flushed, and she realized, looking down at her hands as she went to wash them, that they were shaking. She turned on the faucet, exhaling heavily.

She and Gilbert had almost _kissed_. Not just almost, it had practically happened, a definitive movement on both of their parts. The only reason they hadn’t was because of the phone call; if that hadn’t gone off….

Anne swallowed hard, turning off the faucet and wiping her hands off on the nearby towel that hung to the side of the sink. She glanced at her reflection, smiling almost instantly. She felt _giddy_. And for once, much to her own shock, that didn’t scare her.

She left the bathroom and headed to her bedroom, closing the door before stretching out on the bed. As Anne stared up at her ceiling, unable to stop herself from smiling, she decided she’d wait on telling Cole and Diana. She hadn’t seen Cole, but Diana was clearly busy.

Anne chuckled, covering her face. She had no idea what she was doing, and for once, she was okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I really appreciate everyone who leaves kudos and comments; I hope you've been enjoying this story so far! If you're enjoying it or just have something to say, please leave a comment or send me an ask on tumblr at remylebub!


	14. Chapter 14

Anne awoke the next morning, head twinging slightly but otherwise feeling unaffected by the drinking she’d done the night before. Diana, on the other hand, was the complete opposite, with bleary eyes and a headache that left her moaning and groaning as the two of them did their best to clean up the mess leftover from the party.

Or, to be more accurate, Diana sat and watched Anne clean, occasionally commenting how much she regretted the amount of punch she had had. Anne simply said nothing, picking up soda cans and plastic cups from the floor and throwing them into a bag.

Anne still felt buzzed from the almost-kiss. She wasn’t sure how else to describe it other than that, a feeling that followed her constantly that caused her to smile every now and then.

Anne walked over to the hall closet and pulled out a broom, beginning to sweep as Diana spoke, beginning with a mumbled curse. “Where did Gilbert end up last night? I don’t remember him leaving.”

Anne chose to leave out the details of what she had been preoccupied with during the same time, instead chuckling. “Well, if I remember correctly, you were a little preoccupied around the time that he left.”

Diana’s cheeks reddened and she covered her face with her hands uncomfortably. “Oh, you saw that? _Dammit_.”

Anne frowned. “Don’t be upset! I’m happy for you- Diana, you haven’t gotten to kiss someone in months, not to mention date anyone either.”

Diana dropped her gaze, staring down at the table. “It’s not the kissing part, it’s the who.”

Anne paused in her sweeping, staring at Diana for a moment. “What do you mean, ‘the who?’ Di, who were you kissing?”

Diana dropped her head into her palms, making a noise that was a mixture of a snort and a groan at the same time. “God, you’re going to kick my ass and tease me for this…,” she trailed off for a moment, then breathed in deeply, gathering herself before looking up at Anne. “I drunkenly made out with Jerry.”

There was silence in the apartment for a brief second before Anne erupted in loud laughter. “ _Holy shit_ ,” she said in disbelief, shaking her head to herself. “Diana, I had no idea you actually- I mean, all those years in high school he kept flirting, and-”

Diana shook her head abruptly. “Anne, please don’t overanalyze this. It’s no more than just a few kisses. I promise this isn’t connected to some bigger picture.”

Anne dropped it, but still giggled to herself. It seemed that she and Diana were finding themselves with a very similar dilemma. She thought back to when she was a teen and had had to deal with Jerry purposely pissing her off and talking to Diana whenever they had passed by Jerry working in the Cuthbert’s barn. She no longer felt disgusted at the idea of them kissing, as she most certainly would have if this had happened back then, but the lingering feelings she’d felt as a teen still made her pull a face at the thought.

Diana snorted. “Oh shush, I can see exactly what you’re thinking. Who cares that it was Jerry; just let me have my fun.”

Anne held up her hands defensively, laughing. “Don’t worry, I’m not stopping you from doing anything. I’ll shut up now- especially if you come over here and help me clean.”

Diana groaned, gently dropping her head against the table. “God, both options suck.”

Still, she stood and grabbed the broom away from Anne, grumbling quietly as she swept, “Even with a killer hangover, I clean better than you.”

Before Anne could come up with a witty response, they were interrupted by keys entering the lock, the front door opening slowly to display a bleary-eyed, exhausted Cole. His blond hair was a mess, and he walked with the sort of pained slouch that comes from someone who’d been up all night.

Frowning, Anne watched him shut the door gently behind himself. “Where were you? I didn’t realize you ever left.”

“I was up working and ended up pulling an all-nighter,” he replied, flopping down onto the sofa. “In the middle of the party last night, I realized I had promised to finish a commission by today, and I wasn’t anywhere close to being done. I just lost track of the deadline, I guess.”

Anne whistled a low whistle, leaning back against the kitchen counter. “That must have been quite a sobering moment.”

Cole chuckled, but his eyes didn’t quite reflect that same emotion. “Yeah, I wish. I spent the first hour drunk off my ass, unable to do anything but stare at what I had already done. Not to mention the music from the party was distracting. Around five am, I left and found a coffee shop that had just opened in order to actually focus and get shit done.”

Diana frowned sympathetically. “Crunch time.”

He sighed, blocking the sun out of his eyes with his arm. “I haven’t had such a small amount of time to finish a piece since I was in school. Back when I was young and could handle getting only three hours of sleep every night.”

Anne snorted. “Cole, that was less than five years ago.”

“And yet,” he replied. “It feels like twenty. All I want to do is sleep and cry these days.”

Anne and Diana both made a noise of agreement. Anne walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, closing the door before walking over to Cole and handing it to him. He took it, thanking her.

“Did you end up finishing it?” Diana asked.

Cole nodded, although he was still frowning. “Do I like it? No. But at least it’s done.”

Anne knew that feeling well from years of writing, the sudden distaste with one’s work and destruction of any urge to continue a work the moment there was a struggle to write or a bad chapter. Anne frowned, suddenly aware that it had been a long time since she last sat down and truly wrote. She really needed to take up writing every day again, even just a few hundred words.

“Well, I’m proud of you,” Anne said, grabbing the broom once more from Diana, suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to do something productive after reflecting on her lack of writing; she chided herself for her constant procrastination as she swept roughly at the floor around her. Diana relinquished without debate, walking back over to the dining table almost instantly, sitting down.

The conversation died down and Anne did her best to focus on sweeping, finding once more that her thoughts were straying to the night before, intertwining with each movement of her arms.

Sweep, sweep, sweep. She and Gilbert almost kissed.

Sweep, sweep, sweep. She had actually _wanted_ him to kiss her.

Sweep, sweep, sweep. She was both terrified and excited to see him again.

Sweep, sweep, swe-

Anne stopped mid-movement, staring down at the small pile of dirt and trash she had gathered. She wanted to kiss him. Her heart fluttered at the idea of seeing him again, and the more time that passed following the party, she found a strange, unfamiliar longing pull at her heart strings. She wanted him to kiss her, and she was beginning to crush on him. Hard.

Anne swallowed hard, continuing her sweeping at a faster pace, chanting a mantra in the back of her head, a near-constant buzz of _this is fine, this is fine, this is fine_.

\-----

A week passed, Halloween decorations in her school replaced by fall themes preparing for the upcoming holidays, signs and posters already calling excitedly for Christmas. Anne chose not to decorate just yet; while she wasn’t sure if it would actually happen, she had a plan that she’d let her students take a class to decorate and create art and decor as a destresser. She figured she’d wait until right after an exam, whenever that would be. She was behind in her planning, and hadn’t quite plotted out all of November yet.

It was a quiet week, one that she spent most of which grading vocabulary tests and wondering if it would be too soon to text Gilbert and ask him to hang out. She just didn’t want to make things weird between them, but at the same time she desperately wanted to see him again, to feel him out and figure things out.

Anne had decided, over the past week, that it was very, very possible that Gilbert was a flirty drunk, and she didn’t want to assume that his actions done while drinking were a definitive answer to how he felt. Normally, she would have justified the same for herself, but unlike other times, her feelings from when she was drunk had lingered on after she’d sobered up. The feeling alone just made her want to curse; she wished she knew what he was feeling, and wished she understood what she was feeling as well.

Anne’s drive to school felt long, too much time alone with herself, and she played an episode of a podcast in hopes that it would distract her from the thoughts that often plagued her during her morning drive. It had taken her longer to leave these past few mornings with the snow and ice on the road, often covering her car, and she had started to leave earlier in order to take in the possibility of traffic or an iced-over windshield. At this point she didn’t leave anywhere without an ice scraper.

She parked in her usual spot, happy to see that someone had shoveled and de-iced the parking lot with salt. She was in the process of pulling her coat and gloves on when she got a text. She paused, leaving one hand ungloved to check her phone.

She inhaled sharply, seeing that the text was from Gilbert. **Hi Anne, I happen to be near the school you’re teaching at, and I was wondering if I could bring you lunch later? I’m here for some medical school stuff, but I get a lunch break, and I can get you something.**

Anne stared at the message for a moment, then remembered to breathe. **I’ll have to alert the office, but that would be great, thanks!** Anne paused, reading over her text, then added: **Let me know how much I owe you!**

She had finished zipping up her jacket when she received his response. **It’s my treat. Just help me with a paper at some point.**

Grinning, Anne shoved her phone into her coat pocket and pulled on her other glove. She exited her car, walking quickly in order to get out of the cold. She reached the office, finding that it was fairly empty inside. She checked her mailbox, unsurprised that it was mostly spam, and poured herself a mug of coffee from the teacher’s lounge before making her way back to the front.

Anne walked over to the front desk, stopping in front of Stephanie, one of the older women who worked in the office, who smiled at her. “Good morning, Ms. Cuthbert. How can I help you?”

“If I have someone bringing me lunch today, could they just bring it to the classroom, or…?”

“They would have to check in and get a name tag, but then they can go to your room,” Stephanie replied.

Anne thanked her then made her way back to her room, texting Gilbert and drinking her coffee on the way. She sat down at her desk and began planning for the next week, enjoying the quietness of being in a classroom alone.

A few minutes passed and she was distracted by a knock at her door; she looked up, and in her doorway saw Jerry lingering. Anne smiled; he was wearing an outfit that by now she recognized well, one of six variations that came with being a young teacher. “Hey, come in!”

She hadn’t seen him since the party, something she had found odd considering how close their classrooms were to each other. She wasn’t completely sure, but she wondered if he was trying to avoid her.

Rather than his usual grin, he seemed off, awkward. He said nothing, so she started. “I haven’t seen you in a few days. Something up?”

He frowned, shaking his head. “No, everything’s fine, I’m just tired.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Anne replied. He said nothing in response, and for a moment they both stood in silence, waiting for each other to say something. Anne finally clucked her tongue, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Jerry, please tell me you didn’t just come visit my room to stand in the doorway silently for five minutes.”

He chuckled, but it was hollow, not quite reaching his eyes. “No, that’s not why I’m here. Really, I just wanted to say hi, but seeing you reminded me of the party and….”

He trailed off, as if he no longer wanted to say what he had planned. “And what about the party?” Anne asked.

“Nothing, nothing,” he said quickly. He stepped back, motioning that he was leaving and was in the process of walking away when he quickly said, “Say hi to Diana for me?”

He then booked it down the hall. Scoffing, Anne hopped up from her desk and rushed to the doorway; upon arrival, she whipped her head around and found that Jerry had already reached his own classroom, with Anne barely catching the back of his leg before he disappeared.

Anne stared off at the direction he’d been in, lips pursed in thought. Was he confused? Sad? Regretful? Anne snorted and made her way back to her desk. If she was going to have to play matchmaker when she was already struggling with her own...issues, then things were going to get hectic real fast. _Nope, you know what?_ Anne thought as she sat down and picked up her pen. _I’m not going to get involved. They’ll just have to figure it out themselves._

Of course, that didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to tell Diana that he had been acting weird. Maybe then she’d get more detail about Diana and his make out session; something had to have occurred if he was acting so odd, right?

Not that she had any right to analyze who was acting weird and why; God knew she had no idea how to act around Gilbert, or how to even figure out for sure what she was feeling. He was cute, she wanted to kiss him, and sure, she supposed she could call it a crush. But the fact that she was feeling these things at all threw her off completely.

_Well, he did try to kiss me...,_ Anne frowned into her papers, clutching her pen tighter. _Remember, Anne. Alcohol. Can’t know for sure._

A student entered her room, pulling her out of her reverie as the girl sat down at her desk and pulled out a book, beginning to read without a comment. Anne sighed, focusing back down on her work. As usual, her brain was trying to figure out hundreds of things rather than focus on one or two.

\-----

Around lunchtime, Anne started getting anxious, wondering and waiting to see if or when Gilbert would show. She forced herself to keep teaching and did her best to keep her gaze away from her phone and the clock on the wall. Thankfully, today’s classes involved twenty minutes of mostly silent book work, allowing her moments to sit and breath and, much to Anne’s disappointment, fail to slow her racing heart.

_This isn’t a date,_ Anne had to remind herself. _He’s just bringing you lunch because he’s in town. It’s the same sort of thing Diana or Cole would do._

Ten minutes before her class let out for lunch, Anne finally heard a knock on her door. The sound yanked at her heart in excitement, and she walked over to the door quickly, ignoring the fact that the entire class was now watching her with interest, wondering who was waiting to be let in.

She opened the door and there stood Gilbert, wearing a visitors’ pass sticker on his jacket while grinning widely. He held up the a paper bag at her. “It’s a turkey sub. I had one as well, it was really good so I hope you like it.”

She wanted to tell him that she didn’t care how it tasted, that she appreciated the action of him coming to her classroom alone, regardless of the meal quality, but she didn’t like how upfront that was, and knew it wasn’t the best thing to say around her students, so instead she replied, “Thank you. I’m absolutely starving.”

He smiled at her for a moment and she returned the look; a few seconds passed, silence falling between them while the whispers from her students grew louder as conversation erupted. Gilbert gestured with his head towards the exit at the end of the hall. “I should head out. I don’t want to distract you from your teachings.”

Anne blinked in surprise. “Wait, you’re not staying?”

“I’ve got a ton of work to do,” he replied. “But I wanted to bring you lunch. It was a little out of my way, sure, but I figured it would be a nice thing to do.”

Anne was speechless for a moment, so she nodded in response before finally saying, “Well, thank you for going out of your way. I- I appreciate it.”

She wondered how flustered she sounded and how dumb she looked, just repeatedly telling him she appreciated everything. She waved him off, watching him leave for a short second before turning back to her class, shutting the door.

All eyes were on her, and many were struggling to hide smirks. Anne swallowed hard. _Right._ She was teaching eighth graders. She crossed her arms playfully, quirking an eyebrow. “And what are you all staring at?”

Most averted their eyes, a chorus of nothings in response, but a girl from the back row raised her hand up high, excitedly, and begrudgingly, Anne allowed her to speak.

“Who was that? Is that your boyfriend?”

_Dammit_. Anne groaned internally. “No, he’s just a friend. He was just bringing me lunch.”

Giggles and whispers erupted and Anne blushed, shaking her head as she made her way back over to her desk, placing the sandwich to the side of her computer. She just knew that by the end of the day, she’d be the talk of the town. Or, at the very least, the hot gossip of the middle school.

She tried to not let it get to her as the bell rang and her students departed for lunch, leaving her alone with a sandwich and an easily excitable heart.

\-----

Anne arrived home to the smell of lasagna cooking, with Cole standing in the kitchen cleaning up the mess he had made on the counter. She was starving; lunch had been delicious, the taste perhaps biased by the fact that it had been brought to her by Gilbert, but it had been small, and she was excited at the premise of a warm, filling meal.

Noticing her, Cole offered Anne a friendly grin. He opened the fridge and pulled out their water pitcher, pouring himself a glass before putting it back inside. He sat down at the table and she joined him.

“How was your day?” Anne asked, dropping her keys into their rightful place in the bowl.

Cole shrugged. “Tiring and uneventful. I woke up from a nap an hour ago and felt like making dinner, which is just _weird_. Shouldn’t I, like, be feeling the exact opposite than that?”

Anne chuckled, and Cole continued, “Anyway, how was your day?”

Anne thought of Gilbert and the sandwich. Pursing her lips, Anne decided there were more pressing matters to discuss. “Jerry was acting weird today,” she ventured. She wondered if Cole knew anything about it.

Cole’s brow furrowed. “In what way?”

“Well, you know, maybe because of what happened at the party.” Cole stared at her blankly, causing Anne’s eyes to widen in surprise. “Wait, you don’t know?”

He shook his head and Anne murmured, in case Diana was in her room, “Diana and Jerry made out.”

He gaped at her for a moment, then made a noise that was a mixture between a groan and a laugh. “Jesus, okay. So, they made out. You said Jerry was acting odd?”

Anne nodded. “Yeah. Like, weirder than someone who just drunkenly kissed someone else at a party. Do you think I should press him?”

Cole shook his head. “If something _did_ happen, you’re much more likely to get an answer from Diana. You should ask her about it later. And then let me know what you learn,” he added quickly, raising his glass to his lips to take a sip.

Anne smirked, shaking her head. “Yeah, I’ll keep you updated.”

A silence fell and Anne pushed her chair away from the table, standing. “It’s my turn to do laundry, so if you want to have anything washed, bring it to me.”

She entered her own room and picked up her hamper; she was running out of clean work clothes, and she wasn’t a fan of possibly repeating her earlier offense of wearing the same thing twice in a row. She liked doing laundry and the dishes; it gave her a chance to think while keeping her hands busy.

Cole brought his own laundry bag out to the center of the room, and she asked, “Is Diana in her room? I want to get her laundry.”

Cole frowned. “I haven’t seen her all day, and didn’t think to check.”

Lips pursed, Anne walked over to Diana’s door and knocked gently. “Di? You in there? I’m going to do laundry, if you have anything that’s dirty.”

Something landing on the floor with a solid thud sounded before the door opened slowly; Anne took this to mean she should enter and she did cautiously, watching as Diana quickly shoved all her laundry into a neat stack.

Her hair was a mess, and she seemed a little out of it; if Anne had to guess, Diana had just woken up from a nap. Anne sat down on the edge of Diana’s bed, watching her for a moment. “You good, Di?”

Diana paused in her sorting and turned, looking over at Anne. Forehead furrowing, Diana went back to the laundry. “What do you mean? I just woke up, if that’s an explanation.”

Anne said nothing, thinking back to Jerry’s actions earlier that day. He had been avoiding her, and it had seemed out of place. Anne leaned back, resting on her forearms as she continued to watch Diana intently. “I saw Jerry today.”

Diana seemed to freeze at the mention of his name, but quickly gathered herself and fixed her image, smiling faintly. “Did you?”

“Yeah.” There was a pause as Anne gathered her thoughts. “I don’t think he knows that I know that you two...had a moment. He was acting weird.”

Diana turned, an eyebrow raised curiously. “Are you going to ask me something, or are you going to keep dancing around the subject?”

Anne chewed her lip, feeling uncomfortable. She sighed. “I’m just- I’m trying to think what would make someone act so odd, and all I can think is…. Diana, did you and him have sex?”

Diana balked at her. “Of course not!” At the sight of Anne’s raised eyebrows, Diana continued, sitting down beside her. “I’m not lying to you. Really, we just kissed for a bit. Well, maybe an hour. But nothing more.”

“Then why was he acting...like that?”

Diana sighed. She said nothing for a moment, gathering either her words or her memories, reflecting. “We had a heart-to-heart. A drunk one, too, which is usually a “bear-all” sort of moment. We talked a little while dancing, and then started reflecting on middle and high school. That’s when we moved to my room.”

“And drunk, the two of you made out,” Anne supplied slowly.

To her surprise, Diana shook her head. “No- well, yes, that happened- but first he told me something that surprised me. He had said, ‘You know, I really liked you, back when we were teens. You were very pretty,’ and I had smiled, and I _know_ my words in response had to be slurred, since his had been too, but I had blushed and said, ‘Really? I had no idea! I thought you only told me that to mess with Anne.’”

Anne snorted. “Which is a totally valid belief.”

Diana nodded, her gaze suddenly becoming distant. “And then he smiled gently, and after a moment’s silence said, ‘I still think you’re pretty’ and everything just...seemed to still, you know? And then…,” she breathed in deeply. “And then we were kissing. I guess that must be why he was acting so weird these past few days, huh?”

Anne nodded silently; suddenly, Diana dropped her head into her hands and groaned loudly. “God. Drunk me just _really_ wanted to kiss him for calling me pretty.”

Anne chuckled, hoping that she was still coming off as sympathetic. “Don’t beat yourself up on that. I completely understand.”

Diana laid back against her mattress, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared up at her ceiling fan, and Anne did the same. They said nothing for a moment, both resting comfortably in each other’s presence. A minute passed, and Diana heaved in a heavy breath. “I think it was a mistake.”

Anne glanced at her. “You do?”

Diana nodded stiffly. “Now that I’m sober…,” she shrugged, refusing to take her eyes off the fan. “Not that I wouldn’t kiss him again, but I don’t know. Not like that. I guess I regret that it happened like that. I would have preferred if we’d gotten to know each other again first.”

Anne said nothing in response, her throat feeling strangely thick. Was her and Gilbert’s almost-kiss a mistake as well? Of course, it wasn’t the same level, but still, they too hadn’t been sober. Ann gnawed at her lip. Just when she was starting to feel confident in what was going on, something happened to reignite her anxiety and make her doubt everything.

She felt Diana’s eyes fall on her. “Anne? Is something up? What’s on your mind?”

Anne quickly shook her head. “No, it’s nothing.” Upon Diana’s disbelieving look, Anne added, “Really. And same with you and Jerry, don’t fret on that stuff. You guys making out at a party shouldn’t stop the two of you from at least talking to each other again.”

Diana smiled slightly, then forced herself into a sitting position. “Thanks, Anne. I’ll let you go back to getting the laundry dealt with. I know that this was a bit of a detour.”

Anne nodded, although she had been hoping for this distraction. Now, however, she wished she’d just gone ahead and did her chore. As she left the room, everyone’s laundry shoved into a large bag to be dragged to the laundry room on the first floor, Anne frowned. With her fears validated and feelings invalidated, Anne dragged the bag out the door, feeling sick to her stomach. She was so awful at this romance thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Owyn, Caroline, and especially August, my beta reader, for giving me people to yell about my ideas to. This chapter update, posting around 4:45am, is the result of me finally finishing a paper and desperately wanting to update this fic. Sorry for the wait! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter; please leave a comment and tell me what you thought!


	15. Chapter 15

Winter was coming, and she had a vendetta against the residents of the town. It was beginning to get to that part of the year where the cold bit at any uncovered skin and made any time outside nearly unbearable, even for those who liked the cold such as Anne herself. The possibility of icy roads made driving in the early mornings unsafe and worrying, and despite how much it enraged the people behind her, Anne drove much slower when making her way to school.

Heavy coats were now completely necessary; no more could she half-ass make it through the weather in just a fluffy sweater and scarf. Still, even in her warmest jacket, Anne had to rush into the building to keep in the warmth she’d locked in during the car ride to work. She’d focus on that heat, as if putting immense energy into imagining herself warm would actually warm her up in the process. Anne had always enjoyed considering the notion of having super powers, and was sure that the ability to warm herself would be on the top of her list.

Her classroom was cold, the heaters still doing their best to kick on and work, but the walls were insulated and kept it from being freezing. Anne was thankful for that, although as she stood from her desk, she wished it would be warm enough already for her to shed her coat.

She stared out across her first period forty minutes later. The last bell still hadn’t rung, but the lack of students in her room was worrying. So far there were only five people in her room, and she was growing suspicious that they would be the only ones to show. Anne groaned internally. She was going to have to rewrite her lesson plans.

The next bell rang and Anne stepped out from behind her desk, drawing the bleary, tired gazes of her students. She cleared her throat with a swallow. “Well, I guess this is it for today. I know I said yesterday I’d be handing out project prompts today, but… I think with the lack of people, we should just stick to a free reading period. You guys okay with that?” she asked.

They all nodded; Anne made her way back to her desk as two of the students stood and walked over to her bookshelf in search of something to read. Anne watched them for a moment. She’d recently gotten more books on her shelves, giving her students more options. Guilt pitted Anne’s stomach as she thought of the books that still rested in her closet, ones that she was still too nervous to put out. Frowning, Anne sat down in her chair and pulled up her attendance on her laptop.

She was partially through filling out her role when Erin rushed in, breathing hard with a deep frown on her lips. “I’m so, _so_ sorry, Ms. Shirley. Traffic’s awful out there; there’s a ton of ice on the road, and there’s been a lot of accidents.”

Anne waved her to sit down, smiling as a greeting. Well, that certainly explained the lack of people. Anne marked Erin as present, then looked back over at her. She had removed her hat, and to Anne’s surprise, her student had completely cut off her hair, a short pixie cut.

Anne gasped. “Oh my gosh, your hair looks so nice!”

Shyly, Erin blushed. “Thank you. I- I’ve wanted to do this for a while,” she added softly.

Anne leaned back in her seat, smiling widely. “You know, one time, when I was around you guys’ age, I _completely_ destroyed my hair. I had to cut it all off.”

The faces of her students shifted in response all variants of shock, and Erin asked, “Oh no! What happened?”

“I tried to dye it myself. Black. And it turns out I had absolutely no idea what I was doing, and completely ruined my hair. Honestly, I kind of enjoyed having short hair after that. Once I was past the initial tragedy of frying it.” Anne laughed, running a hand through her locks, longer now than it had been in some time. She stood for a moment, basking in the memory, then gestured to Erin’s hair. “But yours, it looks good. Glad you did it.”

Erin beamed, and Anne felt suddenly prideful, thinking of all the times in school that she would have loved to hear a teacher tell her something of that sort. Anne reminded the class that they could read whatever, then turned to focus on her own work. She was always in need of more time for lesson planning.

Her goal as a teacher was to tell her students the things she had always wanted to hear when she was in school. She hoped she was reaching that goal.

\-----

For dinner, the apartment ate leftover lasagna with dinner rolls that Diana had made that afternoon. They were nothing fancy, or at least that’s what Diana would say, but Anne appreciated having homemade bread; it reminded her of Marilla, of home-cooked meals and holidays.

It was one of their first meals in weeks where they weren’t speeding to finish their dinners; all three were caught up on work or in-between projects and it was relaxing, to say the least. Diana herself was enjoying a mug of tea with her meal, smiling into it as she swallowed a careful sip.

“I finished up some pages this morning that I’d been working on for weeks. I put a great deal of time and effort into them, and not to jinx anything but…,” she set her mug down and hugged her arms around herself in glee. “I think my boss will be really happy with them. _I’m_ happy with them, so she better be!”

Through a mouthful of bread, Cole replied, words muffled, “Hell yeah.”

“We’re proud of you, Di,” Anne added, placing a hand on Diana’s arm.

Diana’s smile suddenly faded, her gaze growing flat after minutes of sparkling. “Dammit. If only my parents could be, too.”

“I’m sure they are-”

Cutting Cole off, Diana spat, “They’re not.” Diana fell silent, then dropped her head against her chest, sighing. “I just- even if I call and say, ‘Hey Mom and Dad! I did a whole spread in our newest issue!’ I’m sure they’ll just… find a way to mention that I’m in my mid-twenties and still single.”

No one said anything for a moment. It was a common conversation, one that had been run through multiple times at this point. Anne didn’t mind. Validating someone’s feelings was a necessary part of being a good friend.

“Well, you know…,” Cole said slowly. “There’s Jerry.”

At the mention of his name, Diana’s head shot up. She looked from Anne to Cole and pursed her lips. “Right, of course. I’ll call my parents and say, ‘No, you don’t need to worry about me and the lack of romance in my life, as I recently made out with a dude at a party that you may remember vaguely from when I was a teen. See, everything’s working out for the better!’”

Diana took another sip of her tea, appearing to no longer be enjoying it. Anne opened her mouth to speak, to apologize, to play the sympathetic role. Cole shook his head and Anne paused; she allowed him to move forward, wrapping an arm around Diana.

“Well, there _is_ something you could do.”

Diana raised an eyebrow, eyes searching for an answer to her problems. “Oh?”

Anne noticed that Cole appeared to be struggling to hide a smile. Cole nodded. “You and Jerry will just have to get hitched tomorrow.”

Diana sputtered, leaving Anne and Cole to laugh. “How would _that_ help?!”

Anne scooted her chair closer, deciding to play along. “They want you to get married, right? There ya go! Jerry is the answer to all of your problems!”

Diana groaned, pushing her tea and plate out of the way before folding her arms over on the table and dropping her head onto them. “That is so not a solution to my issues. Even if it was a possibility worth considering- which it is not- they’d just assume he’d gotten me pregnant or something like that, and that would be much _much_ worse.”

Anne frowned, moving a hand over Diana’s shoulder. “Relax, Diana. We’re teasing.”

Diana sighed. “Yeah, I know. I just wish that that wasn’t actually a somewhat tempting option. Just to get them off my back, you know?”

They went back to eating, silence filling the room. Anne finished off her glass of water and stood, walking over to the sink to refill it. The sound of forks scraping against plates were the only noise filling the room.

Suddenly, Cole spoke. “I think I’m making about as much as I made when I was a waiter, by the way. Less consistent, of course, but it’s pretty close, so don’t worry about trying to cover my rent. I think we’re fine again.”

Relief seemed to wash over Diana’s face at the topic change. “Oh thank God. Are you really selling that much art?”

Cole shrugged, taking a bite of his dinner. “Sorta kinda. But if I keep working at the pace I’m working at and just keep creating art, we’ll be fine.”

Anne sat back down at the table, frowning. “Well, don’t stress yourself out too much. We’d rather be struggling to pay bills than have you constantly on the cusp of a breakdown.”

Cole snorted in response, and once more, the room fell quiet. Anne could feel Diana’s gaze on her as she ate, and was about to turn and pressure her into speaking when Diana finally asked, “Since we’ve been on the topic of romance, I just realized Anne, I haven’t heard much on the Gilbert front in a while. How is he?"

Anne swallowed hard, the forkful of pasta feeling rough against her throat. “He is...well. He stopped by my classroom the other day, but that was the last I saw him.”

She quickly took a drink from her glass, carefully glancing over at Diana, who’s forehead was furrowed with an annoyed gaze. “Anne. You have _got_ to be kidding me. Why did this go unmentioned?”

Anne set her glass down, dropping her hands into her lap. “We’ve been pretty focused on you and Jerry these past few days, haven’t we? I didn’t want to change the attention back over to me.”

Cole snorted. “Yeah, because you hate having the attention on you. _Especially_ about romance and whatnot.”

Anne said nothing in response; she stared down at her fingernails and began to pick at the paint, becoming focused on all of the present flaws. Diana sighed, shaking her head. “Okay, fine. Valid reason. Why did he stop by your classroom?”

Anne said nothing for a moment. Her nails were in desperate need of cleaning up, she realized. “He brought me lunch,” Anne mumbled.

_God, why do these dinners always feel like I’m being interrogated?_ Anne looked up just in time to see Diana and Cole share a long look. Anne made a sound of exasperation, throwing her hands up in the air. “What?”

They shook their heads. “Nothing, nothing,” Diana replied. “You won’t want to hear what we have to say, and we know you’ll just tell us that the two of you are just really good friends, and that this is just the sort of thing friends do for each other.”

Anne ignored the pang of annoyance that strummed in her chest and took another bite of her dinner. “He knows we’re friends, and he’s being friendly. So what? I need new friends.”

Diana said nothing but Cole sighed, tutting his tongue in a teasing tone. “Anne, the breaker of hearts, only interested in friendship rather than romance. All these boys crushing on you and you never return the feelings.”

She felt nauseous at his words, her stomach flipping uncomfortably. “Who exactly are ‘all these boys’ you speak of? There’s one. A singular boy who is definitely just a friend.” _Except you almost kissed him_ , Anne heard from the back of her head. She gritted her teeth, forcing those thoughts gone. “I’ve probably just- ugh, I don’t know- made it sound like he does, just in the way that I’m always talking to you guys about him.”

Anne froze immediately as she saw Diana and Cole share a sharp look, one that said nothing and everything. Diana raised an eyebrow, leaning forward. “Why would that happen? Why do you think you’ve made it sound like he likes you?”

Cole crossed his arms over his chest, eying her carefully. “Are you saying you purposely made him sound...what, better than he is? Why would you do that? That’s not something you’d do.”

Anne stayed silent for a moment, aware that she’d trapped herself. _Congrats, Anne. You walked straight into that one._ “I don’t know…,” she began slowly. “Maybe I’m an unreliable narrator. I mean, you only ever hear about him from me. Neither of you have really sat down and talked to him- he could be totally different than I’ve made him out to be.”

“I still don’t understand,” Diana replied, her dark eyes narrowed as she proceeded cautiously, as if she didn’t want to scare Anne off. “You realize that doesn’t sound like something you’d do, right? Why would you make him out to be different than he actually is?”

Anne breathed in deeply, a longing in her chest to spill everything, to admit the feelings that have been slowly building. They were right, as they always were; they teased her and prodded her, and she so often believed and convinced herself that they were wrong, but now, as she stared at them and remembered her and Gilbert’s almost kiss, remembered him bringing her lunch, remembered the way Sebastian watched them intently whenever she was in the shop, Anne’s heart clenched with a feeling that she previously refused to consider. But now? Now she found that there was nothing more she wanted in the world than have him reciprocate the very same emotion.

She felt as if she was folding in on herself as she said softly, “I like him, okay? I legitimately like him.”

The silence that answered her admittance did nothing to calm her nerves regarding finally saying this outloud. She ventured a look at Cole and Diana; they were gaping at her wordlessly, both unable to formulate a sentence fast enough. The look on their faces made Anne’s cheeks burn, and she quickly shoveled the rest of her dinner into her mouth before jumping up from the table. She carried her plate over to the sink and placed it inside before heading towards her room. They still hadn’t said anything in response as she slammed the door behind her, just in time for her eyes to fill with tears.

\-----

Anne felt frustrated. Helpless. And that feeling made her cry. Feeling that she lacked any control over the situation overwhelmed and exhausted her, and she laid on her side staring out her window. How dumb of her for developing feelings; it felt out of the ordinary, an oddity that she normally didn’t experience. She didn’t want to risk even entertaining the possibility that Gilbert reciprocated what she felt; she wasn’t looking for heartbreak or embarrassment.

But then she’d picture his eyes, the glimmer in them as he’d laugh, the crinkle in the corner of them that simultaneously broke her heart and strengthened her crush vehemently. “Oh God,” she sighed into her mattress, face pressed against the sheets hard. “Why must you do this to me?”

It was dark outside, the November sky darkening early. Regardless, she continued to stare outside the window, looking at nothing. She was no longer in control, and that knowledge just filled her eyes with tears once more.

She heard footsteps approach but remained in her position, barely shifting a muscle when she heard a soft knock rap against the solid wood of her bedroom door. “Anne?” Diana’s voice sounded muffled through the wall between them. “Can I come in?”

Anne said nothing. She heard Diana sigh. “I’m coming in.”

Her door opened slowly, creeping open with the accompanying squeaks and creaks. She felt the weight of someone sit down on her bed, but kept her eyes trained on the small corner of the room that was lit up by the light that flooded in from the hallway.

For a moment, Diana was silent, until Anne heard her clear her throat. “I’m sorry.”

Anne stilted, not expecting those words to fall from Diana’s lips. She turned her head and looked over her shoulder, brow furrowing. “You’re sorry?”

Diana nodded. Anne watched as Diana bent over and reached down, then heard the familiar clunk of shoes falling off onto the floor. “Yeah, Cole and I are sorry. About everything, with the teasing. I know this is-” she inhaled sharply, then exhaled slowly, as if gathering her words. “I know this is a big deal for you. You’re not used to it, right? And we’ve been teasing you a lot.”

Diana laid down, staring up at the ceiling, and Anne rolled onto her back, joining her. She swallowed hard. “It’s not just that- and really, you guys aren’t being that bad or anything. I’m just...I’m frustrated. This...I just don’t know how to proceed with anything. I don’t know where to start, what to say, or hell, if I’m even reading him right. Normally I can read people! Why can’t I read _him_?”

Diana considered that for a moment. “Well, from what I’ve heard and seen, I’d put good money on him reciprocating your crush.”

“But we still don’t know for sure!”

“You could ask,” Diana replied, causing Anne to huff.

“I- I can’t ask that Diana. I don’t know how I would and the idea of doing so just sounds so stressful.”

Diana smiled slightly, and Anne knew it was at her own stubbornness and inability to grasp the basics of social interaction and romance. “Well,” Diana murmured. “Those are your options. Do with them whatever you prefer.”

They laid in silence for a few minutes, tracing the bumps and ridges in the popcorn ceiling with their eyes. Finally, Anne sighed. “Sorry, then, about the Jerry teasing as well. We’ve both been doing our fair share of it.”

Diana shrugged. “I don’t mind it that much. I mean, I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, especially if this had been during high school. God, you would have lost your shit at me if I’d made out with Jerry during high school.”

Anne snorted, grinning. “I can just see it now. You’d be holding your flute case in hand and mention that you kissed Jerry on the band bus home, and I would have just screamed in complete and utter disgust.” Her smiled quickly faded, and she turned to face Diana. “You know I don’t feel that way anymore, right? If you want to date Jerry, that’s fine. I’m all for it.”

Diana rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to date Jerry. At least, it’s not on my to-do list. If Jerry and I are a thing that happens, it’ll happen. I’ll just...let the world decide on that one.” Diana paused, contemplating the thought, then added, “The kissing was very nice, though.”

The room fell quiet. Suddenly, with force, Anne was overcome with a feeling of love and care for Diana and Cole. They were her family, and she was so, so grateful to have them around. “Di?”

“Yes, Anne?” Diana turned to face her.

Anne smiled. “I love you.”

Diana smiled as well. “I love you, too.”

Anne leaned over and pecked Diana on the forehead before pulling away and laying back down on her back. She stared up at the ceiling once more, feeling free. It felt good to be completely honest. She needed to remember that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Special thanks to August, who showers me in so much support and love for this fic. Please leave a kudos and comment, and tell your friends about it! Also, hit me up on Tumblr @ remylebub!


	16. Chapter 16

Dinner. Gilbert was going to come over for a dinner at Anne’s apartment, and the thought made Anne practically rattle with nerves as the hours quickly approached his arrival. Well, really, Gilbert was coming over for the main purpose of studying, but dinner was going to be involved, and the idea of eating dinner with Gilbert and Cole and Diana made her feel as if she was about to explode. It didn’t help that she made the awful, fatal decision of having a large cup of coffee when she woke up, and despite hours having passed, she still felt the full effects of being over-caffeinated. Still, she owed him some help with his work, and she wasn’t going to complain about an addition to her own workload, especially if it meant that she’d get to see Gilbert in person once more. When he messaged her asking if they could study together, a small part of her had hoped that his reason for wanting to meet with her was more... nuanced than just meeting to work. But of course, she didn’t want to get her hopes up.

Gilbert’s original offer was to host at his own home, but at the excited-yet-annoying tempting from Cole and Diana, Anne invited him over to her place instead. She knew it was unlikely, but she desperately hoped Diana and Cole wouldn’t use the meal to feel Gilbert out, or hound him with questions. Those things certainly didn’t _sound_ like Diana and Cole, but Anne’s anxiety made her imagine the worst possibilities.

Currently, Anne was waiting for his arrival. She glanced at the clock, gnawing on her inner cheek; Gilbert was fifteen minutes late, and she was getting antsy.

Diana caught on to her anxiety early, well-versed in Anne’s body language from years of living together. “Anne, you have to consider the weather; the roads are totally unpredictable right now. He’ll be here, just give him some leeway. Find something to distract yourself with while you wait, okay?”

Anne nodded, though she wasn’t so sure if anything would really help. She picked up their broom and went to continue cleaning the apartment, but Diana snatched it away from her almost immediately. “Wrong type of distraction. Cleaning is just gonna worry you more about him not being here. Trust me, I know: it’s the same shit I always do with my parents.”

Anne exhaled heavily; she couldn’t argue against that. Instead, she grabbed a sketchbook and pen from her room and doodled while she waited, listening to the evening news drone on as white noise. She focused on the eyes she was doing her best to draw, growing annoyed with herself as she continued to struggle to make them look good.

She had almost drawn something that she actually liked when she heard footsteps approach from behind. Anne glanced up; Cole was staring at the TV, a frown growing on his expression as he began to softly tut. She followed his gaze and looked over at the screen.

The header resting underneath the news anchor read, “Breaking: Massive Pileup, three dead, five injured.” Anne glanced at Cole, confused. “That sucks, but it happens all the time. What is it about this that strikes you so much?”

Cole blinked, hesitating, then stepped forward, pointing at the screen. “Weren’t you listening? That’s literally two miles away from here.”

Anne froze, her gaze snapping once more up at the screen with a sudden interest. Cole was right; she even recognized the exact spot on the road, recognizing an old diner by the bright flashing sign in the background. Dread washed over her in waves. “Cole, when did this happen?”

He pulled out his phone; Anne watched him with trepidation, waiting for him to finish searching. He glanced up at her, a frown deepening. “It happened in the last hour.”

Anne was unable to stop the shuddered breath that escaped her lips, her breathing becoming shorter but faster as she began to spiral. At the sound of her panicking, Diana ran into the room, taking in the scene quickly.

Diana moved forward, taking Anne’s hand in hers as she sat down beside her. “Okay, what the _hell_ did I miss?” she asked, glancing at Cole.

He gestured with his chin at the screen. “Car crash. Now Anne’s freaking out.”

“ _Because_ ,” Anne interjected in a pitchy tone. “It’s very, very possible that Gilbert was involved in that.”

The room fell silent, anxious eyes meeting each other. “Well, you don’t know for sure,” Diana replied slowly.

Anne said nothing, staring at the screen with a distant gaze. She knew Diana was right, that she shouldn’t waste her energy until she knew for sure. But then she glanced at the clock and thought about how late he was, and mentally began to do the math for just how likely it was that Gilbert could have died, or could have been injured. She reached for the remote to raise the volume, but Cole snatched it away, pressing the power button swiftly.

She looked up at him, attempting to glare but her fear making her feel small, unable to harbor any real anger. “Keeping this on isn’t going to soothe your anxiety,” he explained.

Anne dropped her gaze, still feeling on edge. She found that she had completely lost interest in whatever she was doodling before. She stared down at the deformed eyes that lacked any emotion; it suddenly enraged her, how much it reflected her lack of skill. Swallowing hard, she ripped it out of the book and crumpled it, flinging it across the room with a huff.

Anne had no idea what she’d do if Gilbert was hurt. She did not dare put too much thought on the idea of him being dead, for her own health more than anything, but the idea of him with bones broken being rushed to the hospital made her heart clench in fear. She raised a thumb up to her lip and began to gnaw the thumbnail. _If he was hurt, or God forbid, was dead, then…._

A strong feeling of guilt overtook her as she thought of Gilbert’s prior suggestion at hosting their session at his house. They could have skipped all of this and just worked at his house, but _noooo_ , Anne needed him to hang out with her friends. Him being hurt will have been all her fault, and the thought made her chest tighten painfully. It would be her fault, and they would never get to have conversations that they desperately needed to have.

Anne swallowed hard. He deserved to know she liked him, and if he never learned, she feared that that would be the death of her. She didn’t think she was ready to admit to him what she was feeling, but then she couldn’t stand the thought of him never learning. She stood on a precipice, and she had no idea if it was time for her to leap off with confidence, or stay behind, safely huddled feet away from the cliff’s edge. She had always assumed that the day he’d learn of her feelings would be from her stumbling into the situation completely by accident; she had never truly had the conviction to do something so appalling and prideful as stepping blindly into a situation.

And yet, somehow, at this current moment, she felt as if she was hanging off the side of the cliff, growing exhausted and seconds away from dropping herself into whatever laid ahead, resting hundreds of feet below. If given the opportunity, telling Gilbert the truth could bring her everything, or take everything away. That thought alone was enough to give her theoretical hanging self the upper-body strength to pull herself back up onto land.

Anne sighed. It was time to stop focusing on metaphors and think more on the real world. Anne turned her head and looked at their clock. Gilbert was coming up on forty minutes late, and this fact only quickened her heartbeat once more.

Diana’s hand suddenly reached forward and grasped her wrist gently. “Hey, hey! It’s okay, alright? You don’t normally get this worried about this sort of thing.”

Anne stayed silent for a moment, shrugging. “A lot of people got hurt, and I- it’s very possible that he got hurt, okay?” She dropped her head, then added with a whisper, “I don’t think I could handle that.”

Diana said nothing, simply scooting closer before wrapping an arm around Anne and holding her close. After a moment, she hummed softly, smiling. “Can I tell you about what I’m working on right now? At the internship?”

Anne nodded, welcoming the distraction. Diana leaned back, making herself comfortable. “So, right now, I’m doing a spread about wedding dresses: what’s out of style, what’s in, cheaper versus more expensive options, just that sort of thing. It’s interesting, you know? I’ve never looked at this many wedding dresses and had to consider them so critically.”

Diana brought her arm back from behind Anne, dropping it into her lap. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that looking at all these dresses is making me suddenly long to start pulling together shit for my own eventual wedding.”

Anne raised an eyebrow, holding back a snort. “You don’t even have a partner yet, Di.”

“Yeah, obviously, I know that. But like, staring at all those dresses, it just really made me want to start planning one. Maybe I’m just a romantic, I don’t know….”

Anne faintly laughed. “Well, don’t worry; the moment I get engaged, you’ll be instantly promoted to wedding planner. Not that that’s going to happen anytime soon, though….”

Anne trailed off, glancing once more at the clock. Her hair seemed to stand on end and she shivered, uncomfortable. Diana stood, then offered Anne a hand. “Have you checked your phone? Maybe he sent a message.”

Anne allowed Diana to pull her up, frowning as she reached into her pocket. “I don’t know if I want to look. If there’s no text, I think that would only freak me out more. Schrodinger’s phone, I suppose.”

And yet, Anne knew it would be for the best to check. It was equally likely that he had texted and cancelled, or perhaps said he would be late. Still, the idea filled her with an overwhelming amount of terror. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, then thrusted it in Diana’s direction. “Here. You check it.”

Diana stared at it for a moment, then reached out, sighing softly at either Anne’s inability to do things for herself, or perhaps her own fear of the situation.

She was about to look at the screen when a loud knock fell on the door.

For a moment, Anne and Diana stared at one another; relief flooded over Anne in waves, and it took her a second to remember to answer the door, basking in the afterglow that came with a sudden expulsion of one’s anxiety.

Anne rushed forward, practically flinging the door open to see Gilbert standing before her awkwardly, a sorry expression on his face. He was about to speak when Anne threw her arms around him tightly, causing him to release a loud huff of air in surprise as she wordlessly held him close.

He was here, alive and well in her arms, and she relished that fact for perhaps a few seconds too long, the sound of Cole clearing his throat reminding her it was time to pull away. She met Gilbert’s eyes for a brief second before dropping her gaze, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly awkward.

Unbeknownst to her due to her dropped gaze, he too seemed flustered by her hug, and was now smiling widely. “What was that for?”

Anne swallowed hard, glancing over at the TV. “There was a huge pileup, and I-I thought that you’d gotten hurt, that that was why you were running late. I was, um, worried about you.”

His smile somehow grew wider, his eyes sparkling the way they did whenever he was in Anne’s presence. “Ah, that explains all the traffic. I sent a few texts about it; I wasn’t moving for a solid ten minutes.” Diana shot Anne a look and mentally, Anne cursed. She should have just checked her damn phone. Gilbert continued, “However, it’s nice to know you care about what happens to me.”

Anne said nothing, unable to refute but unwilling to admit it either. She stepped back, swallowing hard, then gestured to the dining room table. “Well, now that you’re here, shall we get started?”

With that, the study session began, and Anne found that it took far too long for her to calm down at all. Whether that was from Gilbert’s presence or the fear of his death, Anne couldn’t say; regardless, she knew that whatever it was, it was Gilbert’s fault.

\-----

Anne had hoped that Cole and Diana would keep to themselves and work in their rooms while Anne helped Gilbert prepare for an exam, but found much to her distaste that they chose instead to “work” in the living room, giving them the capability to listen in. Anne would have called them out for it if doing so wouldn’t have made a scene, but she was still trying to prove to Gilbert that she was a nice, reasonable human being.

Anne flipped through a paper Gilbert was having her edit, glancing at Cole and Diana who were pretending to read articles on their phones.

The entire session was a constant struggle; occasionally her heart would start thumping and pounding at random, with no rhyme or reason. At one point, her heart was beating so quickly and loudly that she swore he should have been able to hear it himself. She wondered how antsy she looked to him, as an outsider looking in.

In a mixture of pride and disappointment, she found that she barely needed to edit what he had written, the disappointment spurring from their old competitiveness back in high school. She supposed she wasn’t exactly the perfect editor; she had some bias, after all, considering her crush.

He looked up from the flashcards he was making, smiling at her before dropping his gaze once more. He was cute, and Anne would be lying if she said that the looks and smiles he offered her did little to her heart. She wondered how much he knew, and she wondered if he was playing her, purposely flirting for some ulterior motive that would later bite her in the ass for falling for it. That idea alone slowed her racing heart, but in turn it also ruined her mood. Anne focused back on the medical terms that filled his work, telling herself that at the very least, she was going to learn something new out of all of this.

Gilbert suddenly stretched, yawning loudly, exaggerated. He met Anne’s eye and caught her raised eyebrow, and quickly laughed at himself. “Sorry, sorry. All I do nowadays is work and study. It’s exhausting.”

Anne frowned. “Oh, come on, there’s got to be more to your life than _that_.”

He shrugged. “Well, the rest is just worrying about all the debt I’ll have, and reminding myself to eat dinner.” He paused, and pretended to ponder that thought. “Huh, I guess you’re right; that _is_ technically more than I first thought.”

They both laughed; Anne caught Cole’s eye and found that he was staring, eyebrows raised judgmentally, as if he found the conversation absolutely idiotic. For good measure, Anne stuck her tongue out at him, feeling like a child again in the process.

When she looked back at Gilbert, she saw that he had been watching her. She blushed, dropping her gaze; if one could win an award for their abilities to embarrass themselves, she would win Most Consistent. If she hadn’t embarrassed herself at least once every day, was she really acting like herself?

She passed him back his paper, nodding. “It’s good. You’ve really improved your writing since high school.”

He blinked in surprise, pulling a face. “Is that supposed to be a compliment, or are you trying to prove that you’ve been a better writer for longer?”

Anne smiled widely, putting her hands up, palms facing him. “I plead the fifth.”

He snorted, rolling his eyes, then took the paper. “Well, regardless, thank you very much. I appreciate your help, you know.”

He began to pack up his books, and Anne stared at him for a moment, pulse quickening. “Wait, aren’t you staying for dinner?”

He nodded. “I just want to put my stuff away. I also need to call Bash before we eat; I forgot to tell him that I’d be having dinner here, and he’ll probably be excited at the premise of being alone for a bit. He’ll probably just invite his girlfriend over, since I’ll be gone.”

With that, he quickly left the room and stepped outside. The moment the door was shut, Anne turned to face them. “What do we have to make for dinner?”

Diana scowled, slapping a hand dramatically to her forehead. “Shit. Did we actually forget to get something?” At the affirmative nods from Anne and Cole, Diana sighed. “Well, we can’t just feed him ramen noodles and call that a meal.”

“We have salad fixings,” Cole piped up. “And I think a frozen pizza we can put in the oven.” At the long, distraught look from Anne, he shrugged. “Look, it’s not supposed to be Christmas dinner. If he expects more, than he’s a lot shittier of a person than you’ve made him out to be.”

With that, Gilbert entered the apartment again, smiling. He looked over the three of them as he placed his phone back into his pocket. “I can’t stay for too long, if I want to stay on track with my work, but I have an hour or so free. What’s for dinner?”

Anne practically winced as she answered, “Frozen pizza and salad?”

To her surprise, he looked excited. “Oh man, Bash and I are absolutely terrible at making salads and vegetable dishes. We eat _way_ too much fast food.”

Anne smiled, grateful that the dinner option made him happy. For once, fortune was on Anne’s side. This dinner was going to be a good one.

\-----

Throughout the cheap meal, Anne often found her gaze straying to Gilbert for inappropriately long amounts of time. She tried to stop herself, tried to put extra effort into not doing that, but then he’d say something that would make all of them laugh, and Anne would find that she just really wanted to watch him speak for a moment longer, fascinated in the way his lips moved and face shifted as he told stories.

If he noticed her watching him intensely, he said nothing, and Anne respected him even more for that.

The meal came quickly to a close, with Gilbert glancing at his watch with a tight frown growing across his expression. “Thank you, for everything. Can I help wash up, or-?”

“No, Cole’s got it,” Diana answered, shooting Cole a look when he began to sputter in protest. Diana continued, “Thanks for coming by. I enjoyed talking to you.”

They all stood, and Anne followed Gilbert to the door, lingering as he put on his coat. She watched him silently, thinking about how thankful she was to be able to have had a meal like this with him, another opportunity to take in all the things that made him beautiful: his hair, his eyes, his smile.

Anne blushed at the thought, swallowing hard. “I’m glad you stayed for dinner. It was nice. And, of course, it’s good that you got to get to know my friends a little better,” she added quickly.

He smiled, nodding. “No problem; thanks for helping me study and stuff. I really appreciate it.”

It was clearly revving up to a goodbye. At the same time as Anne reached a hand out to shake, he leaned in for a hug. They froze, stuck in shock at each other’s mishap with the situation, and awkwardly, they laughed. They quickly switched tactics, Anne going in for a hug and Gilbert going in for a handshake. Exasperated, they both shook their heads at one another.

“So, which will it be, Gil?” Anne asked, crossing her arms in mock-annoyance. “Hug or handshake?”

He pretended to think about it, then leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. At his choice, Anne’s heart began to race; she wrapped her arms around him tight in response, hoping her initial hesitance didn’t come off as cold or unwanting.

They pulled away from each other’s grasp, although Anne would have much preferred to linger for another few minutes. She smiled as she watched him go, practically holding in a breath until he had shut the door behind him.

She sighed heavily, smiling at the location he had just been in. Anne turned around, stopping short when she realized just how close Diana and Cole were waiting behind her. She stared at them. “What?”

Cole snorted. “That hug-handshake thing was the most awkward thing I’ve ever fucking witnessed. Good job, you nerds.”

Anne rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up. You’re just jealous that I convinced a cute boy to come to our apartment.”

Cole walked over the kitchen sink, beginning to fill it and clean the dishes as he replied. “Yeah, great, he’s cute, but you’re not going to do anything about it.”

Anne and Diana shared a quick look. Anne swallowed hard. “I mean...if he liked me back….”

Cole halted, turning to face her with wide, shocked eyes. He looked from her to Diana. “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?”

Diana nodded while Anne shook her head vehemently against it. “Shush. I’m just saying, _if_ he liked me back-”

“He likes you back,” Cole said with a scoff.

Anne glared at him. “If he likes me back, then…,” she trailed off, sighing. “God, I don’t know. I just…hope this works out how I want it to.”

Diana and Cole said nothing, and Anne turned away from them, heading to her room. She stood on a precipice, and just when she was beginning to feel one way, she felt herself creeping towards the other. Soon, if things kept going as they were, Anne thought that maybe, just maybe, she’d have the confidence to cross the line that she so desperately tried to keep herself from tripping over.

Anne laid down on her bed, covering her face with her hands. _Yeah. That’ll be the day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, to everyone who's actively reading and commenting on this fic. I love hearing all of your opinions, your predictions, and just your overall thoughts. Share this fic with your friends, and as always, I'm on tumblr at remylebub if you want to send me a message! Thanks!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I first came up with this fic idea, the first thing I wrote for it was the latter half of this chapter. I'm a little shocked that this scene is finally here, after months of building to it. Enjoy!

Following his father’s death, Gilbert had found his home terribly lonely. Even with Bash there, the rooms felt haunted. Not literally, of course; Gilbert didn’t believe in ghosts, although that didn’t mean he wasn’t scared of the dark or didn’t feel _something_ when visiting historic buildings. Rather, the rooms were haunted with the memory of his father, photos lining the walls showing vacations and park visits that Gilbert no longer remembered. It took Gilbert months to enter his father’s old bedroom again, and years for him to genuinely feel comfortable when entering. Well, almost.

At the moment, Gilbert sat on his father’s bed, staring at a photo of his mother that rested on the side table. She had been a beautiful woman; his father had always said that he looked just like her, his smile and eyes reminding his father of the woman he had chosen to marry. Gilbert wondered just how much that must have pained him, for when he looked in the mirror and saw his father in himself, his heart would constrict in awful, terrible ways.

Gilbert turned his gaze away from his mother’s photo, looking instead to one of his father that rested on top of the dresser. He wondered, absently, if he was making him proud, but he pushed that thought aside; he knew he was, knew that no matter what he did in his life, his father would have gladly supported him. After all, they had been the only ones left.

And now, here Gilbert was, the one, the only.

Gilbert swallowed hard, blinking quick to rid his eyes of tears. Gilbert sighed, pushing himself off the bed onto his feet. He needed to get so much work done; he really didn’t have time to waste feeling sorry for himself. He knew his father wouldn’t have liked to see him moping about, especially with a cute girl to romance. Gilbert snorted at the thought, sure that his father would have harassed him about how long it was taking for him to get the courage to just sit down and tell Anne-

The sound of a door opening quickly pulled Gilbert from those thoughts. He adjusted his sweater, then made his way out into the living room, hoping Sebastian was interested in conversing. He wasn’t in the mood to be alone with his thoughts at the moment.

Gilbert paused before entering the living room at the sound of a light giggle, a woman’s voice. Gilbert grinned to himself; Sebastian had started to bring Mary home more regularly, and it was nice to have company around that wasn’t just the two of them. Plus, she was a decent cook (better than Gilbert was, anyway), and her pleasant demeanor was always nice to have around, especially when school work was getting stressful.

He entered, blushing immediately and averting his eyes as he walked in on them in a deep kiss. He cleared his throat, but much to his chagrin, Sebastian held the kiss on for another few seconds before allowing Mary to pull away; she shook her head humorously, chuckling. “Sebastian, stop, you’ll scar the boy.”

Sebastian laughed. “What? Scar him? He’s in his mid-twenties! We’re far passed the possibility-of-scarring age.”

“I disagree,” Gilbert replied, raising a hand to cover his eyes in an exaggerated motion as he made his way towards the fridge. “I am still very much scarrable. And don’t take that as a bucket list, Bash! My innocence isn’t yours for the manipulating!”

Sebastian cackled, stepping away from Mary in the process. Gilbert allowed his arm to fall, unable to stop himself from smiling at the two of them. They hadn’t been dating for that long really, but they were already so sweet, so perfect for one another. They made Gilbert hopeful, made him think that he was going to experience that sort of thing someday, hopefully someday soon.

“What’s for dinner?” he asked, hopping up onto the counter and sifting through the bags of groceries that rested nearby.

Mary didn’t look away from Sebastian. “I was thinking of trying something new. Chicken Alfredo.”

Gilbert could practically taste it; the mention of the dish alone brought up memories, dinners with his father. The thought made him smile, lacking the usual painful pangs that tended to accompany memories such as those.

“Did you do anything interesting today, Blythe?” Sebastian asked, pulling out a chair from their dining room table, sitting down.

Gilbert shrugged. “Eh, not really. Depends on what you consider interesting. I studied for my exams, that’s about it.”

Sebastian nodded, leaning back in his seat. He then looked at Gilbert, a twinkle in his eye as his smile grew wider. “You talk to Anne today?”

Gilbert hesitated. He hadn’t talked to Anne since their dinner three days ago. He had been a little embarrassed at how awkward their goodbye had been, and the feeling made him want to hide his face forever. He knew if he wanted her to date him, he needed to be more consistent, but his lack in social skills did little to help him.

Gilbert realized Sebastian was still waiting for an answer, and smiled. “No, I haven’t. I probably should though, shouldn’t I?”

Sebastian said nothing but Mary nodded, snorting. “If you want to make any progress with your dating life, yes.”

Sebastian nodded. “Listen to her; she knows what she’s talking about.”

Gilbert chuckled, pulling out a chair to sit down as well. He watched Mary and Sebastian for a moment, the way they interacted with one another, the flirting and constant smiles. It was nice, having someone else in the house. It was a large place, meant for a huge family; it hadn’t made sense for just Gilbert and Sebastian to live in it alone for so long, as it hadn’t made sense beforehand for Gilbert to live in it with just his father. Of course, it had been his family’s home then, and had made more sense for them to linger.

Gilbert hoped that the house would have its rooms filled someday. He didn’t like how empty the house felt a lot of the time. It just felt lonely.

The sound of Mary giggling brought Gilbert back to the present. Gilbert looked up; Sebastian had a wicked grin on his face and was busy whispering in Mary’s ear. Gilbert scowled, glad he hadn’t been listening in.

“We’re going upstairs,” Sebastian said quickly, as if he didn’t think Gilbert knew exactly what was going on.

“And I’m going outside,” Gilbert replied, pushing his seat away from the table before walking out into the hall, dressing quickly. The sky was growing dark, and he knew the air would be harsh against his skin. He liked the cold though, and would much rather be cold and in need to bundle up than be sweating uncomfortably.

He walked out onto his porch, breathing in deeply as he stared out at the snow that sparkled in the faintly dimming light. It was quiet out; normally, from his porch he would be able to hear the nearby creek bubbling and churning, but it was frozen over at this point, especially during the nighttime. It was calming, but also eerie, as if something was off about the atmosphere.

He shivered, moving down the steps carefully so he wouldn’t slip on the ice. He stared out at the driveway, the snow so peaceful and untouched besides the trail of footprints that lead up to the porch. It was beautiful, and he didn’t spend enough time appreciating it. Too busy, he supposed.

And yet, despite his lack of time, here he was, pining after Anne, as if he had tons of energy to waste away. He supposed there were worse ways for one to waste their lives away. He pictured, suddenly, red hair and and freckled cheeks that seemed to constantly be blushing. He grinned broadly to himself, his heart feeling as if it was soaring out of his chest.

He needed to ask her out. If he didn’t soon, Gilbert was sure that his heart would explode. He just didn’t quite know how. Gilbert sighed, moving his gaze up to the sky, the stars only minutes away from coming out. If he was going to ask her out soon, he needed to have a plan. He’d hate himself forever if he misstepped this and made a fool out of himself.

But how was he to get Anne alone, to have the necessary conversation without making it already seem like they were on a date? He supposed that another study session would do the trick, although he’d have to wait a few days before asking her to come over; it wouldn’t make sense to do a study session so close to the last one, and it was very likely that she wouldn’t come over if it was.

That was it, then: he was finally going to ask her out. The idea alone made his skin tingle and heart race. He forced himself to even out his breathing, not wanting to appear on edge or weird once he was back inside. That made Gilbert snort; Sebastian could read him incredibly well, and no amount of preparation could hide from him that he had been thinking about Anne. He just hoped that Sebastian would be proud of him for finally getting his crap together.

If it actually happened. Gilbert sighed, kicking absently at a rock with the toe of his boot. Gilbert truly had no idea what he was doing, and didn’t exactly want to get his hopes up yet that he’d actually follow through with this. The fear of the unknown, he supposed, ate at him horribly. Yes, there was a reason he wasn’t well-versed in the means of the romantical. _Though_ , he reminded himself. _Neither is Anne._

He assumed. He supposed he shouldn’t assume it, but from the way she acted, it seemed like a correct assumption to make. Gilbert swallowed hard; his ears were beginning to feel a little too cold, and he’d need to head in soon. Decision time, then. He was going to ask Anne out, regardless of how poorly it could possibly go. He just needed to make sure that the panic of screwing up didn’t screw him over.

Turning on his heel, Gilbert headed back up the steps into the house. His plan, while not flawless, was at least thought through. That was something, at least.

\-----

Dinner was delicious, as he had expected it to be. Mary’s presence was sorely needed, and it was nice to have something different in their meal curriculum. Gilbert was growing tired of just making burgers and pizza.

Gilbert watched as Sebastian spooned a second helping onto her plate, then his own. Gilbert shook his head and chuckled to himself, an action that Sebastian noticed right away. “I see you laughing over there, Blythe; what is it that you’re finding so funny?”

Gilbert grinned down at his plate, taking a bite of his own meal. “You guys have been together for what, two months? And you already seem like an old married couple. It’s cute, that’s all.”

Mary blushed while Sebastian rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. “Oh, shush. Like you’re one to talk.”

Gilbert placed his fork down, holding his hands up defensively. “I’m just saying, and not in a bad way, things are moving pretty fast for you guys. Wouldn’t surprise me if you already had a proposal planned.”

Sebastian reached over and shoved him playfully. “Shut up. At least I’ve already asked her out, unlike _someone_ I know. You’ve known Anne for a decade and you _still_ haven’t made any moves. I’d say that Anne could be your date for the wedding, but that would factor in the possibility of you actually asking her out by the time we get there.”

Gilbert smiled, but the honesty of Sebastian’s response made him feel a little bitter. Mary must have seen this, because she spoke next. “Um, shouldn’t I have some say in my future possible wedding?”

Sebastian turned his gaze over to Mary, smiling sweetly. “Of course you do. And don’t worry, I’m not just going to spring a proposal on you by tomorrow.” He paused, then wiggled an eyebrow. “Unless...that would interest you?”

Mary snorted, taking a bite of her chicken. “My family would kill me, no thanks.”

They continued eating, and Gilbert sat in content silence, watching them for a while. He only hoped that Anne and he would have their own version of what Mary and Sebastian had someday, although he suspected that their version would be much more competitive. He thought of his dinner in her apartment a few days before, how desperately he wished he could figure out how to finally have one alone with Anne, rather than with a group of people. Baby steps, he supposed. Regardless, he knew that no matter what, he was going to get there someday. He just wished someday would hurry up already and arrive.

Gilbert finished eating and did the dishes, allowing Sebastian and Mary the chance to watch TV alone in the other room for a few moments, knowing that they deserved that. He was glad that she understood their dynamic, that she didn’t have any issue with him living in the house with them. Despite the teasing, Gilbert wouldn’t have actually minded Mary and Sebastian getting married so soon; they seemed good for each other, fitting perfectly into each other’s empty slots. He was glad his friend was able to find happiness; things hadn’t always been the easiest for him.

Gilbert finished with the dishes and pulled out his phone, staring at it for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to text her; rather, it was the fear that he was going to say something stupid that held him back from messaging her constantly. He knew he needed to change that if he wanted to be a good boyfriend.

Holding a breath in, he quickly sent her a message about another study session, shoving his phone in his pocket before he could see that she had read it, not wanting to hover, waiting for a response. He released the breath slowly, and was unable to truly breath again until he felt the familiar buzz in his pocket. He read the message and smiled: a confirmation.

He was making progress, and that was all that mattered. Now, he needed to head up to his room and study. Hopefully, this time he’d be able to do so without any distractions.

\-----

Anne stared out of her bedroom window, down at the streets covered in sheets of white, fluffy snow. Multiple inches had fallen over the last few days, leaving some yards full of snow up to her knee. It was that time of year where if she wanted to be outside, she’d have to wear her snow pants in order to keep her jeans from getting soaked through. The idea of wearing wet clothes while out in this cold made her shudder.

Gilbert had invited her over for another study session, though she honestly didn’t see why; he was clearly doing well with his studies, and it seemed like a waste of his time to have her come over and help him so often. _Unless, of course, she thought as she turned away from the window, there’s some sort of ulterior motive to his actions._

Anne sighed, shaking her head. Whatever his reason, she didn’t care. She wanted to see him, and that was that. She entered the bathroom and brushed out her hair, chiding herself silently. What was the point of putting effort into how one’s hair looked when it was just going to be ruined by the wind and snow? She had always felt self-conscious about the state of her hair; Anne supposed some things would never change.

The drive over to his house was a slow, careful one, some roads not yet salted to rid them of the snow and ice. She hummed along to the radio and did her best to focus on her driving and nothing else, knowing she could risk accident and injury if she didn’t.

She wondered, fleetingly, what things would be like in three years time. Him a doctor, her still teaching and perhaps writing again, if time allowed. He was busy and now and would be busy then; perhaps, then, it was dumb of her to imagine them together in any way. They both lacked the time, and Anne was sure that Gilbert was aware of this, too.

The thought made her stomach clench and through gritted teeth, she banished the thought from her mind. She was about to see Gilbert; now was not the time to sadden herself with ‘what-ifs’ and other disastrous possibilities.

She pulled into his driveway, parking in front of his house, the driveway unshoveled in the section she’d normally park in. She pulled her coat and accessories on quickly, the process taking a minute or two still despite her speed. She stepped out of her car, the snow reaching past her ankle; she flinched, the snow making contact with her skin, the cold hitting her harshly.

Anne rushed up the steps as fast as she allowed, knowing that if she were to move too quickly she could likely slip and bust something open. She knocked swiftly, wrapping her arms around herself in hopes it would keep the warmth in.

Gilbert opened the door and ushered her in quickly, an apologetic look on his face from making her wait. “Geez, it’s really getting cold out, isn’t it?”

Anne nodded, already stripping off her gloves and scarf. “I’m just waiting for the snow to get bad enough that they cancel school. Getting up and leaving so early is awful in this weather.”

Gilbert nodded. “You’re certainly not wrong there.”

He waited for her to finish undressing, then headed over to his dining room table; she followed behind, noticing that Sebastian wasn’t anywhere in sight. Her heart rate quickened; she wondered if his absence was a good thing.

Anne looked over the table, noticing a book or two resting open. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Shouldn’t someone in your class be helping you with all this studying? A friend?”

“Ha, right!” he grinned, shaking his head. “I don’t really have friends.”

He noticed Anne’s pitying expression and quickly covered, “Jesus, that sounded depressing. I just mean that I don’t really hang out with people. There’s no one in the class I know well enough to ask to study with, that’s all.”

Anne nodded, though silently she found his reasoning, well, stupid. If it meant bettering himself as a student, wasn’t it worth it to put in the effort to make friends and form a study group? Hell, not even friends, just people he could be amicable with? Anne decided to keep silent on the matter, though she knew that were they in high school still, she would have dragged him to Hell and back with her opinions on the matter.

“Still,” she continued, sitting down at the table. “I don’t know if I’m quite the right fit to be helping you study.”

Gilbert shrugged. “You’re smart. And I enjoy your company.”

Her heart skipped a beat and she swallowed hard, smiling slightly. There was a short silence before he straightened. “We could go work someplace more comfortable, out in the den. There’s a nice fireplace, and it’ll be much better for chatting and such.”

“Chatting?”

Gilbert paused, then nodded. “Or working. Whichever.”

He walked over to the table and gathered his books and headed towards the other room; Anne followed tentatively, very much unsure of how to approach the situation. Was she here just because he wanted company? She didn’t blame him, and the idea excited her that he wanted her around, though she didn’t want him to know that.

He sat down on the sofa, placing his books in front of him on his coffee table to leave room for her beside him. Her mouth dried and she noticed that she moved forward perhaps too quickly, obviously excited at the notion of being close to him.

Anne sat and took in the room surrounding her. It was quite comfortable, and the fire was lit, radiating warm waves of heat that Anne greatly appreciated after being outside. She looked over at Gilbert and noticed that he had been watching her, his book remaining closed.

She furrowed her brow. “What? Is there something on my face?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, it’s nothing. Are you warm? I can get you a blanket as well, if you need it.”

He stood and was halfway across the room before Anne shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Seriously, you don’t need to get me anything.”

He halted mid-movement, lingering for a moment right in front of the fireplace, an open part of the room. Personally, Anne would have placed a large armchair in that spot for comfortable reading.

Gilbert glanced over at the fire, his eyes stopping on a stack of firewood to the side of it. It wasn’t a large pile, but it would certainly last at least a few hours. Still, he frowned. “There’s more on the porch I should grab; I told Bash I would a few hours ago, and I still haven’t.” He turned, offering her a smile. “This’ll only take a second. I’ll be right back.”

He made his way to the hall and she heard him get dressed, the sound of someone struggling to pull their boots over a pair of thick wool socks, the heels clunking against the hardwood floors. He entered the room again and gave her a quick wave, then headed out.

The door fell shut with a slam that made Anne wince, followed by a hard, intense silence. Why was she here, really? Did he really want to study, or was he so in need of a companion that he invited her over? Perhaps Sebastian was busy, requiring Gilbert to look for other people to act as his entertainment.

But something else seemed off as well; he seemed on edge, nervous. She was normally the one to act odd around him, not the other way around, and it made her jittery. Something was off, and she couldn’t help but worry that whatever was going on was something bad. It wasn’t like he was acting like this because he’d never been alone with her before. _Then again_ , she thought, swallowing hard, _the last time we were completely alone, we almost…._

Anne stood, pushing herself off the sofa, suddenly feeling a strong urge to pace. _Perhaps he_ \- Anne shook her head. No. There was absolutely no way he reciprocated those feelings, despite what her eighth graders seemed to think. What did they know about love, anyway? They hadn’t even seen _High School Musical._

Anne chuckled before sighing, dropping her head against her chest. Maybe he did feel the same, but the idea of actually contemplating that seemed like a bad decision. Getting her hopes up only for them to be crushed was her worst nightmare. Better to crush those dreams herself than play out fanciful imaginations.

Anne faced the fire, basking in its warmth. She was comfortable, but the longer she stood waiting for Gilbert to return, the more she realized that she should have accepted his offer of the blanket. She supposed he wouldn’t be too upset if she took the comforter from his bed, and decisively turned, making her way towards his room.

As she walked, she did her best to convince herself that this was not, in fact, snooping, and that she was only going to grab the blanket, then instantly leave. Of course, as she reached Gilbert’s room, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stick to her own word. She looked around his room with great interest, trying to picture him in it. She smiled as she stared at the made bed and properly stacked pile of shoes; it was nice knowing that his room truly fit who he was as a person. Indeed, the cleanliness of the place reflected him well, just as her own, messy room reflected who she was too.

Anne turned; on his dresser was a framed picture of him and his father from back when he was a young teen. Anne smiled, finding it odd how young he looked in the photo compared to now. With a determined step, she pulled the blanket off and made her way back to the living room, only feeling a little guilty about messing up his bed.

She sat down again on the sofa where he left her, this time wrapping herself in the blanket as she watched the fire. The flames licked at the wood in such a beautiful way, embers dancing as the wood slowly burned to ash. Anne smiled; she just knew she could stay like this forever, especially with Gilbert by her side.

Gilbert. Anne frowned, looking around quickly. He had said he’d be back shortly, hadn’t he? How hard was it to move a few chunks of firewood into the house? Despite much preferring to sit around in the warmth of his home, Anne pushed herself off the sofa, leaving behind the comforter as she walked over to the door and pulled on her boots and the rest of her winter clothing.

She stepped outside. For a moment, she heard nothing; as she stood on the porch, scanning it for any sign of Gilbert and the wood, she thought about how she quiet it was. Her eyes stopped on the pile of wood, untouched, and she frowned. _That’s odd._ A shiver ran down Anne’s spine; something seemed off in an eerie, worrying sort of way.

Anne was about to turn around when she heard a strange sputtering noise that made her freeze in her tracks. She turned quickly towards the source of the sound and saw, to her horror, on the bank of the creek that ran alongside his house, that Gilbert was hanging on to the edge for dear life, struggling to pull himself out of it.

“Gilbert!” Anne cried out, rushing forward. The creek, which had been frozen over, must have been thinner ice than he had expected; but what was he doing wandering so close to the creek, especially in this weather by himself? She reached him, her heart cascading into her stomach as she took him in, his legs dangling in the water, reaching up to his mid-thigh.

Gilbert attempted to push himself up again, sputtering once more; it was clear that when he’d initially fallen, he’d gotten his entire body wet, his hair dripping. Weakly, he looked up at her. “H-help, Anne, help me.”

Feeling fiercely scared, Anne dug her heels into the ground and offered him her hand, giving him a firm grip before pulling him forward. She pulled with more force than she thought she possessed, desperately wanting to ensure that he’d be okay.

He collapsed beside her on the ground, finally free from the water. For a moment, he rested, exhausted and wheezing short, terrible breaths. With a persistent grip that was fueled by fear and insistence, she forced him to stand up; almost instantly, she felt him give her most of his weight. With a grunt, she moved them forward, as fast as she could manage without hurting him or dragging him along.

“How did this even happen?” Anne asked, unable to hide the worry in her voice.

Gilbert said nothing for a moment, breathing in and out shakily, his breaths slowly growing stronger, much to her relief. When he spoke, his voice was strained from effort, simply moving his feet enough to exhaust him. “I th-thought I saw something in the creek. It was just the sun, messing with my eyes, but I felt the urge to go and ch-check it out.” He paused, and Anne noticed then just how hard he was shivering. “I slipped, and fell in.”

They reached the steps of the porch, and carefully Anne walked him up the stairs, letting him lean on her as she pushed open the door and got them into his house. She was thankful there wasn’t any ice on the steps; in this moment, it may have been the difference between life and death.

Once the door was shut, she gave him a quick look over as she helped him into the living room. Once there, she gently placed him down into a chair, helping him remove his boots while he did his best to remove his jacket. He was completely soaked, and Anne pursed her lips in worry. She said nothing, not wanting to spike his anxiety by pointing out just how sick he could get because of this, and instead turned her focus completely on helping him undress. Once done with his boots, Anne helped him stand once more, catching his weight as he stumbled for a moment.

Her mind raced, the sound of his teeth loudly chattering gnawing at her brain and thoughts, making her more and more worried with each passing second. She was trying to remember anything she had read or ever heard about people who had been left out in the cold, hypothermic. Anne swallowed, hard. “We need to get you out of these wet clothes.”

If he disagreed, he said nothing, lethargically pulling his coat off his arms, the material falling heavily onto the floor with a weighted flop. Anne walked him over to the front of the fireplace, hoping it would offer him some sort of warmth while he removed the rest of his clothes.

As he struggled with the buttons of his shirt, Anne walked over to the sofa and snatched up the comforter, laying it on the floor. She stared at it for a moment, thinking as she gnawed her lip. He needed to warm up, and she faintly remembered learning somewhere that body heat was the answer. They needed to share body heat, and she had no idea if it actually worked, but at this point she was really ready to try anything. Normally, this was the sort of thing she would have asked Gilbert, but he was currently preoccupied with trying not to die.

_Sharing body heat means stripping naked_ , Anne thought, inhaling heavily. She walked back over to him and took over the buttons he was so clearly struggling to unclasp. He was still working on the second one.

_Gilbert is studying this stuff. I’m sure as long as I tell him, he’ll be fine with it, regardless of how awkward it will be_. Despite this, Anne’s nerves were still driving her crazy. She finished the last button of his shirt, and removed it from his body, downcasting her gaze to give him some sort of privacy. Somehow, even with his wet shirt removed, he was shaking even more.

“Gilbert,” Anne began, swallowing hard. “I think our best option is to- um, share body heat. Which means-”

Gilbert managed to nod, his eyes glancing over to meet hers before falling away. She swore he was beginning to look tinted blue. “Y-yes, definitely. Do anything, please just- I’m _so_ cold, Anne.”

“Right,” Anne replied, stepping away. “I’ll get you a towel.”

By this time, the room was scarcely lit besides the light of the fire, the winter evening darkening earlier tonight than usual. Upon her return with the towel, Gilbert was crouched in front of the fire; whether he was completely naked yet or not, Anne couldn’t say, keeping her eyes away as she handed him the towel to quickly dry himself off with. She then picked up the comforter and held it open for him, still casting her gaze aside. He obliged and wrapped the blanket around himself while laying as close to the fire as he could manage without burning himself.

Anne could visibly see him shiver from where she stood. Quickly, she undressed herself, her throat uncomfortably thick as she left on her underwear. She needed at least some strand of dignity to remain during this situation. Gilbert’s eyes had drifted closed, and Anne’s heart began to race, both from fear that he wasn’t going to be okay, and from the feeling that what she was about to do was something totally, completely, absolutely abnormal.

She gently shook Gilbert’s arm; he opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her expectantly. She dropped her gaze, covering her chest with her arms before gesturing to the blanket. “If you’ll, um, lay down on your side and move over a little, I can get under there with you.”

He did as he was told and she wrapped the blanket around herself, hesitating for only a moment before making one sure movement as she wrapped herself around him, using her arm to hug him close. She flinched almost immediately at how cold his skin felt, and despite how badly she recoiled at the touch, she forced herself to only hold him tighter.

His skin was like ice against her own body; never before had she willingly held something so cold to herself. Despite the screaming voice in her brain, she only held him closer, taking in his shivers and hoping her grip would somehow stop them.

Occasionally he would move a little, an arm twitching or a hand adjusting the blanket, but for the most part he remained silent and motionless besides his shivers, his eyes mostly closed, small slits that watched the flames. Minutes passed incredibly slowly, but much to her luck, she soon felt his shivers begin to fade.

He snuggled up against her and she felt a lump form in her throat. _Calm down, Anne_ , she told herself. _This is for survival_.

Nearly ten minutes had passed before his shivers had subsided completely; still, Anne held him close, unsure of when it was truly a good idea to let him go. Should she know these things? Hadn’t she read enough novels in her lifetime that something like this would have been explained to her? Anne swallowed, willing her heart to slow its pace, worried that Gilbert could feel it.

Anne stretched her neck forward, checking to see if his eyes were open. She wondered if he had fallen asleep, if it was safe for her to gently untangle herself from his body, to dress before it got awkward. She didn’t want to leave him alone, especially so soon, but she certainly didn’t want to stay in this position longer than necessary. An image of him asking her to get off of him came to mind and Anne cringed, clamping her eyes shut as she willed it away.

Her sudden movement caused him to stir, shifting his shoulders in the slightest manner. Anne felt too aware of her body in that instance, as if she could feel ever small movement her legs and arms were making. She wondered if he could feel it too, if it was bothering him. She blanked her mind, forced herself to focus on something else, anything other than how her body felt at that current moment.

Curse her mind, then, for instantly thinking of him. Images of Gilbert smiling and laughing filled her mind, and her chest tightened, both with anxiety but also with something else, a longing that was almost painful. _He’s just a cute boy,_ Anne told herself. _A cute boy who is also sweet, and smart, and so, so incredibly stupid for falling into that damn creek._

Anne silently prayed to whatever God was out there that Gilbert would be okay. She didn’t care that he most certainly, definitely did not like her back; no, all she cared about was that he would be okay, that she made the right decision here.

_Shit. I should have just called an ambulance._ Anne gritted her teeth at her own foolishness, knowing that Gilbert would probably point it out later. Thankfully, he seemed fine. As long as he managed to keep that up, Anne could just ask him later if she should have taken him to the hospital, or if he still needed legitimate medical attention. _It’s not like an ambulance is gonna make it out here in this weather fast enough_ , Anne decided. _I would have had to do this anyway._

Gilbert shifted again, causing Anne’s heart to flutter. She glanced down at his head and saw that his eyes were open into halves, blinking slowly. He was breathing heavier but seemed relaxed; his body felt less tense against her, and Anne realized that he no longer felt cold to her touch, his body now warm against her skin. She wondered, then, why he still laid there; she supposed it was comfortable, and the cold likely exhausted him. Perhaps his muscles were sore and he felt too weak to change positions. Still, it felt extremely awkward to have his back pressed up against her bare chest. Anne swallowed a lump in her throat. After all these years, she never considered what it would feel like to hold his body against her own. Now, she was struggling to clear the thought from her head.

_This is wildly inappropriate_ , Anne scolded her brain. Gilbert didn’t feel this way about her; at least, certainly not at the current moment. She was sure all he was thinking about right now was how cold he was, or perhaps he was considering how lucky he was to be alive. Gilbert would be professional about this as a med student, after all. Why couldn’t she just take this seriously? Why couldn’t her brain just leave her alone?

She was sure he felt as awkward about this as she did, and he’d probably just thank her for his life. Anne exhaled deeply, trying to keep the breath soft. _I saved his life, that’s it. I’m sure he-_

Anne’s train of thought derailed completely as Gilbert shifted with a more deliberate movement, turning himself onto his other side until his body was facing her, his eyes looking up at her before glancing back down in a coy manner.

Anne had no idea what to do. Was she supposed to keep holding him close to her, or was this him signaling that she was supposed to pull away, no longer needed? Gilbert kept glancing up at her, a small smile growing on his lips, and Anne wondered how obvious it was that she felt extremely out of place. She was in the process of making her decision when it happened.

Gilbert propped himself onto his elbow, a slow and languid movement that was accompanied by a stifled groan, reiterating to Anne just how sore his muscles must have been. He stared up into her eyes, his smile growing larger as the stare was held. Anne found herself desperately wanting to glance down at his bare chest that had come into view, and she briefly hoped that maybe he felt the same way about her. He shifted completely onto his elbow, maintaining the stare; Anne swallowed hard. What was he doing? She needed to leave immediately, before she did something she’d regret and….

Gilbert moved forward then, stretching his head up towards her, turning it slightly, and before Anne could completely grasp what was happening, his lips were on hers, and he was kissing her. It was soft and sweet, his lips just barely grazing against hers, and it was finished before she could even process it enough to properly kiss him back. He pulled away slowly, a sly look on his face, his eyes shining. Anne, meanwhile, was frozen, her mouth agape and eyes wide.

Gilbert said nothing; he just smiled as he settled back down beside her, pulling the comforter back up to his shoulders. Anne stared down at him. Was he going back to sleep? After that? With absolutely no explanation? Hell, he hadn’t even told her whether or not he wanted her to leave! Cautiously, Anne settled down against him once more, her heart racing and brain on fire.

Gilbert chuckled then, and the sound only made her heart quicken faster. “You know,” he said, his voice soft in volume but coarser than usual. “You should really relax. You’re so stiff; you’re a pretty terrible cuddler.”

Despite her nerves and how completely confused she was, a small laugh escaped Anne’s throat. “I-I’ll remember that for later. You know, the next time I have to pull you out of a creek.”

“Good,” he replied, and Anne could hear the smile in his voice. “I’ll be ready for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a review; this chapter has been on my mind since the start of this fic, and I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. Let me know what you think!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is coming out later than I intended! My apologies on the long wait, I was loaded down by finals!

Anne awoke slowly, refusing to open her eyes yet for the new day. Her body felt sore and her head ached something awful. Besides that, it was cold, horribly cold, and she shivered, huddling under the covers as she curled herself up tighter, hoping she’d be able to get a few more hours in.

She was in the process of falling asleep once more when she realized that whatever she was laying on was firm, uncomfortable, and the thought gave her pause. Wherever she was didn’t feel like her bed. And not to mention, whatever she was curled up against was radiating heat in a familiar yet unexpected way….

Anne’s eyes blinked open with a start, remembering where she was and what had happened in the second it took for her eyes to lock on Gilbert’s tousled hair, messy from sleep. Her breathing, which had halted in shock, released in a slow, measured exhale at the knowledge that he was still asleep, and that she didn’t have to face him yet.

She had no idea what time it was, but she assumed it was early morning, the sun just starting to shine faintly through the curtains, lighting the room up enough that she could make everything out. Her eyes shifted over to the fireplace; embers still glowed faintly but most of the wood had been burned to ash, still smoking. _That explains why I’m cold,_ she thought to herself. _Dammit. I should have carried the wood in last night._

_Then again_ , she shifted, careful not to jostle the blanket. _There were much more pressing matters to attend to at that moment._

Such as keeping Gilbert alive. Saving him from hypothermia, holding onto him in order to warm him up with her own body heat. She looked down at herself, the sight of her naked chest building a feeling of dread inside her; she had absolutely no idea how she was going to leave without him seeing her, or without the situation being completely awkward. If there was one thing she hated, it was embarrassing herself.

Gilbert was currently snoring softly, and Anne watched him for a moment, considering her situation. _Either I leave without him knowing and possibly ruin everything, or I wake him, make some awkward conversation about what happened, and ruin everything._ The memory of their kiss hit her suddenly, accompanied with a feeling that she could only describe as her heart dropping into the pit of her stomach. It had been unexpected, and she suspected he may have been out of it in that moment, acting unlike himself, the cold getting to his head.

And yet Anne would be lying if she were to say the kiss wasn’t dearly wanted. She stared at him, his chest rising and falling evenly. _Things may be completely screwed_ , she told herself, her eyes misting over, _but at least he’s alive._

She focused her attention onto an escape plan, not wanting to be caught crying by his side. Unfortunately, her thoughts kept jumping back to how soft his lips were, how sudden the mood in the room had changed as he shifted his attention to her own, moving in so slowly that time seemed to freeze; she hadn’t even noticed that her breathing had hitched, that she had moved herself forward just the slightest in expectation and want. Yes, quite unfortunate.

She was still weighing the pros and cons of leaving without waking him when she heard keys enter the front door lock.

Anne froze before quickly snatching her shirt that rested several feet away, pulling it on just in time for the door to swing open, followed by the loud, booming voice of Sebastian calling out, “Gilbert, you awake? You haven’t answered any of my texts, and-”

His footsteps halted behind her and words cut off quickly; the hair on the back of Anne’s neck stood up, well aware that Sebastian was definitely standing in the doorway and could definitely make out her bright red hair, and could _definitely_ tell without seeing her face that it was she who was in his living room. She wasn’t sure which direction she was more uncomfortable facing: Sebastian, who she was _sure_ looked shocked and appalled, or Gilbert, who was still in the process of waking up from Sebastian’s intrusion, looking around the room frantically.

So, she did the only thing that made sense for her to do: with reddened cheeks, feeling more embarrassed than she’d ever felt in her _entire_ life, she stood and grabbed her jeans, pulling them on as Sebastian profusely apologized to the two of them, turning away and exiting the room just as Anne had buttoned up her pants and was grabbing her coat and scarf. She could feel Gilbert’s eyes on her, could hear him shuffling to find _something_ to cover himself up with, sputtering words at her as she pulled her boots on.

“Anne, _wait_ , please don’t-”

“I have to go,” she replied, giving him a quick glance. She regretted it immediately; seeing him shirtless, struggling to cover himself with a blanket just reminded her that she could never, _ever_ see the two of them again, not without cringing at the memory of this occurrence. She zipped up her jacket halfway and booked it outside, praying that his lack of clothes would buy her a little time in clearing the snow off her car before leaving. After yesterday, she was sure he wouldn’t be dumb enough to run outside without the proper clothes.

The snow cleared, she entered her vehicle and turned it on, waiting for it to warm up for a few minutes before driving away. She kept an eye on his porch, not feeling too keen at the idea of having to interact with either of them after _that_. In fact, she was fairly certain that if he came outside, she would move her car into reverse and speed away as fast as she possibly could, damn the ice and cold car.

_Sebastian saw. He saw us_ …, Anne closed her eyes tight and gently hit her head against her steering wheel four times in a row, begging her brain to stop replaying how it felt minutes ago, experiencing that situation. If there was ever a moment in her life in which she was dying of embarrassment, this was it.

Shame washed over her in waves, and as she drove away, the car finally warm enough, she dreaded the idea of ever seeing Gilbert Blythe again. She blinked away tears the entire drive home, feeling hurt and annoyed with herself for acting so dumb. Once again, she felt as if she had completely screwed everything up.

\-----

The door slammed shut, and Gilbert slumped back onto the ground, feeling totally and utterly drowned in despair. He had thought, just twenty four hours before, that it wouldn’t be that hard to ask her out, that there was no real way for it to fail. And yet, here he was, finding himself stuck in the worst possible situation, somehow ruining everything. He had never thought he’d be the reason Anne would rush out of his house, but here he was.

Last night was- well, he was a little blurry on the details, but he knew three things: one- that he had fallen in the creek and nearly drowned, two- Anne had stayed the night, and three- that they had kissed. Had he kissed her? Gilbert stared off in the direction of the front door, furrowing his brow. That didn’t sound like him, but he was sure that he had. Did he really have the gall to-

Gilbert blaunched, remembering suddenly and quite viscerally the feeling of her clinging to him. It all seemed like a trance; perhaps he had kissed her because he was out of it and thought it was a dream. Gilbert sighed to himself; no, he had kissed her because he had wanted to. Sadly, it seemed like it had been the wrong action to take, and now he would have to deal with the consequences.

Sebastian entered the room, eyes wide as he looked from Gilbert to the front door, then scanned over the rest of the room. “I am so, so sorry, Gilbert. What the _hell_ did I just walk into?”

Gilbert groaned, dropping his head. He raised his hands and roughly rubbed his eyes. “Oh, you know, just me ruining my life. Nothing new.”

Sebastian said nothing for a moment, then stepped closer. “Yeah, I can see that. However, that’s not what I meant. What is all of...,” he gestured to the blankets and clothes strewn about in front of the fireplace. “This.”

Gilbert shot Sebastian a long look, pursing his lips together. “Look, it’s not what you think. She saved me from freezing to death.” At the confused expression that overtook Sebastian’s face, Gilbert continued, “I’m an idiot. I fell into the creek yesterday, and she hauled me out of it. We had to, um... share body heat. You know, to make sure I wouldn’t die.”

Much to Gilbert’s annoyance, Sebastian looked on the verge of laughing, only holding it together to make sure he wouldn’t hurt Gilbert’s feelings. He moved forward and sat down on the sofa. He then looked Gilbert over, raising an eyebrow at Gilbert’s bare chest and the blanket that covered his legs. “Wait- are you naked-”

“ _Like I said_ ,” Gilbert said firmly. “We had to share body heat.”

“Ah. Right.” Sebastian glanced around the room once more, then added, “So nothing else happened?”

Gilbert shook his head, and Sebastian snorted, adding, “I didn’t ruin your romantic moment?”

Something snapped inside Gilbert, and he said sharply, “Sort of! I mean, we kissed last night!”

Sebastian blinked for a few moments, taken aback, then frowned. “Really?” A stiff silence fell before he added, “Sorry, Blythe. I didn’t realize.”

“No, why would you? It certainly doesn’t sound like me.” Gilbert sighed. “ _I_ kissed _her_. What was I thinking? I must have been in shock, that’s the only explanation.”

He stared at the ground for a moment, shaking his head. “Don’t feel bad about entering like that. You didn’t know what you were walking in on, and I’m sure regardless of if you showed up, me and Anne’s goodbye would have been...stilted, to say the least. I mean, with what happened, I’m sure she feels extremely awkward.”

As the thought left his lips, Gilbert frowned. It stung, but he knew he wasn’t wrong. Still, it hurt that he’d embarrassed her, and he felt worse knowing that he most definitely just screwed everything up.

His eyes suddenly stung with tears and he dropped his gaze, covering his eyes with the back of his hand. Sebastian moved close, crouching down. “Hey, hey! Don’t beat yourself up about this! This kind of thing happens all the time- well, not this kind of thing _exactly_ , but- I just mean, people embarrass themselves all the time, but it eventually works out fine.”

Gilbert wiped his eyes roughly, not finding Sebastian’s words particularly helpful. He wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, keeping his gaze averted. “Yeah, well, let’s hope. I’m going to go get dressed now. And possibly see a doctor, since I _did_ almost die last night.”

He stood, wobbling for a moment before catching himself, still weak from the night before. Hopefully, his little trip into the creek yesterday wasn’t going to make him sick. Especially not now; he couldn’t afford any breaks from school.

He sighed; and yet, his fear of being sick was nowhere near as strong as his fear that he had just ruined things completely.

\-----

It was amazing how Anne’s walk home felt similar to that of a “walk of shame,” despite the fact that she and Gilbert hadn’t had sex. Messily dressed, she left her car and made her way towards her apartment, desperately wanting to get inside so that she could hide herself away. She thought of her bed as she climbed the stairs, and silently planned to spend the rest of her life confined to it. She could become on online teacher and just work from home; the idea was becoming increasingly tempting.

Anne paused in front of their front door, realizing just how this would look to Diana and Cole. She cringed at the thought. It seemed that embarrassing herself was the only constant in her life. Exhaling heavily, she placed her key in the lock and made her way inside.

Diana and Cole were standing in the kitchen, staring at her as if she had walked in on them mid-sentence. She wondered if they had been talking about her; the silence that followed her as she closed the front door seemed to support that idea.

The atmosphere was tense, and Anne wondered who was going to break first. Certainly not her; no, the longer she could go without explaining that she had just ruined things with Gilbert the better. Still, Anne was sure that she would explode if she didn’t tell them of her huge, stupid mistake.

Diana cleared her throat, and Anne quickly made her way towards the bathroom as Diana said, “So, Anne… where were you-”

“I need to shower,” Anne said swiftly, shutting herself in before either of them could object. She sighed against the back of the door, relishing in the solitude for a moment before stripping and turning on the water.

Every time she closed her eyes, she saw him. His skin covered in goosebumps, eyes filled with fear as he begged her to help him. His hair damp and slowly drying as she clung to him, his life dependent upon how warm she could get him. The look in his eyes as he had lifted his head up, lips closing in on her own, his eyes expressing a confidence she had rarely seen from him, his near-death experience perhaps moving him to act rashly. But then there was the look in his eyes when he had woken the next morning, realizing what Sebastian had walked into, the sheer amount of shame and shock that made Anne’s gut flip.

She decided not to keep her eyes closed for an extended period of time.

She washed her hair and scrubbed at her skin, unable to wash away the feeling of holding him in her arms. What a strange feeling, to both relish a memory and despise it completely.

Anne shut off the water, feeling incredibly stupid. She should have just focused on work, should have just avoided the whole dating routine. She dried herself off then steeled herself before opening the door and stepping out, the towel wrapped tight around her while she held her dirty clothes in her hands. Fleetingly, she wondered if she could ever wear them again. Burning them currently seemed like quite the sufficient course of action.

She entered her room, keeping her door open a crack as she pulled on a shirt and a pair of sweatpants, planning to spend the rest of the day binging Netflix and sleeping. A brief knock fell on the door, and Anne glanced towards it; Diana and Cole stood expectantly.

“So…?” Cole began.

“So,” Anne replied, sitting down on her bed gruffly.

None of them said anything for a moment. Diana sat down beside her, and Cole joined on Anne’s other side. Diana swallowed hard, then spoke. “Cole and I were going to tease, but you seem...upset. I assume, whatever reason you were gone overnight, was not for something, er, good?”

Anne shrugged. Her mouth seemed to dry out before she could speak, and she struggled to reply. “It’s just…. I just ruined everything, that’s all.”

Cole pursed his lips together. “I’m sure you didn’t. Were you- were you at Gilbert’s all night?”

Anne nodded, cheeks reddening, and she heard Diana softly gasp in response, a sound that made Anne flinch. “It’s not like that,” Anne assured before either of them could ask. “Not really, at least.”

Anne sighed, pushing herself up to stand. Her throat felt thick, and she wondered if she was about to collapse into tears in front of them. Cole and Diana said nothing, waiting for her to continue. “He almost died,” Anne continued, adding quickly at their shocked gazes, “He fell into a creek that runs besides his house. He could have frozen to death if I wasn’t there. I stayed the night to watch over him.”

She moved back over to the bed and sat back down, dropping her head. She swallowed hard, eyes clamped shut, the action of speaking hurting her immensely. “We kissed,” she murmured, and the image of him once more filled her brain. Her eyes prickled with tears. “We kissed, and it was _wonderful_.” Her voice cracked and Anne took a moment to gather herself before adding, “But I’m sure he regrets it- the way he looked at me this morning- well, I must have done something wrong.”

Her cheeks were wet with tears, and she raised a hand to wipe them away. She added, voice rough, “At the very least, I embarrassed myself. I can never see him again.”

After a moment, Diana said, “Anne…, perhaps you’re being dramatic about all of this-”

“His godfather walked in,” Anne interjected, words whispered through clenched teeth. “And saw us _like that_. And dammit, the look in Gilbert’s eyes, the-the _shame_ …. I can’t see him again. I’m humiliated.”

“He saw you...like what, Anne? I thought you said- I mean, it sounded like you said that you two hadn’t slept together,” Cole said, eyebrow furrowed in thought, carefully approaching the topic.

“We didn’t. I- He was freezing. We shared body heat- we stripped down- so that he would warm up faster, and-and to an outside eye, it looked like we had done something _much_ , much different.”

Humiliation was nothing new for Anne; there had been many moments in her life where she had spoken out of turn, and even with time distancing her from those occurrences, the memories still made her want to rip her hair out and scream in anguish. It annoyed Anne that this occurrence would become one of the many on her list.

Diana leaned over and hugged her tightly and Cole did the same. Anne wondered- no, she _knew_ that they likely believed she was exaggerating, but she appreciated that neither of them commented on the fact.

“We’ll leave you alone,” Diana said softly, heading out the door. “If you need us, or want to talk more, just let us know.”

“Do you want me to shut your door?” Cole asked, and Anne nodded. He did so softly so that it didn’t slam, and once more Anne was alone.

Anne remained in a seated position, staring at the closed door in silence. Perhaps everything wasn’t ruined, perhaps he didn’t hate her or anything. But at the same time, she currently didn’t see any way she’d ever be able to step inside Gilbert’s house again.

She absolutely hated herself for what happened. She hated herself for rushing out the way she did, even though it would have been just as awful if they had sat and talked then. She just hated that she ended things that way; she wondered if he’d ever speak to her again, or if they’d spend the rest of their lives embarrassed and avoiding each other.

He had kissed her. He had _kissed_ her. And dammit, she had actually wanted it to happen. After taking so long to come to terms with her feelings, she had wanted it to happen, and now...now everything was ruined.

Anne laid down on her back and shut her eyes tight. What if he hadn’t even meant the kiss? What if it had just happened, a fluke, his brain all scrambled from nearly dying? The thought made her stomach flip as she stiffened, considering the idea with a feeling akin to horror. Maybe he had just done it as a thank you. Maybe, were she to talk to him, she’d learn that he wasn’t interested at all.

Her eyes felt hot with tears and she swallowed roughly. She felt as if she was being crushed, the weight of her feelings gluing her to her bed, forcing her to experience every emotion she harbored with a strength that she was sure could kill her. It was an overwhelming sensation that flooded over her, and a sudden realization hit her like she had run smack into a brick wall: she was falling desperately in love with Gilbert Blythe. And that fact alone was going to be the end of her.

Tears fell freely on her cheeks but she made no effort to wipe them away. Her heart felt all twisted and mangled; sleeping the day away would at least give her a break from her feelings.

Anne was in the process of getting under her covers when her phone buzzed; the sound made her freeze, and for a moment she stared at it. Was it Gilbert? Was he texting her to ask for them to meet up, so that they could discuss the exact topic and conversations she was previously avoiding? Or was it her email updating?

The latter was more likely, and Anne reached forward and grabbed her phone, opening her screen. She gasped; it was Gilbert. Tentatively, she opened the message and nearly screamed upon reading it:

**Hi Anne, just letting you know you left your bra here.**

_I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to_ \- chanted on repeat in her head as she muffled a scream of anguish with her pillow. _Somehow_ , as if everything else she’d been through today wasn’t enough, the world just had to throw her something else to be humiliated by!

_I can never, ever see him again_ , she thought as she stared down at her phone. Quickly, she typed her reply, hoping that doing so would allow her to never deal with this conversation again.

**Keep it.**

She pressed send, content with the briefness of her answer, sure that it got across that she was not interested in the hellish reuniting that would occur.

Then she actually thought about her message. _Keep it. I told him to keep my br-AH._

She scrambled, quickly adding, **SORRY, NO. I MEAN JUST THROW IT AWAY** , before practically flinging her phone across the room, stuffing her face into her pillow.

A hundred years could pass, and Anne wasn’t sure if that would be enough for her to be comfortable facing Gilbert again. _Especially_ if it meant that she was going to keep embarrassing herself. It was growing increasingly tempting for Anne to run off and live by herself in the woods. Yes, becoming a cryptid currently sounded like the perfect career. If things got any worse, she might just have to follow through with that plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to put myself TOO much into my fics, but Anne's strong "I NEED TO LEAVE, I AM SO EMBARRASSED I WILL DIE" is exactly the sort of thing I do in any embarrassing situation. One time I was in a musical and messed up my line so bad, I apologized ON STAGE; I still cringe thinking of that moment and it's sorta making me reluctant to return to local theatre. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I'm still recuperating from finals week, so I can't promise that an update will be out soon, but I'll do my best. Please leave in the comments what you think and btw if you're ever inclined to draw fanart or something based on this fic, please send it my way, it would absolutely make my week! <3 
> 
> Happy holidays, and thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

A week passed, and Anne hadn’t heard a peep from Gilbert. Not that she could blame him; the way she responded to his last text wasn’t exactly ecstatic, and she supposed her tone had made it clear that she needed some space. Besides, she couldn’t act like it was just his fault there was radio silence; she wasn’t texting him either. Really, they were both avoiding each other, and even Anne had to admit, although somewhat reluctantly, that the blame rested heavily on her part.

She was feeling considerably less humiliated, although that didn’t mean she wasn’t still cringing whenever she thought of Gilbert and their kiss and...all that followed. If only Anne could align that kiss with better feelings.

Currently, Anne stood in their kitchen, back against the counter as she sipped from a steaming mug of tea, their apartment cold from the night’s dip in temperature. She had messed with the thermostat once she had gotten up, but it was still taking a while for the apartment to catch up. She stared off at the table as she drank her tea, using the quiet as a time to reflect and consider everything.

She wondered what Marilla would say. Anne blinked, freeing a hand from her mug to feel for the phone that rested in her pocket, then stopped. She wasn’t quite fond of the idea of telling Marilla the whole story, and the idea of doing so made Anne blush. The idea of telling her that she and Gilbert had basically fallen asleep together, almost completely nude, sounded like the worst possible hell. _Well_ , Anne cringed. _Second worse_. The worst possible hell was leaving Gilbert’s house that morning after.

_I should probably call Marilla regardless_ , Anne thought to herself, taking a careful sip of her drink. _It’s nearing Christmas, and we should discuss plans for the holidays._

Anne sighed inwardly; she loved the holidays when she had the money to spend on gifts and decorations, but being budgeted to only a few dollars per person meant that all of her gifts felt crummy. She hoped homemade cookies wouldn’t make it seem like she cared little for the people in her life. She’d hate if her gifts reflected a lack of love that she so fully felt.

And what about her classes? Anne groaned, placing her mug down on the counter. She supposed she could buy some bulk bags of candy. That would be fine, wouldn’t it? She wondered if throwing a holiday party for her students was something she could manage, or even afford finding the time and money to decorate for.

Anne went to reach for her mug again, halting mid-motion as her phone buzzed. Anne really needed to finish her tea and start grading papers, and she wondered who was bothering her at the moment. She hoped it was Diana; Anne hadn’t seen her at all the night before, and unless she had been sleeping for twenty hours straight, Anne assumed that Diana was out and about. Probably with work. Anne reminded herself of that as her brain began to frantically wonder if Diana was hurt or dying in a ditch somewhere.

It was likely the holiday season was trudging Diana down with work. Christmas and the New Year was quickly approaching, and while Anne didn’t know the exact details, Diana seemed to be distracted. Occasionally Anne would hear her mumble about dress patterns and accessories, intermixed with cursing that came out much more pronounced than the rest of what Diana was mumbling about. Anne supposed fashion magazines must have to push out a lot in a short period of time, trying to convince people to buy dresses and shirts for the holiday season that wouldn’t be worn for the rest of the year, but Anne didn’t know for sure. She’d have to ask Diana about it sometime, when she wasn’t as busy as she currently was.

Anne opened up her phone and halted. Her breath caught as her eyes fell on Gilbert’s name. Tentatively, she opened the message, holding her breath.

**Hey, could we meet up?** the message read. **I’d like to talk.**

Anne stared at it for a moment, her mouth dry. He wanted to talk to her. Her thumbs hovered over the screen, uncertain. She couldn’t ignore him, after all. Or could she? Ignoring him would get rid of her problem, that was for sure. Ignoring Gilbert meant she could, theoretically, go without ever seeing him again, which would keep her from being jolted back into that awful, embarrassing moment.

_No, you can’t ignore him_ , Anne clucked her tongue distastefully at her own thoughts. She cared too much, she supposed, and the idea of hurting him in any way made her feel sick. Perhaps she was too empathetic, too loving to be cynical, especially to him. She could never ghost him, and yet… she wasn’t ready for this conversation. She closed her screen and moved her phone into her back pocket, sighing. He wanted to talk. So did she, just… just not yet.

The front door opened suddenly, forcing Anne out of her thoughts. Diana entered, bleary-eyed and quiet, giving Anne a weak smile as she shut the door behind herself.

“Were you out all night?” Anne asked, moving towards Diana.

Diana removed her coat and put it on the rack before replying, “Oh, you know, I was just working. Got caught up, lost track of time. I just had this idea, you know? Didn’t want to stop in the middle of it and forget.”

“Let me guess: extra work because of the holidays?”

Diana looked grim, and once more Anne saw how distracted Diana was. “Yeah. It’s just a lot.”

Anne nodded, watching Diana remove her shoes. Diana looked exhausted; her clothes were disheveled and her hair stuck up at weird angles, messy from her hat. “Did you get any sleep? At all?” Anne asked.

Diana shrugged. “A little.” She pulled out her phone and glanced at it before putting it back in her pocket. She looked back up at Anne and smiled again, more warmly than when she had first arrived. “Don’t tell my boss, but I took a short nap at my desk.”

Anne chuckled, watching as Diana sat down at the table and instantly crossed her arms on top of it, resting her head on them. “Do you want a glass of water?” Anne asked. Diana nodded, and Anne removed the water pitcher from the fridge, waiting to start filling her a glass before speaking. “Gilbert just messaged me.”

Anne turned and saw that Diana was sitting up, somewhat attentively, although her eyes were still veiled over with fatigue. “What did he say?”

Anne handed Diana the glass of water. “He wants to talk.”

Diana sipped it slowly, nodding slightly. “Oh, that’s good. Talking is good. At the very least, you know he wants to still see you.”

Anne furrowed her brow. She wasn’t quite sure if she saw it that way. “Or maybe he…,” she trailed off, the words sounding silly to herself even without them being said aloud. He wasn’t going to meet up with her just to say he never wanted to see her again. Even with her anxiety, she knew there was no way he would be that awful.

Diana raised an eyebrow. “Or maybe he what? What were you going to say?”

Anne sighed, pulling out a chair at the table to join her. “No, it’s dumb. And besides, I know what you’re going to say: that I’m being dramatic, and that I really need to stop worrying over stuff.”

Diana snorted softly. “Well, glad to know that that’s finally been nailed into that thick head of yours.” She drank some more water then added, “I mean that lovingly, by the way.”

Anne ran a hand through her hair in an anxious movement, weaving her fingers through the strands until they got caught on a small knot near the end. She gently began to work it out as she considered her response. “Well- okay, so ignoring the constant, screaming voices in my head telling me that he hates me, I still can’t help but wonder if it was a fluke.”

Diana blinked at her for a moment. “What was a fluke?”

“The kiss, Di, what if the kiss was a fluke, an accident, a complete twist of fate. What if, because he was in shock and such, he just… acted _completely_ out of character? What if, when I meet up with him, he tells me ‘oh, sorry Anne, I just thought I was dying for a second there and really wanted my last moments to involve some romance,’ because even I would want that for myself, but obviously in this moment I desperately hope it wasn’t what he wanted. Or, _or_ what if he thought I was someone else? Maybe there was someone else he wished to kiss, and he thought that I was her, and then-

“Anne, _please_. You’re rambling,” Diana interjected, placing her hands down firmly on the table. “You sound like you’re just a spiraling mess.”

“Well, that’s how I feel!”

Diana sighed, shaking her head as she mumbled to herself, “Damn it, I’m too tired for this,” before sucking in a heavy breath and replying, “No offense, Anne, and please remember I’m running on practically no sleep right now before you hear what I have to say. Can you remember that?”

Anne swallowed hard, then nodded.

“Literally no one can get that damn confused. There’s no way in hell he thought you were another person.”

Anne frowned. “But-”

“Okay, let’s go over this. How warmed up was he when you two kissed? Was it right after he’d fallen in the creek, or was it, like, an hour in?”

Anne hesitated then said, “Closer to an hour in.”

“Okay, see, this is why I am absolutely, positively sure you’re being paranoid right now. I’m fairly certain that he was no longer in shock at that point. Did he _maybe_ act a little unlike himself in that moment? Fine, sure, it’s a possibility. But really, I think the worst case scenario is that he felt grateful, and that was the easiest way to show it.”

Anne considered Diana’s words for a moment, then leaned back in her chair. “And what’s the best case scenario?”

Diana finished off the rest of her water. “He’s been in love with you for years, and you saving his life was just the final nail in the coffin. It made him sure of his feelings for you.”

Anne said nothing. She would have taken offense at Diana’s terse tone if Diana had been wrong, but of course everything Diana had said was completely rational. Was it really that bad, her incessant anxiety, that her friends were desperately needing to tell it to her straight, just praying that she’d finally hear them out?

Diana stood suddenly, pushing her chair in before walking over and placing her glass in the sink. “Once again, remember that I haven’t slept; I’m going to go do that now. Have a good day, Anne.”

“Sleep well, Di,” Anne replied as Diana entered her bedroom.

She had the door halfway shut before she stuck her head out and said, “Please absorb what I just said to you. You’re only going to scare yourself away if you keep fixating on the negatives. Text him. Meet with him. Figure your shit out. I love you.”

Anne smiled faintly. “I love you, too.”

Her words fell flat, and she stared at the table for a moment, sighing. Figure your shit out. Right. As if it were that easy.

\-----

Anne laid down on her bed, facing the ceiling, her phone in her hand. Her stomach was all tumbled up from nerves, and her heart was beating at a rhythm Anne was almost sure required some sort of medical attention. She hated how this made her feel, hated the anxiety that came with her phone every time she pulled her contacts up. With a sharp breath, she tapped the name and brought the phone up to her ear, listening to it ring.

After three rings, a voice answered, “Hello?”

Anne swallowed hard. “Marilla, hi!”

“Anne! How are you? It’s good to hear your voice.” Marilla’s warm tone instantly washed aside most of Anne’s nerves.

“I’m fine. Sort of.” Anne sat up, running her free hand through her hair. “Teaching is going well, and Diana and Cole are fine, too.”

“That’s good,” Marilla replied, and the call fell silent. Anne had no idea what she wanted to say; well, to be more accurate, she didn’t know _how_ to transition onto the topic of what happened with Gilbert. Saying it straight out of nowhere seemed awkward, and yet with the call going on in silence for this long, Anne realized that no matter what she did, this phone call would feel uncomfortable.

“Marilla,” Anne began with a sigh. “I think I screwed up.”

Anne relayed to Marilla an extremely abridged version of what happened, with the only thing remaining unchanged being that he had kissed her. She didn’t really know how to tell her what had happened when she had left the morning after, and simply described it as, “Things were...bad. Awkward, when I left. I can’t really describe it Marilla, I just know that the way I left, I completely ruined everything.”

Marilla was silent for a moment, then asked. “What was there to ruin?”

Anne swallowed hard. “The chance of a relationship,” she said softly.

Marilla clucked her tongue, and Anne waited with stilted breathing for her to respond. “You want to date him?”

Anne nodded, then remembered that Marilla couldn’t see her. “Yes. I-I realized recently that I like him. And, God, I just… I’m really worried, Marilla. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Oh, Anne…,” Marilla sighed. “You just have to take the chance. Deal with the risk and understand you really can’t predict what will happen. Just don’t obsess over the possibilities. You know, you won’t ever do anything with your life if you fear for what may come.”

Anne frowned. She really wasn't feeling that inspired by Marilla’s words. “Yeah, but-”

Marilla cut her off. “You’re scared of failing, I understand. However, it’s just a risk you need to take. Maybe you’ll fail, but you’ll fail regardless if you don’t do anything. Do you understand?”

Deal with the risk, and something will happen. It could be a good something. It could be a bad something. And Anne would just have to deal with that. The idea made her skin crawl. Still, she gathered herself and replied, “Yeah, thanks Marilla. I needed that.”

She ended the phone call soon after, making half-baked plans for the upcoming holidays that Anne wasn’t quite sure she could attend. Not that she didn’t want to, but currently she was still trying to figure out if she and Gilbert were going to be a thing, and she didn’t want to plan on bringing a plus-one only to be very, very disappointed.

Anne gathered all of her hair into one hand and ran her fingers through it. She stared at her phone, resting on her thigh. She opened Gilbert’s message once more and stared at it for a moment, chewing her lip. She knew the answer, that she needed to meet up with him, but she really wasn’t looking forward to it. Then again, having the conversation all over text would be equally hellish.

Anne sighed, dropping her head against her chest. She pulled up her phone’s keyboard, and breathed in deeply.

And then a knock fell on her door. She quickly turned off her screen and faced the door as it opened a crack; Cole stuck his head inside, offering her a small smile. “Hey, am I bothering you?”

Anne shook her head. “Nah, I’m not really doing anything. What’s up?”

“I need a ride. I know this is sudden, but Diana was gonna take me, but now it seems she’s pretty fast asleep, and I don’t want to rouse her just to take me somewhere.”

“Oh, no it’s fine. Where do you need to go?” Anne stood, placing her phone into her back pocket. She needed a few more minutes to think things over, anyway.

“A job interview.”

Anne swiveled her head around to face him, unable to hide the surprise from her expression. “Oh, really? Where?”

“A bakery. Well, a dessert place. Well, a coffee shop- Look, it’s a place that sells a wide variety of food and drink. Honestly, I don’t care what they sell, they’re hiring.”

Cole stepped out of the way and Anne left her room, frowning. “What about your art? Won’t that take up all your time?”

Cole shrugged. “Well, I mean, I’m not exactly rolling in cash right now. I’ll find the time. It’s just, I don’t want to be a waiter anymore, but I need money. More money that I’m currently making with commissions. I think I can handle this, make this work and stuff. As long as I don’t have to wake up at five am, I’m happy. And hopefully, I’ll still be able to work on my sculptures and painting.”

He rubbed gently at his wrist almost subconsciously, as if the motion was ingrained in him, even years after its injury. Cole seemed distracted for a moment; then, he blinked, offering her a smile.

Anne pulled on her coat and boots, grabbing her keys from the bowl as she waited for Cole to finish dressing himself. He seemed tired. Really, they were all tired, all sorting through their own problems. Diana seemed focused on making her parents happy and was working tirelessly for a promotion, and Cole seemed worried over financials and work. Anne sighed inwardly; was this how it was always going to be for her generation? Just fear and anxiety, with outlook seemingly bleak? She wondered if things would ever truly improve for them, if things would ever get easier. She hoped so.

Cole turned to face her, zipping up his coat. He was wearing dress pants, which Anne thought were perhaps a little too much effort for a restaurant interview, but decided not to say anything.

They left their apartment quickly with Cole walking several strides ahead. Anne didn’t mind lingering a few feet behind, as it allowed her to concentrate on her thoughts, although her brain couldn’t decide if it wanted to think about Gilbert or an idea for a story. They kept jumbling together; one moment she was piecing together a character’s background, and then Gilbert’s face would pop up. Anne frowned, picking up the pace. She was growing annoyed with herself.

The drive was a short one; no wonder Cole was hoping to get the job. Located only three miles away, Anne realized that if necessary, he could walk to it. There had been instances in the past where he hadn’t been able to secure a ride, and at least this way he’d likely be able to walk or bike there.

Anne parked outside and waited in her car, watching him enter the establishment before pulling her phone out of her pocket once more. She opened up Gilbert’s message again and stared at it, breathing in deeply. _Be an adult, Anne_ , she told herself. _Start living your life, or whatever._

She reread his message. **I’d like to talk**. Those words were so little, and yet could be inferred in so many ways. Quickly, she typed, **I’m free Friday night** , then closed the screen, moving her phone aside.

She hoped by then she’d feel even more detached from the situation. Some of her humiliation had faded, but that didn’t mean she felt excited for this meeting. She supposed at this point she just needed to know exactly where they both stood.

She just hoped that whatever was going to happen was worth seeing him again, despite her embarrassment. She needed this to go well. Or, at the very least, she needed this to not crash and burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Just stay with me- I swear this is getting somewhere soon! Please leave kudos and a comment or review: I love hearing what y'all think!


	20. Chapter 20

It had been a while since Anne had felt anywhere near as mixed up as she currently did, struggling to keep herself relaxed as she kept remembering what would soon be occurring within a few hours. It was now Friday, the day of her and Gilbert’s meeting-date thing. Anne had no idea what to call it, and that too contributed to how stressed she felt. She was practically shaking with nerves. Gilbert had agreed that Friday night worked for him, and she spent the entire week focused on their upcoming meeting. She’d tripped up in class once or twice because of it; she was just thankful that there hadn’t been anyone evaluating her, as her nerves over Gilbert would have certainly given her an awful score.

She was watching a cooking competition in a detached manner, struggling to concentrate on the television screen as Diana sat behind her at the dinner table, typing rapidly on her computer, getting some work done despite it being her day off. Anne stared at the screen. Someone was burning their pastry dish. This wasn’t going to end well.

Sighing, Anne shut off the TV and sat up, turning her head to face Diana. “You should take a break.”

Diana continued typing for a moment, finishing her thought, then looked up at Anne. “I will, I just really need to-”

“Get your last ideas down?” Anne asked, and Diana nodded. Anne continued. “It’s not the end of the world if you take a break, Di. You’re already working late nights; you’re going to run out of energy, then have a breakdown. I really don’t want to see that happen to you.”

Diana pursed her lips together, glancing down at her computer screen before looking back up at Anne. “Yeah, but…,” she sighed, then nodded, shutting her screen. “Alright fine. My eyes need the break, anyway.”

Anne smiled, but it faded quickly as her anxiety caught back up to her once more. Diana noticed instantly. “Worried about Gilbert?”

Anne nodded.

Diana stood, stretching. “Where are you two meeting up?”

“A park. It seemed the most…,” Anne paused, searching for words. “The least threatening. A sort of middle ground, where neither of us have power over the other. It’s not a _public_ place, you know, where people can listen in on our conversation, but it’s also a spot where we can leave if necessary. Neither of us will be trapped.”

Diana raised an eyebrow, forehead furrowing. “You really think that will happen? That you might need to escape?”

Anne frowned. “I mean, no, but…just in case. Besides, the location was Gilbert’s idea, so if anyone wanted to _escape_ it would be him. He probably chose the spot so that I’d be more comfortable. I don’t know. Really, it’s just a place where we can get through our business without having to buy something in order to have a spot to hold our conversation. It’s a private-yet-public space, if that makes sense.”

Diana made a face. “I mean, _yes, it does_ , but won’t you be cold?”

Anne shrugged. “I have a coat. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Diana replied distastefully, her lip upturned in a slight sneer. “Definitely not _my_ choice for a meeting, but if it works for you…. Just don’t freeze to death.”

Anne visibly cringed in response and Diana seemed to turn inward on herself as she realized her words. “Oh, right. Sorry, Anne.”

Anne shook her head, standing. “No, it’s fine. It’s dumb that I’m making a big deal out of this, anyway.” She made her way into their bathroom and turned on the light, leaving the door open as she stared at her reflection. “Diana,” she called out. “Should I dress up? Or wear this?”

Diana entered and looked her over, then made a face. “Well, for starters, those are your school clothes. You can’t go on a date looking like you’re about to attend a conference.”

“It’s not a date.”

“And it’s not a job interview, either.” Diana wiggled her eyebrows at Anne, causing Anne to snort. Diana continued, “Nothing fancy. You’ll be outside, so whatever you wear shirt-wise, he won’t see anyway. I’d say wear a nice pair of jeans and some warm boots, but your cute ones, not the dirty ones you used to wear for yard work at Green Gables.”

Anne nodded. She opened up her dresser and searched for her favorite, warmest pair of jeans, pretending she didn’t notice the look Diana was giving her over the awful state of her drawers. She found the pair then threw it onto the bed, shucking off her works pants before pulling on the jeans.

“I’ve got to get going soon,” she said with a glance at her alarm clock.

Diana glanced at it as well. “What time are you guys meeting up?”

Anne buttoned up her jeans, feeling a little out of breath from the balancing act that was pulling her pants on while standing up. “Seven, but I want to get there around 6:15. I just don’t want to risk being the late one.”

Diana pulled a face. “You’re seriously leaving an hour early?”

Anne straightened, curving her head to look at herself in her mirror. She could certainly look better, but this would do. Her stomach flipped as she looked back at Diana. “Yeah. I think I might chicken out if I don’t leave in a few minutes.”

Diana sighed, then nodded. “Well, are you at least bringing something to do while you wait? I think you’ll come off as bored or annoyed if he sees you playing on your phone.”

Anne frowned. She hadn’t thought of that. “Maybe a book?”

Diana nodded. “That would work.”

Anne took in her reflection once more. She still wasn’t quite sure how she wanted to dress for this, but she supposed semi-casual was a good middle-ground. And Diana was right, of course; it was winter, and it was highly unlikely that Gilbert was going to pay that much attention to her appearance, especially when half of her was going to be hidden by a bulky coat.

Anne was pulled out of her thoughts by Diana, who stepped forward and gently grasped her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “Don’t fret over this. Just go and have this conversation already; it’s about time.”

Anne smiled uneasily, pulling her hand away from Diana’s before leaving the room. She walked over to the front door and picked up the boots Diana had mentioned and carried them over to the sofa, sitting down before pulling them on. Her heart was beating rapidly, so quick that Anne wondered if she’d be able to focus on driving without the possibility of crashing her car.

Anne finished tying her boots and sat back in her seat. She found that Diana was standing across from her, seemingly wrapped up in her own thoughts. Diana blinked, pausing a moment before smiling at Anne. “I believe in you. Let me know how everything works out.”

Anne stood, walking the two steps necessary to wrap her arms around Diana. “I will. Seriously, you’ll be the first to know how this all plays out.”

Anne held onto Diana for a moment longer, needing just a few more moments to collect herself and build up her confidence. She breathed in deeply then stepped away, giving Diana a shaky smile. “I better get going. Thanks, once again.”

Diana nodded, watching as Anne made her way towards the front door and pulled on her coat. “Be yourself. And don’t be afraid to be honest with him. That’s the whole reason you guys are meeting up, so that the two of you can talk.”

Be honest. Right. Anne zipped up her coat and pulled an old beanie onto her head before wrapping a scarf around her neck. She reached out for the handle and exhaled heavily. She gave Diana one last look; in response, Diana nodded enthusiastically, and Anne couldn’t help but feel a little more assured that everything would be okay.

She left their apartment and made her way towards her car. She just needed to get through these few awkward hours. And then, just maybe, everything would turn out alright.

\-----

Anne found a bench under a large streetlight, the surrounding area well-lit by the light it was omitting. She sat across from an empty playground, and while for the most part she was alone, occasionally someone would jog past on their evening run, scaring her already jittery self out of her thoughts while the joggers would barely notice she was even there. It was her nerves of course, putting her more on edge than usual. She did her best to focus on the book she was reading, but was struggling to read past the current page she was on.

The fear that Gilbert wouldn’t show up ate at her gut in a subtle, gnawing way, and she couldn’t keep herself from chewing at her lip as she stared down at her book. _He wouldn’t do that_ , she told herself. She knew, reasonably, that Gilbert would at the very least send her a message if that were the case. Still, as the minutes passed on, Anne couldn’t stop turning the thought over in her mind.

And not to mention it was getting much too cold out. Anne sighed; they should have just chosen a restaurant for this discussion.

She had texted him her exact location the moment she had arrived, and had settled into her spot near the play area. Anne had never been to this park before but she assumed Gilbert had, seeing as it was his choice for a conversation spot. Of course, that meant that she didn’t know where she was, and sitting by herself in a strange place was making her incredibly antsy. She just didn’t like being the one that people had to wait for, and arriving early just seemed to be the only option.

The crunch of leaves behind her made Anne stiffen and freeze. Subtly, she checked the time on her phone; Gilbert still had twenty minutes until he was supposed to arrive. Who was behind her then? The possibility of ghosts or a kidnapper entered her thoughts intrusively and Anne clamped her eyes shut, gripping onto her book tightly. Oh, why did she have to always convince herself that something terrible was lurking behind the corner?

Carefully, she turned her head; almost instantly, Anne was flooded with relief. A woman was walking her two dogs several feet away, and they were excitedly tramping through the dead leaves and snow. She wondered if they were visiting, new to the area; the dogs seemed as if they had never seen snow before. Anne chuckled to herself, watching the dogs for a moment longer before turning back to her reading. _See, Anne? It’s nothing._

She sighed, leaning back against the stiff wooden backing of the bench. She should have put on an extra pair of socks. She turned the page of her book even though she hadn’t actually comprehended anything she had previously read. What had even happened so far in this chapter? Something about the main character trying to get safe passage across the world to another country. Anne shut the book and allowed it to fall into her lap, focusing her attention back on the dogs who were now passing her.

They appeared to be chocolate lab mixes, and she desperately fought the urge to follow the owner and ask if she could pet them. She didn’t want to scare anyone by following them, even with intentions as pure as her own.

Anne ran a gloved hand through her hair, looking down to examine the splits ends. She needed them cut, but she just didn’t have the time. Or any idea of what she wanted to do to it. She was tempted to cut it all off, and occasionally she considered dyeing it again, but those moments of consideration were always fleeting; after the mistake of her last dye, she’d rather keep her natural hair color, thank you very much.

Audible footsteps began to approach and Anne sat up, startled, releasing the strands of her hair. She looked around, wondering if the dog walker had returned, freezing as she saw Gilbert standing several feet away, watching her dubiously, his face shifting as he confirmed it was Anne he was staring at. He offered her a small smile and approached slowly.

Stiffly, Anne forced herself to stand, not wanting to come off as too rude by continuing to sit. She held her book to her chest with her left arm, giving him a tentative wave with her right.

He reached her within a few seconds, and Anne became dreadfully aware that she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to shake his hand or hug him. Instead, she stood still, feeling unpleasantly awkward.

“Hi,” he said, his eyes flickering over her as if he was struggling to read her just as she was struggling to read him.

“Hi,” she replied.

Anne took him in for a moment. She didn’t know why she expected him to look any different, as not nearly enough time had passed for any sign of physical change. Still, it surprised her that he didn’t seem outwardly affected by what had happened between them. His hair was a little messy, but she supposed that that was more likely due to the wind than anything else.

Gilbert shoved his hands into his pocket, and Anne was pulled from her reverie, realizing there had been too long of a silence. Gilbert cleared his throat. “Is teaching going well? How are your students?”

Anne nodded. “They’re fine. Nothing’s really changed with them; right now they’re preparing for midterms.” She paused for a moment, then added, “How are your classes?”

He snorted, smiling to himself. “Kicking my ass, if you’ll pardon my saying so. But I’m trying. That’s all I really can do.”

“You’ve been studying still?” Anne asked, unable to fight back a wave of guilt from not meeting him for study sessions.

He nodded. “Bash has been helping me. Well, more Mary than Bash. Bash gets a little too distracted, but Mary’s good. She keeps me focused.”

Gilbert smiled, then gestured with a nod at the book she held. “What’s that about?”

Anne glanced down at the novel resting in the crook of her arm, suddenly blanking completely. “Oh. It’s historic fiction, and I’m only a few pages in, so I don’t really know yet. It takes place in the 1700s though. I’ve picked up on that at least.”

Gilbert chuckled, then sudden shivered, looking over at the empty playground. “It’s unbelievably cold. How long have you been waiting?”

“Not too long,” she lied. “I think it’s nice, anyway. I mean, it’s cold, but the quiet is calming.” Anne adjusted her scarf, then snorted. “However, I don’t recommend sitting here alone for too long. I scared the shit out of myself anytime someone walked past.”

He frowned. “Oh, did I scare-”

“Only a little. I mean, someone was walking their dogs earlier and when they had walked past me, I seriously thought I was about to be kidnapped. Still,” she added. “It wasn’t exactly calming to look over and see you watching me.”

“My apologies, then. I’ll make sure I don’t do it again.”

Anne couldn’t help but laugh at that. The image of them being in a situation where he possibly _could_ do that again seemed highly improbable.

He laughed as well, and Anne couldn’t help but smile at the sound, so light-hearted and sweet. She felt herself relax and open up a little more, and she wondered if he felt the same.

“Interesting that you chose this bench out of the entire park for our meeting. Any reason?” Gilbert asked, gesturing around himself with an open palm.

Anne shrugged. “It seemed easy to find, right in front of a playground.” Anne paused for a moment, then added, “Why’d you choose the park, anyway? I mean, just because it’s late at night and all.”

Gilbert said nothing for a moment. “Well, it’s quiet. And pretty. And I guess it seemed like if we met somewhere for a meal, you’d feel...forced to stay. Going to a restaurant doesn’t really allow for a person to leave early if they have to.”

Anne swallowed hard. Leave early? Did he think this would end badly? Anne couldn’t help but ask, “What, you think this might get aggressive?”

Gilbert’s eyes widened and he shook his head sharply. “No! I just...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, that’s all.”

They fell quiet, Anne’s throat feeling uncomfortably thick. If Gilbert was expecting a possible fight, then she needed to do everything in her power to deescalate the situation. Even if that meant stepping back and letting him go.

Anne watched Gilbert carefully as he took in their surrounding area. He too seemed to be thinking over what they had just said, breathing slow, measured breaths. She wondered if he was trying to keep himself calm, if he was angry or scared or anxious. She knew she was anxious, and she supposed it made sense that Gilbert would be as well. She just wasn’t quite sure how he felt, and the not-knowing was making her chest feel tight.

He exhaled heavily, and Anne watched the visible clouds of air expelled from his lips, her stomach flipping over itself. Why was it that all she ever did was hurt the people she loved? Bringing up what had happened between them would just make things more tense, would just involve her seeing him pained. Anne cringed at the thought, and swallowed hard, a feeble attempt to collect herself.

She switched her book to her other arm, holding onto it tightly as if it was the only thing keeping her securely rooted in the moment. Anne hated how quiet it was, and knew that one of them would need to speak soon, or else she might lose her mind.

Luckily, Gilbert must have felt the same way. With his hands in his pockets, he asked slowly, “Are we going to talk about what happened?”

Anne looked him over for a moment. His lips were set grimly, as if he was preparing for something awful. She could only imagine how much he hated this, how much he hated that their kiss had happened. _He must loathe that we’re having this conversation_ , Anne thought, her mouth dry. _He probably wants this to be over with as soon as possible._

Anne breathed in a heavy breath, feeling as if her heart would burst into a thousand tiny, shattered pieces. She had no idea how she was going to speak without her eyes filling with tears, her voice hoarse from the emotional restraint that came with an attempt at control. She gritted her teeth, and plastered on a happy expression. No, not happy; accepting, understanding. But Anne was sure that even Gilbert would be able to tell that it wasn’t happy. “No, don’t worry. I won’t- I won’t make us sit down and suffer through this. You know just- we never have to talk about it, okay? We can just forget it ever happened. Honestly, it’s no big deal.”

Despite how much it pained her to do so, Anne forced her eyes to focus on Gilbert’s expression. She wanted to at least attempt to read him, hoping to figure out how he felt about her response. She just needed to know if it was the correct path to take, even though it physically hurt her to say such things.

His expression shifted for a brief moment, so quickly that Anne practically missed it; his brow furrowed slightly, and his lips parted, as if he wanted to say something but decided against it, shutting his lips firmly before nodding stiffly, his eyes averting from her own gaze. “Oh, yeah.” He paused, swallowing, then nodded again. “That works for me. I’m fine with whatever you want.”

Anne crossed her arms over her chest, holding the book tightly against it. She felt as if her heart had been enveloped by a tight fist and crushed. “Okay. Great. I’m- I’m glad we had this talk.”

Anne took a step back, suddenly wanting to leave. She felt her eyes welling up, and she was sure that she’d die if Gilbert saw her cry. _Do not cry_ , Anne told herself. _Don’t you dare cry until you’re back in your car and you’re alone and you don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself._

She watched as Gilbert too stepped away. “Well, then…I suppose that’s that?”

Anne swallowed hard. “Yeah. Glad we got to… meet up. Really, this is for the better. Us not speaking about this.”

Gilbert nodded, and Anne noticed just how tight his expression seemed. He gave her a stiff wave and turned, slowly walking away.

And suddenly Anne was wildly aware just how wrong of a decision she had made. The words fell from her lips as if she had no control over them, as if some outwardly force from the universe ripped the words from her soul and made them audible. “You kissed me.”

He paused, and for a moment Anne wondered if he had heard her. Her breathing stilted as she watched him turn his head, his body still facing away from her; he looked her over silently. After a moment, she swore in the dark that she could make out a smirk that grew across his expression. A sound emitted from his throat, something between a laugh and something smaller, sadder. “I thought we weren’t talking about this.”

Anne was flooded with relief at his tone, something playful and yet tense. She breathed in shakily, trying to formulate her response. “Yeah, but…,” her voice was squeaky and she swallowed hard before continuing. “I mean, I know, but _you kissed me_.”

He sighed suddenly, dropping his head against his chest before nodding, turning to face her completely. His eyes met hers, casting an apologetic air that made her heart feel as if it were being clenched in a tight fist. “Look, Anne, I’m- I’m so sorry. I suppose- well, I mean, I didn’t ask you before doing it, before kissing you, and that was definitely crossing the line. I just- it’s my fault, I should have checked that it was something you wanted, and I’m sorry if you didn’t and….”

Anne felt dizzy, like the world was spinning uncontrollably fast. Gilbert thought that he was crossing a line? He should have checked that it was something that she wanted? Of course she wanted that kiss! Why-why would he-

Anne released a sharp breath as Gilbert continued his spiel. Here she had thought that the kiss was a mistake on his part, that he hadn’t meant it, and here he was telling her that he was sorry for kissing her, that he was sorry he crossed a line. He wanted to kiss her. It wasn’t a mistake. He had wanted to kiss her just as much as she wanted to kiss him, and that fact made her knees feel like jello. She suddenly wished she had something to lean on.

Anne forced herself to focus. Gilbert was still rambling, telling her, “Once again, I’m sorry I put you in such an awkward situation,” and Anne realized she couldn’t hold on any longer. Just as he was saying, “I shouldn’t have overstepped my bounds,” Anne found herself rushing forward, dropping aside her book with a heavy thud as it hit the concrete,the sound snatching Gilbert’s attention seconds before she reached him, her hands grasping his face as she pulled him close and kissed him firmly, cutting off the sound of his shocked sputtering.

And suddenly she was taking the dive off the cliff, a complete leap of faith that she previously was completely unable to take. But now, now she found herself stepping off the precipice that represented them with complete confidence that was so unfamiliar to Anne that she felt unlike herself in a new, thrilling way. She had always thought that she would never have the conviction to do something of this sort, blinding stepping into such a strange situation.

But somehow, it wasn’t a blind step; she knew exactly what was wanted, knew exactly how she felt, and knew that it was worth the risk, and wholeheartedly she dove off the cliff that she had spent so much time hanging off of. She knew what laid ahead, and she wanted a piece of it. She was ready for whatever this kiss could bring her, and that fact both shocked and invigorated her.

Anne’s head was spinning and she felt absolutely giddy, her lips pressed against his. For a moment he was so shocked he couldn’t move, his lips stiff against hers, and then he seemed to soften; Anne could feel him release his tension, and then he was kissing her back, just as emphatically as she had been when she kissed him.

Seconds passed, or maybe minutes, before they pulled apart, Gilbert chuckling softly, his lips only centimeters away from her own. It took him a moment to find his voice. “Whoa. I guess I was wrong, then?”

Anne felt as if she had never grinned wider than she was grinning in that current moment. She cleared her throat, then nodded, giggling to herself.

Gilbert stepped back a half step, grinning sheepishly. “I guess we’re even then, huh? I kissed you, and-” he halted, laughing- “And you kissed me.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, suddenly wanting to be honest. “About the way I left that morning. I was embarrassed and- well, and I’m still embarrassed. I guess I-I assumed you wouldn’t want to talk about it, so I thought it would be better if we ignored it.”

His cheeks were red, but whether that was from the cold or blushing, Anne was unsure. “I thought I had screwed up,” he began, his words slow and sure as he thought them over. “I hadn’t wanted to act out of line, and I wasn’t sure what you were comfortable with. I just thought, you know, the way you left- I thought you regretted it, and I felt bad for messing everything up.”

Anne’s throat felt tight and she swallowed hard. “I thought the same thing.”

For a moment, they held each other’s gaze, only breaking when Anne felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She ran a hand through her hair, needing _something_ to stim with, desperately needing to calm herself down. “I-I didn’t think you felt the same way,” Anne said finally.

There was a moment of silence, and then, to Anne’s surprise, Gilbert let out a loud laugh. “Are you kidding? I swear, I couldn’t have been more obvious!” Anne blushed, shaking her head, and Gilbert continued, “You caught my eye the first time I saw you in school! I’ve liked you for _years_ , Anne!”

Gilbert seemed shocked, as if he was struggling to comprehend that Anne genuinely hadn’t realized that he had had a crush on her. Anne frowned. “So, what? Even in college, there was- you had lingering feelings?”

This made Gilbert straighten. He smiled, shrugged slightly, then said, “They faded a little. That’s what time does. But I swear, when you walked into the bookstore and I saw you again, they were back full-force, stronger than they had been before.” He blushed, then added, “They may have faded for a while, but I certainly never forgot about you, Anne.”

Anne found herself at a loss for words. “So- so the kiss, after I saved you….”

He smiled, and for a moment it seemed as if he was reminiscing. She wondered if this felt as odd for him as it felt for her, being so brutally honest. Gilbert sighed, smiling. “I wanted to kiss you for so long, but I couldn’t tell if you felt the same. Because if you didn’t, I’d be screwing up this friendship we have- one which I’ve been enjoying, by the way. We never got this close in high school, and I must say, it’s very nice to have gotten to know you better over the past weeks.”

He paused, then continued. “Anyway, I couldn’t stand the idea of ruining that. So when I kissed you, and then the next morning you left...like that...I just thought I had messed everything up. I regretted it a little. But only because I thought we’d never be able to go back to what we had. Perhaps it’s cowardly of me, but I would much rather have stayed in the position we were in than having the possibility of ruining everything. A kiss just felt...risky. And, I mean, I’m still processing that the kiss _actually_ worked out. Especially since, as of five minutes ago, it seemed like the best course of action was me leaving here as soon as possible.”

He winked playfully at her and Anne chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, I felt the same way.”

They locked eyes once more, and Anne’s heart lurched. Even in the faint light exuded by the streetlight, Anne could feel Gilbert’s gaze burrowing deep into her soul. It made her feel as if he could see right through her. He smiled and his eyes crinkled, and she felt as if she might pass out right there.

Anne shivered, ending the moment. Gilbert stepped forward, only a few inches away again. “Are you cold? Jeez- you’ve been out here for a while, right?”

Anne nodded, and he clucked his tongue. “Well, we can’t have that. Here, I’ll walk you to your car.”

He gently grasped onto her forearm and they made their way towards the park exit several steps before Anne halted, pulling away from Gilbert as she quickly turned around and grabbed her book that she had haphazardly abandoned in favor of Gilbert’s lips. She could hear him chuckle as she picked it up, dusting off the cover.

“Be careful; I wouldn’t want you ruining your books over me.” He sighed dramatically, pretending to be annoyed. “This can’t be a common occurrence.”

Anne rolled her eyes, walking back over to him. She let him wrap an arm around her own, as if it was completely commonplace. The walk back to her car was short and fairly quiet; Anne didn’t mind. There had been too much speaking, too much revelation in the last few minutes. She needed the quiet to think things over and truly comprehend what had happened.

They reached her car, and for a moment they just stared at each other, Anne’s heart beginning to beat incredibly fast once more. Gilbert leaned in and Anne froze, relaxing only when she felt his lips gently graze her cheek in a quick goodbye. He pulled away, smiling. “I’m glad we finally had this talk.”

Anne nodded. “Same here.”

“We’ll make plans to meet up again?” Gilbert asked, and Anne smiled.

“I can’t wait. I’ll text you.”

She unlocked her car and entered it; from her front seat, she watched as Gilbert gave her one last wave, then headed back in the direction of his own vehicle.

Anne waited until he was out of earshot before erupting into excited giggles and giddy screams. Her chest was heaving with excited, short breaths; she needed to get home, she _needed_ to tell Cole and Diana what had happened.

The drive home felt agonizingly slow, but Anne didn’t think it was so bad. She spent the whole trip with a huge grin plastered on her lips, positively beaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! There will probably be slower updates for a while, but I'm still working on this fic; I just have less time right now. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think! I'd really appreciate it!
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @ remylebub


	21. Chapter 21

Placing her key in the door, Anne pushed it open as she turned the key in its lock, entering her apartment. It was only 9 PM but it felt so much later, the winter evenings darkening the sky sooner than in the summer, the stars already out and speckling the heavens, convincing her that she should be in bed, sleeping. She felt exhausted, completely worn out, and yet adrenaline kept her up and moving.

It initially surprised her to find Cole and Diana still up, hanging out in front of the TV, although she had to remind herself that it really wasn’t that late. At the sound of the door shutting, their heads turned to face her; Anne watched in slow motion as they leapt off of the sofa and engulfed her in noise and prodding questions, processing their excitement at a speed that her energy level could currently handle.

She held up a hand, silencing them, poorly concealing a grin, and the voice that rose up out of her throat was pitchy, an uncontrollable lilt that erupted in giggles that raised in volume the moment she started to speak. “We kissed! I kissed him!”

They enveloped her in a tight hug, almost knocking her over in the process as a giddy screech exited Diana’s throat. Anne struggled to catch her breath, and upon release she took a step back and gulped in several breaths dramatically. Cole laughed. “Tell us how it happened,” he said, sitting down on the edge of the sofa, looking up at her expectantly.

She relayed to them everything that had happened in the last few hours, exaggerating some of the details in order to make Diana and Cole laugh. It was profoundly satisfying to tell them about the kiss, to know her feelings were reciprocated the entire time. Or perhaps the satisfaction was from knowing her roommates could no longer tease her about her anxiety getting in the way.

What felt like hours later, Anne stood in front of the fridge and drank from a glass of water she had poured for herself, feeling parched from talking and screaming. She was both exhausted and exhilarated; it was late, but Anne had a feeling that she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep if she tried to go to bed now. Anne looked down at her glass of water, smiling to herself; she and Gilbert _kissed_.

Cole noticed her smile. “Aw, you nerd,” he said, snorting. He sat with his legs dangling off the back of the sofa, sitting carefully on the top of it. He pushed himself off and moved forward, stopping besides Diana who was sitting at the table, her legs folded up under herself. He gestured to Anne, speaking directly to Diana. “Look at her, all lovestruck and shit. It’s adorable.”

Diana chuckled, smiling wide. “It’s about time. I’m so glad to hear you guys are dating. I was getting a little worried there!”

Dating. Anne’s face paled as she considered the word. Uh oh. Anne frowned, thinking. “Wait, are we dating? We didn’t- we didn’t have that conversation. We didn’t state that for sure!”

There was a moment of silence, then Cole smiled. “ _There’s_ the Anne we know and love!”

Diana stood from her chair, walking over to Anne. “We’re going to not freak out this time, okay? Give me your phone.” Anne hesitated for a moment; Diana gestured for it, standing her ground, and begrudgingly, Anne handed it over.

Before she could even try to snatch the phone back, Diana was rapidly sending a text, holding her arms outstretched, away from Anne’s reach. She pressed send and gave Anne a smug look, then handed Anne back her phone. “There you go. You don’t have to thank me.”

Anne looked down at the message Diana had sent and saw that Diana had messaged Gilbert. **Want to meet for coffee next time you’re free?** the message read. Anne swallowed. Could have been worse, she supposed. Still, she glared at Diana. “Don’t do that ever again!”

Diana gave her a weary look. “Darling, you would have fixated on it for the next two weeks if I hadn’t.”

Anne remained silent, her anger towards her phone being snatched keeping her from verbally admitting that Diana was right. Cole was watching them, eyebrows raised. “Anne, you sweet, foolish child,” he said, accented each word as he moved forward, wrapping his arms around her playfully. “You drive us crazy.”

“Child?” Anne scoffed. “Cole, we’re the same age.”

“It’s a state of mind,” he replied. “And currently, my mind is working at a much more mature level than yours.”

Anne was preparing a rebuttal when her phone buzzed in her hand, screen lighting up. She glanced down at it, breath stifling. **Sounds good! Next Saturday work?**

Relieved, Anne looked up at Cole and Diana and read the message allowed. Diana looked just a little smug; Anne wondered if Diana really was, or if her lingering anger was tinting how she interpreted the expression. “See! Communication is key.”

Scowling, Anne shoved her phone into her pocket. Her feelings faded quickly however, turning back into excitement and adrenaline. “What would I do without you two?”

“Probably something impulsive and crazy,” Cole replied, smiling.

Anne laughed. That seemed about right. She stretched then straightened, the weight of the day suddenly making her limbs feel incredibly heavy. She said her goodnight to them then showered quickly before stepping into her pajamas and entering her room, turning off the lights. As she laid down in bed, she found that she had a smile plastered onto her face. She wondered if it would ever fade. Currently, she felt as if nothing could mull the excitement she felt in her soul. Things were slowly but surely working out for her. For the first time in a long while, she fell asleep quickly, lacking the usual nerves and thoughts that kept her awake. It was nice.

\-----

The week leading up to their date was slow, and Anne felt as if the weekend would never arrive. Her class was particularly rowdy with the end of the semester nearing, and apparently Jerry decided that this week would be a fun one to tease her non-stop. When he found out that Anne had a date scheduled with Gilbert, Jerry had implied something rather inappropriate that had made Anne’s cheeks redden and ended with her shoving him out of her classroom. Which only encouraged him. _Ugh, what an ass._

Still, despite the slow week, her mood wasn’t much affected. The knowledge that soon she would be on a real, actual date with Gilbert excited and invigorated her, and she found that she didn’t really feel stressed out about the prospects of the date.

At least, not until the drive over. She forced her mind to quiet down as she parked her car, fumbling a little while gathering herself, almost dropping her keys between the seats before leaving her vehicle.

She entered the building and found that Gilbert hadn’t arrived yet. She set her things down on a corner table then got in line, ordering a sugary latte, embarrassingly sweet for someone who was no longer twelve. Still, Anne felt that if she was going to buy expensive coffee, she might as well make it an enjoyable treat rather than black and bitter.

Anne got her drink and sat down at the table; she wasn’t sure if pulling out her laptop would set the right tone, as she didn’t want to look bored. _This isn’t a study date_ , Anne reminded herself. _We’re not just meeting here to work_. She decided to pull out her phone and scroll through Facebook, sipping slowly on her drink.

Ten minutes passed before Gilbert arrived; Anne’s eyes shot up when the door opened and they met each other’s gaze, both halting for just a moment. He smiled, face shifting with recognition before moving over to her side of the room.

He sat down at the table, and Anne shoved her phone into her pocket, giving him her full attention. He turned his head over at the counter, gesturing with his chin. “Anything especially worth getting?”

Anne shrugged, replying in a flat, put-on tone, “Well, there’s coffee.”

Gilbert turned to face her, a humorous glint to his stare. He responded just as sarcastically. “Oh really? They have coffee here, in this establishment? I had _no_ idea!”

They shared a laugh before he stood and got in line; Anne took the time to carefully watch him, eyes scanning over his features. He looked tired, and she wondered how classes were going for him, frowning when she realized that she hadn’t asked in a while. She had been busy, after all. And not to mention that, not too long ago, she was scared to message him without embarrassing herself.

She closed her eyes for a moment to block out the memory then turned her gaze back to Gilbert. He seemed to be staring absently at the fridge containing prepackaged meals, squirreled away in his own thoughts in the same way she way. His hair was scruffy, and he kept having to flip it out of his eyes. He must be busy, then, Anne thought as her eyes followed the parting of his hair. _He doesn’t even have time for a haircut._

Gilbert stepped forward in line, eyes suddenly jutting over to meet her gaze. She blushed and dropped her stare quickly, barely catching the smile that formed on his lips from catching her watching him. She wasn’t sure if he was touched or simply amused.

It was a nice smile, very fitting, and she loved seeing it. She looked up again, hoping to catch it once more; her heart fluttered as she realized he had been watching her this time. He grinned, then turned back to the counter; Anne sipped her drink, fingers fidgeting nervously with the printed label on her cup.

He came back to the table with a cup of ice water in one hand and a croissant in another. Anne raised an eyebrow. “No coffee?”

“I’m trying to cut back a bit,” he replied, sitting down at the opposite seat. “I’ve been drinking too much, what with all my studying and homework, and it just makes me over-caffeinated and anxious.”

He tore the croissant in half, then offered her a piece. Anne shook her head. “No, thank you.”

Gilbert nodded, then shoved a large bite into his mouth. Anne hid a smile with a sip from her coffee, taking a moment to the enjoy the glow of warmth that the beverage brought her before speaking. “How _are_ your studies going, by the way?”

Gilbert’s forehead furrowed, a tight frown wrinkling the corners of his cheeks as he exhaled heavily. “It’ll all be worth it in the end. I have to keep reminding myself that. Because currently? I’m so tired and stressed _all_ the time.”

Anne nodded, expression soft. “Well, stay healthy. Soon you’ll be done, right?”

He smiled faintly; Anne could see the level of exhaustion behind her eyes, their strain highlighted by the dark circles under his lower lids. “Yeah, if everything works out.”

“I think it will. If you ever want to meet up and study, just keep me in mind, okay?”

Gilbert’s smile widened and she offered him one as well. They held each other’s gaze for a moment, lingering over the border of normal length into awkwardly long. She cleared her throat, dropping her gaze to her drink as if she was suddenly intrigued with its contents. She needed to move the conversation along and change focus onto the reason they were on this date in the first place.

She placed her cup down on the table in a definite motion, placing her hands in front of her with her fingers clasped together. “So, um, Gilbert. I realized we didn’t really…discuss-”

“-What is this, a job interview?” Gilbert laughed, cutting her off, then took another sip of his water. “Sorry, continue.”

Anne smiled, despite not quite feeling it, her heart racing much too fast for her taste. She tried to relax, leaning back in her chair, inhaling heavily. “Well, we never discussed if we’re, you know...actually dating.” She risked a quick glance at Gilbert and saw that his face was set with a neutral expression. She dropped her gaze and added, “Like, boyfriend-girlfriend dating. Do you want that, or...?”

Once again, Gilbert’s laugh cut her off. His expression softened and he leaned forward, meeting her gaze. “Of course I want that! Do you really think that I’ve been pining after you for eight years just because I wanted to, what, make out with you?”

Anne blushed, feeling incredibly warm under his gaze. She swallowed hard. “It’s...possible?”

He laughed; embarrassed, Anne picked at her thumbnail, feeling uncomfortable and nervous. Gilbert reached forward and grasped her hand gently; she looked up and met his gaze. “Of course I want to date you. That’s why we’re here, currently on a date.”

Relief washed over Anne so intensely that Anne was worried she would burst into tears in front of him. Instead, she blinked the dampness out of her eyes and smiled. “Good. That’s what I want, too.”

Gilbert picked up his water and held it up to her. She held up her coffee and tapped his comically, as if she took their cheering much more seriously than she really did. The shift of mood between them was both dramatic and natural; she suddenly felt calm, content, excited. She imagined that the thing between them, whatever it was, was going to last for a while, and that gave her hope. Hope for the future was a lovely thing.

\------

Gilbert arrived back at his home with a skip in his step, unable to wipe the smile from his face. The date had gone well. Awkward start, maybe, but once they had actually had the necessary conversation, things fell into place. Good. He didn’t have much time over the next two weeks, what with final exams and papers (long, _long_ papers), and he was grateful that they were able to clear things up before everything combusted with the stress of the end of the year.

He entered his house quickly, teeth still gritted from the cold as he entered the hall. From the kitchen, Gilbert heard Sebastian call out, “You back, Blythe?” Sebastian made his way into the foyer, holding a plate that he was drying. “How was it? Still moving slow and steady?”

Gilbert snorted, removing his scarf. “Well, we’re legitimately dating now, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Sebastian feigned shock. “Wow, already? And here I thought I’d have to wait another six months for you two to figure that out.”

Sebastian laughed at his own joke as he moved back into the kitchen, allowing Gilbert to finish undressing out of his winter clothes. Once done, Gilbert entered the kitchen as well, leaning against the counter as Sebastian continued to dry. He looked at Gilbert, then gestured with a plate. “You want to do the rest of these?”

Gilbert shook his head. “Not particularly,” he said with a smile.

Sebastian snorted, then went back to drying. “So how was it?”

Grinning, Gilbert sighed happily. “Great. Fantastic. I don’t think I ever thought this would actually happen, you know?”

Sebastian’s face lit up, and Gilbert internally groaned knowing by the look on Sebastian’s face that the older man was about to tease him. “How’s it feel to finally have a girlfriend? After years without one, it must be _quite_ odd for you.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it; I’m finally no longer the sad, lonely guy who was destined to live his life alone.”

Sebastian smirked, dropping the towel down besides the sink before wiping his hands off on his jeans. “I’m glad to hear it worked out. God, I really thought I had ruined everything when I walked in on the two of you. I thought any chance of a relationship between you and Anne was a goner.”

Gilbert blushed, side-eyeing him. Completely deadpan, he replied, “Yeah, no shit, me too.”

Sebastian halted, staring at him for a moment before breaking out in a loud, heavy laugh. “What is it about you cursing that always throws me off? You better watch your mouth or I’ll have to ground you.”

Gilbert laughed, shoving him playfully. A moment passed, and Sebastian looked over at Gilbert as if with new eyes, considering something. “I am so glad that Mary wasn’t with me when I walked through those doors. It’s one thing for _me_ to walk in and see you idiots naked, it’s another thing for a near-stranger to see that.”

Gilbert covered his face with his hands and groaned. “Please stop reminding me.”

He left the kitchen soon after and made his way into his room, laying down on his bed for a moment. He was unbelievably, overwhelmingly happy, his heart feeling fit to burst. He stared up at the ceiling, smiling to himself, revelling in the afterglow of their date.

The moment only lasted for a few seconds. Sighing, he got up and sat down at his desk, not having the time to waste on fanciful thoughts of the future. He had studying to do.

\-----

Days later, Anne sat at her desk grading papers as her last class of the day worked on their projects, pretending like she couldn’t hear them all chatting off-topic. They were supposed to be working on their papers, a project she had assigned earlier in the week, wanting them to write three pages on identity and finding themselves. She had to admit it was a bit lengthy for their age, but really, it was a glorified about-me page, and she was sure her students could talk about themselves for that long. This was the type of assignment that she would have loved in eighth grade, the chance to talk about all of her favorite characters and how she connected to them. Fourteen-year-old Anne’s identity was almost entirely reflective of her favorite book characters.

The bell rang and her students practically ran out the door, a few mumbled goodbyes as they rushed for the parking lot and bus loop. She packed her own things fairly quickly, turning off her room lights before walking to her car. She passed the band room on the way out and heard a few students practicing, and she smiled at the sound of novice flutists struggling to play a scale.

She stopped at the grocery store on the way home, picking up a pre-mixed bag of salad and a rotisserie chicken for dinner, amongst the cans of soup and bags of chips that made up their pantry most of the time. It wasn’t that they couldn’t cook; they just didn’t have the energy or the time.

Anne entered their apartment, tripping over the plastic bags in her arms. It didn’t help that she instantly had someone pulling her into a hug, excitedly spinning her around the room while laughing. Anne made a short, startled noise, practically dropping the groceries; the person stopped spinning her and took a step back, and Anne realized, with a huff of annoyance, that it was Cole.

“Dammit, Cole, you scared me!” Anne bent over and picked up the groceries that had fallen onto the floor.

He held up his hands, palms facing outward. “Sorry, sorry, I’m just excited and I was waiting for one of you to come home.” He was grinning, practically vibrating where he stood.

Anne moved towards the fridge, dropping the bags beside it, then turned to face Cole. “You look like you’re about to explode; what’s up-”

She barely got the question out before Cole interrupted, jumping in. “Remember how you drove me to that interview? At that bake shop, the dessert place?” Anne nodded and he grinned, laughing. “I got the job!”

Anne shrieked, laughing as she wrapped her arms around Cole, copying his early body language from when she first arrived. She hugged him tightly, lingering for a few seconds. “I am so happy for you,” she said into his ear, her chin resting on his shoulder. “Are you excited?”

He snorted, pulling away. “Well,” he began with a smirk. “Anything beats being a waiter.”

Anne laughed; they continued chatting while Anne “prepared” dinner and put the groceries away. Diana came home and Cole relayed to her what he had told Anne, and they all excitedly discussed their weeks, with Cole and Diana very interested in Anne’s date. The anxiety of the past few months seemed to wash away; none of them had realized just how much the stress of Cole’s lack of job ate at their subconcious until the problem was solved. It was nice to feel calm again.

Anne was surprised how quickly she felt as if she could confidently face the future. Perhaps this was what if felt like to finally get a handle on the whole “adulthood” thing. She hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, guess who's finally back with an update! January and February were really stressful months for me; it literally took me two months to write this chapter. Sorry for the wait! Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it. Your comments keep me going, so please let me know what you think! I haven't given up on this story yet, so please keep reading!
> 
> If you have any questions or just want to talk, I'm on tumblr at remylebub!


	22. Chapter 22

Anne sat at her desk in her classroom feeling vaguely over-caffeinated, practically buzzing from her coffee and the energy radiating off of her students, her first period excitedly chattering. It was the last day before winter break; she was supposed to be teaching a lesson but no one was concentrating, too ready for break to begin to even attempt to work for one more day. Remembering the feeling, Anne told them to find a comfortable spot in the classroom and read, pretending she didn’t notice that most of her students were talking while holding books open on their laps.

She had collected their projects at the beginning of class and was hoping to get a start on grading them, aware of how many she was going to have to read and critique before grades were due. Many of them wrote about their identity strictly in terms of culture and heritage, although some explored their identity through their music choice and hobbies. Anne looked out across the class, scanning the room to make sure no one was on their phone, then looked back down.

She scanned through the first pages of each project, listing through them in her head as she went. _Obvious plagiarism…, laden with misspellings…, music taste…._

Anne stopped, focusing on the current one in front of her. As vague as possible, the paper discussed the person’s support of the LGBT community, their pride in being an ally. Anne smiled faintly; this kind of language reminded her of years before, when she hadn’t pieced together yet that the reason she cared so much for the queer community was because she herself wasn’t straight. Heart swelling, she looked up at the name in the upper right hand corner; it was Erin’s project.

Anne kept her eyes on her desk, not wanting to glance up at Erin in case she was watching her. She read over the page quickly; perhaps the interpretation that Erin might be gay was reading between the lines, but at the very least this paper was overtly stating how important the queer community was to her. Anne swallowed hard; she wasn’t quite sure what to do with this information. This felt important. Anne couldn’t help but feel a strong sense of pride that she had been trusted with this information.

Anne moved the paper aside, looking over the others. She had a feeling she wasn’t going to be able to move her thoughts away from this for a while, and she found that flipping through the other projects wasn’t distracting her. She sighed, glancing at the clock; it was a half-day today, and there were only a few minutes left in class.

Anne stood, walking around her desk and stopping in front of the whiteboard. She cleared her throat, waiting a moment for most of her students to quiet down before speaking. “Alright everyone, back to your seats, the bell is going to ring soon.”

Everyone scrambled at once, and Anne internally groaned, finding that she wasn’t going to be able to give a proper speech with all the noise of people moving. They settled and she continued, “I just want to advise everyone to be safe over the holiday season. You all deserve a nice long break, and I’m proud of all the effort each of you put into your projects. You’re all incredibly smart young people.”

She paused, scanning the room, and found many beaming faces. She smiled, and opened her mouth to continue, just in time for the bell to ring. Everyone jumped up at once, and she sighed. “Stay safe and have fun!” she called out to no one in particular, sure that no one heard her.

Anne chuckled. _Oh, well. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised._

She turned to go back to her desk when she heard a knock on the door, and she spun in surprise, deflating when she realized it was just Jerry. He strutted in, wearing a tucked in polo and jeans, a casual Friday look that was really only appropriate on the days before breaks.

“Got any plans for break?” Jerry asked, leaning against one of the desks in the front row.

Anne shrugged. “Not really. Cole, Diana, and I are probably just going to relax. Maybe we’ll make a day trip, but yeah, not much. What about you? Getting a haircut?”

Jerry ran a hand through his hair; it was overgrown, long strands sweeping in front of his eyes. It wasn’t the most professional look. He snorted. “Yeah, maybe. I kind of like it like this, though.” He paused, flipping his hair dramatically, a smirk on his expression that had been haunting Anne since she first met him. Anne rolled her eyes, and chuckling, Jerry continued on.

“I’m probably going to spend it with my family, at least for a few days. I’ve got _a lot_ of siblings, and I have to figure out how to make my money stretch so that I can get them all something. Or at least something they can share. I’ve been talking to my sister Margot about it; she’s only a little younger than me, and she’s been having the same issue.” He sighed, silent for a moment. “What do you think? Should I just get them a movie and tell them to share?”

Students were beginning to file into the classroom. They only had a few more minutes. “Well,” Anne said slowly, still thinking. “Maybe you could just get them a lot of food? And some stocking stuffers, small little knick-knacks. How old are they?”

Jerry frowned. “They’re all teens or in their twenties.”

Yikes. This was going to be harder than she thought. It’s easy to just hand a five year old a toy truck and go on with it; shopping for teens would be much harder. “Stick with food. A movie or two, maybe, books could work as well. Easy to share stuff.”

The bell rang, with the last few students running through the doors. Jerry sighed, then smiled. “Well, thanks for the help. I’ll talk to Margot and check to see if she has any better ideas. She may be younger than me, but she’s incredibly wise, much wiser than I.”

“Shocking,” Anne replied with a smirk.

Jerry returned the look, then headed towards the door. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t tell her I said that, though. I’d hate for it to go to my sister’s head.”

Anne watched him leave. He was such an odd guy, though at this point he really did feel like a little brother to her. Not that Jerry needed any more siblings. Anne turned to her class with a smile and told them the same instructions as her last class, moving back over to her desk as they all got their books out and turned their papers in, preparing to repeat this same class schedule again for the rest of the day.

\-----

That Sunday, Anne was resting, laying on the sofa while watching a Harry Potter marathon on TV. She was ignoring the projects, ignoring anything related to school at the moment; this was her break, and she refused to start grading and working without taking at least a few days off.

Cole had been busy the past two weeks. The dessert shop had him working almost immediately, with only a day or so of paid training before he was left to figure everything out on his own; Anne was sure he’d be fine though, with his job mostly keeping to working the register and removing cupcakes and pastries from the glass cases holding them. His hours seemed to run in-line with when she was at school teaching, and she found that she and Cole were hanging out much more as of late than she and Diana, who was still working late nights every few evenings, coming home closer to seven or eight at the earliest rather than five like she and Cole.

However, Cole and Diana didn’t have the luxury of a winter break, which meant that Anne was going to be spending much of her break alone in the apartment. She didn’t really mind, although she was sure that by the end of the break she would definitely be stir crazy.

The fifth movie ended and Anne forced herself to stand and take a break; she walked over to the fridge and pulled out their water pitcher and poured herself a glass. She replaced the pitcher in its spot, then went looking for a snack. She was in the mood for something salty.

She was deciding between a bag of jerky and a bag of potato chips when she heard a key enter the lock. She turned and watched as Cole entered, a box in his hands and a large, outstretched smile on his face. She grabbed the bag of chips, then shut the pantry, turning to face him. “What’s in the box?”

He walked over to her, opening the lid. Inside sat almond croissants, cupcakes of varying flavors, and scones. Anne’s eyes widened and she looked up at Cole. He was grinning. “They were gonna go bad soon, so they let me take these home for free!”

“Oh, hell yeah,” Anne replied. “God, your job is turning out to be the fucking dream.”

“And that’s not all!” Cole placed the box on the table, turning to face her with a huge grin. “You’ll never guess what they’re letting me do!”

She reached into the box, shaking her head as she grabbed a croissant. “I have no idea,” she said before taking a bite, relishing the sweet flavor for a moment before turning her attention back to him.

“Well,” he began, and she could hear the excitement in his voice, as if he was struggling to hold back his true emotions, not wanting to give anything away. “My manager noticed me working on a drawing, a doodle really, during a slowdown- there was barely anyone inside the building, and no one had entered in a while- and he looked down at it and sort-of paused, and of course I got worried because I was just hired and I was _not_ looking to already be reprimanded, and then he just made this odd face and looked at me and asked if I ever painted.”

Anne swallowed her bite. “Holy shit, and then?”

Cole grinned, crossing his arms over his chest and squeezing himself tight. “Well, I said that I had, and told him what I had painted before, and just sorta talked about my work, how I’m pretty multimedia. I showed him a few photos of my work on my phone _that I was also not supposed to have on me while working by the way_ and he just sort of nodded and was like, ‘Well, do you think you have the skill to design and work on a mural for us?’”

Anne shrieked, practically dropping the pastry. “Oh my God, Cole, that’s fantastic!”

He jumped up and down three times. “I know! It’s not confirmed or anything, there needs to be a discussion with other people, but yeah! I might get to design this mural!”

Anne ran forward, an unbelievably wide grin stretched across her expression as she hugged him tightly. “I can’t believe that this all came from a doodle!”

She pulled away, and he looked a little sheepish. “Well,” he said slowly. “Less of a doodle and more like my Christmas present to Diana. I was just sketching it out and trying to decide what to have as the background for the piece I’m making her, and he noticed. I’m pretty sure he was planning on yelling at me before he got a good look at it, so thank Christ my skills surprised and intrigued him.”

Anne snorted. “Yeah, that sounds like a pretty risky move you made, dude. But hey, it worked out!” They high-fived, then hugged each other tightly before Cole pulled away.

He sat down at the table, smiling to himself for a moment, then turned back to face her. “How was your week, by the way? Break going well so far? Been productive?”

She sat down at the table with him, done with her croissant and already eying down another dessert. They only thing restraining her was the fact that Diana would be severely disappointed if she had missed out on free pastries. Anne leaned back in her seat. “Well, if you count zoning out in the shower and accidentally wasting an hour away belting the same song ‘productive’ then, yeah, I’d say it’s been a productive break.” Anne snorted, then shrugged. “Anyway, I’d say it was a good week. My students all turned in their projects- honestly, I was expecting at least one of them to just take the zero, so that’s a plus.”

“Woo! No instant failures!” Cole replied.

“Well, I know some of them for sure plagiarized some shit, so don’t speak too soon,” she said with a smirk. “But, I’m pretty sure one of my students might be gay. Or somewhere on that spectrum. She sort-of came out in her paper.”

Cole went wide-eyed. “Really? Damn, lucky her, figuring it out this early.”

“Like I said, sort-of. I mean, it was more of a ‘being gay is okay and it’s really important to me that queer people are treated like human beings,’ but if that doesn’t sound like some of the stuff I said before I realized I was bisexual, I don’t know what does.”

Cole nodded, lips pursed. “Yeah, that sounds like a pretty fair assumption.”

Anne opened up the bag of chips and shoved a few in her mouth before offering it to Cole, who shook his head. Anne swallowed before continuing. “Anyway, with the mural. They’ll pay you for that, right? It seems like it would be a total dick move to have you use your skills and extra time to design this thing, only for you to like…not get a bonus for this.”

Cole’s nose wrinkled in thought. “Shit, yeah, I need to check that, because there’s no way in hell I’m letting them pay me in experience, or whatever. Sure, I can put it on my resume, but seriously, that shit really doesn’t help people escape the ‘starving artist’ stage of art.”

Anne nodded, throwing a few more chips into her mouth. “Be clear with it, too. Don’t let them fuck you over. Recognition is nice, but like...so is money.”

Cole made a face, then stood, stretching. “Yeah. Anyway, I’m gonna shower then hang out in my room. Let me know when Diana is home?”

Anne nodded, and he left the room, entering his own to get a change of clothes for the shower. She picked up the bag of chips and walked over to the TV; the next Harry Potter film was only a few minutes in, and with all the advertisements she hadn’t really missed much during her and Cole’s conversation. When the movie switched back to ads minutes later, Anne found herself thinking once more about Erin’s paper.

Sure, maybe Erin wasn’t gay, but didn’t this prove the importance of Anne’s collection of LGBT books in the classroom? The idea made Anne’s skin prickle; this could lead to controversy, couldn’t it?

Then again, what was it saying to her students that she was too scared to provide for them the books that could help teach themselves about themselves? Anne breathed in a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. In the end, she needed to think about the help it could do over the possible angry responses for parents. What would it matter if she pissed off one parent, when it could help a ton of kids in the long run?

Anne exhaled heavily. She’d take those books out of the closet and put them up on her shelves. Starting next semester, she’d have the books out for her students. The idea made her smile, made her feel just a little more confident. She just hoped she’d carry through with it.

\-----

Diana had Tuesday and Wednesday off the following week, so she and Anne had decided to use that time to do their last minute shopping for the holidays, trying to find a way to stretch their money to get the most they could while spending as little as possible; this was definitely not the holiday season to bankrupt themselves. Anxiety over what to get Gilbert had kept Anne up the night before; luckily, them being so early into the relationship, Anne knew that it wasn’t expected for her to get him anything special. Perhaps that worsened her nerves; at least if they were more than a week or so into the relationship, she’d at least have more of an idea as to what he would like. And could she even attempt to determine a gift for him on how long they had been dating alone? They had known each other for years; surely that warranted a better gift than a box of chocolates and a goofy card.

Anne voiced these fears to Diana as they drove to the mall, and they had all made Diana laugh. “You’re overthinking this just a little too much,” she had said as she pulled into the huge parking garage connected to the mall. “Let’s just stroll through the store, and if you see something that catches your eye and reminds you of him, then get it. And besides, the boy is head-over-heels for you; you could gift him with a kiss and he’d be thrilled.”

Diana’s response had calmed her only a little, but it was still reassuring to hear. Anne was currently lingering in the corner of a Bath and Body Works, the overpowering smell of thousands of clashing scents starting to get to her. She was beginning to feel nauseous, yet somehow Diana seemed fine, busy standing around and smelling candle after candle after candle. Anne scowled, walking over as Diana decided on a bright blue one with a beach design on the label. “How is this not making you sick?”

Diana shrugged. “Well, my mother likes these candles; I guess I’m used to being around strong scents.”

Anne said nothing in response; Marilla hadn’t really been one for fancy candles, and when something was lit or sprayed for its scent, it was simple, something barely there as to not bother her or Matthew’s nose too badly. Anne smiled sadly, her throat thick; Matthew would have disliked this place as much as she did, although Anne was sure that if the shop had thrilled her, he would have kept his mouth shut. He was always so willing to suffer for things that brought her joy.

Diana must have noticed Anne’s silence; she halted, eyes locked on Anne’s expression. Diana leaned in, frowning faintly. “Are you okay? We can leave in a moment.”

Anne nodded, forcing herself to smile. “Yeah, no, I’m fine. I’m just- I’m thinking about Matthew.”

“Ah,” Diana replied, eyes narrowing sympathetically. “I’m sorry, Anne. Just give me a minute.”

Diana rushed over towards the line, and Anne watched her for a moment before stepping out, needing fresh air. It was odd that the holidays made her the most emotional regarding Matthew’s passing, especially since his death occurred closer to the end of the spring semester. The holidays were a lonely time for all, she supposed.

A few minutes passed, and Diana was at Anne’s side once more, holding a bag in hand. They stood for a moment together in silence, staring out off the balcony at the people below them, coming and going as they rushed in and out of stores, their voices merging together with no discernable dialogue. Diana glanced over at her. “Are you alright, Anne?”

Anne nodded, eyes still locked on the people below them. She wondered who else was missing someone in this current moment. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just miss him. I was thinking about how Matthew and Marilla weren’t really ones for frivolous scents in the house, and it just reminded me that he’s gone.”

“Yeah,” Diana replied softly. Hesitantly, she wrapped an arm around Anne and pulled her close, thinking for a moment before responding. “Maybe you should visit Marilla. I mean, if you’re missing him and feeling lonely right now, I’m sure she is, too.”

Right. Marilla. She needed to plan Christmas around her new boyfriend, her roommates, her family, and the papers she needed to grade. Anne exhaled heavily; she felt like she was spinning out of control, and all the stress was giving her a major headache. But Diana was right; Marilla needed her this holiday season, just as Anne needed her friends and family. Anne smiled at Diana. “You’re right. I’ll call her later.”

Anne hugged Diana back then pulled away, gesturing down the long expanse of shops. “C’mon, let’s continue.”

They walked through a variety of stores, finding little gifts that Anne wasn’t super confident with, but knew that they at least fit the bill as a gift for someone. In a kitchen supplies store, she got Marilla a book of recipes for canning and pickling and got a set of decorative hand towels for Rachel Lynde, which she would give to Marilla to forward to Mrs. Rachel. She supposed it could do her some good and win some brownie points with the gossipy woman; as vain and conceited as it was, Anne hoped that by getting her a gift, she might in return be sent something.

After exiting their sixth store of the evening, Diana began to fall behind, moving sluggishly. She yawned, loud and dramatically, and it gave Anne pause. “You doing okay, Di? You look pretty exhausted.”

Diana waved her away. “Yeah, I’m fine, it’s just work and all. It’s been really kicking my ass, and I think I need to seriously catch up on some sleep.”

Anne nodded; really, their entire apartment needed better sleeping habits. Anne wished there was something she could do to help her dear friend rest better, and her lack of control over the situation made her feel a little bummed. “You need to take a self-care day. Or week.” She glanced at Diana, frowning. “I know that plugging in more hours will buy you more recognition and get you a better chance at a promotion, but at what cost? Are late nights really worth the lack of sleep?”

Diana was silent. She opened her mouth to speak, then shut it, thinking over her response. She halted suddenly in her steps without a word; when Anne noticed, stopping several feet ahead of her and looked back, she saw that Diana was staring at the ground. Diana swallowed hard. “I-I don’t even think it’s working.”

Anne frowned, brow furrowed. “What? What do you mean?”

Diana looked up, blinking as if she was surprised that Anne had caught that, as if she hadn’t realized she had even said it aloud. “I...I just talked to other people, one’s who’ve been plugging in the same hours as me, or people who were in my spot years ago. And from the sound of it, it doesn’t matter. It does nothing. I’m just- I’m an intern of an employee, Anne; they don’t care about me. They don’t even know my name.”

Shocked, Anne stood in silence for a moment. How could that be? Diana was one of the hardest workers she knew; if she had hired Diana, she would easily know her name and skill set. “How is that possible? Don’t they care for their employees?”

Diana shrugged. She began to move forward, and Anne followed her footsteps. “There’s a lot of us,” she replied matter-of-factly. Anne didn’t get it; how could people put in so much effort and get nothing out of it? Diana sighed, rubbing her face roughly. “Look, I’m just telling you so you don’t get your hopes up if I don’t get, you know, rehired or something. I’ve been preparing myself for disappointment for weeks now.”

Anne crossed her arms in front of her chest, the pity she felt being replaced with rage. “Really? Nothing can show them you’re a worthy, overachieving employee? You need to talk to them, tell them that it’s bullshit having you work such late nights if it’s not bringing you anything!”

Diana’s lips parted and she inhaled heavily; there was something behind her gaze, fear and anxiety. Anne understood it; it resembled the fear she felt about the books, and the possible negative reaction that could come from her student’s parents and in turn, her bosses. Anne wetted her lips, expression softening. “I get it; it’s- it’s hard to find your voice when you’re the lowest on the totem pole.” Anne walked towards Diana and took her hand, holding it tightly. “Just know that you’ve got someone in your corner, okay?”

Faintly, Diana nodded. “Thank you, Anne.”

They shopped for a little while longer but both no longer felt in the spirit. They both had stuff to think about, and neither really seemed to have the energy to socialize anymore; both wanted to be in the privacy of their own rooms, where they could figure out their problems on their own. Once back at the apartment, each woman entered her own room, convinced that she had been the one to ruin the evening’s mood, and too tired to talk about it.

\-----

The next morning, all three roommates were in a cheerful mood. Somehow, all three had the morning off, with Cole needing to go in later in the day. They worked together to make breakfast, feeling as if they deserved a treat. Cole made bacon while Diana made french toast, and Anne helped wherever she was needed. Currently, she was setting the table and filling juice glasses.

Cole flipped a piece of bacon, loudly cursing in pain as some hot grease splashed over him. He wiped his arm off on his pajama pants, then turned his head in Anne’s direction. “You get anything special last night? Perhaps for a certain someone?”

Anne made a face at the way Cole was wiggling his eyebrows at her. Groaning, she finished pouring herself a glass of orange juice. “I got him a pen. A _pen_. How lame is that?”

“It’s a nice pen,” Diana stepped in, looking between Anne and Cole. “Personally, I think he’ll really like it. It would look good with his hair.”

It was Cole’s turn to pull a face. “Who matches a pen with someone’s hair?”

“Exactly!” Anne exclaimed. Cole raised an eyebrow, realizing that he had entered into a conversation from the night before, and made a point to turn back to the bacon, not wanting to get involved. Anne sighed, shaking her head. “Anyway, fine, it’s a nice pen. He’ll like it, but it-it lacks personality. I want his gift to be something that shows that I care about him, that I at least sorta know him.”

Diana transferred some french toast onto a plate. She passed it over to Anne to put on the table. “Well, I’d say look online for something, but I think you’re running a little too short on time. I don’t think it would get here fast enough.”

Cole plated the bacon and turned off both the burners, then walked over to the table, setting it down before sitting down. Diana grabbed a bottle of syrup out of the fridge before sitting down as well. “You want a personal gift, huh?” Lips pursed, he appeared to be thinking as he grabbed himself a two slices of french toast. “Well, you’d have to pay me, but I suppose, if you’re up for it of course, I could draw him something. If you’d like.”

Anne stared in shock for a moment before nodding, a huge grin taking over her expression. “Oh my God, that would be perfect! Thank you so so so so so much Cole, that’s exactly it!”

She got up from her seat and hugged him, and he did his best to seem annoyed. “Ugh, gross. Let me eat my breakfast, you nerd.”

Anne released him and went back to her seat, still smiling broadly to herself as she cut off a piece of french toast from her plate and dipped it into her syrup. Diana was laughing beside her. “Thank God; I don’t know if I could have handled another five days of you freaking out over this,” she teased.

Anne was too excited and relieved to find any annoyance at their jaunts. Even though the drawing was currently non-existent, Anne knew it was going to look great. Finally, a gift that perfectly captured the importance he had to her. She’d wanted a gift that was personal, and what could be more personal than a drawing done _for him_.

Anne would have to remember to never stop thanking Cole for this. What had been fear regarding Christmas had completely shifted into excitement; she couldn’t wait for the drawing to be done, to give it to Gilbert and see the look on his face. Anne quickly shoved a bite of food into her mouth, knowing that if she continued to smile to herself, she’d never hear the end of it from Cole and Diana. But really, Anne didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this update, and thank you for reading! Since the show itself hasn't gone much into Jerry's family, I borrowed them from antspaul's fic Thin Ice with her permission, give it a read! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	23. Chapter 23

Anne sat at her dining room table, meticulously tying a ribbon around the gifts she had gotten for Gilbert, Cole’s framed drawing resting underneath the box containing the pen she had bought for him. Anne tightened the bow and sat back, frowning; Diana had always been much better with ribbon-tying than she had been.

Diana and Cole were out getting lunch, but by the length their trip was taking, Anne had a feeling they had used that as a cover to get their gifts for her. She used the alone time to her own benefit, loudly singing to herself with a comfort that she normally wouldn’t have if her roommates were currently home. The moment Cole and Diana had stepped out Anne had placed their wrapped gifts under the tree that they had set up and decorated the night before; it didn’t surprise her to find that a few of the bulbs had burned out, an expected result to come with a thrift-store plastic tree.

Anne entered her bedroom and checked her phone’s charge, removing it from the charger upon seeing it had a full battery. She sat down on her bed, sighing. She needed to call Marilla and figure out Christmas plans, and she was beginning to feel guilty about not setting them up sooner, with Christmas drawing so near.

She pulled up Marilla’s number and laid down, staring up at the ceiling as she waited for Marilla to pick up. Anne was about to press end when Marilla finally answered.

“Marilla, hi! It’s Anne!” She spoke quickly, her own voice startling her.

“Anne! How are you?” Anne smiled to herself; Marilla’s tone brightened immediately following Anne’s greeting. Marilla continued, “I was just about to call you!”

Anne sat up, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. “I’m doing well; just finished wrapping my gifts for Cole and Diana. They’re out getting us lunch right now.” Anne took in a quick breath, then continued, “Anyway, I was wondering- I mean, would you be open to me coming over Christmas evening for dinner? I know I haven’t seen you in a little while, and I was hoping we could catch up.”

“Of course! That sounds wonderful! I could make a ham, if you’d like?”

Anne smiled. “And a casserole on the side?”

She heard Marilla chuckle. “I’m sure I could find a way to make that happen, yes.”

Anne pushed herself off the bed, suddenly in the mood to pace. She still hadn’t told Marilla about Gilbert, and it was making a mess of her nerves. She swallowed hard. “I, uh, I might bring someone with me, if you don’t mind.”

Marilla hummed in thought. “I certainly wouldn’t mind the company. Who are you bringing?”

Anne laughed shakily. “Would you allow me to say that it’s a surprise?”

Marilla took a cautious pause, then answered, “I suppose, as long as it’s a good surprise. Will seven work?”

“That sounds great,” Anne replied, relieved.

The call continued for another few minutes with them chatting about recent news, with Anne carefully avoiding the topic of Gilbert’s near-death experience when Marilla started talking about the snow and cold weather. Apparently another cold front was on its way through, which made Anne groan; she wasn’t in the mood for another snow storm.

They said their goodbyes and Anne hung up her phone, shoving it into her jean pocket. She leaned against the kitchen counter, looking up at the clock; she frowned. “Okay, where the hell are they?” she asked herself aloud. “I get that they’re shopping but I’m starving!”

She walked over to the Christmas tree, staring at the ornaments shining with the light from the tree. She looked down at the presents she had wrapped, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety, hoping that Cole and Diana would like her gifts.

She was readjusting the tinsel on the tree when the door opened, with Diana and Cole entering with their hands full. Cole gestured with one of the bags frantically. “Cover your eyes! I don’t want you to get spoiled!”

Anne rolled her eyes. “Cole, I can’t see through a bag; I don’t have x-ray vision.”

Diana shut the front door with her foot, tapping Cole gently with one of her own bags. “Here, you take the food and I’ll take the gifts and hide them away.”

They fumbled, trading bags around before Diana slipped away for a few moments, returning with empty hands. She smiled at Anne, clapping her hands together. “Now, who’s ready to eat?”

\-----

Anne called Gilbert later that evening to invite him to Christmas dinner with Marilla, and to her relief, he emphatically agreed to go. The call felt stilted, and Anne silently resolved that the next time she needed to call him, she’d make it a video chat; at least then she would have something to look at while talking to him, rather than pacing and staring off at her kitchen floor.

They talked back and forth for a few more minutes, and right when Anne thought the call was about to end, Gilbert spoke up, asking her about her Christmas morning plans. She had sort-of sighed in response, leaning against the kitchen counter with her phone held up against her ear by her shoulder. “We don’t really do anything fancy. We get up, eat a quick breakfast, open gifts, then watch TV all day. I’d invite you, but really, it isn’t much.”

He was quiet for a moment. “Well,” he began. “I don’t want to impose on your traditions-”

Anne snorted. “It is absolutely not a tradition.”

She heard Gilbert chuckle before continuing. “But, if it interests you, I was wondering if you, Cole, and Diana wanted to come over for Christmas, to exchange gifts and eat a nice breakfast and such.”

Anne could practically hear him smiling. She gaped for a moment, thrown off by his invitation, and the call fell silent. Before she could speak, Gilbert added. “Once again, don’t feel like you have to say yes. This is simply-”

“I’ll have to check with them,” she blurted out. “But if Cole and Diana are open to it, then yes. Yes, that sounds wonderful.”

The smile returned to his tone, warm and inviting. “Great!” he replied. “Text me and let me know when you can!”

They said their goodbyes and Anne hung up, staring at her phone for a moment, resting in the palm of her hand. He wanted to spend time with her and her friends. She wasn’t sure why this surprised her, why it threw her off so much to have someone reach out, going out of their way to find time to hang out with her. Diana and Cole were those people to her, her people, her only true, close friends for the past ten years now.

And now, suddenly, there was someone else. It touched her in ways she hadn’t realized she could be touched that he was equally interested in seeing her and deepening a friendship with her friends. Without telling him so, somehow he knew that Diana and Cole were her family.

Anne placed her phone into her back pocket, then walked over to Diana and Cole’s bedroom doors, both shut. She rapped on both of them at the same time, excitedly knocking until they both opened up, two different pairs of eyes glaring at her.

“For the love of Christ, please stop,” Cole groaned. “Let me watch Youtube in peace.”

Anne smiled sweetly, teasingly. “Just give me a second and hear me out: how would you two like free breakfast Christmas morning.”

They both squinted at her. Diana crossed her arms over her chest. “This seems like a trap. How early would we be getting up?”

Anne snorted. “I’m sure no earlier than 8am.”

Cole scoffed, and Anne shot him a look. He sighed, shaking his head. “Okay, fine, I’ll bite. How do we get this free meal?”

Anne grinned. “Gilbert invited us to his house for Christmas morning.”

Cole and Diana’s faces lit up. Cole chuckled. “Here’s hoping he considers a nice breakfast to be like… pancakes and eggs, not just Poptarts or a bowl of cereal.”

Diana laughed. “He’ll just hand us a plate of buttered toast that he slaved over _all_ morning.”

They erupted into giggles, leaving Anne to roll her eyes. “So I take it I should text him that we’ll be there?”

They laughed for a second longer, then quieted down, with Diana nodded. “Of course! Although I feel bad I don’t really have a gift for him now.”

Cole frowned. “Shit, me too.”

Diana suddenly made a beeline for the kitchen without a word, leaving Anne and Cole to watch her, confused. She snatched a book up off the counter, thumbing through the pages before stopping on a specific page, holding it up in triumph. Cole raised an eyebrow, and Diana rolled her eyes dramatically. “We can make him sugar cookies, Cole. Maybe shortbread and chocolate chip, too.”

Cole’s face brightened. “Oh, great! A shared gift, then?”

Diana nodded and they quickly got to work, leaving Anne to watch them suddenly shift focus onto their new project. She smiled, then pulled out her phone, texting Gilbert the update. She was glad that they seemed excited about these plans. She would have felt bad if they had lacked interest in the idea.

Anne sat back against their dining table, her excitement surrounding spending Christmas with Gilbert and her friends overpowering the underlying anxiety that he would hate the gifts she had bought him. She pushed herself away from the table and headed over to Cole and Diana, finding that she too was in the mood to bake. What was it about baking that captured the Christmas spirit so perfectly? They got to work, Anne’s nerves about the holidays dissipating as they laughed and joked along with each other, the room lit up by the twinkling of the tree.

\-----

They drove over to his house at 9am, Anne driving with Diana at her side while Cole sat in the backseat, groaning and moaning about how exhausted he was. The streets were a mess, with traffic and snow and ice slowing everyone down. Anne ignored Cole’s grumbling about how this was a bad idea and focused instead on driving straight. The presents rested safely in their trunk, with a Tupperware full of cookies resting on Diana’s lap.

By the time they arrived at Gilbert’s house, Cole was asleep in the back; Diana and Anne shared a smirk, then leaned into the backseat, shaking him awake. He blinked his eyes open, looking confused and then quickly annoyed to see Diana and Anne grinning directly into his face. He waved them away, pulling on his jacket as he began to wake up. “You guys are such assholes,” he muttered.

“Hush,” Diana replied. “It’s Christmas.”

They finished pulling on their coats; Anne stepped out of the car and opened the trunk, grabbing a few of the gifts. They had decided to open each other’s gifts here rather than in their apartment, allowing for Christmas to be even longer, stretching it out so that it wouldn’t be finished before noon.

Anne was up the steps first, knocking stiffly, her stomach twisting. She wondered if she should just enter, if they were on that page yet. Anne turned and looked over at Diana and Cole, watching as Diana smiled brightly, her demeanor already cheerful, while Cole practically dragged himself forward. Anne snorted. He’d wake up and be more excited once he had some coffee in him.

The door swung open and Anne turned, facing it; Gilbert stood before them, grinning widely, dressed in plaid pajama pants and a oversized Christmas sweater. She swallowed back a laugh, returning his smile. “Nice look!”

He looked down. “Oh, thanks!”

He looked back up at her, and they stood for a moment before Cole piped up from the back, “So are you going to let us in, or…?”

“Oh! Right, come in!” Gilbert replied, flustered.

Diana shot Cole a look as they entered Gilbert’s house. “Sorry about him. He’s cranky that he has to be up this early on his day off.”

Cole scowled, undressing silently as Gilbert shut the front door, leaving them to hang up their coats and scarves as he took the gifts from their hands and moved into the living room. Diana was the first to finish hanging up her coat, and she looked around the foyer, a small smile on her face.

“This place is nice,” she murmured.

Anne nodded, putting her scarf up on a hook. Had they ever been here before? She glanced around the room as well, trying to imagine it with new, fresh eyes, wondering what her first impression would be if she had only just seen it now. “Yeah, it was his Dad’s place.”

They entered the living room and found it empty; their gifts rested under the tree amongst a few other. Anne searched the room for Gilbert and was about to call out his name when he entered from across the room from the kitchen door frame, gesturing towards himself. “Come into the kitchen, breakfast is being made.”

They followed him in and found the counter adorned with small things, with Sebastian in front of the stove, glancing at all of them with a soft, smiling expression. “Morning, I’m Sebastian- but call me Bash.” He held out his hand and shook Cole and Diana’s hands, then added, gesturing down at the stove with his spatula, “You three want anything specific?”

Resting beside him was a plate of bacon. Currently he was flipping pancakes. They all shook their heads. “This is fine,” Anne replied.

Sebastian nodded, then gestured to the coffee maker by the sink. “It just finished brewing, if you want some coffee.”

Before Anne could respond, Cole had rushed forward. Ignoring him, Anne and Diana moved forward, picking up plates and beginning to move food onto them. Anne moved a slice of toast onto her plate and picked up a jar of jam and a knife, and began to smooth it over evenly. “How are you doing, Bash? Is Mary around?”

Sebastian shook his head. “No, she’s with her son. But I’ll be seeing them tonight for dinner. My evening freed up, since you’re stealing Gilbert away. Thank you for that, by the way. I’m _so tired_ of being alone with him.”

They all laughed, Gilbert blushing faintly at being the butt of a joke. They ate breakfast slowly, caffeinating themselves as they conversed about their lives, with Diana and Cole getting to know Sebastian better. Anne sat close to Gilbert, pretending it didn’t thrill her when Gilbert slowly reached over and grasped her hand, squeezing it gently. They barely glanced at each other, not wanting anyone else to notice they were enjoying a little moment between themselves, sure that if they were caught they would be teased immediately.

They finished their breakfast and placed the dishes in the sink, carrying their cups of coffee into the living room to begin with gifts. Sebastian claimed a spot on the sofa, and the rest of them settled in around him, Anne now sitting in front of the tree, silently taking on the roll of the grabber of gifts.

“What should I start with?” Anne asked.

“Our gift,” Cole responded immediately. He straightened, sitting up, clearly excited to see what they would think of the baked goods.

Anne pulled out the Tupperware and handed it to Sebastian, realizing too late that the see-through container took away the element of surprise. “This is for both of you, from all of us,” Anne said, gesturing at Gilbert as well.

Sebastian clapped his hands together, grinning. “Oh, fantastic!” Before Gilbert could get his hands on it, Sebastian had his hands around the lid, sticking his tongue out at Gilbert. He pulled it off, a childish glow to his expression, eyes wide. He glanced up at them. “Did you make these?”

Gilbert sat up, looking closer. “Ooo, shortbread? What else is in there?”

They spent a few minutes looking at their options and trying all of them. Gilbert complimented them, though his gaze was aimed towards Anne. She blushed, shaking her head. “Diana is the real baker here. They would have been burnt had I been the one to lead the baking process.”

They thanked them, both Gilbert and Sebastian shoving a cookie into their mouths before closing the container. Anne reached under the tree and grasped hold of a random gift, checking the name tag. “Diana, this is for you,” she said as she passed the gift her way.

Diana grabbed onto it; they both recognized the wrapping from their own apartment, the only paper they had that wasn’t just leftover newspaper. Diana checked the tag as well. “Ah, from Cole.”

She unwrapped it, left with a taped cardboard box on her lap. She glanced up at Cole suspiciously, waiting a moment before removing its contents, gasping as she got a proper look at it. Her gaze jumped up to Cole, a large grin stretched out across her face. She held it up: as Anne had suspected, it was a drawing of Diana, as Cole had mentioned before.

It was a simple piece, a charcoal drawing that managed to capture her air, the eyes and lips having the most detail. Diana reached over and wrapped her arms around Cole, hugging her tightly and thanking him.

They handed gifts back and forth for a while, as the group didn’t know each other quite well enough for specialized gifts. Gilbert’s eyes lit up when he opened the box to find the pen, testing it on the wrapping paper with a large grin. “Thank you, Anne,” he had said, leaving Anne beaming.

During her turns, Anne received two nice outfits from Diana, ones that were school appropriate and stylish that left her feeling extraordinarily grateful, desperately needing new clothes for teaching, tired of wearing the same things. Sebastian had given her a pink hat and a bag of chocolates, a simple but well-appreciated gift. It was the gift from Gilbert that made Anne halt: a writing journal.

It was solid, the outside made of leather with a design etched in, spirals and flowers stretching all over. It was well-made, much nicer than the usual journals she used, most of them abandoned over time, pages covered in doodles and poems she would much rather forget. This one, however, Anne would make sure to put real effort into using it and treating it with respect. She hugged Gilbert tightly in thanks, her heart feeling absolutely full.

Anne turned back to the tree, eyes falling on the last gift, her gift to Gilbert at the thanks of Cole. Her heart skipped a beat as she passed it over to Gilbert; she desperately hoped that he would like it, though she herself had yet to see the finished product. He gave her a tentative look as he began to unwrap it, and Anne realized she was wearing her fears openly on her expression; she offered him a smile, which only made him look more bewildered and intrigued. He gave it a gentle shake for good effort, and Anne laughed, her tension fading.

He ripped away the wrapping, unveiling the drawing in a large frame, glass protecting the image. She peered over his arms, mouth agape at what Cole had made.

Unlike the drawing done for Diana, Cole had done this one using markers, the nice ones that had hundreds of shades that managed to capture the pinks and tans needed for proper shading. The backdrop was made up of trees, a deep, thick forest with leaves falling, colored with the reds and yellows of autumn. They were in the foreground, cut off at the waist; her hair was down in red waves and she was laughing, eyes glinting, her face flush from laughter. Meanwhile, Gilbert watched her with a wide grin, his hair a collection of messy curls and his eyes teasing her. It was quite a feat to capture, and yet somehow, Anne could see the love in both of their expressions.

It left Gilbert speechless.

Smiling, Anne gestured towards Cole. “I asked him to draw it; honestly though, I wasn’t expecting anything like _this_.” She looked over at Cole. “You’ve really outdone yourself, Cole. Thank you.”

He shrugged, trying to play it off, but Anne could see in his gaze that he appreciated the praise. “I needed the practice, so I decided to do something I haven’t done in a while; it’s hard, but I forgot how much I enjoyed using the markers.”

Diana and Sebastian were staring down at the image, smiling and nodding at it. Anne looked back at Gilbert; he still hadn’t said anything.

Anne frowned, moving towards him and sitting by his side, watching him. “Do you like it?” she asked hesitantly.

He glanced up at her; his eyes were wet, lips parted as if he was still piecing together what he wanted to say. Anne felt as if her heart was going to leap right out of her chest. He leaned over and wrapped an arm around her. “Thank you; it’s beautiful.”

He released her then turned around, laughing, to face Cole. “And thank _you_ ; you possess a great deal of talent, you should really be proud.”

Cole beamed, thanking Gilbert as well as Diana and Sebastian added on their own praises for the drawing.

The next two hours were spent relaxing and watching TV, enjoying each other’s company in a way that could truly only be described as familiar. It was a nice change for the holiday, to spend it with different people in a different spot. Anne enjoyed getting to know Sebastian better, and she loved having the chance to spend Christmas with Gilbert. It was a change, but one that she needed. Sometimes, change really was for the better.

\-----

Gilbert went back with Anne to their apartment; Sebastian had left for dinner with Mary, and Anne and Gilbert had their dinner with Marilla later that evening. Anne needed a shower and needed to properly dress, although she was sure that Marilla wouldn’t really care.

Anne left Gilbert to chat with Cole and Diana in the living room as she entered her bedroom to grab her change of clothes for her shower. It was a green dress, a deep color that resembled an evergreen tree, with the collar and sleeves lined with a white, lacy trim. She had gotten it from a thrift store, and Diana had helped her add the lacing to give it an extra element, making it truly her own.

She hopped in the shower, taking the time to wash and condition her hair. Most of her showers were a rush, and she made sure to use this time as if she were in a spa; it was Christmas, after all.

Twenty minutes later she was out of the shower, a towel wrapped around her body as she dried her hair with a hair dryer, not wanting it to drip onto her dress. She was beginning to feel impatient with herself; drying her hair always felt like such an effort, taking up so much time, although she knew the result would far outweigh the cost of time.

She slide on the dress and zipped it herself, nearly losing her footing on the floor in the process and almost wiped out. She applied a small amount of makeup then stood back, looking herself over. She looked good; Anne smiled, impressed with herself. Sometimes, on the rare occasion, she had the ability to dress herself well.

Turning off the light, Anne opened the bathroom door and stepped out, noticing that her housemates were watching something on the TV with Gilbert. She slipped into her bedroom and pulled out her shoes, a tan shoe with a slight heel, a dangerous decision considering the winter weather. She shrugged to herself, pulling them on. _If I do happen to trip_ , she thought with a chuckle, _Gilbert will be there to catch me._

Anne stood straight, checking herself out one last time, then stepped back out into the main room of their apartment.

She almost walked directly into Gilbert, who had gone looking for her. He reached out to stabilize both her and himself, his resting smile instantly replaced with a look of amazement. He took a step back and looked her over, and she did the same; while she was in the shower, he had changed into a pair of black dress pants and a red dress shirt, covered by a simple cardigan. She hadn’t even considered that Gilbert would dress up as well; she had just assumed he was going to wear whatever he had come over in.

She opened her mouth to compliment him, but he jumped in first, his eyes meeting hers. “You look _beautiful_.”

The way he emphasized the word made Anne feel as if she could choke on air. How could one little word hold so much emotion and power over her? Anne swallowed hard. “You clean up well yourself. That’s a lovely look on you.”

He grinned, stepping forward before kissing her gently on the forehead. They stared at each other for another moment, before Gilbert spoke again, clearing his throat. “So, what time are we expected?”

“Marilla told me to come at seven, so I suppose it would be best to be as close to that time as we can,” Anne replied, shifting her weight, her heels already a little uncomfortable. Anne grinned excitedly. “She’ll certainly be shocked to see you.”

Gilbert raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And why’s that- because I clean up well, as you said? I suppose that may come as a surprise.”

“What? No,” Anne said, shaking her head. “It’s because _you’re_ a surprise.”

He stared at her. “What?”

“You’re a surprise. She doesn’t know that specifically you are coming. Though I did tell her that I was bringing someone along, so don’t worry, I’m not _completely_ surprising her. You were invited.”

Gilbert was silent for a moment and Anne frowned. “What is it?”

Gilbert pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I just- what if she doesn’t want me there? I would really hate to impose.”

Anne laughed, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. “I promise you, you’re not. This’ll be great, I swear. She’s interested in hearing from you, Gil.”

His eyes settled on hers, and slowly she watched the smile grow back over his expression, his shoulders relaxing. “Well, okay. As long as you’re sure it’s alright.”

She nodded again and he stepped back, allowing for her to enter the room more, gaining the gaze of Diana and Cole. Diana was smiling at her approvingly. “Very cute.”

“We’ll leave in a little while,” Anne replied. “So if you want to turn something on, we’ve still got some time to kill.”

She carefully made her way over to the sofa, watching as Cole and Diana argued over what video to play on Youtube. Anne didn’t care what they watched; she was spending most of her time watching Gilbert, her eyes straying from the screen to look at him. She wondered if he noticed.

Enough time passed and they decided to head out, with Gilbert taking her arm and carefully walking her to his car, somehow prepared to catch her without her having to warn him beforehand. The action of it alone made Anne want to kiss him on the spot, but they had more important tasks at hand.

The drive to Marilla’s felt longer than usual, nerves lengthening the trip along with the slowed down traffic from the ice on the road. Anne had the radio set to the Christmas station, enjoying it for one last day before it would run its course for the year. Gilbert hummed along, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

He parked in front of Marilla’s house; Anne left the car first, moving towards the front steps before stopping, realizing that Gilbert was straying a bit behind. “Nervous?” she asked.

He shook his head quickly then shrugged, unsure. “No. Yes. What do you think I should be feeling right now?”

She stepped back towards him, pecking him softly on the cheek. “Calm.” He smiled at her faintly, their eyes locking, and with warm breath between them they pressed their lips together, sharing a slow kiss that lingered. Anne was the one to pull away, gaze searching his eyes. “You ready?”

Gilbert nodded, suddenly taking charge; he walked her up the steps, a newfound confidence in his actions, though Anne wasn’t sure just how much of it was put upon; fake it ‘til you make it, she supposed.

Anne was the one to knock, which she did quickly. She gestured for him to step aside, putting him less clearly in view, and while his gaze made it clear that he was apprehensive, he did as she asked, moving to the side.

The door opened soon after, with a beaming Marilla before them, or as beaming as Marilla could get. She was wearing a long maroon dress, simple and warm, an outfit that Diana would describe as fitting Marilla’s character to a T. Marilla embraced Anne, and when they stepped away from each other, Anne pulled Gilbert forward. “Marilla, as you can see, my surprise guest is-”

Marilla’s eyes lit up. “Gilbert! It’s been so long!” She embraced him as well, giving him a tight squeeze before looking between them suspiciously. “So does this mean- are you two-”

“We’re dating,” Gilbert filled in, leaving Anne to inwardly give a sigh of relief, grateful that she didn’t have to be the one to say it.

Marilla clapped her hands together and laughed. “Ah, I had a feeling!”

Anne wasn’t sure what she thought Marilla’s reaction would be, but she found this to be much more anticlimactic than she had anticipated. For some reason, she had expected it to be harder news for Marilla to accept. Anne frowned; was she really the only one surprised that she and Gilbert had feelings for each other?

Marilla welcomed them inside, shutting the door behind them as they removed their coats and gloves. The house smelled warm, a mixture of scents flooding through the house. Anne smiled; Marilla had apparently decided to go all out with her cooking, then. Anne was glad she actually brought someone along; she wasn’t sure she and Marilla could have finished everything on their own, even with two weeks of eating leftovers.

They entered the dining room and sure enough, the table was decked out completely, a cooked ham at the center and a casserole resting to the side of it, with plates of green beans and yams as well. Marilla looked across it with them, as if admiring her work. “There are pies in the oven, too, for when we’re done eating. You like pie, Gilbert?”

He chuckled. “Of course.”

“Good,” she replied, smiling along with him.

They spent time awkwardly making conversation until it stopped feeling awkward, sitting down at the dining table to enjoy the large meal that Marilla made. They ate until they were fit to burst, then somehow found room for pie, partially to keep from accidentally offending Marilla by saying no. They talked about Gilbert’s semester and plans following medical school, if everything worked out, and Anne found that as she listened to him speak about his future that she felt incredibly proud of him and his accomplishments. She felt proud to be connected to someone so talented, so amazing.

At one point, when Marilla was out of the room, Gilbert leaned over to Anne, kissing the side of her arm gently. “Did you really like the journal I got you?”

Anne nodded. “It’s exactly the sort of thing I need.”

“Good,” he replied. “If I’m being honestly, I really struggled to find you something. I was even considering getting you a gift card to Bash’s bookstore- how silly is that?”

He chuckled at his own expense, and Anne shook her head. “That would have been fine. Besides, I felt the same way. I had absolutely zero confidence in my gifts to you.”

“Really?” he asked, and she nodded. He leaned back in his chair for a moment, thinking, a smile growing on his lips. “Well then, that makes the two of us. I suppose we might just care a little too much about frivolous things, hmm?”

Anne grinned. “That about sums it up perfectly.”

Marilla returned and Christmas continued, the three feeling perfectly content in each other’s company. What a delight it was to find joy in one’s companions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, a Christmas chapter in May! Hope you enjoyed reading it, and please leave a comment! Thank you for sticking with this fic even with the spaced-out updates, spring semester is truly kicking my ass! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr @ remylebub!!!


	24. Chapter 24

Two weeks passed and the next semester was quickly approaching, leaving Anne to realize once again just how far behind she was in her grading of papers and projects. It was a week into January, and in just a few days she would be back in her classroom, teaching once more. She wasn’t excited for the early mornings again, and her reluctance to return to school was incredibly similar to what she had felt back when she was a student herself. Funny how things like that never changed.

She sat in her classroom, reorganizing everything; as a teacher, she was expected to come in a few days early and get work done, attend staff meetings and complete any work that she had been avoiding. She supposed she didn’t mind it too much; it was getting her off her ass after all, forcing her to finish grades. Report cards would be released soon; somehow, perhaps by pure luck, none of her students were failing. That meant she was a good teacher, right?

Anne tried not to let it bother her. She stood in the doorway of her classroom, trying to figure out how she wanted to change the layout of the desks. She didn’t want to do it in such a way that the students would be distracted or struggle to see the board. Currently the desks were in rows, but she was considering pushing the desks into clusters of four, forming little desk islands. However, then she would likely have to give out new assigned seats. Anne sighed; this was trickier than she thought it to be when she herself was in school.

Anne stretched, walking over to her closet. The shelves were lined with random trinkets and papers, with the crate of books resting on top. To the side rested a small mini-fridge with a microwave on top of it, neither plugged in at request of the school to do when leaving for break.

She stared up at the crate for a moment, then dragged one of the desks over to use as a step stool, carefully moving the crate down as to not throw off her balance. She set it on top of the desk then got down, looking at the crate’s contents. _Annie on My Mind, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe_ , and _If I Was Your Girl_ were the books resting visibly on top of the stack. Anne smiled. She was excited that her students would get to read these books that she had thoroughly enjoyed.

Anne began moving them over to the bookcase. She herself hadn’t had the time recently to sit down and finish a book, and it was annoying her. _Maybe Gilbert should have just gotten me a giftcard to Bash’s bookstore_ , she thought, chuckling to herself. Oh well; she’d just save that as a possible gift for her birthday and let him know later.

She finished putting the books in the shelves then finished up redecorating the classroom, removing the holiday-themed decorations that were no longer applicable. As she readied herself to leave, she looked over her room once more, feeling a warm sense of pride in her chest.

She grabbed her phone and keys and headed out of the room, locking her classroom door. She had more tasks to complete once at home; the bills needed paying, and they had been ignoring the dishes for a while.

Anne’s phone buzzed and she glanced down at it, a message from Cole popping up on the screen. **Feeling really sick. Might go to a walk-in clinic if one is open. Pick up some Gatorade?**

Anne sighed, then typed back an affirmation. Great, a sick apartment just in time for the new semester. She’d be sure to avoid any illness to the best of her abilities.

\-----

When Anne got back to their apartment, she found her roommates practically taking turns throwing up. She lingered several feet away, not wanting to get too close. Her face twisting in pity, Anne held up a hand to cover her mouth and nose. “What did y’all catch?”

“Stomach bug,” Diana groaned from the other side of the sofa, out of Anne’s view. The TV was playing cartoons at a low volume. Cole was currently out of sight, bent over the toilet.

“Did Cole go to the doctor?” Anne asked.

“I called my mom,” Diana replied. “Told her our symptoms, how we both started feeling nauseous yesterday. She just told us to hydrate.”

Anne frowned, stepping forward despite her contrasting feelings to stay far, far away. “Was it something you ate?”

Diana was in Anne’s sight now; she shrugged, not looking up from the TV, her face smushed into the seat cushion. “I dunno.”

A door opened and dragging footsteps approached; Anne turned around and saw Cole, face pale, pulling himself forward with a blanket around his shoulders. She frowned, clucking her tongue in sympathy. “The Gatorade is in the fridge. Orange and yellow. I can make you two some soup as well, if you’d like?”

Cole shook his head and Diana made a noise that Anne took to be a no. Anne sighed. “Sorry you two feel so bad; for my own safety, however, I’m going to corral myself into my room.”

Cole snorted, flopping into the large chair besides the sofa. “Really, you’re going to quarantine yourself?”

“Oh, don’t even _try_ to guilt me about it,” she replied, already heading towards her room. “I cannot get sick, not with school starting up again so soon, no way.”

Anne closed her door, quickly flopping down onto her bed. Occasionally, their roles in the apartment seemed to run in a circle; for one week, she would be the mom of the house, then she’d suddenly become the annoying sibling, and then she’d be the sick one, or the sad one, or just the one who reflected a kid the most.

Something buzzed against her stomach and Anne realized she was laying on her phone. She sat up, pulling it out from under her; she checked the screen, smiling when she saw that Gilbert had texted her. **Would you like to come over tonight for dinner?**

Anne quickly replied, **Of course!** She stood up from her bed and went into her closet, sorting through her clothes to find something to change into. She could not fathom spending the rest of the day in their apartment, surrounded by sick roommates; her instinct to not get sick before school again overpowered her motherly instincts to take care of her friends.

Anne pulled on a long-sleeved dress and a pair of thick stockings, taking a moment to catch her breath after having to wrestle the stretchy fabric over her legs before sitting up. She still needed to pay the bills before leaving, despite how much her heart wanted to continue putting it off. She walked over to her dresser and picked up the envelopes and her checkbook, filling everything out before stepping out of her room.

Only twenty minutes had passed, but Diana and Cole were watching something new, a repeat of an old sitcom. Neither looked up at her; instead, they both grumbled a greeting. Anne rounded the sofa so that she was facing them, still keeping a few feet away. “I’m going to visit Gilbert,” she said, gaining Cole and Diana’s attention. “We’re going to have dinner.”

“Have fun,” Diana replied, her stare flat and expression unchanging.

Cole, meanwhile, at least propped himself up on his arm. “Ask him for his medical opinion. I want to know if we’re dying.”

Diana laughed, or at least made a sound that Anne could only interpret it in such a way, the sound hollow and lacking any true feeling.

“Are you sure I can’t make the two of you dinner before I leave?” Anne asked, walking over to the coat rack to tug on her boots and jacket.

“We can manage,” Diana responded, words muffled by a pillow her face was shoved against.

Anne finished dressing and said her goodbyes, bringing them both tall glasses of water before leaving, begging them to stay hydrated. If she was going to leave them while they were sick, she was at least going to relay them some helpful tips before abandoning them. She texted Gilbert that she was on her way then left her apartment, silently praying that she didn’t catch whatever Cole and Diana had.

\-----

Gilbert sat in his kitchen, silently working on a paper while Sebastian and Mary made dinner. He sat staring at his screen, listening to them giggle and whisper in a way that made his heart feel full. He hadn’t said it aloud, but he was incredibly grateful that Sebastian had found someone that made him so happy. Gilbert looked up from his writing, eyes sore and in need of a break, and watched Mary playfully shove Sebastian away as he tried to sneak a taste of the pasta they were working on; he was suddenly overcome with a strong, powerful yearn to see Anne, missing her an immense amount despite how recent it was that he last saw her.

Mary cursed allowed and Gilbert was drawn back into the room; Sebastian had succeeded in stealing a bite, and Mary was now literally forcing him out of the room. “I _told_ you, Bash! Wait twenty minutes, it’ll be ready then!”

Gilbert chuckled, closing his laptop. He watched Sebastian reluctantly slink away, then turned his attention to Mary. “You know, working together, we might just be able to finally teach that man some proper manners.”

“It’ll surely be a group effort,” Mary replied with a snort, stirring the pasta around.

Gilbert picked up his laptop and held it at his side, sliding out of his chair before straightening, stretching a little before exiting the kitchen. Sebastian was setting the table and picking up clutter scattered across the room, preparing for Anne’s arrival. Gilbert joined him, placing his laptop on the sofa as he folded a blanket that had been abandoned on the ground.

Gilbert could feel Sebastian’s gaze on him, and looked up to meet his eyes. Sebastian smiled, glancing at the kitchen doorway before asking softly, “Do you think Anne will like Mary?”

“Of course! Anne likes anyone who is remotely friendly!” Gilbert chuckled, picking up his laptop once more. He paused, glancing up at Sebastian. “Do you think Mary will like Anne?”

Sebastian laughed loud, startling Gilbert. “Mary likes _us_ ; there’s no way she wouldn’t like Anne.”

Gilbert took his laptop to his bedroom, placing it on his desk next to the piles of textbooks that filled him with guilt and dread whenever he glanced at them. He silently reminded himself that it was okay to take a break, okay to spend a few hours with his girlfriend; he didn’t want to tire himself out so much that he might crash and burn.

He glanced around his room, frowning; it was a mess, as he had been procrastinating laundry and other chores. He quickly put things away as quick as he could, a little out of breath by the time he finished.

He was resting for a moment on his bed when the doorbell rang. He shot up quickly, suddenly alert as he headed towards the front door; Sebastian had reached it first, opening it with a smile. Gilbert heard Anne before he saw her, her chipper tone greeting Sebastian as Sebastian stepped out of the way and allowed her to enter.

Her gaze searched for him, and when she saw Gilbert lingering near, she smiled, removing her scarf. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, giving some color to her otherwise pale complexion.

Anne placed her coat on the rack, and Gilbert noticed she was wearing a dress; it made him feel incredibly dressed down in his long sleeved shirt and jeans, and he was about to apologize when Anne looked him over and said, “That shirt is a lovely color on you, Gil.”

He glanced down at it. It was a dark, navy blue color, nothing too fancy. Still, if she liked it, he supposed he couldn’t say it looked bad. He stepped forward, opening his arms up for an embrace, which she happily accepted. “Thank you, Anne,” he said, pressing his lips softly against her head in a chaste kiss. “You look lovely yourself.”

They pulled apart and Anne sniffed the air, smiling. “That smells wonderful!”

“Mary’s cooking a pasta dish,” Gilbert replied.

Anne’s face shifted almost immediately. “Right, Mary’s here!” She quickly wiped off her dress, swiping at imaginary hair and fluff that was invisible to anyone but her. “Do I look alright?” she asked frantically, looking up at him.

She looked incredibly cute, and Gilbert couldn’t help but grin. “You always look alright. Better than alright- beautiful.”

Her face flushed, and flustered, she stumbled over a response. “I-that’s not what- I meant to say-”

He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. “You look great. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Sebastian was back in the kitchen, clearly not learning from earlier when Mary had kicked him out as they were jokingly wrestling each other for a wooden spoon. They stopped when they noticed that they had company, and Gilbert chuckled; at least Sebastian had the tact to look sheepish. Mary meanwhile looked triumphant. She placed the spoon on the counter then wiped her hands off on her pants, holding her hand out to Anne as she stepped forward. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Anne,” she said warmly. “I’m Mary.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Anne replied quickly. She seemed a little excitable, and Gilbert smiled faintly.

Mary stepped away and turned to face their dinner, gasping to find Sebastian once again messing with what was cooking. “Dammit, Bash, you’re acting more childish than them and you’ve a good ten years their senior!”

Gilbert glanced at Anne, finding that she was incredibly delighted by Sebastian and Mary’s interactions. Gilbert backed up out of the room, gesturing for Anne to follow him; he figured Sebastian and Mary would be doing this until dinner was ready, and with them distracted, he might as well go sit alone in the living room with his girlfriend.

He sat down on the sofa and she joined him, leaving a few inches of space between them. She was grinning to herself. “What is it?” Gilbert asked.

“They’re cute,” she replied, eyes drifting back towards the kitchen. “I can just feel the love radiating off of them.”

Gilbert couldn’t help but snort; certainly, she wasn’t wrong, but the novelty had worn off. Perhaps he had just lived with Sebastian too long and no longer found him to be _cute_ ; although, truly, there was something incredibly endearing about the way Mary and Sebastian smiled at each other. “He seems happy,” Gilbert finally replied, smiling as well. “I think her presence here is having a great impact.”

“Kindred spirits,” Anne replied, suddenly solemn. He glanced at her, not quite sure what she meant, intrigued by her sudden seriousness. She blinked, then suddenly looked over towards him, her eyes soft. “I love seeing people being happy, don’t you?”

Her tone surprised him; it was much different than her usual demeanor, much calmer, more muted. He looked her over for a moment, trying his best to do it subtly as he let his thoughts sort themselves out. How had he managed to find someone so caring and sensitive and sweet? Did he even deserve someone who could feel so much? His chest tightened and his throat dried up, and he was suddenly overcome with a strong melancholia, and it took him a moment to place exactly why he was overcome with such a feeling.

He lacked the words to describe what he was feeling, lacked the proper vocabulary to express to her exactly how he felt when he looked at her, when they laughed together. Little moments like this did him in; seeing her so serious, doing something so incredibly, well, _Anne_ , made his heart hurt with such a longing to impress on her exactly how he felt. It was the sort of feeling that he was sure he could only express with a kiss, and with an “I love you,” but as he opened his mouth to speak, the words dried up on his tongue; he was ready to say it to her, but he wasn’t quite sure if it was what she was ready to hear.

He didn’t mind, of course; after all, he had been stewing in his feelings for her for years now, and she had only just realized these feelings were something she reciprocated. He was fine with this, knew it was better for him to remain respectful, to read her body language; still, the tightness in his chest made him yearn for the ability to express his feelings, especially to the same extent that she could.

He realized, perhaps a second too late, that Anne had caught on to him watching her, and she was staring back at him with the same amount of intensity as he had on her, if only slightly laced with a quizzical twinge to her gaze. He didn’t have the words to express how he felt; he found himself leaning forward instead, feeling unlike himself in his sudden confidence. If Anne was surprised, she said nothing, and soon she was leaning in as well; what felt like minutes were in actuality mere seconds, and their lips were connected in a soft-yet-spirited kiss.

It seemed to surprise Gilbert endlessly just how soft her lips were, despite their previous kisses. To feel the warmth of her breath on his face, to smell her perfume when they were this close absolutely thrilled him.

When he pulled away, she looked at him again, this time through half-moon eyes, that same quizzical look there as was before. “What’s with the kiss?”

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to get out a legitimate explanation, so instead he replied, “Not a fan?”

She snorted, shaking her head, cheeks pink. “Shush, no- I just wasn’t expecting it.”

Gilbert found himself humming softly as he worked on his answer. “Well,” he replied, shrugging. “I suppose I was just in my own thoughts, watching you. I’m lucky, truly.”

To his surprise, her cheeks grew even more red. She leaned in this time, their lips meeting with more confidence than before, the kiss lingering seconds longer than the one before. Oh, how Gilbert wanted to take her by the hand and walk her to some romantic destination, perhaps an overgrown garden, as a place to kiss her; he was sure that sort of thing would thrill her, just the sort of thing that would come out of the books she loved.

His plans were interrupted by Sebastian entering the room, dramatically breaking them apart with his fake gagging and choking noises as he elaborately covered his eyes, as if he had walked in on them mostly naked. _Oh, wait_ , Gilbert thought, shooting Sebastian a glare. _He has already_.

“Are you going to ask us something, or are you just going to continue standing there, pretending like you’re choking?” Gilbert asked, standing.

Sebastian chuckled, dropping his hands to his side. “C’mon, dinner is ready. Mary is putting everything out now.”

Gilbert looked back at Anne and held out his hands to help her up; she seemed slightly mortified that they had been caught _again_ , and once standing, Gilbert hugged her. “He’s teasing us. No reason to feel embarrassed. Let’s eat.”

She nodded, relaxing a little as they made their way to the table. He couldn’t know for sure without asking her, but from his experiences with Anne so far, he was beginning to see some of her quirks and patterns; for instance, she seemed to go out of her way to please people, and she hated embarrassing herself. He supposed he understood that feeling.

Dinner went well; the food had somehow tasted even better than it had smelled, and once Anne grew more comfortable speaking, conversations went on without a hitch. Towards the end of the meal, while Sebastian was slicing up a pecan pie, Anne reached her hand over and grasped hold of his, a motion that made Gilbert feel sure that his heart was about to burst out of his chest. Instead, he offered her a small smile, whisking his gaze away when Sebastian reentered the room, doing his best to lessen any opportunities for Sebastian to tease them.

Gilbert offered to clean up, and Anne entered the kitchen with him, taking on the task of drying washed dishes without having to be asked. For a moment, they worked silently before falling into conversation.

“How are Cole and Diana doing?” Gilbert asked, waiting for her to move a pan into the drying rack before handing her another plate to dry.

Anne frowned, causing Gilbert to pause; had he said something wrong? She sighed, placing the plate down on the counter. “They’re both sick, and I’m a little worried. _And_ not to mention, I really can’t risk getting sick myself. I feel like a jerk, though, avoiding the apartment. Am I being a jerk?”

He snorted. “I think that’s completely valid of you.” He felt his smile fade away, however, as he thought back to Cole and Diana. “What are they’re symptoms? What do you think they have?”

“A stomach bug, I think,” she replied. “And I’m really not in the mood to get it myself. Is there anything specific I should do for them? Is it safe for me to even go home?”

Anne chuckled at the end of her thought, though Gilbert had a feeling she wasn’t completely joking. He thought for a moment; sometimes, when he was taking tests with especially tricky questions, he could practically picture the page the information was from in his textbook. Luckily, this had an easier answer. “Fluids. Eat toast, crackers, and so forth, something easier to keep down, but hydration is key. And make sure you sanitize everything to get rid of all the germs.”

Anne nodded, still frowning. “But like, currently? What can I do to keep myself from getting sick?”

It was Gilbert’s turn to frown. “Honestly? Quarantine. Stay away from them, if you can. But your choice, really; I mean, you’ll risk getting sick but if you feel more inclined to take care of them, then go ahead.”

She was silent for a moment, moving her attention back to the plates; Gilbert swallowed hard, worried that he had crossed the line by telling her to avoid them. “You alright?” he asked, passing her a bowl.

“Fine, fine. I just- the apartment is small. Quarantine isn’t exactly possible.” Anne sighed, then shrugged. “I’ll just take some extra vitamins or something. It’ll be fine.”

Gilbert watched her for a moment, then looked back down at the soapy water as he continued to scrub at a pan. He had an idea, but he was worried that it was just a little too forward, and he had no idea how she would respond to it. He turned on the water, rinsing off his hands, then faced her, turning it off. “You could stay over here.”

She looked at him sharply, and Gilbert held in a breath, waiting to feel out her reaction. “Would that be fine?” she finally asked. “I mean, I don’t want to interrupt your sleep.”

“I highly doubt you’d keep me up,” he replied. “But if it did get that bad, I could always go sleep on the sofa.”

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No, I don’t want to push you out of your own bed.”

He paused for a moment, eyeing her over, then cleared his throat. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You are _absolutely_ allowed to say no, and if you do decide to stay here, it is completely fine if you’re not in my room, or if you don’t want me with me you in the room. I just-”

Anne started chuckling, and Gilbert trailed off, letting her speak. “It’s not that that I’m worried about; I just don’t want to intrude. I mean, you work and you’re a student, so I’d really just hate to inconvenience you.”

He took a step closer to her, looking down into her blue eyes. They were stunning, really, the color of a creek bubbling and churning over rocks and pebbles. Once again, those feelings of love and adoration churned in his chest, and he was shocked by how strong those feelings were, how heart-wrenchingly, gut-flippingly strong they were. He pressed his lips against her forehead, and she leaned into it, wrapping her arms around him. “You could never intrude. Spend the night here; it’ll be better for your health.”

Anne snorted, shaking her head to herself. “You know,” she began. “I’ll likely catch the same damn thing in a week from my classes.”

Gilbert shrugged. “At least your entire apartment won’t be sick at once then. Here,” he reached up suddenly, opening a cabinet before grabbing hold of a vitamin powder. “Have one of these once a day, just to make sure you’re getting your vitamins. Mix it into your water and stuff. And before you leave tomorrow, I’ll make sure to send you home with some for Cole and Diana. Hell, I may be able to have Mary cook a soup up for them.”

Anne’s face softened, looking down at the packet in her hand before looking back up at Gilbert. “Gil, this is incredibly sweet of you. Thank you.”

She wrapped her arms around him, and he felt as if he could die on the spot happy. He pressed his lips against her cheek and kissed it, lingering in her grasp for a few more seconds before pulling away.

“Let me finish up here,” she said, already reaching for the sponge before he could protest. She then gestured out of the kitchen with her chin. “I didn’t bring a change of clothes; if I _am_ to stay here, I’d like a pair of pajamas. Could you…?”

He nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll be right on that.”

He left her with the dishes and made his way into his room, rooting around in his drawers in hopes of finding sleep clothes that no longer fit him, allowing for a more reasonable fit on Anne. While he did find a pair of sweatpants that would have technically fit, they were stained and no longer soft. He frowned, shoving them back in the drawer. _I’m sure she’d rather have clothes a size too big if they’re the more comfortable of the options._

He neatened his room a little more, dressing into his own pajamas before walking back down the hallway towards the kitchen. Anne had just finished up; he handed her the bundle of clothes. “You can change in the bathroom. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”

Mary and Sebastian were in the living room, watching a movie on cable together that Gilbert vaguely recognized. Although, in all honesty, Gilbert wasn’t so sure that he could say that Sebastian was watching; his attention was clearly on Anne and him, his gaze tracking back and forth between Gilbert and the bathroom Anne was in.

He leaned forward in his seat, raising an eyebrow. “Is she sleeping over?”

Gilbert nodded. “Her roommates are sick; it’s more of a precaution than anything.”

“Ah, of course.” Sebastian stood suddenly, walking over to Gilbert’s side. Sebastian straightened his shoulders, and almost immediately Gilbert could tell that Sebastian was putting on a false sense of seniority, straight-faced and serious; Gilbert inwardly sighed, not too interested in one of Sebastian’s bits at the moment.

“You know,” Sebastian began. “You have to get permission from both parents before having a sleepover.”

Gilbert rolled his eyes. “Oh, shush. We are both well aware that Anne and I are adults.”

Sebastian raised his hands of defensively. “Oh yes, of course,” he glanced back at Mary, and when he looked again to Gilbert, he had a cheeky look to him. “Then it’s best that I remind you to be safe if you fool around.”

Gilbert balked, his cheeks turning multiple shades of red as Mary gasped, “Sebastian!” leaving Sebastian to cackle at the result of his chaos. Gilbert spun on his heels, holding his hands up over his head. “Well, _goodnight_! I’m never talking to you again, Bash!”

He left the room, knowing that he told Anne to meet him there but no longer able to handle being in that room for a second longer. He got to his bed and allowed himself to collapse onto it face-first, his head landing into a pillow that he grumbled into for a few seconds before sitting up, feeling considerably less embarrassed.

He was still trying to piece out how he would get back at Sebastian when Anne entered the door frame, looking into the room hesitantly. He straightened, gesturing for her to come in, almost immediately taken aback as he looked her over. The shirt was long on her, and so were the pants, dragging against the hardwood floor, and yet something about it was incredibly beautiful.

“You look stunning,” he blurted out, almost instantly regretting it the moment the words exited his lips.

She gave him a look, her eyebrow quirked. She looked herself over. “In your pajamas, you think I look stunning?”

She looked back up at him, and he nodded, keeping his eyes on hers. Hesitantly, he replied, “Absolutely.”

Anne opened her mouth to reply, but no words came out; instead, she sat down on the bed beside him, cheeks pink. She ran a hand through her hair, fiddling with it before separating the strands, beginning to braid half of it. “I called Cole while I was changing, just to let him know. He said they should be fine on their own, and he agrees that it’s probably safer for me to spend the night here.”

“Are they feeling any better?”

Anne shook her head. Gilbert watched as she removed a hair tie from her wrist, tying off her braid before moving on to the rest of her hair. “Cole threw up earlier, and apparently, Diana was currently throwing up when I called.” Anne scowled, sticking her tongue out of her mouth in disgust. “It’s absolutely awful.”

Gilbert chuckled. “They’ll get well soon enough.”

“They better,” Anne responded, stretching back onto his mattress as if she’d done this a thousand times, as if she lived here. “Or else I’ll be stuck at your place for weeks.”

_That wouldn’t be too bad_ , Gilbert thought, keeping the sentiment to himself. He was going to cherish just having the opportunity to be with her while he could. Everyday with her was a gift that he was still shocked to have been blessed with receiving. He wasn’t going to waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super fluffy chapter, the next few will be more plot-heavy again. Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments!


	25. Chapter 25

Anne had taken to eating lunch with Jerry. Not that it was her decision, at least not at first, but then he kept coming to her classroom, and soon the pattern of it all just seemed right. They’d only been doing it for a little over a week now, but the regularity of it all made her feel more… adult. At the very least, the routine gave her something to look forward to everyday. It was nice to just sit down and talk with someone, especially someone she wasn’t super close with. Diana and Cole were fantastic friends, but she had known them for years now, knew everything about them; with Jerry, it was just interesting to get to know someone again.

Jerry was slowly figuring out how to look more professional. His ties were straighter, and he was clearly ironing his shirts, or at the very least hanging them up now. It made a difference, truly; he no longer looked like a kid in an adult’s clothing.

Of course, when Anne pointed this out to Jerry, he shoved her playfully, giving her a firm look before laughing. “You don’t have any right to tease.”

Anne shoved him back. “What, you don’t like how I dress?”

He was silent for a beat too long, and Anne scoffed. “Jerry, you are just _rude_ , you know that?”

He cocked his head to the side, smirking. “Yeah, like you haven’t stopped reminding me for the last ten years.” Jerry pulled out a sandwich, turkey and mustard on white while Anne bit into an apple. Jerry brought the sandwich to his mouth, readying his first bite before asking, “Your roommates still sick?”

“They’re doing much better,” Anne replied. “Of course, for my own health, I’ve been spending a little more time with Gilbert.” Anne frowned, then quickly covered, “I’m not avoiding them; in fact, I’m still spending most of my time there. It’s more… as I spend more time with Gilbert, the more I realize that I _really_ enjoy his company. You can’t blame me for that.”

“How is the boyfriend, anyway?” Jerry asked, swallowing a large bite before reaching for his RC Cola, taking a swig.

Despite herself, Anne smiled. “Good. Great, actually. We have a date tomorrow, some dinner place I’ve never been to. Tonight, however, I’m going to go home, grade papers for two hours, watch late night shows on TV, then go to bed.”

Jerry chuckled. “A thrilling evening.”

“Oh, eat your sandwich, Jerry.”

\-----

The next morning came with Anne vaguely regretting staying up so late. Cole was on his way out when Anne woke up, and Diana was barely rising when Anne left at seven, the sound of Diana’s alarm echoing through the apartment, answered with a groan. Anne laughed, but she didn’t really feel any sympathy; they were all up and suffering early these days.

It was a Wednesday, which meant Anne was letting her students read for the first twenty minutes of class before going over the new list of vocabulary. They needed to get their reading in, and she knew a fair few of her students were behind, especially with the number of them that tried to use the excuse of, _But I don’t have a book to read_ , to which Anne would gesture towards the large bookshelf, stating, “Pick one.”

Some days, she really wished more kids adored reading as much as she always had. It was a challenge, teaching. But ultimately, Anne liked a challenge; even if it meant she was ripping her hair out in the process.

Anne stood from her desk and began to mess with the projector, giving it a few seconds to heat up before projecting onto the screen her student’s next list of vocab words. She waited for them to all look up at the board; almost instantly, without a word from her, they got out a piece of paper, preparing to copy the words down.

“The test is next Friday. That’s a little over a week. Now, let’s start at the top, with _eccentric_ …,”

Anne always tried to make the chore of listing off vocab words go fast, but she could tell that the class was incredibly bored. Hell, Erin sat in her seat with a book open, reading in between writing down words and definitions. Anne wasn’t sure whether to scold or smile; it definitely seemed like the sort of thing she had done in middle school. She let it be, focusing on speeding through the rest of the list.

By the time they had finished vocab, with more questions from her students than usual, they had only ten minutes left in class, leaving Anne to assign them more free reading time. There really wasn’t time to do much else, unless she wanted to start a lesson that she would certainly have to reteach the next day.

Anne walked around the room, keeping an eye out for any phones being used, knowing that her students thought they were being sneakier than they actually were. She glanced across the room at Erin’s book title. She recognized it; it was one of the ones she’d put out recently, _Ask the Passengers_ by A.S. King. Anne hadn’t read it in a while, couldn’t remember the exact plot, but remembered that the main character wasn’t straight. Anne couldn’t help but beam a little; at least someone was being positively impacted by the new books.

The day went by fairly quickly, despite Anne being anxious to leave. She was excited to see Gilbert, excited to have a nice dinner, and excited to just take a break. It disappointed her that she already needed a break from everything, so soon after winter break.

She packed up her bag, double checked her pockets for her phone, wallet, and car keys, then headed out the building. A few students still lingered in the hall, chatting with teachers and friends outside lockers, but for the most part everyone had cleared out. She was almost out the door when she heard a voice call after her, “Enjoy your date, Miss Shirley!”

Anne froze on the spot, skin prickling. _Dammit, Jerry…_ , she thought, turning her head in the direction on his voice. He was smiling sweetly at her from several feet away. She glared at him, ignoring the looks of interest coming from the few remaining students in the hallway. She walked over to Jerry, putting on her most pissed-off looking expression and hissed, “Don’t say that so loudly!”

He shrugged, smiling slightly. “Well, I mean it.”

With nothing coming up in her head as a quippy enough response, she turned and walked out the doors, knowing that it was only her anxiety that was making her feel as if she was being stared at. She reminded herself of what was in store for the evening: a good dinner with good company.

\-----

Anne stood in front of her closet, holding up two dresses for Diana as she tried to figure out her outfit for the evening. Anne stared at her options: one was a faint yellow color, the skirt falling just above the knee, while the other was a little tighter, a dark green color. Either way, she’d have to wear stockings with whichever one she chose in order to keep warm.

Anne looked at her reflection, holding each of the dresses up to herself before saying aloud, “I don’t think it’s too fancy. Therefore, the yellow would probably make more sense. I mean, it seems more casual, right?”

No answer. Anne could feel the beginning of a headache coming on, and she really didn’t want it to ruin her date.

Anne turned her head, glancing at her friend. Diana was enraptured by her glass of water, staring down at the clear liquid, turning the glass in her hands. Anne had no idea how someone could put so much effort into not listening. This wasn’t the first time this week that this sort of thing had happened, and while Anne believed herself to be a patient person, she was getting a little annoyed. It was wearing at her; Anne tried to untense the muscles in her head, praying that the headache would fade.

With a frown, Anne snapped her fingers in front of Diana’s face. “Di? Earth to Diana, you’re in here to help me, not analyze the water quality.”

Diana blinked, startled, her eyes wide with embarrassment. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, Anne! I was completely zoning out!”

Anne let her arms fall to her side, sighing. She moved a few feet closer, pursing her lips as her annoyance faded into worry. “Are you feeling alright?”

Diana nodded. “Yeah, no, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind. Work and family and all.”

Diana took a sip from her drink, and for a moment there was silence. “Well, which one?” Anne asked again, still needing an answer.

Diana made a face, her forehead wrinkling. “Which…?”

Anne help up her hands, gesturing with the dresses. “Of these, Di. Should I go with the yellow? Since it’s a more casual meal?”

To Diana’s credit, she placed her glass down on the table and got closer to the dresses, looking at the materials. “Hmm,” she reached out and grabbed them from Anne, holding them over herself before holding them back over Anne’s frame. Then, she nodded. “You’re right. The yellow for sure. Also, it looks good with your eyes.”

Diana smiled, sitting back down on the bed, taking her glass of water back into her hands. She was fiddling with the rim of it, running her finger around the smooth glass. Anne watched her for a moment, then sat down beside her. “Are you _sure_ that you’re okay?”

Diana smiled again, but this time it seemed a little forced. “Yeah, just busy. I mean, we’re all busy. But it’s tough.”

Anne reached a hand out, grasping hers. “You know you can always talk to me, right?”

Diana opened her mouth, then paused, swallowing. She shook her head. “I might take you up on the offer later, but not now. You’ve got a date, and I’ve got a million errands to run.”

Anne frowned. “Are you sure?”

Diana smiled, and this time it was back to her genuine grin. “Absolutely. But I’ll let you know the next time I need to rant. And you can always ask me for the same.”

Diana stood, taking her glass with her. Before she left the room, she stopped in her tracks. “Oh, and wear your tan boots with that dress, the ones that have a bit of a heel. That way you’ll still look cute, but you’ll have warm feet.”

Anne chuckled. “Thanks, Di. Will do.”

Even when clearly stressed, Diana was always helpful, especially with fashion. Hopefully one day Anne would be able to figure all this out on her own, but she wasn’t so sure that that would be anytime soon.

Anne left their apartment thirty minutes later. Cole was at work; he was working late tonight for some reason, a staff meeting and then preparation for a big event in the coming days. Anne couldn’t remember exactly what that event was; he’d told her before he’d left that morning, when her face was still mushed into the pillows, her brain at its absolute worst. She would have to ask Diana about it later.

Anne was able to snag one of the last remaining parking spots, locking her car doors before making her way inside, hoping Gilbert had already gotten them a table or at the very least was waiting for her in the foyer of the restaurant. She entered, her eyes searching, and upon seeing no one she recognized, she walked over to the front of house waitress. She was about to describe Gilbert when she felt someone tap her shoulder; she turned and there he was with a brilliant grin, his smiling face always the first thing she noticed about him.

She looked him over quickly before hugging him; he was wearing a navy blue button down, the sleeves long but rolled up to his elbows. It was a good look on him; she made a mental note to remind him later to wear his shirts like that more often. He took her hand and led her to the table, pulling the seat out for her before sitting down in his own. Anne thanked him, then quickly began scanning the drink menu, knowing that the waiter was going to be there soon.

“What are you getting? To drink, I mean?”

Anne glanced up at Gilbert, who was also holding his menu out in front of him, perusing it. “Probably a water. My head hurts a bit right now.”

Gilbert frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry. That should help though, good idea.”

They chatted back and forth for a while, waiting for their waiter to come back to take their meal orders after receiving their drinks. Gilbert was still surviving med school, somehow, and he sounded incredibly excited at the prospect of becoming an actual medical intern, despite how much work if was going to be.

“You know,” Gilbert began slowly. “It’s- It’s going to be hard. Maintaining a relationship when I graduate and start working for an actual hospital. I mean, it should get easier, but at first… well, it’s going to be difficult.”

Anne said nothing for a moment, considering his words. She knew this, knew that it was going to be quite the task to continue dating him as he entered his career, but most relationships came with hardships here and there, in their various ways. Still, Anne didn’t want to go into this thinking it was easy. Gilbert noticed her silence, quickly adding, “I just thought you should know. I’m sorry for starting our date off with something like this, I truly am, but I just wanted to be honest.”

“Gilbert,” Anne began, then stopped. She wanted to say this right, wanted to be as clear and precise as possible. She started again. “I know that technically we haven’t been dating for all that long, but… well, this feels right. I feel comfortable around you, you know? So what if it’s a little difficult-”

“A _lot_ difficult,” Gilbert cut in.

“A _lot_ difficult,” Anne nodded. “Maybe I’m just an optimistic, or maybe it’s because I’ve known you for years, but I think we can handle that.”

Gilbert sipped his water, thinking for a moment. “We’ll have fights and disagreements. These sort of things can often become tensions in relationships of any kind.”

“Then we’ll learn how to communicate. In a way that works for us. But…,” Anne added, taking in a deep breath. She glanced down at the table cloth, tracing her gaze with the etching of the threading. “But I really think we have something worth working towards here. I- I can see this lasting a while.”

They held each other’s gaze for a moment before Anne felt embarrassed and looked back down at the table. She flipped through the menu as a distraction; she was still trying to decide between a panini and a greek salad. She wondered what he was getting. They ended up speaking at the same time, both apparently having something to say after flipping through the menu.

“What looks good to you?”

“I love you.”

Anne looked up, mouth agape; she could feel her face paling in color, the blood draining into her feet. “I- what?” she choked out.

His face had turned beet red. “Sorry, I mean-”

“No, I-” Anne halted. What did she even want to say? What did she even _feel_? She didn’t want to offend him. It’s just that she had yet to figure out for herself exactly what is was that she was feeling. But it felt wrong to say back that she loved him before she’d even had time to consider it. Anne swallowed hard, then forced herself to look up at him. “It’s not-”

“And what are we having tonight?”

The waiter stood beside them, pen and pad out, ready to jot down their orders. Anne breathed a sigh of relief, needing just a few seconds to breathe before diving back into this conversation, whatever it was.

Gilbert managed to gather himself fairly quickly. “I’ll be having a cheeseburger, without the tomatoes but everything else is fine.”

The waiter looked her way and Anne replied, “Caprese panini. Also no tomatoes.”

Closing his pad and taking up their menus, the waiter left, leaving Anne and Gilbert alone once more. Again, they spoke at once.

“I’m so sorry-”

“I’m sorry, it’s just-”

They stared at each other, then chuckled. Gilbert gestured with an open palm. “Go ahead.”

Anne inhaled heavily. “I like you, Gilbert. I mean, I really, _really_ like you. But I also haven’t sat down and- and thought about this. My feelings, I mean. I might love you, I just haven’t truly figured that out yet. I don’t mean any harm and I certainly don’t wish to offend you, honestly, I just… I would rather say it when I feel confident that I know what I’m feeling. Does that make sense? Am I totally screwing everything up? I’m screwing everything up, aren’t I?”

Gilbert shook his head. “No, no! I shouldn’t have just blurted it out in this restaurant, this isn’t at all the right setting, and the location could have been _way_ more romantic for me to admit this in. You were just looking so lovely, and you seemed so sure that we’d be dating for a while, so confident, and I realized I felt the same, and everything felt right, and it just sort-of fell out. I didn’t mean to stress you out, or make you feel as if you had to say it back. I’m so sorry.”

“I just don’t want to offend you, because that’s not at all what I mean,” Anne replied, feeling her heart sinking in her chest.

Gilbert held up his hands defensively. “Look, I mean, I’ve liked you for years, right?” She nodded and he smiled. “Then I suppose it only makes sense that I figured out what I was feeling before you did.”

Anne was quiet for a moment, trying to make sense of whatever it was that she was feeling. She didn’t want to speak too quickly, but at the same time she was worried that her silence would come off as angry or upset, and that certainly wasn’t the case. Anne inhaled heavily, then met his gaze, forcing herself to smile despite the anxiety that was causing her organs to perform somersaults. She decided to just speak honestly. “Thank you for stating how you feel about me. I may not have figured out my own yet, but I _do_ know that I am extremely happy being with you. And,” she added, this time actually feeling the smile that she was expressing. “It makes me feel a lot better that you’re happy with me, too. There’s always this- this fear I feel, in regards to friendships and relationships, that the other person is miserable, and I-I needed to hear that.”

Gilbert’s gaze was soft and pure; carefully he reached over and took her hand. “Thank you, then, for saying that you’re happy. I think I needed to hear that, too.”

Anne chuckled, squeezing his hand in her own. “Well, now; isn’t validation a wonderful thing?”

\-----

The rest of dinner went on without a hitch, and even with Anne’s headache, she was able to enjoy herself and Gilbert’s company. He talked about the bookstore and upcoming events they were throwing; now that Mary was in the picture, they had an extra person to help come up with ideas, and lucky for them, Mary had a ton of them. Great ideas, really; Gilbert had to admit that he and Sebastian weren’t the most creative, and Mary helping them was a nice change of pace.

The waiter came back with Gilbert’s change, and as Anne stood, he pulled aside a few dollars to leave as a tip. He placed his wallet into his pocket, then glanced up at Anne. “How’s your head feeling now? Any better?”

Anne shrugged, then shook her head. “Headache is still there. I’m sure it’s fine though.”

Gilbert pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowing. He gestured to her. “Come here, I’ll heal you.”

Suspiciously, she walked around to his side of the table. Was he going to hand her some pain medication? Or perhaps show her a trick to relieve tension headaches, using pressure and such, like acupuncture? She stopped inches away from him, not really sure what to prepare herself for.

To her surprise, Gilbert leaned over and pressed his lips against her forehead, kissing it. “There! All better.”

Anne snorted, pulling away. “And here I thought you’d have an actual cure for me.”

“Oh, absolutely not. Being a doctor isn’t magic, you know.”

Gilbert walked her to her car, lingering outside the door with her, both putting off goodbye. “I’ll see you again soon,” Anne murmured, hugging him tightly. She could feel him pressing his face into her hair, and she smiled, her own face smushed against his chest, breathing in the smell of his soap.

“I’ll call you when I have a better idea of my schedule,” he replied, pulling away. “That way, we can have more of an idea of when we can meet up.”

Anne nodded, stepping into her car. “Take care, Gilbert. Say hi to Bash and Mary for me.”

He watched her pull out of her parking spot, and she waved to him as she drove away, wearing a small smile until she was out of sight, her expression instantly falling as her anxiety overtook her thoughts. _He loves me. He LOVES me. I have no idea what I even feel, and he loves me._

If it was safe, Anne would be slamming her face against her steering wheel right around now. She forced herself to breathe and reminded herself that Gilbert didn’t mind that she hadn’t figured her feelings out yet. Still, she wished she had; she wouldn’t have left dinner feeling as awkward if she had felt the same way as him.

Maybe she did. She had no idea what was going on anymore with her heart. It had already taken everything she had to admit she wanted to date Gilbert, and she had a feeling that it may take just as long for her to know for sure that she loved him back.

These thoughts plagued her the entire drive back to her apartment, distracting her from the music on the radio, despite the songs being ones she would usually perk up to. She’d have to talk to Cole and Diana about this, although she was already certain she knew what they’d say. They’d likely roll their eyes, tell her she was overreacting, that this was a terribly small thing to worry about. And yet, despite knowing this, Anne just couldn’t convince her own brain of it. No matter how many times she told herself that this wasn’t a big deal, a voice in her head would reply, _but what if it is?_

Anne was still wrapped up in her thoughts when she got to her door, struggling to get her key into the lock before getting the door open.

The apartment was quiet when Anne entered, and for a moment, Anne thought she was alone, that Diana was still out running errands. The television was off, and normally when someone was home it was either on or music was playing. Currently, there was silence.

Anne undressed, removing her shoes before putting her purse down on the dining table. She grabbed her phone out of it, checking it for texts before putting it on the table as well. It was warm in their apartment, the way Diana liked it. She tended to turn the heat up when Cole wasn’t around, who preferred it to be a couple degrees cooler. Anne hummed quietly to herself. Diana must be home somewhere.

Anne was about to slip into her room when she noticed the bathroom light was on, the door open, light spilling out into the living room. Anne rolled her eyes at herself; how she had managed to think no one was home when the bathroom was clearly in use, Anne had no idea. She hadn’t realized just how much the Gilbert thing was distracting her.

Anne walked to the doorway of the bathroom; Diana was sitting on the toilet lid, staring at the floor, gripping her phone tightly in her hand. Anne glanced at the floor as well, not really sure what Diana was looking at, or if she was really looking at anything at all. She seemed to be distracted, not in the moment.

Anne cleared her throat and Diana’s head shot up, eyes wild before realizing it was only her. Her expression only calmed a little, and she remained slouched over. There was a fog that rested overhead, and it made Anne halt, unsure of what to do with Diana’s mood. Anne leaned against the doorway, eyeing Diana curiously. “Di…?”

“I fucked up. I royally fucked up.”

Her voice was so soft that Anne barely heard her, her voice so fragile that Anne was worried that asking her to speak up might break her. Diana’s words felt eerie, and left a cold feeling in Anne’s chest. It felt wrong, uncanny, hearing her curse with this intonation, as if the words physically hurt her as they left her lips.

Anne looked at her again, this time _really_ looking at her. She was pale, sickly pale, and she appeared to be shaking. Anne wasn’t sure exactly what was wrong, but Diana was clearly distraught; she wasn’t acting like herself, and that terrified Anne.

Anne swallowed hard, her blood running cold with dread. “Diana? What is it? What do you mean, you fucked up? How?”

Diana tucked her face down, away from Anne, facing the tub instead. She said nothing, but Anne could hear that her breathing was labored, like it was taking every bit of energy she had to not burst into tears. Anne moved in a step, not wanting to crowd but at the same time not wanting Diana to think she was alone in this, whatever this was.

Anne opened her mouth to ask again what was wrong, but she was quickly cut off by Diana, who raised a hand silently, keeping her gaze averted, her well-manicured fingers holding something up for Anne to see, something white.

Anne had never seen one in person before, never having a reason to, but she recognized it from movies, the thin plastic test identifiable by anyone with any sense or tact.

Anne didn’t have to read the results; the heavy sobs that Diana heaved answered quite clearly just how royally fucked she truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments; your opinions and thoughts always inspire me to write faster :)


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